Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!
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Lisa, I saw no one answered your question about the tamoxifen. I'm on it now and have been taking it for almost 2 months. From what I know, birth control pills are usually hormones. Tamoxifen actually suppresses estrogen. I have had a few side effects but nothing that hasn't really been manageable. They also seem to be decreasing the longer I am on it. One thing I am considering now is a hysterectomy. I'll discuss it more with my Gyn when I have my annual appointment with her later this year. Good luck on your lumpy.
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Kayfry-- Another "two cents" from someone else who came into this b.c. arena late in life. I find it ironic that although b.c. is affected by advancing age, that same aging works in our favor. As we all know, aging causes us to slow down physically a bit, but that slowing down also applies to the speed and behavior of our cells as well. So don't be in a rush to decide about future steps, as the healing process can take a while for us and buys us time to decide on any next steps. I too consider myself so blessed that my b.c. diagnosis was the best case scenario if I had to have it at all (a sentiment echoed by my surgeon at my 2-year checkup this week). I am content with a very slightly changed appearance and a totally unchanged life, except for laughing even more than before and finally losing the 15+ pounds that returned my BMI fully to the normal range. As you heal and consider your options, remember, too, that the point of a lumpectomy is to conserve the breast with as little surgery as possible, so reconstruction just defeats that end.and creates yet more trauma from the anesthesia and cutting involved and also to more pain in recovery just to "fill a dent" that is just one of several "dings" at our age.
Peggy--I salute you for the love and courage you showed as your husband's caregiver. Deciding to move him to a place where he can be cared for by trained and loving professionals is difficult at best after so many years of marriage, but it is a necessary and loving step. And now you yourself can heal and really be present with him when you visit and enjoy the time you spend with him rather than being worried about what you need to do next for him. I hope that my husband and I (also a team for 49 years in June) have the love and strength that you showed when/if we have to make a similar decision. (I add "if" here not because of an immortality delusion but because we fly so much that an air fatality could be a likely shared end for us, one "devoutly to be wished" as Hamlet says, in some ways.)
I also fully agree with your surmise, Peggy, that the stress of caring for your husband triggered your b.c., since I had 18 months of high level stress just before my diagnosis too after years of clean mammos. (One son and family came to live with us for a year and a half for a good reason--an earthquake--and we were glad on the one hand to be able to shelter them and to have these two granddaughters (4 months old and 4 years old when they arrived) nearby at last. But 4 adults and 2 kids, , are 2 bodies too many in a smallish house designed for 4 people max may have been a little too nearby for my stress levels!)
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Yes, I know you think us Southerners to be wimpy lot! But I'm an old bird and hopefully will join you on the other side of bc soon Thanks for your hugs. Reciprocated.
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Peggy, it's not at all selfish—far from it. You were there for your husband while also dealing with BC, and now it's time to take care of yourself and enjoy your life again. I totally get that, and by the time I get through rads and finish healing from everything, I doubt I'll have much stomach for more surgery, either, just to try for some cosmetic ideal. I'm not ruling it out, so knowing what options there might be is somehow reassuring to me. But like you, I expect to be busy living my life, and glad to not be devoting enormous chunks of time to this unwelcome guest, BC! As I said before, I totally relate to your story of just kind of marching through your treatment because the greater challenge, at the time, was taking care of your husband. My son-in-law's MS/transverse myelitis-caused paralysis and the resulting difficulties for him and for my daughter and grandson, which began a few weeks before my Dx, have given me a different perspective on my relatively manageable BC than I might have had, that's for sure. As you say, you do what needs to be done. There was a brief period of shock & disbelief—breast cancer? Me???—but it passes. And life goes on.
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tgtg, thank you. You are so right that having reconstruction for a lumpectomy sort of defeats the purpose. That made me laugh and nod my head. The fact is that in the immediate aftermath of my Dx, I did consider the alternative of Mx and reconstruction instead of Lx and rads. I think it's not crazy to weigh those options in this situation, and possibly if I had been younger at Dx, I might have gone that way. I very much wanted to avoid rads, but Peggy and others here have reassured me a lot on that score. Every time I look at it, though, I just can't see subjecting myself to more invasive surgery, anesthesia, pain in recovery, and time taken out of my life if it's not medically necessary. I also thought that if I had to go back into surgery for re-excision of my one close margin (which I hope I won't but am not absolutely sure yet), I would again consider whether it made more sense to simply remove the breast, since another surgery would leave even less of it than I have now. But then I'd have yet another decision to make about reconstruction. My hope is that I'm done with surgery now and ready to move on through the rest of my treatment with rads and get on with life.
I agree about the stress trigger for BC. Stress is a powerful force, and it definitely has played a role, for example, in our son-in-law's MS. As I said in my post to Peggy above, I had also been under a lot of stress and worry in the weeks before my Dx, with our daughter struggling to keep her head above water after her husband suffered a catastrophic medical event, and trying to help her day by day (even though she and her family live 3-4 hours away from us at this point, which made it extra-hard and still does). My horse needed unexpected surgery in those few awful weeks, as well (he's doing well now, fortunately), and I did feel overwhelmed, while also trying to keep up with deadlines for my work. Oh, and then there's the ongoing worry about my 93-year-old mother, living alone far away, and trying to keep an eye on her from afar. My husband of 44 years had just retired from the practice of medicine, too, and we're still trying to figure out that new life. My cancer was barely a blip in the overall scheme of things, but I do think there was a stress trigger there.
How interesting that there are so many similar stories. I'm so glad you're doing well now.
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what a beautiful passionate dialog and how much it all made me think which I love. So many viewpoints and all expressed with such compassion. Sometimes I lurk in the background on this board but today I needed to tell all of you what beautiful amazing women you/we are! This discussion this past page has been great, thank you
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Tgtg and KayFry, you both know stress. And you "get" where I'm coming from. Thank you for all the encouraging words. Sometimes I feel awfully guilty for putting DH in a nursing home. Other times, just like a huge burden has been lifted.
Tgtg, congrats on two good years! 1966 was a very good year for getting married wasn't it?
KayFry, how is your son-in-law doing? Has there been any change? How is your DH coping with being retired? Is it working for you? Chuck retired due to his Parkinson's symptoms when he was 62. I never planned on retiring but life got in the way of that. So we never had a "retirement" together.
Tgtg, you nailed it about reconstructive surgery. I'm sure our perspective is very different than someone who is 40. I think we also want to waste less time doing things that aren't vital now.
HUGS!!
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Reconstruction is such a personal choice, It is not for everyone. I was 44 when diagnosed and my sister was 60 diagnosed 2 months after me after I bugged her to get a mammo. She chooses not to have reconstruction though she keeps saying she got a breast reduction on one side when she really didn't need one. She did ask me a lot of questions and one thing I reminded her is that she didn't have to do it now, if she wanted to do it years down the road that was still an option as the insurance will still pay for reconstruction.I was done with radiation in Sept 2013 and when I went for my year check up with the radiologist is when he suggested I see a PS- I guess the tissue had to settle down for a year before fat grafting is even an option.
I had the surgery for me, no one told me I should have it. It was just a way of me to take some control back of my life. I lost my parents 13 days apart not yet 6 yrs ago, My mom was dx with lung cancer and put into the hosp- Dad came up to visit as he had left cause he was not feeling well, their anniversary was the next day., He passed away in the public bathroom and I found him and watched the doctor and nurses try to save him. Then the hardest thing I have ever had to do was tell my dyeing mother dad was gone. The next day was their 58th wedding anniversary and he had sent long stemmed yellow roses up to her room. She only lived 13 more days, I did everything we could to get her to that funeral and since lung cancer basically took her voice I was her voice as she was the gracious hostess and had to be at the luncheon afterward, She may have been lying in a ambulance cot in the room but still she was there and making sure everyone was ok.
Stress, yes that seems to be what accounts for cancer. I was told I was overweight so that may have attributed to it- well 4 of us were dx with BC this year- My 45 year old cousin in Jan 2013- yes she is a big gal-- My 33 yr old niece in May 2013- she is on the normal range- Me in July 2013- and then my sister age 60 in Sept 2013 she is teeny.
I chose to lose weight also as a way to help me. If they say excess weight causes cancer I am bound determined to get rid of it- I have lost 38 pounds and working on more. I also joined YOGA once again just for me, to get stronger and to get some control. Life being out of control just is horrible.
Peggy I am so glad you were there to take care of your hubby for as long as you could. Taking care of them though hard is actually an honor as you get to know them even on a deeper level. I am happy you are getting some time for you now. We all need that so much !!
Take care everyone... TJ
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Ndgrrl, what a rough few years you've had. I'd never tell anyone not to have reconstruction. I just don't see it as something I want to do. I may change my mind but I rather doubt it.
Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate them.
HUGS!
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two days out from my lumpy and SNB and I feel great! I only took pain meds the first night home, this morning when I woke, I was able to move my arm easily and very little discomfort. I haven't removed my bandage, and I have to admit that I am a little scared to do so. I'm afraid of what I'll see. The lump was 2.3 centimeters, and all clean margins, yeah! But I'm figuring it will be a big dent. Tuesday I meet with my BS and get the results of the pathology report. My BS did say I could consider reconstruction, so reading through all go the recent posts is really helpful. It's a lot to think about. For now I just need to focuse on the next steps of treatment, which I'mpretty sure will include chemo first, then rads, etc. but for today, it's beautiful outside, it's snowing and I love quiet, snowy mornings. I'm going to the salon today for a wash and dry, and out for a little bit tonight for a holiday party, our biker group waits until January to have a party, l'm glad I feel so good and up to going. Hugs to all of you recovering, and to those of you who contine to support us and give us hope and encouragement.
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Brilliant! Well done - but don't overdo it. Your body needs a bit of time and space to get over the surgery but glad you are doing so well.
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Bikerbabe, so glad you are doing so well 😀. I was the same, but do be gentle with yourself. Much too soon to think about how you will look, I only became aware of the size of the dent months later when everything settles down. If you are having rads too that also makes a difference to the appearance eventually
Until I found this thread I did not realise shape could be altered at all. As I am now 67 👵 would have to really want it, to go through any more procedures but this thread has given me lots of useful advice.
Enjoy the party.
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Peggy, thanks for asking. Our son-in-law is doing a bit better, in that he seems to have beaten the MRSA septicemia and all his blood cultures have now come back negative. He also finally has a primary care physician somewhat coordinating his care, which was lacking before, and he's started on an antidepressant. Since he's feeling better, he's able to move forward with other things, and all of this lightens our daughter's load somewhat. He still has a long road and many hurdles, but it feels a little less like crisis-mode right now.
My husband's retirement has been, shall we say, a mixed blessing
But on the whole, it's good. He's happier and more relaxed, and he's even taken up cooking more and even sometimes going to the grocery store, which is all mighty fine with me! He's around when he's needed, such as accompanying me to the hospital for surgery, and before that, driving up to Brooklyn to help care for our grandson while our daughter had to work all weekend (as she does every other weekend), so in that way, it was good timing that he retired Nov. 1. He's here to clean up the latest round of heavy, icy snow we had last night, too. Still trying to adjust to and figure out finances in retirement, though! And on the other hand, too much togetherness is not always a good thing We've been together since I was 17 and he 20, and we're not really the same people at 64 and 68 that we were then. We each have our own interests and do our own things, but I guess he's been my constant best friend for all of my adult life. He had major back problems; double surgeries at Hopkins a few years ago prevented what would have become total disability, but he's hardly the same guy. He also wears hearing aids, which he does need. I sometimes feel that he's way older than I am, but maybe I'm just in denial, haha. Anyway, I guess we're lucky. I'm so sorry things went so unexpectedly wrong for your husband and that your life went through such wrenching changes, but that you're doing so well now is, I'll just say it, quite inspirational to me. It's so true that we take good health for granted, until suddenly we don't have it anymore. That whole "in sickness and in health" vow gets real then.0 -
TJ, just wow. You and your family have been through an incredible time, and so much loss. It's clearly made you stronger, or you were already so strong you could bear it and come out on the other side. I totally get why you chose to have reconstruction, your reasons make perfect sense, and as you say, it's not a one size fits all deal. I don't think I'll want to do anything, and definitely not a major reconstruction at this point, but I'm not ruling out something minimal like fat grafting down the road. I just don't know, but it's so good to know that I can and should take my time making any decisions about that. It's early days for me. Once I get through rads and all the healing and "settling" happens, then I'll see how I feel. The thing is, life feels somehow more provisional to me now, since my Dx. Nothing is a given; I'm now in the legion of B.C. survivors, which I never expected to be, and I understand that a recurrence, or even a new cancer in the same or the opposite breast, is always a possibility in the future, even if the odds are still in my favor. I know that I have risk factors now, when I never did before. If I had to have a Mx down the road, I would have a whole different set of circumstances to weigh in terms of reconstruction or not. So I don't take anything for granted, and I don't quite trust my body not to let me down again one day. Not that I'm going to waste any time worrying about it, but just that taking it one day at a time—a good plan for life in general—seems even more true to me now. I really admire your strength and the way you've taken charge of your life. You are so right that feeling life is out of control is the the worst.
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Bikerbabe, that's wonderful! I felt similarly good at the same point after my Lx, but I didn't have the SNB, so major kudos to you. Do be careful not to overdo; I did find myself suddenly overtaken by fatigue a few times in the first week. Your tumor was almost exactly the same size as mine (mine was 2.4 cm, way bigger than I expected), but how great that you have the clear margins! In terms of dents, I guess it all depends on the location and your own particular shape going in. I haven't figured out yet if it's better or worse that my breast was very small to begin with, since there's not a hugely noticeable difference at this point, especially since the dent is on the underside. But anyway, congrats, and party on!
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KayFry, glad there is positive news coming about your SIL MRSA infections are scary. DH had a VRE infection which I think is not quite as scary. Improvements, however small, are so welcome. Nice that you can help out!
Was DH ready to retire? Mine was. We didn't realize how many of his aches and pains and leg problems were caused by his Parkinson's. He was 62. He thought he might find a less stressful job but he just wasn't feeling up to it. So he had 3 years of being home and rather enjoying retirement. I do know what you mean about being different people now. We married at 20 and are now 69. We seem to have made it. And I totally understand that you feel your hubby is much older than you. I'm in the same situation. I'm much younger it seems by a decade than DH.
We muddle along. HUGS!!!
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Biker babe (excuse the auto correct) - Terrific to hear that it all went so very well for you. I hope you'll enjoy every minute of your celebration. Just be prepared for the possibility that you might start to fade rather suddenly.
Kay, yes life does feel more provisional since the dx. It's hard to accept that we could go through all the (at times) brutal and disfiguring and debilitating treatment only to have it recur a year -or a decade - later.
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Bikerbabe--Glad all went well for you and that you are back to normal (even if minus a chunk or two). Keep up what you were doing before surgery that kept you fit, and your recovery shouldn't present much of a problem. And staying fit also makes radiation easier to deal with too (same for chemo, I'm told). Remember, though, to be mindful of your left arm. Use it gently, but don't overdo--having only one or two nodes taken out reduces the risk of lymphedema, but doesn't give us immunity from it. Enjoy snowy VT (I'm jealous--we just have a coating near Philadelphia) and have fun at the party! TG
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BikerBabe, do not rush things. I also felt good immediately. Only pain pill I took was in recovery. Tylenol at night (regular). But you still need to take it easy since there's been quite a shock to your body and it is busily working to heal. Do the arm exercises you were given. I find that every so often my SNLB area tightens up and needs to be stretched if I don't do it regularly - even after 6 months. Hope you have a great time at your biker party - H-D? We're here to help. Welcome! HUGS!
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Okay. I start yoga Monday night (since I have a friend coming with me who works). Have clothes now and I'm set! I'm going to a dedicated yoga studio and it seems kind of expensive - $125/month for unlimited yoga (but a $20 trial for 2 weeks unlimited). But I think it will be worth it. I'm excited!!!
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Peggy--You'll love yoga., I started Hatha yoga about 19 years ago and really enjoy it for the relaxation and flexibilty it develops. That plus regular Activtrax works at our Y are a fantastic fitness combination. Just remember to keep hydrated--yoga seems very low key but it burns up your fluids nevertheless, Trudi
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Hi scouser47,
I live in Australia but I was born in elsmerre port.
Im so sorry that you had to join us. Everyone on here is so supportive and helpful. I wish you well.
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Thanks for the info, Trudi. I've no clue what variety of yoga I'll be doing. I'm trying "gentle" and "every Body" for right now. I always drink a lot of fluids but I'll keep that in mind. I used to be very flexible and still am somewhat, so anxious to get back to my teenage self
I'll look good even if I can't move!!!0 -
I'm so glad your doing well bikerbabe. Your tumour is exactly the same size as mine! I try not too look too often and my breast, but in reality, its OK, just a bit smaller and indented. The surgeon did a good job in trying to make it as neat as possible. Remember to take it easy today, otherwise you will tire yourself out before the party. Enjoy and hugs x
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Congratulations on the yoga journey! Its very addictive, I'm sure you will love it. I used to go and I'm thinking of going again once I'm strong enough. Either yoga or pillates! So looking forward to getting on with life again.
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Shaz, I had a yoga DVD years ago and enjoyed it. So I am looking forward to it. I also own a Pilates machine that I purchased from QVC about that long ago. It's old enough that the videos that came with it were VHS!! I bought an cheapie TV and connected an old VCR to it to do the exercises. I should probably do the Pilates again too. If you are planning on doing either, I recommend waiting for a couple months. Your poor girl won't like being stretched that much for awhile and neither will your underarm. I only waited this long because things have been especially hectic until today! Now I can concentrate on doing wellness things for me (besides drinking plenty of red wine!). HUGS!!!
(BTW, I have a good friend who lives in Perth - someday we'll meet in person!).
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Thanks Peggy! I wasn't given info on any exercises after the last surgery and I certainly feel tight! I was starting to worry about when I should be doing something.
Vhs... I wish I still had a machine, I've got some lovely old movies that I could be watching now.
Perth is a lovely city. I hope you can catch up with your friend soon. You definitely deserve a little trip!
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Shaz, you probably should be "walking" your SNLB arm up a wall. Don't push, just until it starts to feel uncomfortable but not hurting. Trying to stretch that out and keep the scar tissue from tightening. See if that works for you. Ask first to make sure they want you to do it.
I've never met this friend. We share a love for WordPerfect and met on forum for it about 20 years ago (WPUniverse.com). I've made several "un-met" friends from there and and have luckily even met others in person. It's wonderful how we can make friends from all over the world. My trip this summer will be to visit my sons. I can't wait!
HUGS!
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Peggy, I remember WordPerfect fondly from back (way back) in the day. I used to use it all the time, but eventually had to switch to Microsoft Word for my work as a writer because it's the "industry standard." Ugh. But that's another story. All this talk of Australia is so tantalizing; I hope to visit there one day, even though I know no one there. And where will you go to visit your sons? We are determined to get out to visit our son in L.A. this year, not sure when. But it's long overdue. Now that my husband is retired, it's easier to contemplate trips—only the dogs to worry about! (My horse boards with my trainer). Also, I'm impressed with the yoga. I have done only a little of that, used to do pilates. It's so good for you, but hard to carve out the time. Now I ride, walk up and down hills with my dogs, and walk on a treadmill at my standing treadmill desk (except not now, since my office is torn up for a major repair). And today I did 20 minutes on the elliptical machine in our basement WITH the handles, which I was afraid to do after surgery. It felt fine, so I must be healing okay.
I hope you enjoy the yoga (and the red wine). It's the little things in life, right? I hope everyone is having a lovely and restful weekend.
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Yes, DH was very ready to retire. Ironically, he had intended to retire a bit earlier than that but kept working mostly because of his company-provided health insurance—the same health insurance that was so lousy that I couldn't use it around here and had put off my mammogram for three years (dumb move). His profession (medicine) in general, and his most recent job in particular were really not much fun anymore, and getting worse. He had so little time to do anything but work and sleep that it was really stressing him out—especially since we have this small farm and have always managed everything by ourselves. He was having trouble keeping up with things as he got older, so now he can kind of pace himself and get to a lot of projects he'd long postponed.
As for me, I don't see myself ever retiring, but it's not like having to go to an office somewhere to work. I work from home, which is nice, and I love what I do for the most part, but working from home takes more discipline than I've been able to muster very well these past several months of various kinds of upheaval. I do have a deadline and need to get back on track, as I keep telling myself.
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