January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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So what stage are we all in right now?
I'm in the coming out of denial and scared to death stage. DH is in the angry as hell stage....not so sure that's a good combination.
We are hanging in there....but not so happy sometimes. BC sucks. We are very tight and ok, just really difficult, we are used to the joy in each other, not the heartbreak.... oh well...I am going to seek therapy and a (legit) naturpath....by recommendation of my BS.
Upside, both of my sons have now told me they are seriously considering moving home.??? One to go to school to be an EMT Helicopter pilot and the other to pursue his music. Both are extremely talented and have lovely wives...this mama is not trying to get excited but oh boy I would be thrilled. Did I say I loooooove my boys?
My dearest friend came over this morning, we were supposed to go out and get my hair cut etc. just wasn't up to it. So we sat and talked. Love her so much, I can say anything and she will tell me anything, no holds barred....I am lucky to have her as my buddy.
I know I have been quiet lately, just regrouping. Hope everyone is ok.....we can do this. WE CAN DO THIS!!!!!!
love you ladies,
Eve
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Welcome back, Eve.
What stage are we in? I am in the "losing control, irritable Byatch" stage. I have to wait another two weeks to know what is next for me in treatment. The onco type test I thought was ordered 2+ weeks ago did not get ordered until late last week and as of Monday Genomic Health had not gotten the specimen. I am furious. I start work next week where a lot of change is happening and I still can't tell my boss if I will be chemo bound or not. Therefore, my job that entails fair amount of travel, will still be "on hold".
I had to cancel spring break with my daughter and send her with friends and it is her senior year of high school. I get cabin fever in the mildest of winters. This one has been unbearable!
I was doing so well until a few days ago. Hope it passes soon.
On the positive side I was able to do a light step aerobic class on Monday and walked 4 miles yesterday, that helped.
Hugs to all!
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Hello sisters:) today was my first day back to work post surgery. My work was very kind. There was a sign over my office door that said "welcome back" and also a card that everyone signed. The funny thing is that most if them don't know why I was off for the last 6 weeks, they only know I have had surgery. In my situation, I interface with a lot of different people in a lot if different geographies. For me it was easier to only disclose my medical situation to my close management team and boss. Telling the "masses" was too much for me and I didn't want to be gossip or for people to stare at me...especially during chemo and with the whole wig situation. I am so glad to say that I am much stronger now and had a great first day back and for the first tme I am finally beginning to see the light at the end of this horrific tunnel I've been in. I finally feel like I'm getting through this. I am finally feeling better as well. I have been praying so much, it has helped me and my family and children handle this disease. This is a tough ride girls, hold tight and have faith....love to you all
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K, MMTAgirl and Girlstrong and anyone else who wants to...what are your names if you care to disclose them. I am so honored to know you wonderful, strong women it is weird to not know who you are.
Of course this isn't a decree from the tiara lady only queens can do that!
I can't imagine going back to work...my job was merchandising for a big grocery store chain and a large pharmacy chain. Loved it. Very physical and precise ,I was in excellent shape...was ;(
I miss the contact with people, but I DO NOT miss getting up at 2 and 3 am...no, not, no way. that was rough.
I have a degree in fine arts and am looking forward to jumping in and making some cool stuff again.
So not completely in the scared dumps...one foot back and one foot firmly planted in the future.
So does anyone know what scans,and the time table we have going forward? My BS said Ultrasounds and MRI's....I see her next week...so I will ask...have you been told anything?
hugs
Eve
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hi Eve, my name is Marissa. I am a wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, coworker, love to exercise, and is someone who is all that much stronger for having had breast cancer!!!! I am so determined to get through this treatment and anything else I need to. I truly believe that we're all fighters!
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I'm sorry some of my surgery sisters are having a rough go of it. :-(
I got my crown today! Of course it was only a tooth crown, but still. LOL I still have pain and really bad sensitivity to cold, but hopefully that will start to go away. They took x-rays and the dentist didn't see anything that warranted immediate treatment and thinks all of my pain was from my bite being off from the temporary crown and putting too much stress on teeth that didn't have it before. We'll see. He said if it slowly starts to get better, than that was the problem. If it's still as bad by Monday, I need to go back in and he'll have to figure out where I need treatment. Ugh. The tooth that got the crown is very sensitive, too... hopefully that's just temporary and not a sign I'll need a root canal. Isn't this all fun.
What stage am I in? I'm in the "getting my last fill tomorrow and starting rads next week" stage! Emotionally I'm all over the place. More on an even keel, but feeling very stressed by everything going on, like I can't keep up with life right now! Part of that is chemo brain and not remembering things. I have to remember I've been at this a long time..... 196 days since my first chemo, and before that it was a month of tests and exams and biopsies. All of that is taking its toll. And I'm about to start rads which will add to my fatigue. But each thing is one step closer to the end of treatment, so I have to be glad about that.
{{hugs to all}}
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Hang in there Michelle, I am right there with you about this being a a long ride. Take a deep breath, get your second wind, and give yourself credit. Your done with diagnosis (and all that entails!!) , chemo ( not for the weak), surgery (brave girls get through that) and now for your final hurdle...radiation. You CAN do it. The rest will be cake compared to this past year, I just know it. Hugs
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Hi Eve - How I missed your posts. You bring us all to a better place. It's like you bring Florida sunshine to us, even on your bad days. I wish you peace at home, and am so glad you have such a great friend to share with. My best friend is in Colorado, and we have the same sort of relationship. She called me every single day when I was home recovering, and we would talk for hours.
mmm...what stage am I in? I had my last fill a little over a week ago and have 4 weeks until my exchange surgery. My first fill was 150 cc and didn't hurt much, probably because I was almost 6 weeks out. The 2nd and last one was okay until I stood up. I took 250 cc. It was my choice, and it might sound crazy, but I really NEEDED to get this done. BC kept me from my black belt test in January after 3 years of training. Although I have great friends and a wonderful son, I'm alone, and taekwondo helps me maintain a balance that I'm missing now. Some days, just telling myself how lucky I am that they found this so early just isn't enough. So I need a goal to keep me going. Everyone is pulling for me to be ready for the next testing this summer, and I so want to try.
Over the past week, it's been a rollercoaster of emotion. I think maybe I've just been so focused on what I had to do...schedule the 2 biopsies, get a BS, PS, make sure my son is okay, line up daycare, get my desk ready to be out 6 weeks, take out a 401K loan to pay for all this, stock up on stuff, clean and organize, read everything I could about BC and reconstruction, get an MO, doctor's appointments...then WHOOSH....I am done with fills, and I am alone watching TV and realize my life has changed forever and I can't stop crying.
Well that was last night, but today I feel good, and am going to try going back to class Friday or Saturday. Tomorrow? I have to take it a day at a time.
Hugs to all of you, my sisters.
Diane.
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Hello sisters, I am waking up to a better mental state that I plan to carry through the day. A good night sleep always helps!
Eve, my name is Ann, I am 51, will be married 24 years in May, have a wonderful daughter of 18, like Diane I love the martial arts- Muay Thai, hence the avatar. I only wish I had those abs! I have owned my own boxing gloves for over 10 years and I am not afraid to use them! Lol! Am 3rd generation BC, BRCA neg. back to work on Monday.
Sharing and learning from you beautiful women has been very helpful to me throughout recovery. Thank you!
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Hey girls....I haven't been posting much. Where am I? Who the hell knows. One minute I'm ok the next I'm crying. I was stressing about returning to work Apr 1....but I'm not going back now for another month. Still not sleeping thru the night. I'm waiting to talk to my MO about the tamox. I really think it's the cause of my crappy feelings.
And my name is Laurie. I'm 43....I have a boyfriend who lives with me. I have 2 daughters. One is 21 and away at university and the other is 14.
We are planning a night away tonight...only 2 hrs away to a casino....and I'm already way too anxious. I feel that I'm only content when I am at home. I know that's probably not good....so I'm GOING to go tonight no matter what!
Girlstrong....I'm so happy your first day to work went good. Are you back full time?
Laurie
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Oh ya....and it seems I live in the coldest place on earth right now! North Bay Ontario! WHERE IS SPRING?????
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Hi everyone!
mmtagirl - love your new profile pic!
This morning I brought my kitty to the vet for her dental "procedure." Even that stresses me out!
Yesterday my DH drove me to the clinic for my appts. -- PT, fills, and a pap smear that was long overdue. Yuck - those pap smears are always so traumatic for me. I had an abnormal pap many years ago and they've been fine ever since, but still.... I'll be on pins and needles til I hear the results.
I had 100 cc's during my fill and so far no pain. Found out that during surgery they removed 590 in the right breast and 460 on the left, so my goal is to be at least 600-650? Right now I'm at 480. It sounds like a lot, but I"m very broad shouldered and well, not exactly an ideal BMI, but I'm working on that.
Anyways....It's nice to have a goal to shoot for
So, it was a looong day yesterday of being poked and prodded. I'm getting so tired of that - although I consider myself very lucky that that's ALL I have to do, so I shouldn't complain. It's just the drive - it's wears me out and is such a logistical ordeal.
What stage am I in? I'm in a lonely stage ... or feeling sorry for myself stage.
No one's called me for weeks. Until yesterday. A friend that I've known since I was 5 called and we talked for hours. I know I was kind of bristly and negative. She tries hard to make me feel better and relate to what I'm going through. I need to work on letting others do that - to stumble through all the nuances of trying to be supportive. All my other friends seemed to have abandoned me. I know they must be afraid to call, uncertain what to say, maybe waiting to call later when I "feel better" not realizing that's the worst thing to do because I'm pissed off they haven't called..... Still, I just can't seem to pick up the phone and call them <sigh>.
Sometimes I feel like I'm just waiting to emerge from my cocoon. Like a butterfly with new wings to fly. I try to keep that in mind
(((hugs)))
Mary
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Hi Ann and Marissa, see that's much better,
Wow, I am really impressed with you martial arts ladies. The only thing I punch is my bread dough or my hubby when he makes a bad joke.
Feeling much better today, yes, a good nights sleep does wonders. So now I'll have to get off the couch and do something. It is a beautiful 63 degrees today (brrrrr) think I'll dig up the herb garden, and get it ready for planting. yay!
Diane, you are right about having a goal, I've been goal- less for quite awhile and need to find a purpose again. You know, I was crying too the other night. I don't think it is such a bad thing. I feel like it is a catharsis...get it out and get going.
Michelle, you have been at it in every nasty way possible, my stuff is nothing compared to your stuff. And you have little kids. So much to handle. A big huge fat bear hug to you. Again, I've said it before....you are an inspiration to me.
Mary and Laurie, hope you are both ok. hugs
gonna get up and go outside...
love ya
Eve
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Eve - OMG! I'm sooo envious of you out there in FL - 63 degrees? Digging up the herb garden? I'm taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and trying to imagine how nice that would be right now. Oh well, only a couple more months to go before I can get out and dig, too!
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We were posting at the same time.
Laurie and Mary, I don't how you manage with all the snow this winter. My son lives in Rhode Island and called yesterday depressed for a bunch of reasons but I think most of it is due to the looooong winter. Here I am saying I am freezing this morning at 57 degrees.
Have fun tonight Laurie, sounds great. Remember no one but you and dh know about the bc. So you can be whomever you want.
Mary, sorry your friends are being odd. I truly think they just don't know what to say. But they need to get a clue, My in-laws haven't called one time....I don't get it either. I like your butterfly but miss your eyes in the other pic.
I forgot.....I am Eve, mom to 2 sons 27 and 30 (eek) years old. I will be 58 (also eek) on St. Patrick's Day. I will have been married to DH for 4 years in July.
ttyl
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I want to be a butterfly too! And every night I go to bed thinking....tomorrow will be my day....and then I go back into my cocoon. I really don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. I just want ME back....and it's taking too long!
But....I'm forcing myself out to lunch with a couple of co workers today. Just hope I can hold off any waterworks!
Laurie
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lol, Mary,
67 is freezing to me! I used to live in Iowa and Colorado in high country, I lost my cold weather genes. I'll be thinking of you and Laurie during the looooong summer here when it is 99 degrees in the shade. I stay inside all summer...well almost. Just too dang hot.
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Laurie,
I'm betting its the Tamox...hang in there, hopefully the MO can help. Good for you going for out.. I'm good for a bit, but just wih Dh..not social stuff. I just get really tired so fast.
love and hugs
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Hi all. 3.5 weeks out from surgery, 3 drains out, only 1 left in. Very tight in chest still.
I live on Vancouver.Island, it is about 55 today and I think spring is finally here!
Still feeling achy and tired, I think Tamoxifen is the culprit.
I am Linda. On my second marriage 1.5 years first one 22 years. I will be 50 in May. I have 6 boys 25, 24,20,18,14,12. A golden retriever, a shitzu,a poodle. I also am a nurse and run a business. Of all things i make the bags that you pick up dog poop.
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Hi Linda...I love that you make doggie doo doo bags!! Laure: yes I am back to work full time minus the daily routine of going to rads (my employer is very understanding about that, I gotta do what I gotta do!!). Smiles to all
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Linda - oh, that sounds like a wonderful place to live! I love the west coast! My brother lives in Vancouver, Washington and I gotta get out to visit him. I'd love to explore more of the Pacific Northwest. I fell in love with Oregon and Washington back in the 80's. We used to travel a lot. My DH and I were both self-employed back then, so we could do it. One day during the winter, we decided to buy a small RV and hit the dusty trail for a month. Back then I was a hairstylist and my DH was a contractor. We went mostly south and west just to get warm. Of all the places we went, I loved the northwest - despite the rain. We thought about moving out there at that time, but didn't want to leave our families
Eve - one year we drove to Key West. Non-stop from MN to FL. Took turns driving with 3 of us I think it took 2 days. Have you ever been there?
We have good friends in San Diego and honestly don't know why we aren't out there right now!
Took a few road trips with my mom and dad - one to Arizona. So glad I did that since my dad is gone and my mom has Alzheimer's. Glad I didn't wait to travel. So hard to do it the older you get.
Anyways, I'm getting antsy for traveling....better quit talking about it!!
Happy Healing all!
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LOL LOL LOL Mary, love love your picture.
I have been to Key West...twice. It's ok.
I am a spoiled brat when it comes to sunny places. Born in San Jose CA.
I grew up (home schooled) free as a bird on a private beach on St. Thomas US Virgin Islands....mostly never wore shoes...scuba, snorkeled, swam and hiked to my hearts content. You could buy a pack of Marlboros for a quarter and a 6 of Heiniken (sp) for a buck...lol....party hardy.....and we did.
Then here in Florida. Lived in let's see...Colorado, New Jersey, Iowa, love them all. Florida is not my favorite place, as soon as my stepson turns 18 we are outta here. Mountains..Maybe Smokies or Idaho, and completely off the grid...dreaming of it right now.
Oddly enough my family is from Ontario, and then 5th generation Seattle WA. Love the PNW just not the rain. I go back frequently, my cousin is there and is a dear friend. Just always awed by the approach in the air when flying by Mt Rainer FABULOUS, and breathtaking. Also loved British Vancouver as a kid...beautiful architecture.
I am also spoiled by having had the opportunity through out my life...to have been in 47 of the lower 48...still missing N Dakota. I can think of a favorite place in each state.
I keep trying to upload a butterfly picture....gonna have to do some trouble shooting...sigh
love
Eve
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ok ladies,
are any of you still in pain?
I did not have to contend with TE's or fills ...but yikes, I just did some reaching .....cleaning up a shelf on my porch and holy moly, the girls are burning...does it ever end?
did not get to my herb garden today......a house burned to the ground a block over....single mom with a young child...they are ok....sad.
the smoke was so bad one did not want to be outside. I wish I could help her. The Red Cross was here in a heartbeat, they are really a good group. They helped me get in touch with Steven when he was in Iraq and was in a top secrete place....
life sucks........but life is good if you look for it.
going to start looking for it.
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Hi ladies: my name is Beverly, I have 4 kids; 11,9,7 and 3. I am 41 years old. I teach 6 th grade and I've been married for 15 years.
I am very anxious about returning full time to work, I hope I can do it. I'm still in quite a bit of pain in my chest and my back well my back hurts worse. I am thinking about going back April 7. I'm so nervous! I teach in the town I live in and my two older children attend. I know financially it's the right (the only) choice to go back ASAP. But physically and emotionally o hope I can cope with the rigors of the day.
I have only had one fill, last week and wow I feel huge!!! It wasn't that much 50cc... But I feel so different/full.
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Eve - Oh my goodness. That poor family!
Take it easy - no more reaching - unless it's for your tiara, lol!
I enjoyed reading about your background - very interesting! I'm sure you've got us beat on the Nicest Placest to Live - Ever. Sounds like you could write a book?
Gotta go pickup my kitty from her surgery. She had two teeth pulled and a complete cleaning. Poor thing. I've been neglecting her checkups $$$
Mary
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You know, Mary I have thought about a book. I think about my life, parts were really interesting and had elements of privilege, like living on a private beach...but we lived in a mobile home. I always joke that it was held together by palmetto bugs (BIG roaches) holding hands in the walls. You could hear them scurrying around in the night...
.A man that we called "the farmer" owned some property next door had a cow and a calf. One day the mama lost her calf and, they both were bellowing all day...for freaking hours......holy cow (pun intended)....I finally at 13 years old was sick of the noise and went exploring in order to find the calf....well I found it. AHHHHHHHH The mama cow saw me find her calf and started running at me.....OMG...I kid you not...Cows are fast, cheetah fast.... I ran as fast as I could, luckily it was down hill, had some added momentum, all the while screaming for my mom to open the back door of the house...."OPEN THE DOOR, OPEN THE DOOR" Made it just in time...all was well, mama cow found her calf and everything was quiet again....can't make it up.
memories are fun, most of them......I would, in my book, have to add the abuse by my dad, that would be hard to explore, but I've dealt with it and it is just an add on not the substance.
Hey have a great story about a 6 foot iguana I met on the beach..... and the Harlem Globe Trotters, Jackie Onassis....
to be continued.
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also, not to neglect your kitty in my post, they do get expensive. My pup is a year old and we have spent $2800 on her....for me...oh well my tooth hurts...I'll be ok, pup...we have to take her to the vet Now!! lol wouldn't have it any other way
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Beverly,
you must just revel in your kids. Awesome. A teacher too, I admire teachers so very much. My boys had really fabulous teachers.
I too am having issues with my back...I think we carry ourselves differently after the surgery and have to get back to a physical normal. It is just going to take some time. I hope one day back at teaching will be just what you need. All those 6th graders will give you such a welcome back...I am sure of it.
hugs
Eve
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Thanks Eve! Yes I absolutely adore my kids. They are what keep me going... Even though at times I just want to close my bedroom door so they don't see me in pain or crying. They are all pretty sensitive. I'm excited to go back to work with the kids. I'm worried about being able to handle being there all day physically. Not to mention I'm not sleeping... Oh boy it's going to be a long day for sure!! Oh well gotta do it eventually I guess.
I had physical therapy today and the therapist that I had was trained in lymphedema care. She looked at my selling and said it very well could be Truncal lymphedema. She did some manual massages to move things around. That felt good. She said my range of motion is pretty limited. This could be due to swelling and/or scar tissue. I've been getting some good exercises/stretches to use at home, hopefully it will all come together soon! On Monday I'm going for a lymphedema evaluation by a physical therapist. My thing is the bs and ps are not recognizing this as lymphedema. Is it ok to go behind their backs and ask other professionals? I think yes. I need to be my own advocate but it is certainly a bit awkward. Oh well we have to do what is right for us, right? I think I've learned that from all you strong women!!!
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Beverly,
Yes and YES.
you so have to be an advocate for yourself. If you have a feeling, an intuition about YOU then do not, DO NOT let anyone ANYONE decide what is best for you.
Going into surgery (minutes before) I was questioning my decision to have a BMX. I was scared to death. My DX at the time was ADH....atypical hyperplasia ...after 3 other dx's of dcis and oh we don't now...ha ha ha I went for my gut feeling and it turned out that that all of my 6 tumors were INVASIVE. I knew...I knew.
My BS said I did not have to worry about lymphedema..I completely trust her. But.....who knows anything for sure.
If something doesn't feel right....to you...screw them....make "them" make it right.
got it!
love and hugs
Eve
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