January 2014 Surgery Sisters
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Mmtagirl,
Yes, thank you so much. Now I'm using heating pad on my back and hoping for sleep to end a good day.
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Mommy, I'm so glad you got good news and don't have to worry about your job being there when you get back to work. I hope you get relief from PT too.
I have appointments tomorrow with my surgeon and PS, and I am glad, because I'm freaking out a little. Tonight in the bath I found what feels like a lymph node the size of a marble under my left arm. When I had my BMX, they only did a sentinel node biopsy on the right side because that's where they could see tumors on mammogram and US (I was concerned about the left, but they couldn't see anything on that side). I am glad I'm seeing the surgeon tomorrow and don't have to worry about it for long. But ugh. I have been feeling so great, and this just takes me back to waiting for the other shoe to drop--too good to be true and all that.
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Hi sisters! I am too tired to do individual posts, but I will say to auntpaula - {{hugs}} I'm sorry. It's probably nothing. You know that. But I think once the big C rears its ugly head, our minds are automatically going to go there for every ache and pain. I'm glad you have an appt tomorrow!
And girlstrong - I found a lump up in front of my right armpit a few weeks after surgery. I panicked! Both my BS and PS said it's most likely fat necrosis. I guess they were right, because it's gone now.
Hubby and I made a date night out of our 3 hour drive to my appointments today. We had a free room at the casino so we went yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately we didn't have good luck at all, but it was nice to "get away", even for an evening. And my first appt today wasn't until 1pm so we were able to sleep in and laze around until checkout at 11am. I got another fill, which brings me to 385. PS says I look like I have much more than that. Not sure why that is, unless he dictated the wrong amount from surgery or they put more in during one of my fills than they said. I doubt that, though. Anyway, I go back next week for one more fill before rads. He thinks I will most likely just get a fill on the side that will be radiated, since that skin tends to tighten up and he wants some extra "room" to work with afterward. So I guess I'll be lopsided from now until November. Ha!
After that I had an occupational therapy appointment and she said I don't need to come back unless I feel I need to see her again. Woohoo! I still have some cording issues and need to work on my range of motion, but things are SO much better and she said I know the stretches and massage to do here at home to help.
We got back at 8pm tonight, had to pick up the kiddos, get all their overnight stuff put away, get homework done, showers, etc. <sigh> It's 9:42pm and I'm just now sitting down. I know I saw in the car for 3 hours, but I'm exhausted!
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I can't sleep!!!! I have not been able to sleep at all!!! I'm getting like 2-3 hours a night. I've been trying to stay awake during the day so I can sleep at night and that's just not helping. I'm going to call ps tomorrow to see if they can prescribe something... This is crazy!!! Between my back aches, my discomfort in chest, etc I need sleep!!!!!
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Hi girlstrong-I also have the little dots on both breast (PBMX Jan 3rd) PS said very thin skin and it is the sutures working their way thru-feel like a teenager again-acne?? Actually feel like a very very old woman with some parts replaced. Had my third surgery couple days ago, revised left breast X2 due to necrosis. Skin just keeps dying. Last time he replaced implant with smaller size hoping to gain some extra skin and told DH he pulled some abdominal skin up to help replace what he had to cut away. This morning I go in for first dressing change-am really afraid of what will find-don't know how much smaller he went. Or how much longer my skin can be cut and recut and recut until it says enough! Not looking forward to this new me, or what is left of the left side. Rt side healed well but a lot of swelling every day. Just want this to be all done and close to human feeling again. Sorry for the downer-pity party at my house. Maybe will be a good surprise when the dressings come off? Char
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Wow, I missed all the threads from the 5th. I know the site was down yesterday, but still....I thought everyone was off the site for a couple days, lol!
I'm really looking forward to my next fill on March 12th. The other day I measured myself and I believe I'm in between a B and C cup. All I know is that I don't even fill my old bra yet, so I'm thinking of going for 100 cc's this time.
Michelle, congrats on being done with OT and almost done with fills. My first PT appt. with my new therapist went well. I was a little concerned about going to someone new. She did a lot of massage to try to release some of the cording. I have a mild case, but according to her, it's all normal stuff so far. She's a lot more aggressive than my other PT, so I'm a little concerned. But on the other hand, maybe that's a good thing because I already feel better, so am working more consistently on my stretches. I'll be going back for at least 6 sessions.
Started to clean my house.....one small area at a time.
Made appts. for a pap smear and a colonoscopy. I'm waaaaay overdue for both of those. I know - not exciting stuff - but I'm super proud of myself!
Been fighting off depression. I've got appts. lined up with 2 therapists. Why does it always take so looooooooong to get in?! I'm also hoping to take a Yoga for Survivors class. My calendar is getting very full
Eve, glad to hear you are a hermit, too
I thought that was something that only happened in cold climates. Wish I was there! I'd be out everyday for sure. Good news....the weather is getting warmer here in MN - 40s coming up for the weekend! Whoohooo! Laurie, did you decide against your trip to a warmer climate?Diane, please post pics from your Oscar night! That sounds like fun
))I'm sending ALL you ladies healing vibes and hope you get some relief from pain and sleep issues. (where's the healing vibes icon??)
This pic depicts my state of mind right now:
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wow! Mary,
exactly how I have been feeling today...In the freaking dust...I know I will rise...but I guess you could call me the princess that slept on a pea. Brusied and sorta fore lorne.(sp)
Just a sad crappy day. I broke a filling a couple of days ago...so now my tooth hurts and I will have to spend more money on getting that fixed. yay!
The skin on my face and chest has had a major reaction to the surgery, an old (gross) fungus thing from living in the Virgin Islands as a kid.
It is always under control..until, I am under stress or I have to be out and about and want to look good...it is red, and itchy and just cruddy.
So tomorrow we are going to my stepson's jump up banquet , he will be a Boy Scout....hurrah! I am so proud of him. He has such a great attitude for a 10 yo kid. Did I say I was proud?
Sooo I have a red, flakey face, no boobs..and if I don't stop crying for my sorry ass self I am gonna be swollen too! lol
I did buy a maxi dress for the banquet..love it...funny if I had my old boobs it would be so inappropriate for a Boy Scout function. ooh la la
I bought new sandles , and hopefully I'll get my dangly earrings and wrap today.
happy sad happy sad.....
Sorry for focusing upon my self...
please know I have read everyone's posts and my thoughts are for healing and good outcomes for everything we are dealing with.
Just, I think this BC crap hit me today.... NO MORE TEARS ..EVE...no more tears......tears...sigh
thanks, ladies
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Eve,
You have been so inspirational and uplifting to all of us. We all get in that "funk" and only time can get u through. Please know that as I joined this group I have enjoyed your humor, your support and guidance. Breast cancer and it's effects can not define us.... Be strong and enjoy celebrating with your little boy!!!
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Hi Ladies: It has been a very long week. Yesterday I had really bad pain at the end of the day and just couldn't pick myself up last night, so I had a very ugly cry. I cried because I felt so alone with no one to give me a hug, and because I was just freakin tired, and because my friends all think I'm this amazing strong woman and I'm just a weak pathetic ball of fear, stress and pain. It wasn't pretty, and would be nice if this was it for me, but I doubt it. I guess as long as I am okay MOST of the time, I'm doing okay.
Today I started that day by forgetting something my son needed for school, and when I got there, he was headed to the office, having been knocked down by another boy from behind, and was dripping blood from a wound in his hip made by a rock that he had to pull out of his skin! His boxers were covered with blood, so we had a discussion with the principal so he could follow up with the kids that called him a baby for limping off the Court! Little butt heads! I don't think the other boy was trying to hurt him, just trying to push past him to be first on the basketball court. He was limping all day and had to miss class tonight. Poor baby.
Now for the good news...all that pain was not for nothing. My exchange surgery is now scheduled for Friday, April 11th! It makes me feel good to have a light at the end of the tunnel.
Eve - You are beautiful and I just know you will be fine when you pile on the foundation and a cute wrap, but let it out! I will TRY to post a pic from the Oscar/St. Patty's Party night, but I don't seem to have good luck with getting them to upload. I click on the insert image Icon and browse to the photo, but nothing happens.
Char - I hope it went okay today. Hugs to you!
Mary - On the Colonoscopy...ask for the pills. They may cost you $30-40, but its WORTH it, so you don't have to drink that "GoLightly" swill. You just take the pills and drink tons of water, which is much more civilized in my opinion.
Love to all and thank you for letting me ramble!
Diane.
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mommy....I know exactly how you feel. I'm not sleeping either....maybe 2-3 hrs too. And I'm nasty and depressed and teary all day. And every night I can't wait to get to bed....and don't sleep again!
Laurie
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Diane - I had no clue about the pills for a colonoscopy! Good to know. {{hugs}} I wish I could give you a hug. I give you (and anyone else facing this alone) a TON of credit. I'd be in a puddle on the floor if it wasn't for my hubby. That's awful about your son. Poor kid. I hope he's ok!
I have an awful toothache.... bad enough that I'm taking percocet around the clock. And of course next week if spring break so my dentist is out of the office until Wednesday.
Eve - my blog post today reminded me of you (the picture).... with all of your tiara talk.
Hope you're feeling better, too.http://michellesneighborhood.blogspot.com/2014/03/kicking-cancers-ass-day-191.html
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Michelle: Right back at you with the ((hugs)) and thank you. My son felt better after a shower and a little Neosporin with a fresh bandage from Dr. Mom.
Michelle & Eve - what is up with your teeth?! May you BOTH get in right away and see a cute (I mean good) dentist. Michelle he has to have someone on call that can look at it and make sure you don't have an infection. Dentists get to go on Spring Break? Wow.
Mary - I did get counseling after I had a miscarriage at 40 and they told me after a battery of tests and 2 failed fertility treatment attempts, that I wouldn't be able to have children. I thought my life was over and was struggling for a reason to keep going. Counseling really helped me to understand that there were just some things you can't control. Two years later, after I decided to move on...I got pregnant. They called him a miracle baby, with no fertility help at all, and he was perfect. We really don't have control over what happens...and that truly sucks at times. No one should have to deal with BC, yet here we all are. Some days are good, and some are bad. I try to focus on how lucky I was that they found this so soon and most days...that is plenty. I know my life will never be the same, but who's to say it won't be better because of this. It worked out okay the last time my world was shattered, so I'm trying like hell to keep an open mind.
Maybe someday I'll be sunning my foobs on a beautiful beach in the Caribbean, sipping a Pina Colada with the love of my life, and I'll think back to these lonely days and be even more thankful for my life because of this journey. Hey...it could happen.
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Levassell,
Sorry to hear you can't sleep either! It's the worst!!! Last night I took an ambien at 830 pm and fell asleep at 1230am.!!! Wth?
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Diane - Ironically I went thru counseling years ago for the same reason - miscarriages and infertility. We had no luck though, and decided against adoption. So we adapted to life without children. Then many years later I went to a therapist after my husband's job loss, that was a hard time, too....The last time I saw a therapist was when we were being sued my our neighbors over a property dispute. THAT was horrible. I had to file a restraining order against them as they were harassing me.
But nothing can shake up your life like cancer. I have really struggled with this as I know all of you have. For me it's PTSD, fatigue, depression, anxiety, insomnia....I, too, feel fortunate to have found it early. I understand that ILC is hard to find on any imaging. My mammograms were clean every year - until the last one. And typically ILC isn't felt until the later stages.
So I figure another therapist -- one that specializes in treating women with bc -- can't hurt. IDK, I'm just trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life.
Once spring comes, I know it'll get better! It usually does.
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I find it intriguing that so many of us went through infertility treatments. I asked my doctors of any link between the two but none confirmed any. I just can't believe that taking all the clomid, lupron, and who knows what else I can't remember from 20 years ago, wasn't a contributing factor. I even took oral progesterone suppositories for my first trimester before delivering my own miracle baby (totally without any fertility treatments long after we were told I couldn't get pregnant...she is a beautiful 18 year old young woman now) and I am PR+.
Same on thyroid. There apparently is not a connection between thyroid issues and BC. I had my thyroid removed in July because of nodes that appeared on an MRI for my cervical herniated disc. Biopsy confirmed hurtle cells and 30% chance cancer so out it went. All is hormonal / endocrine related...seems coincidental at best. On that related topic, hoping to get clarity for myself on chemo this week. For those of you that have already been down that road are you aware of any Se's combining synthroid and chemo. Ie. did your levels change?
My DH just sent me a text, he saw a robin! There is hope that spring really is coming to Michigan !
Make it a great day:-)
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I say, bring on the Spring then! A little sunshine for all my BC sisters!
On the trivial side, my dress for next weeks Oscar gala/auction was great before my last fill, but totally unacceptable at my new foobage. I went shopping thinking I would splerge and get something new. It was a mob scene at Macy's but very funny listening to all the teenagers trying on prom dresses. I didn't find the perfect dress, and may go out again, but do have something at home that will work. It is fun to try things on without worrying about a bra. Now if I could stop using food as therapy and take off the extra poundage, it would be great.
Eve, how was the boyscout jump up? I'll bet your son was happy to have you there.
Michelle and Eve, I hope things are better with you teeth. Right before my diagnosis I had a filling that was causing me pain. My dentist took out the filling and put in a mixture of oil of clove with a temporary filling. It calmed down the nerve and he replaced it with a permanent one and no more problems. Here's hoping it's a simple fix for you too!
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I'm sorry so many of us have suffered infertility issues. I never went through infertility treatments, but I did have two miscarriages (and ironically got pregnant with each of my kids within a year of each miscarriage!). {{{hugs}}} to all of us.
My tooth seems better!?!? I've been taking pain relievers pretty much around the clock, but that's it. It is still sensitive to cold, but not the stabbing pain it was. Thank God - that sure made taking meds difficult!
So... TE question. My right (non-cancer side) TE is "squishy" compared to the left. They are supposedly filled to the same amount right now. Is this normal? I know there was a lot of skin removed on the left side so that side is "tighter", but I wouldn't think that would have anything to do with the TE itself. Like, I can push in on the right and feel empty space, and can feel far less empty space on the left. Makes me wonder, can these things leak? I have an appt with my PS on Thursday for my last fill, and I will ask him then. I don't know... just seems weird that they are two totally different feelings.
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Hi Michelle: Mine were different even with the same amount of fills and the non-cancer side has always been softer. I googled, it and they can leak, but maybe it's just that side is just healing better. I would personally have to call my PS tomorrow for peace of mind, but you are so far away, it probably would be Thursday before you could get to him. I will think good thoughts for you! Glad the tooth is "better". ((Hugs))
Diane.
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Love you guys!
too tired to post...when I try ...got nothing to add.
You all are the best.
peace
Eve
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My TE's have never been the same - one is bigger, one is more round, etc. I think they'll always tell you that one is going to be different than the other - even with implants. I was told they like to fill the cancer side more than the other.
Both my TE's are soft and "squishy" except the cancer side feels like it has something hard near the top of the TE - near the armpit side - when I feel the skin over that area. I'm not sure if it's the edge of the TE, scar tissue, or if it's Alloderm. So, yes, the non-cancer side is definitely more soft. I'm thinking it's because they were able to leave more skin, but who knows... Did your PS use Alloderm? Maybe the pockets he created were different sizes...?
I'm looking forward to my 3rd fill this Wed. Thinking of going for 100cc's this time!
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I'm finished with my fills and mine aren't even either....pretty close but ones a bit higher! LOL. The ports will stay for a few months....maybe for tweaks? The side that had the cancer is very soft and not sore at all...but the other side is hard and still sore. Way under my armpit...and I only had one node removed from that side. I seem to be always in a trance from the pain meds. I stopped driving again. I don't think the perks really agree with me....so tonight I'm using the leftover pain meds from surgery. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym to see if they think they can help me with my motivation. And a massage! Ya!
Laurie
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Morning ladies! We got a pile of snow here last night! We also switched our clocks ahead for Daylight Savings time!
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Hi Laurie - we don't have any new snow, thank goodness, but after yesterday's near 50 degree temp, it's melting fast! It'd be nice to get rid of the ice dams on the roof and the skating rink in the driveway, lol!
Funny, after all the talk of bad teeth, last weekend my poor kitty had to go into the vet because her tooth was bad. The vet was able to remove only part of it in the office, but she'll have to have surgery to get the root and clean the rest. The surgery's not til Wed, so I have to give her pain meds 2xdays. She HATES getting meds - it's always such a struggle. Now I have be careful not to get scratched (lympheda risk and all that). So now she's under the couch and won't come out even to eat. :-(
Feeling really tired this morning, but will try to make it outside to enjoy the warmer temps
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well, no snow here either...lol
lots of sun, going to be a pretty day, so I have no excuse not to get outside.
We turned clocks ahead too. Always screws me up for a week or so.
Why the dog got up 2 hours early today is beyond me...sigh...really tired.
Of course she is napping now. We had a good time at my step sons banquet. It lasted forever, by the time we got out of there I was in agony....my back and boobs. I take 1/2 a Percocet and that really helps, I'm not so loopy either, just the right amount of loopy
Learned a big lesson yesterday...do not bring a Frisbee to the dog park. Oh my god, this big dog came running over and jumped up on me just barely missing my boobs. he was trying to get the Frisbee....holy cow......really rude owners...they wouldn't control him so I had to give him the Frisbee just to get him off of me. sheesh!
Mary hope your kitty is ok. poor things. Have a good massage Laurie, sounds awesome.
ttyl,
Eve
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Hoping to get my first fill tomorrow! It's only been 6 weeks since BMx! Any suggestions? How does it feel? Will it hurt? Is it painful after? What should I expect? Did you take pain meds? Anything before and/or after?
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Mommyathome - I took 1/2 a pain pill before my first fill, but I honestly didn't need it. I only got 50ml my first two fills and didn't have any discomfort at all. The third one I got 75 and I noticed it a bit more, but never really had pain. Everyone is different, though. A lady in my Sept chemo group just had her first fill and she said her pain was excruciating.... her TE was sitting on a nerve or something.
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Michelle,
Thanks. After everyones response about the 100cc fills I talked my ps into just going 50cc at least for the first so i know what to expect. She suggested taking a Valium when I got home...
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Mommy....so how are you feeling with the 50cc? I think that was a good choice.
Laurie
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Mommy, I am glad your PS went with your comfort level.
I am in the process of getting a second opinion about LD flap surgery and was kind of taken aback by my current PS's plans for fills--he said he normally does 150 cc per side every two weeks until fills are complete. When I said I'd really like to go by my comfort level/go lower and more gradually if I wanted to, he was clearly not very crazy about that idea, but it's not like he could say no.
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Levassell,
I just got it done like 15 minutes ago. So far ok. I've been a little wishy washy today. I thought I was going to pass out when she did it. But i got it done!!! She said to take Valium when I get home and then 8 hours again do maybe I'll sleep. She did say it will be sore tonight though...
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