January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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BC101 - trying to sleep with a snoring guy is the worst! I feel your pain. Maybe you can tape his nose with the breathing strips. If they don't work, at least you can laugh at how it makes him look...bwaaaahhh.
You are WAY better at ranting. I feel the same way, and yes, mostly at night. I dread going to bed.
I have to get back onto a regular schedule so I can get up at 5 a.m. next week when I go back to work - yikes! I'm not looking forward to dealing with my co-workers, many of whom have no clue what this is like and will undoubtedly feel like I've have more than enough time in 6 weeks to recover...especially my boss, who, pardon the expression, is a total hard ass. She was back in the office working the day after she had her daughter (leaving her with a nanny) and following surgery on her wrist, came to work popping Vicodin. She was very nice when I told her about my DX, but then went on to tell me about her friend toughed out Chemo to the point of wearing her bag at her kids' soccer games, making me feel like I would be a total woos if I didn't come back to work during treatment (which thankfully I won't need). She didn't even bother to wish me well the last day I saw her before I went out on leave. The office manager arranged to have flowers sent to the hospital (I'm a paralegal in a law firm), but no card signed by everyone or my boss. Before BC, I knew who I worked for, so I'm not surprised by her behavior, just disappointed. My DX seemed to bring out the kindness in everyone else. Thankfully, there are co-workers who do care, and my clients were fantastic...they came to see me in the hospital, brought me a gift bag with cuddly socks, a nice card, and a box of chocolates, and later on brought me tons of food from a local Italian restaurant (which we ate for a week). I plan to enjoy sharing that with her.
How's THAT for a rant?!It will all be okay. Of course I don't feel recovered. Driving David to school it felt like I had burning bands tightening around my chest. I imagine this will not get better with that first fill on Friday - which I hope to heck isn't put off again! PS says about 4 fills to get me to a full C cup, depending upon how much he's able to do at a time.
BigD - don't you get your bone scan results today? Good luck!
Diane.
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Diane - My first fill didn't make me uncomfortable at all. Of course it all depends on how much you get I guess. I've only had 50 put in for each of my first two fills.... I could definitely feel the difference more on my second one, but still not bad. I'm sorry your boss is so awful. Going back to work the day after she had a kid? Yeah, she's not giving any sympathy for something as piddly as cancer. <eye roll> {{hugs}} We're only capable of doing as much as we can... so don't beat yourself up. She hasn't walked in your shoes! That's so nice that your clients took care of you, though. You deserve it!
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BC101...not sure what normal feels like anymore either. I've tried to keep in touch with my friends. They invited me out for dinner last week....and had anxiety driving to meet them. What the hell....they are my friends! Then when I got there I felt out of place....they were all talking about work and their everyday lives. I haven't worked since Sept....I'm so out of touch!
On my way home now from my second fill. Tight as hell! She said one more! Then 3 months and I get my nips!
So I'll put my tiara on tonight and relax!
My man is heading for surgery on Friday for a bad hernia and a vasectomy....so it will be my turn to be supportive!
Laurie
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I can sleep even tho my hubby snores. Cause he is doing it down the hall
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Hi,
I just saw your post so sorry I didn't answer sooner. Bless your heart, having a TE removed must make reconstruction even more miserable. My PS is at Baylor and in my situation he did my first fill during surgery at 450 cc, which I've since learned is a lot. That was Jan 9th and it was almost 3 weeks before he started doing them regularly at 100 cc each week. I also learned that was high. 50 or 60 cc is a bit more reasonable. For me, I was really uncomfortable for several days afterwards, it fills as if something is swollen under your arm which is TE fill, it also feels warm at the top and feels swollen, you just feel uncomfortable. I took pain pills on these nights and would use a heating pad on low but watched how long I left it on the skin since I was still numb. Usually slept sitting up. The last 100 fill I felt like a balloon and finally we were at 700 cc. After more healing we will take these out and put in silicone implants and build the nip at the same time. You must get some weight on and be healthy as this puts a strain on your healing. Eat healthy but add something fun like a shake to get your appetite going. This is one of those time to indulge yourself. Implants will be the easiest part. It's getting ready for them that's hard. I live in Dallas so reach out of you need to!
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Diane - That's just awful about your employer, but I can relate. I had just started a new job in Jan 2013 and was employed part time when I was diagnosed last June. My boss and co-workers were initially supportive when I told them, but then turned on me like a pack of wolves....they were just plain mean, and the writing on the wall was...let's get rid of her. I know that is illegal, but I didn't want to be in a hostile environment. Plus I was on probation and had no protection from the union, so I quit. At first I didn't care, but it was hard on my hubby...he's back to being the sole provider and at first he was not real happy about that, but now he's adjusted his sails, it seems.
Laurie - At least you're getting invites, even if you don't feel like part of the group. Don't know what's worse, though. Not having a group or not feeling a part of the group.
Truthfully I'm glad I'm not working - having cancer and getting well is all consuming. My former job was more stress than I needed and it wasn't worth it. I found a great saying online: "I didn't survive cancer to die of stress." So, we are getting by with one income. For now....
I always try to look for the silver linings. Here's one: DH had over 40 sick hours donated to him by other employees. There ARE compassionate co-workers out there. We both needed to see that. I haven't done the lunches out yet.... I'm saving that for later when I feel stronger emotionally. Besides all our friends here are retired and in warmer climates for the winter (sigh).
I know you guys GET IT - so glad you're here!
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OMG Diane,
screw your boss....what a friggin bitch. Why did she have a child anyway....I hate this throw away mind set when it comes to kids.
Been there, divorced that, snoring guy. HE got the couch, I got the king sized bed......hmmmmm there is that tiara again.
Bc101 What is your real name...please tell. Just feel it is bad karma to keep the BC in your name.
Yes, BC101 that is the feeling...for me it is mental , physical and spiritual . I am afraid of feeling again. When my DH holds me I have to swallow the hysterical tears. I tell him I have to save them in case this comes back.
I want to cry and yell and scream...but I don't. I probably should, but we all have to be so strong and so perfect to make everything ok for everyone else. Just sucks.
I guess my boob is getting better. Just leaving it open to the fresh air. Funny, I try to really get a good look at the worrisome areas...but I wear bifocals, meaning I can't really see anything properly, the lighting in my bathroom is not the best and where the lighting is good when I open the blinds...really bright florida sunshine, well, the neighbors will get a really good looky loo.lol
I'll just wait until Thursday, fingers crossed, the boob is ok.
ALSO never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would be discussing the status of my ta tas with my brother, father in law, my kids, my neighbors....why do my neighbors ask about my boobs....oy!
funny ...
Laurie, hope your very special boy friend partner...has a good vasectomy :0. Will they do the hernia repair with a laprascope? (sp)
Tell him we are hoping for an easy surgery and a fast recovery.
Love and hugs all,
Eve
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Eve, my real name is Mary. Yeah, you're right - it's bad karma to keep the bc name.
I'm totally obsessed with my foobs - always looking at them in the mirror....I tell everyone I'm under construction, lol! I think it's just amazing what the PS's can do. Now that my foobs have finally stopped hurting me, I'm getting used to this whole idea. But I still miss my old ones, of course - they were so perfect
I showed off my foobs to my brother after my first fills when the tape was removed. I was so excited I had to show someone, lol!!! Posted a pic of my bust (in a bra) on my CaringBridge site, but then noticed some closed their accounts after that. Oops, didn't mean to offend anyone!!!
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Oh Mary,
My dear mother's name, btw. Mary = Merry!
So funny about your foobs. Love your foobs! I have had foobs for over 20 years and have always liked them. I still have my old girls but of course the Original equipment is gone. I think they are gonna be aok.
Yeah..its as if the foobs aren't something you have to be modest about anymore...hell, can't even guess how many people have seen my chest in the last few months.
just makes you want to go out in the middle of the street and say, Hey, hey, look new foobs, and I'm perkier than you are....lolEve
Oh and get this...... I am painting new knobs for my kitchen cabinets. Trying to go a little funky with bright colors and patterns...They are ALL ending up looking like nipples. Little nips, big nips...you name it they all have round spots with little spots in the center. Sooo starting over.
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Mary - I really hate it when people get bullied into leaving their jobs. I had a similar experience with an employer about 12 years ago. I found out on my 3rd day of work that I was pregnant with my son. They were nice at first, then got really nasty, trying to say that I knew when I started, which was ridiculous, since I NEVER would have left the other job (where I would have had pregnancy leave) if I had known. I ended up quitting to stay home with my son, but karma got them...the firm went out of business later that year. We can only hope the same happens to your former employers, since they deserve it!.
I just had a discussion with my ex-husband about my foobs this a.m., since he had all these questions about how the expanders work, etc. It was pretty darn weird. Our relationship is cordial, but we rarely discuss anything but my son, and certainly nothing of a personal nature. He's been pretty good about offering to help by coming by and taking my son for a bike ride or just out for a few hours on my weekends, and offered to help out next week in the evenings if I need it.
P.S. Mary is my mom's name and was also my grandmother's name. Awesome!
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Hahahaha Eve!!! Wow you crack me up! I hope I get to the place where I want to show someone my foobs. My mom saw them at the hospital because she was there when they changed my bandages, but other than that, it's just me, my doctors, and my mirror in the bathroom. I did have a male neighbor ask me if I felt lighter...LOL, really?!!
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well, Diane....
doc told my brother, my best friend and my DH right after surgery that my boobs weighed 1/2 lb a piece.
sigh.....
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And my BFF's husband says to me "my sister in law had her tits chopped off 5 years ago and she is fine"
really....hate that guy, but so does my Bff.
people are so weird.
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seriously eve....you're gonna make me bust a foobie! LMAO
what the hell is the matter with me!!! Since I got home 20 min ago...I am obsessed with these new fun bags (as my sister likes to refer to them)!!! I've taken pics and touched them....tried on a bikini top....NO visible scars! OMG WOW!
Laurie
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Laurie - no visible scars? Did you have skin sparing and nipple sparing surgery?
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no....what I meant was none visible with a bikini top on. I have plenty underneth! An no nipples yet.
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Okay, gotcha! Was wondering how that would be, altho I've seen pics of NS and SS surgeries that show almost no scars. Not for everyone...
I think we should start up TE TUESDAY!!!
EVERYONE -- EMBRACE YOUR TE'S AND WEAR THEM PROUDLY!!!!!!!
ok, not everyone ... sorry don't mean to discriminate here ... how bout Titty Tuesday?
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A bikini top!!!!!! that means you can wear a bikini bottom......go girl
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Yeah, I don't even own a bikini anymore....
When discussing the details of my upcoming BMX with my BS and how my foobs wouldn't exactly be symmetrical, my DH said, "What are you worried about? It's not like you'll be going to a nude beach!" And my BS chirped in with "You might want to start!" Bless her heart
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well there you go!
Don't forget ladies WE are All going to have perky AB FAB foobs.........So nude beaches may just be in our future. Unfortunately we will have to look at the old wrinkley guys that think they are the cats pajamas.
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ha ha You girls are cracking me up today. I leave work & go out to lunch and come back to all this?!?!? LOL
Love you all! Thanks for the smiles.
I wouldn't say I love my foobs (they're still considerably smaller than my originals), but I don't miss my boobs as much as I thought I would. The only part I really hate is not having any feeling. Not that we have a very active sex life, but that was one place I loved being touched (sorry if TMI) and now there's nothing. Blah.
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never, never( tmi) Michelle,
I still hurt too much to be touched literally and figuratively. And I am like you, it is a good feeling...comforting for me....love and comfort. sigh.
I don't want or care about being intimate. Dh is kinda missing "it" though...wonder how I know...it's NOT the snoring. lol
I just want to sleep.
The new normal...Bull shit.
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Gawd, ya'll make me laugh, foobs and all! I have no foobs, I am a very small breasted woman, who always dreamed of having big boobs but sure couldn't afford to buy them and now I have two saggy boobs, one a little smaller than the other, and not that ANYONE would notice!
Diana, if I had the money to hop a plan to CA, I would give you a personal big hug. I am touched you remembered about my bone scan. I have been a nervous, tearful baby lately, so afraid that my bone scan was positive because I was having rib pain on my left side and, of course, reading that is one of the first places that C can metastasize to. The tech said the doc wanted extra pictures and a 3-D as well, then she asked me if I had anything going on with my left side (which was where I was having the pain but she did not know that). So I told her about pain and said I had no idea what could be causing it. So they took 35 extra minutes of pictures and I was trying to get information out of the tech, which of course she cannot or would not give me. But she said "I just take the pictures, I don't read them, and if there is anything there anyway, what can you even do about it?" So that just put me in a complete state of thinking she had seem something. I was too scared to call and my MO's office did not call me because the results were negative. I was crying when my MO came in today and he was wonderful. He pulled up the scan report right away and said, why are you crying? It is negative. However, he said, you do have a touch of arthritis! That is what was causing the pain. Never thought I would be so happy to get a dx of arthritis! MO was laughing and said I should call but to be aware if anything ever comes back with a bad result or something they need to look at further, I will be called immediately. So that was a relief for sure.
I was also expecting Bracha results and Oncotype results. Bracha is not yet in. MO does not know when it will come, but he said he will call as soon as it is in. He was very apologetic and told that the Oncotype test did not get ordered. It was very late in the day when I met him the first time and it just was overlooked, so he put in the request today. Now I wait another two weeks for Oncotype. Based on these tests we decide my treatment plan. He is starting me on Femara now. If Bracha comes back positive, he wants me to meet with a genetic counselor who will talk to me about how to give the information to my female family members (counsins) on my mother's side of the family. I know he would want me to have the Angelina Jolie surgery but I don't want to go there yet in my mind. If it comes back negative, then we look to Oncotype for whether or not I would be getting chemo and rads or rads only. So I am still nervously waiting....
Diane, I work for a law firm too, what is it with lawyers? My boss is not very sympathetic so I totally get what is being thrown at you. Not all lawyers are like that, but we work for a couple that are. My boss actually suggested I NOT get any treatment. He says "You told me that they got it all. Why put yourself through treatment that is going to make you feel bad.? All they are doing is giving you a few percentage points towards recurrence and they don't know whether it will come back or not. The odds are it won't." I did not know what to say, I was so mad, I just said "You obviously do not know what you are talking about, why don't you do some research?" Then I said I could not believe he would say such a thing to me and I walked out of his office. What he meant to say was "Please don't have any more treatment because it is inconvenient when you are not here and I don't want you to miss any more time because it affects my billable hours." Not that I was surprised. This man said his own mother had breast cancer and decided not to have any treatment because she wanted quality of life, but she died a year later so I guess that is what is expected here. Work until you die, then he will have to hire a new legal assistant. I have been there 20 years and the lack of support is incredible. Not everyone is like that, but my boss is like that and he signs the checks. I cannot leave, I am too old now and need the insurance, etc., but I wish I had left a long time ago. If I could afford to, I would retire next year, but I will probably need to work until my old body can't anymore.
So, there is my rant for the day.
Love you all, and carry you all with me every day.
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hilarious post today lady love to see everyone upbeat cause it's Titty Tuesday lmao
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OMG Big D!!! Awful. Awful. AWFUL BOSS to work for. I think your story takes the cake. Your boss gets the award for the most stupid and most cruel comment ever made to an employee with breast cancer. Phew! But I know what you mean by needing to stay for the insurance. Sure wish that Obamacare would get straightened out. I think a lot more people who are unhappy with their employer would be free to quit their jobs if they could get decent coverage elsewhere.
So glad you had (semi) good news on your bone scan. And good luck with your Oncotype and your BRCA tests! Sometimes I wonder about Dr's - they seem to be so lackadaisical on getting those all-important tests out...I suppose a lot depends on their staff. My BS's nurse made sure to put a rush on my Onco test and I got it back within 10 days. But I think the reason she did it is that she knew I'd be on her butt constantly emailing"what if" questions until it was back
)) Squeaky wheel! Southern girl - Glad you enjoyed Titty Tuesday! After my little discussion with Eve about walking on beaches, strutting our stuff, I did some impromptu working out to music. But then I got so tired I had to take a nap! Hope I sleep good tonight. I'm hunting down the earmuffs!
Night all!!
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Yay for Titty Tuesday!!
Thanks bc101, I agree on the award for my beloved boss!! Oh well, all I can say is I am glad I did not turn out that way. I sure am not perfect but I am a sympatheic person and if our roles were reversed, I would not treat him in that way. I am not very good at bugging people either, but going to work on that LOL. I think after this experience, I won't hesitate to make a call and check on things. Gotta strengthen that ole backbone a bit!
Wishing a restful night's sleep for you all!
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Hey Big D,
Tell your boss about my former very good and wonderful friend. He too was an attorney who went on to become a judge. We had been friends for over 30 years and in 2013 we became very close again due to technology! Anyway, he was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer Aug 1st and died Oct 1st, 2013. Remind him that you never know what or when you can be blindsided and being a lawyer is no "defense." Awful about his mom...
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Thanks, pelively, I wonder if I knew your friend. You are so right, and actually, my boss has had health issues himself, quite a few, and we all thought that maybe having gone through his issues, he would be more sympathetic towards ours, but it has not turned out that way. If his mother truly made the choice herself to forego treatment, I can accept that. It would not be my choice, but you do what you want to do, that which will make you the happiest, and her choice was a choice of wanting to feel good until the end, and not fighting it. But when my boss tells the story, he just says it so matter of factly. No emotion, no remorse or sadness for losing his mom. I still well up with tears when I think of my dear mother and how she suffered, that was many years ago, and I obviously have a true emotional side to my personality, but I would prefer to be emotional any day to closed off and cold hearted. I am going to do what my heart tells me is right for me and I will do that with the advice given from my team of doctors and nurses who I find to be highly intelligent and know a whole lot more about this disease than I. Thanks for your message, pelively
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This is my favorite place to visit every night before bedtime! Even with all this crap we have to deal with, I love those of you that show the lighter side. Most of you sound so darn educated with this stuff that I don't say much but I love reading you. Mary and Eve, you two are a hoot! I just finished getting my TEs filled to the brim! Just have to do a little more healing before the tattooing and then onto the surgery for my jelly boobs. I opted for implants way back in the 80s cause some cowboy I thought I was in love with, told me I was too flat-chested. Me very stupid. Kept them in for 20 plus years before having them taken out. So I can tell you that once you get them it's a breeze healing compared to all this. Thank you all for the lightness and my prayers and positive thoughts go out for all of us.
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Morning all....3am here in northern Canada! I think I let her put too much fill in today. It didn't seem to hurt at the time so I let her keep going. But holy f@#k....then everything started stretching....and I've been taking the "new surgery" pain meds for 15hrs now!
I just woke up crying out in pain....and had to get DH to lift me up and push me out of bed!!! Wow....that was me 6 weeks ago!!! I didn't expect this kinda pain!
Laurie
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