January 2014 Surgery Sisters
Comments
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Anne - I don't know how long it will take, but I feel like we will all find our way to a new place of comfort. Maybe now is the time for you to sleep until noon without guilt while you navigate the path. This will always be a safe place to vent. I'm sure we all have days/moments when we get overwhelmed or just pissed off. No judgment here for sure!
Linda - Sometimes it is so frustrating that we all live so far apart, because I would just give love to give you the biggest hug! I wish you didn't feel afraid, but I get it. I'm there too, even though my chances are slim, I did stop the AI's and if my BS didn't get it all, I'll be in trouble. When I look at my chest, it is a constant reminder that I did everything I could to fight this, and so did you.
Eve - Girlfriend...you just post away. You do inspire us and are so uplifting most of the time. If you have a day when you are pissed off...VENT AWAY! We're here for you too.
Ann - You just keep going. I know you have to be exhausted from your rads, so good for you for spending the day in the kitchen. It sounds divine!
Feeling much better myself. Maybe since I can't train, it's a sign that I should work on my social life.
Love you ALL!Diane.
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So many postings!
Beverly - you need a new doctor, no question about it. My PS is like a spa. This should be the positive part of the whole crappy breast cancer thing. When I was becoming bald, my PS laughingly suggested botox so that at least my forehead would look great. With my breast fat grafting, he took extra from my tummy, which made me feel like a had a bit of free lipo. As my PS puts it - he aims to be the silver lining. For breast cancer awareness month, his office gave all patients and survivors free facials. There should be better options out there for you. This should not be the stress part.
Sending prayers to Gail and Theresa. Hugs to Linda, Ann. Hugs to everyone really.
I too feel exhausted and don't like the new normal. But a the same time, reading the posts, what strikes me is how many things everyone is doing - making T-Day meals, attending holiday events, holiday baking, working, etc. This takes an amazing amount of energy. You guys are really getting out there, even if tired. I love the holidays, but really do not have the energy to do what I want to do, to make things complete in my head. At the same time, I hate to miss by not participating in things, due to this fatigue. I get my next Herceptin hit on Monday, which will put me in bed most of the week until Friday. How am I going to deal with it also being theater week for my daughter's Nutcracker performance?! Yet, I'm so lucky. I just learned of two friends relapsing as well. Ovarian mets and brain/breast mets. I feel so fortunate by comparison. Which makes me feel guilty for feeling like crap or complaining. It's that caught in the middle between "it could be worse" and the new normal that is pulling and pushing emotionally and physically. Yes - we are lucky to be here. But yes why should I have to live with pain/fatigue on a daily basis from the surgery and treatment, with no certainty that it will go away?! It is not going back to my normal life, which was what I naively thought would be the case by now. I wonder if they've done any studies on whether the fatigue goes away. My mom is a 6 yr. survivor, but says that her energy level never returned after rads. I try to believe that I'll be different.
I recently read a statement that people's actions are motivated out of fear or love. I am trying to figure out whether I agree with the statement. I know that fear has negatively impacted me, and that I strive for the love part. I made a deliberate choice years ago to forgive instead of harboring anger (because the object of my anger/frustration was usually oblivious to my issue and the only one impacted was me). I have felt so much better since making that choice. I just hope to surround myself with loving supportive people and stay away from the drama. Fear is something that I know I also need to let go of, but boy, is that one tough. Financial concerns about my ability to take care of my daughter, particularly since my current employment is project based hourly pay without disability benefits, are on the top of the pile. And of course the health worries. Any suggestions for getting rid of the fear? Then I could move to my actions being completely motivated by love...And maybe someday my prince will come too and pull me out of this mud pit.Eve - I believe.
I went in for a hair consult and they said come back in 4 wks when it will be long enough for a trim. I truly look like Paddington Bear, so I'm looking forward to being able to color it, purple or otherwise. LOL. I put on my wig (long blonde hair like I used to have), full make up and went to a holiday party on Friday. I've lost 20 lbs. this month, with the steroids finally coming out of my system. It was really great to feel like a little bit sexy for awhile. Its always a toss up whether to get out- knowing how it will make me feel better but how tired as well. I'm really glad I did it.Katie
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For my daughter,
Thanks. I'm thinking more and more about going to that second opinion. You're right, going to the ps should be this stressful of a thing. Whippetmom suggested another ps that is about an hour peso away from my hometown. I think after the holidays I'm going to contact her to set up a consultation.0 -
Yay Katie, You got "it"...about believing. I believe also with all my heart! I learned along time ago about love, fear, but also gratefulness. For me, it is a choice....I don't always get to where I want to be in those choices, but more and more, love and gratefulness are in my thoughts. I also know that I can't change anyone else but I have the power to change myself. And, YES, getting rid of the drama is essential to feeling your own inner peace. Isn't fear born out of not knowing what will happen in the future? Especially having been confronted with our mortality. But when did any of us know, really know what tomorrow would bring? We still don't know that and never will. So the simplistic answer is to crowd out our fear for tomorrow and simply live in the moment. If you are tired, rest. if you have energy, rock and roll.
About love. For the past year my best friend has shuttled me back and forth to Dr.s appointments. No small feat for her, having 2 young ones in school and having to drive 20 minutes to get to my home. On one trip I needed to stop at Joanns, a craft store, and buy yarn so I could make a blanket for my step son to give to his sister for Christmas. While we were looking at yarn she was immediately drawn to one. So I ordered several skeins of it which I knitted into a wonderfully soft blanket. I gave it to her today. I told her there were over 10,000 stiches in it and every stich represented my love for her...Tears ensued. Mini moments of joy...life is good
I think the big change of being able to let go of the fear was getting the MRI in September. I wish and I would push for it, that everyone gets scanned yearly. It is a huge relief to know there isn't anything there to worry about.
Oh and by the way, everyone loves my purple hair...go figure.
Bought all new makeup today along with a necklace and earrings to go with the new very cool dress and fabulous sweater thingy that Nate insisted I buy last night. (yes, there are great guys out there).We are off to Phantom of the Opera tomorrow night complete with a engraved invitation to a pre-show cocktail party....styling...lol
love you all,
Eve
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I come almost daily to this thread and today realized I have never seen a post from the woman who brought us all together--del3, and that makes me sad. del, I hope you are doing okay and if you ever come to BCO and this thread I hope you realize the positive impact you had by bringing these wonderful women together that I now thing of as friends.
Spoiler alert-- I am emotional as hell today and I didn't expect it. Okay, I felt it coming on yesterday but thought I would be through it today. Apparently not. I can't comment on your posts, Anne, Beverly, Diane, Katie, Eve, Mary because all I do is tear up. Why? Today was my last radiation day and marks the end of active treatment. On the very month I started this journey one year ago. I didn't tell anyone at work. Not because I have kept any of this a secret, just the opposite. Omg, I have become this uber-advocate in my community, wayyyy beyond what I had anticipated. I did not want people coming up and congratulating me and asking any questions on how I was feeling.
So, you girls get to be the first outside my immediate family that I choose to share the news. Am I happy, YES! But, not without admitting to feeling a bit un-anchored. I understand this is common,but, I didn't expect it to happen to me. I never felt like I would die or could die. I eliminated every possibility by having it cut out, drugged out, or zapped out. I truly do feel like I will not have this beast at my door again. But, dang-- what a roller coaster it has been.
I say this and I mean it, I have learned more about myself in the past 12 months-- I am a better person because of this. I am stronger, more compassionate, more balanced on priorities than before BC.
Marissa, Linda and the rest-- I hope you are all doing well. Love and hugs to you all.
Xoxo, ann
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Ann - congratulations on being PFR! LIke you, I had a "Merry %^*^(@# Christmas" diagnosis, and have been on the roller coaster all year. Can't wait to put 2014 behind me! I just realized that you are in Michigan. I am in Traverse City. Are you near? Your message about what you had shared with others and limits on it, is on point for a small quandary that I am trying to solve - advice from all welcome:
I have never outed my cancer on Facebook. Originally, I told family remote and local, and everyone local knows. But I never have told remote friends. I had not posted anything on FB because I have quite a few work contacts on FB, and a bunch of FB "friends" who are not close friends (old high school, college buddies, etc.). I had not wanted my illness to impact my ability to get business, or bother the not as close friends with it. Originally I was afraid of pity. And I wasn't ready to deal with everything. Now that I am receiving Christmas cards from remote friends who have no clue what I've been dealing with all year (so grateful for receiving xmas cards), it just seems weird that I haven't said anything. I did not say a thing in the xmas cards that I sent because I did not want to take away from the joy that a xmas card is all about. I kind of want a bunch of remote friends to know, but it seems weird at this point - coming up on my diagnosis anniversary and all. It feels like old news. I'm not sure how to inform people - if I should just say something on FB, send a stupid form letter, keep it silent, or what. The added support that I would likely receive from remote friends would be greatly appreciated, especially since I'm not yet feeling well and will continue the Herceptin treatment that makes me not feel well until June. But I feel like by saying anything, I'd just be inappropriately asking for sympathy.
Diane - I just realized I had not responded re your birthday being on my surgery anniversary date. Like Ann, I feel a bit ungrounded about it - not like it is an accomplishment of any sorts, but an awful box that was checked off in this process. I'd much rather remember your birthday on that day!! So, thank you for giving me something else to think about!
Best, Katie
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Congrats Ann - what a wonderful gift this season. It is such a relief to know you have done everything possible and it worked! On the other hand, it is a little scary to kind of be "in charge" of your own health again. But it is about as big a milestone in your life as possible. I also totally agree that I would be lost without everyone on this site and the love and compassion and understanding I have found here. You have no idea how often I quote one of my BCO sisters- and more often than not, it is not cancer related.
Katie- I am really not sure what you should do. I immediately put my diagnosis on FB and was surrounded by family and friends from near and far. I didn't post a lot, and didn't share the negatives, but did post the milestones, finishing chemo, successful surgery and end of radiation. Whatever you decide to do, do it with pride and as a survivor and winner. If you decide not to tell others, be okay with that too- this is your journey and while you didn't have a lot of choices in what happened to you this past year, you do get to make this decision.
Anne
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Well I almost called to make an appointment with a ps for a second opinion today at work during my lunch break, but didn't. I couldn't think of how I would ask for the appt... Hi I was diagnosed w cancer last December, had a BMx and now am thinking about fat graphing.... What if they ask why I'm going to a new dr?! Am I only asking for a second opinion to see if this new dr feels the same as my other dr? Am I looking for a second opinion to make sure my original ps did everything right? Am I looking for a dr that will listen to me and deal with my questions.... Am I looking for a dr to switch to? It just seemed too overwhelming to deal with. So, I still haven't made the call. I honestly would rather stay w my ps but I wish I felt like she cared- to be honest I think she's good at what she does but is that enough?
I have a huge observation with my principal in January and at times I am like sick to my stomach nervous about it and then I am like, put it in perspective!!! Last year this time I was dealing with the news of having cancer, doing the observation and knowing I'd be out of work for the rest of the year. Shoot this should be a piece of cake this year lol. No but really I'm feeling overwhelmed!! I have no time in my day to get my lesson organized, thought out and put together and when I get home I'm running my kids to basketball or girl scouts everyday. By the time I get home it's like 830-900 and I'm beat. I'm still not sleeping more than 3-4 hours a night and that's with melatonin each night. I don't get it! Why can't I sleep? Ugh!! I have a class of 19 kindergarteners and 5 are pretty bad behavior kids. There are days I want to just leave. My husband said if its too much to quit but I know I can't. We need my salary and I've always wanted to teach its just too much stress right now. Anyway- enough bitching! This weekend we are having a candlelit vigil for my cousin. He lost his son at the age of 21 months from choking on food. Every year they hold a vigil for people who have lost a child and collect donations to give to a child related cause. It's extremely emotional and I don't know how they cope and get over the loss of their baby. Once again I guess it puts it all in perspective.0 -
Beverly - I would just call the new PS and simply say that you have had BC reconstruction and would like to consult with another PS before moving forward with your revision surgery (fat grafting and possible nipple reconstruction). You can discuss any issues you like once you see the PS, or not, if you don't want to go there. If you like him/her, you can talk to them about the possibility of taking over for you.
Katie - I have still not posted about my BC on FB. Like you, there are a number of people that I just don't feel close enough to. There have been a few friends that I ended up sending private FB messages about my BC after they asked on line how I was, because I thought they would want to know. That has worked well for me. I also had to think about some of the teenagers that I'm friends with through TKD on FB. I put together a CaringBridge site, and invited all the people that I care about, and who care about me, and that is how I kept friends/family updated on my progress. I'm happy to give you a different reason to celebrate on 1/6. I feel the same way about my surgery anniversary.
Eve - do get Nate to take a pic when you are all glammed up! I'll bet you look just as beautiful on the outside and on the inside.
Ann - It made me cry a few tears of joy for you when I read your post. I'm so glad you are through the rads. I know you will start to feel better physically soon and hope that your balance comes back. I thought the same thing, that I was too strong a person to be so unbalanced emotionally.
I had a rough day ladies. The truly falls under the category of TMI, but I had intestinal issues this morning, which were accompanied by blood in my stool. Although I've had a little spotting from internal hemorrhoids that developed sometime this year, which the Dr said was okay, this was enough more that I drove my son to school and went to Urgent Care in a complete downpour. I ended up with a 20 something looking Dr. who didn't seem to know anything, but left the room and obviously had spoken with someone who did, because she came back and said that because of my recent colonoscopy, I might have developed an infection, or it could just be my hemorrhoids, or maybe a fissure or something related to the colonoscopy. The said they wanted to do some stool cultures, because I might need antibiotics. The doctor told me to stay home, that I could be contagious and wrote "STAT" on my labs slips. When I wasn't able to fill more than 2 of the 3 vials, so I called the lab to see what I should do. They told me that it takes a week to get the results, since the cultures have to grow and that placing the word STAT on the order would have no effect and just bring in the vials tomorrow with the date written on them. When I hung up the phone, I just started to cry, realizing that I was not going to find out anything any time soon and wondering what would happen if this gets worse. The UC doc wasn't available, so I tried to call my PCP and was told it would be next Thursday before I could get in. I hung up the phone and had a complete ugly cry and took 1/2 an Ativan for the first time in 4 months because I needed to calm down and go pick up my son. So I guess I would say that I've lost my footing too. How do I listen to a PS tell me that he can't save my nipples, make it through 3 surgeries and black belt testing without ever really losing it, only to fall apart today? When can I go back to being the one that others lean on?
Maybe I need to ask permission to go to the studio on Saturday to use the heavy bag and punch awhile.
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First of all, congrats Ann for finishing rads!! I didn't have chemo or rads, but I can relate to what you're feeling. The first follow up after surgery it was kind of a shock to learn that I wouldn't be getting any kind of tests as an all clear. I went through white coat withdrawal. I was so used to going to the clinic and having things done to me - getting "fixed" by the experts, which was comforting in a way even though it was invasive. But when you're done with active treatment ...well as you all know it's really tough. It's hard to put into words. There are just so many aspects and dimensions of this disease. I think I could fill a book on my feelings and experiences.
Katie - I also had a CaringBridge site for close friends and family, then later created a blog. It was mostly for myself. I found that writing was very therapeutic. I created a healing circle which included those who were interested in how I was doing, which is really all I have on Facebook. I 'cleaned house' years ago and got rid of casual connections, or I filter them out with settings. I'm very open to telling most everyone, although not business related folks. I haven't worked for over a year so that hasn't been a problem. Now that I'm looking for work again though, I won't want to disclose that to anyone in the workplace if I can help it.
Eve - please send pics from your gala. It sounds awesome! Glad to hear you've been kicking butt in survivorship mode. You go, girl!!
Diane - I'm so sorry you are going through this! I hope that you are able to get help soon!! It's so hard when people leave you hanging. Hopefully it's nothing serious, but it's so crappy they are making you wait
I too, had a complete emotional breakdown recently. A few weeks ago I learned that my mother was pushed by another resident and suffered a compression fracture as a result. Plus there have been a lot of crappy things going on at the facility and long story short, her care has suffered. I didn't cry or freak out or anything throughout 4 surgeries over the last year and half since my diagnosis, but hearing that my poor mother was being abused and neglected was just too much. But I keep trying all the things I learned to stay calm, meditate, breath, reframe, etc. so that I don't totally lose it and slide back down into depression. But it's really hard seeing your parent get hurt. She is so vulnerable and it is so not fair. I keep thinking, why her? Why does she have to go through this? The care in this country for LTC is just appalling. It's so frustrating because I don't live nearby, yet on the other hand, it's good my brothers are the ones who are taking the brunt of the caregiving. I do as much as I can long distance and once a week visits. I think it would be too much stress if I was closer and seeing it everyday. I keep telling myself that I have to take care of myself first. But it's hard.
I want you to know that you are all brave, beautiful, awesome women! Cry, kick, scream, or howl at the moon if you need to. But keep going!!!
Love you all.
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Mary - My heart breaks for your mom. It isn't right that they can't keep her safe. It make me want to give her caregivers a compression fracture or two! Thank you for reminding me to breathe and calm down....so very important.
So my doctor's office called me twice this morning. First, my PCP's nurse read the email I sent and offered me an appointment with the PA this afternoon. The bleeding has stopped, so I said I would wait and see, because I didn't see the point of seeing a PA. A few minutes ago, my PCP's office called and said that although she isn't working today, my PCP stopped in the office and they updated her on my situation. She was "very unhappy" with the way things went at urgent care and will be reporting them! She also said that I need to call the Gastro doc that did my colonoscopy TODAY and let him know what happened, and that if I start bleeding again, to go the ER. I guess I was right to be concerned. I left a message for the GI doc, who will likely call me tonight. Personally, I think I'm okay, but you never know. At least now, if there is something they need to do, I'll see a doctor that is capable of helping. It is a good feeling, knowing my doc has my back. I guess we all just want to feel safe.
So I'm going to take a nap and then go get David and see about picking out a Christmas Tree. It's time to get in the spirit of the holidays!
Ho Ho Ho Everyone!
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Yay!! That's awesome, Diane! Glad to hear that you're getting though to your doc. Good luck and happy tree hunting!
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hi girls...it's me Marissa. I know I have been MIA but I promise I've been checking in and reading your posts. I'm doing well! Thank God...but lately I have been mentally fatigued by this journey. You may or may not know but I am still going to the chemo center every 3 weeks for an infusion of meds (really long treatment since I'm doing a clinical trial). I've been doing this since July 2013 and frankly I'm weary. I broke down and cried when I had to go last Wednesday. I'm tired of sitting in the chemo "chair", I'm so tired of my port that sticks put like a cherry, and frankly I dont feel like my old self. I guess I thought that after chemo, surgeries, radiation etc I'd feel so great. I know I am blessed that I have good medical Care, insurance and access to these life saving meds but it's still hard. Not to mention that another woman I knew from the center passed away 2weeks ago; she was originally diagnosed September 2013 and only 53. My other chemo friend died in August and was only 30. I can still see their faces in the chemo room...but now it's just me. Deep down I have a sense of confidence that my outcome will be different, I'm here to stay for a long time. But still I get tired of the big "c" in my life. I've been praying and listening to a lot of spiritual programming and for me it is so helpful. I think my little boy is getting tired of all this too. A couple of weeks ago he went through a period where he kept asking "mom are you done with cancer yet..I want to tell all my friends and teacher ". He's 8 and I can only imagine that this is a burden for him. I always tell him I'm doing great and that my cancer is gone and soon I'll be done..my port will come out and I'll be done with infusions soon. When I was first diagnosed I promised him I would be "done with cancer" by time he was in the middle of 3rd grade. I will keep my word. Last infusion is scheduled for January 22,15 and then Ill schedule to get my port OUT! My 12 year old seems to be stronger and just keeps telling me that I'm doing great and that my hair is getting so long . Love that guy. I'm getting there girls. So glad to be do e with everything and celebrating where I am today.
Someone in an earlier post mentioned coming out on Facebook. No right or wrong answer there. It's a personal choice. I did not come out on FB...too many acquaintances and people I knew once upon a time in another life. For me, this diagnoses and journey was almost too much for me to bear in the beginning. I didn't want people, strangers really, asking questions. I didn't feel they had a right to know something so profoundly personal And earth shattering. To this date not even everyone knows at work. Maybe some have put 2 and 2 together with the whole"short hair look" I'm sporting, but most just comment on cute my new haircut is. Lol!! Little by little I share with those I know well . I've gained strength and confidence and for that I'm grateful. Blessings:)
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thanks for your post Marissa.
It so happened as I was reading your post Fox news had a tribute to one of their reporters. She had triple negative BC and just passed away after a 2 year fight. She was 33 years old. Neil Cavoto related how this woman had come into his office one day sporting a neon blue dutch boy wig and asked "Does this make me look fat" ha ha! Between your post and her plight I just cried and rejoiced at how strong and lovely all of you are.
blessings, indeed!
Eve
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Marissa, women like yourself with young children dealing with this beast with such grace are an inspiration to me. I understand your weariness as I come upon my one year anniversary and finished radiation last week. I wish you an easy road as you finish up your very long chemo chair.
I happened to have a more a job at my company where I knew there was no way I could keep it a secret. I elected to tell my direct reports, boss and key colleagues and friends at work. I wore 3 different wigs that were different lengths and colors. My team got a kick wondering what I would show up in. I hated wearing the wigs so I decided I couldn't tske myself too seriously. I went wigless after thanksgiving and I can't tell you the number of people that didn't realize until,then that I had been in Cancer treatment.
I have come to the conclusion that people are not as observant as we think they are.
Eve, wondering how your ritzy Phantom of the Opera evening was? My absolute fav!
Katie, I live in the middle of the mitten. I was in TC in October for wine tasting and seeing friends. You live in a beautiful area. One of my favorite places to visit!
Beverly, hope you are taking some deep breathes and not feeling so overwhelmed.
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Hello everyone...just wanted to say hi...Im having surgery on January 7th. Im started to get freak out ! This will be my 3rd surgery in 4 months and Im tired.One thing I love about this site is that I can join different threads based on what I may be dealing with at the time. With that being said..I can give insight to pinkies who may be just starting this whole nasty process...ask away !
My stats are below
A little about me...Im turning 42 on the 30th of this month ...although I feel like Im 92 lol. I have 2 kids..my daughter is 12 and my son is 16. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and just moved in together a year ago. I had my bmx in August but Im one of the Unlucky ones having lots of pain from that surgery..still in pain from it and having a hard time sleeping because of it. I had an oophorectomy about 4 weeks ago and Im starting to go thru hot flashes YUCK ! Which is also making sleep next to impossible.
Who is done with their chrostmas shopping ? I haven't even started ugg
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Hi Ganzgirl
Welcome to our circle. So sorry to hear you are having yet another surgery. My BMX was a year ago, and I still have some issues. At the time I was not sure about recon, so the surgeon left "stuff" under both arms. Because of that,I have to wear a bra 24/7, and I am really tired of that. I see the BS in about 3 weeks and that will definitely be topic #1. Hopefully we will finally talk about recon, and unless he has some really simple one time process, I am not interested in recon. I am 65 and a widow, with no interest in finding a new relationship. I have 5 kids and 6 grandchildren in three different states which keeps me hopping.
You will find a great source of comfort and understanding here, as well as a chance to leave the cancer planet for a while to talk about other things- and that includes almost anything.
Best of luck on the upcoming surgery. Hope it will be the last.
Anne
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Hi all and welcome ganzgirl.
Your next surgery is for implants, right? A positive nearing the end of the road surgery. Still difficult to have to go through the process once again. Hear's to you healing quickly and looking great. Take your time with the healing...hard to do with two young kids....but they do tend to keep one's mind off the rougher parts of this path. You have been at this for a long time, hope the end is in sight.
Anne is right, she is the hoppingest one here. I couldn't keep up with her.
Ann, Phantom was simply awesome. The new performing arts center is very classy. Blue velvet seats and the ceiling was as if it was the sky made out of stained glass. state of the art sound and stage. The actors/singers were fabulous. For me though, it was the costumes that were delicious. I wanted to go on stage and see them up close and touch all the beautiful fabrics. The gathering before hand was wonderful as well. I was a bit intimidated by everyone wanting to meet me all at once. But all were very warm. Nate's boss, who is a BC survivor, gave me a few warm hugs and acknowledged our sisterhood. Lovely. We were lucky in that we were able to meet with the cast after the show. Such brilliant people with such varied backgrounds. Nate looked extremely handsome and pretty cool in a white dress shirt, black dress pants a beautiful silk gray, black and silver tie, and yes his black cowboy boots. Yes, I dressed him...lol. I looked pretty hot too. No I don't have pics
. But they did take a group pic, so I'll try and post that.Mary, so sorry about your Mom. Can you get her outta there? I know it's not that simple. I just want to go hug her. AND kick some butt!
love you all,
eve
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Anne...I don't think there is a one and done recon..but I could be wrong because I think some women from this site said they got their implants while they had their bmx..so maybe ??
Momaton..yes implants !!!! I cant wait to get these expanders out, they are sooo painful..my ribs are killing me alllllll the time..there will be one more minor surgery after this..nipples !
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Welcome to our thread, ganzgirl. I know what you mean about surgeries. I had 4 total - lumpectomy in Nov. 2013, re-excision, double mastectomy in January, and finally in July, implants! I hope to never go under the knife again. EVER! I wish you all the best in your upcoming exchange. I can't believe it's been almost one year since my BMX. I have been celebrating the anniversaries of all these surgeries in anticipation of the big one - making it one year since I've been cancer free. I need to think of something special to do. I wish I could celebrate it with all of you!
Eve, yes, I'd love to go get mom and just bring her home or move her to another facility. We are actively looking for another place, but my oldest brother who is the POA and medical agent, is dragging his feet on this whole matter. He can never make a decision on anything. I am considering a court order to replace him. He is the most stubborn and thickheaded person I know. Big mistake for my parents to have selected him as the one in charge.
Your night out sounds awesome! Yes, please send group pics!
I'm soooo not ready for Christmas! But that's typical for me.
I'm looking forward to spending time with my friend's family and her 3 boys. They are not coming until after Christmas and don't exchange presents, so I guess the pressure is off as far as holiday shopping for them. About the only thing I have to shop for is an ugly Christmas sweater for John's work party. No work parties for me - yay!!! One of our family traditions the past few years has been to go to the American-Swedish Institute with my mom and youngest brother, and immerse ourselves in all things Scandinavian. It's something we had done with mom since her diagnosis just as a fun outing. I'm not sure if we'll go this year. Oh and I usually crochet little Christmas items for the in-laws and emergency gifts - just so I don't have to go out of my way to shop. I just finished making a candy cane. I don't bake. I'm sooo bad at making cookies, Wish I could, but they never seem to turn out. Well, as usual this has turned into a long post!Have a great weekend everyone!
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I'm in the holiday spirit too. My MO said this week I was in a better mood than he's seen me in. I told him it was because Santa Claus is coming.
My daughter is dancing the Nutcracker ballet this weekend. We have been in theater week rehearsals every day and it is great to see so many young dancers working so hard and being really proud of the results of their work. I sat in the audience yesterday for the performance and it was beautiful - so festive. My little one is a solider, and has many older dancers and roles to look up to. Within their dance company they have big/little sisters/brothers and the atmosphere is extremely supportive (none of that Dance Moms horror). Today I'll be working backstage for the final performance. I used to dance eight million years ago, so this kid activity i particularly enjoyable for me.
Tonight we will head over to my mom for a sleepover and cookie factory. I'm trying not to wear myself out (no luck with that one), because I don't want to miss any of the holiday fun and traditions. My dad always takes everyone for a matinee movie xmas eve. It started when we were kids bouncing of the walls with sugar and anticipation, to get us out of my mom's hair while she scrambled to finish things for xmas. Now, we all go as adults and grandkids. Everyone will be together this year at my house. But luckily I will have family help with the menu. I sat in the parking lot of the specialty fish/butcher/wine/cheese store making a menu list on my phone, calling family for task delegation and then went in to order. They are setting my order aside for pick up xmas eve - I'm hoping that this makes the store a bit less chaotic - usually it is a festive zoo on that day. I think I'll be taking a fortnight nap starting the 26th.
The 20th was the anniversary of my diagnosis. This has been a terrible year. But this holiday is better than last year. Even though my body was still intact a year ago, the fear was horrific. At least now I know how the treatments have impacted me. Well, time to raise the troops and get the performance ready bun on!
Katie
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Katie,
What an absolutely delightful holiday you are going to have! I used to dance years ago, too - not ballet, but I love the Nutcracker! How fun to not only watch your daughter but also participate backstage. That's as good as it gets! Thanks for the reminder of that wonderful Christmas tradition. My hubby is hard to drag out of the house to attend anything, so I think I will have to volunteer as an usher at the local theater just so I can attend some performances again. I really miss that.
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
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Ganza- yes I thik you are right about there not being a one time reconstruction option. The closest I have heard is when they do it during the original surgery, and I am not even sure if that the whole deal, or just the first step. My teeny tiny bit of hope is that my BS has refused to even discuss recon up to this point, and he is absolutely cutting edge. Truth is, I'm not holding out much hope, and I will be fine if he can get me to the point where I don't have to wear the bra 24/7, and to the point where I can get fitted properly for mastectomy bras. I lost almost 40lbs during chemo, and I was measured for bras about a month later now I have gained back about 1/2 the weight, and all my bras are too tight around the chest. Most of them have sides too narrow to "hold in" the excess under my arms and if that isn't compressed constantly, it becomes very painful. So if he can "clean me up" and get me to the point where I can get fitted correctly, I will be very grateful, and consider myself truly finished with treatment
My last two gifts for the grandchildren have just arrived. I went with my daughter and her two kids to BassPro Outdoor World to get a picture of them with Santa. Didn't know they had several activities setup for the kids. One of them was remote control monster trucks. I was thrilled when K said he wanted that for Christmas, because I had already gotten him one. Then I realized he had said he wanted 2- one for him and one for his sister so they can play together. So I am off today to get a second one, and a few other odds n ends and I will be done with Christmas, and on to packing for Georgia - I leave Sun.
Here's a picture of my gift to my daughter and her gift to me- we went to the humane society Sat and couldn't choose between the two so we brought them both home. The larger red female is mine. Her name is Brandy and she is a redbone hound. The smaller is a male golden retriever. He had gone through several name changes in the last 48 hrs. Right now he is Toby. He has been Bailey, Buddy and Brady. None seemed right.
AnnePS- I lost this whole post after I added picture. Everything was suddenly in Spanish and my posts was gone. My 12 year old GS retrieved it for me with no problem.
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I've been sewing too, Mary. I decided on Saturday to make a bear for my sister in law who loves bears. I can't believe I made her in one day. She is dressed in University of Florida colors because my Husband's family are the quintessential fanatics. I am not even sure they are sane during football season. lol I forgot how much I love to take out the sewing machine and create something. Hugs to mom and you.Oh my gosh Anne, the pups are amazing and so are you and your daughter for rescuing them. My dog is a rescue also, just 2 months old when we brought her home. I totally adore her and contribute my recovery to her. She'll be 2 on Valentine's Day. Just a doll baby. Hoping that your PS can help with the pain and fixing you up. It is very wearing to hurt all the time.
Katie, I love the Nutcracker also. I used to dance when I was little. My mom would take me to the ballet all the time.I was mesmerized by the costumes. Good memories. I still dance at home (rock and roll don't cha know) But usually pay for it when I throw out my back..lol. baking cookies and your family movie outing sound wonderful. We can barely get my in-laws out of the house....Grumpy grams and gramps. Hubby is making his fabulous lasagna for Christmas diner so hopefully that will cheer them up.
y'all take care
eve
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Eve,
Nice job on the bears! Home made with love - what could be better?
I just found out DH wants to stay home for Christmas. Commuting 4 hours a day will do that to you. Sooooo, I guess it's xmas eve day with mom for a few hours and then xmas eve with the in-laws. Oh God, I might have to resort to indulging in wine - just this once!
I like that you're having lasagna. Maybe we'll have that, too. I'm still up in the air as to what to make for just the two of us.Merry Christmas to all my January Surgery Sisters!!
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Made my appointment with ps for a consultation on fat grafting. Go to see her January 13.0
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Merry Christmas everyone!
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A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL FRIENDS.I SEND YOU ALL A WISH FROM MY HEART, THAT YOUR HOLIDAYS ARE FULL OF LOVE, LIGHT AND JOY.
PEACE
Eve
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Merry Christmas Sisters!! The stockings are now hung, and I'm exhausted, but as I sit here looking at the Christmas tree and the yule log, I realize how wonderful my life is, and how grateful I am for all of you! While I recognize that we may not all celebrate Christmas, in the spirit of the season, I just want to say thank you, and wish all of you and your families peace, joy and love!
Diane.
PS - I don't know which is cuter, Eve's bears or those 2 Christmas puppies!0 -
Merry Christmas to all
my sisters.Anne
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