Ladies in their 40s
Hello All,
I just wanted to start a new thread for ladies in their 40s. Although we are considered "middle aged," many of us are still dealing with issues concerning young women, such as fertility, pre-menopausal status and related treatment decisions, young children at home, being single etc. Both younger ladies (in their 20s and 30s) and older ladies (60s and above) have been so gracious to include us on their threads, but I thought we could have our own place to meet. Also, obviously, this is not a thread to exclude anyone due to age. If you share similar concerns or issues (or if you are "near" your 40s), please post.
I will start by introducing myself - I was diagnosed at the age of 40 in October 2012. I have two young children at home (9 year-old twins), and I still work, and I am very far away from retirement. I did make the decision to have my ovaries removed due to the fact that I could not take tamoxifen due to a blood clotting issue, and therefore, I was sent to instant menopause. I look forward to meeting you ladies.
Comments
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YoungTurkNYC - I will join you! I was diagnosed in October 2012, as well. Experienced instant menopause after my ooph (which was done due to my BRCA status). I was 44 at diagnosis, 45 today. I have two kids at home, ages 11 and 12.
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Hi BayouBabe,
So glad you could join me! Although we are all sorry we had to join this "club," at least we get to support each other and make new friends. It seems like we have a lot in common in terms of treatment and also diagnosis. The disease also runs in my family (I am the third generation having this disease) but we do not have a known mutation. We are BRCA negative, although highly suspected to have a different mutation as all three generations of women in my family got this disease in their early 40s. My son (who is a very sensitive boy) is having a lot of trouble with my diagnosis, and I am fretting for my daughter as I hope she will NOT be the fourth generation with this disease.
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I am the first in my family. The BRCA mutation was even a surprise to the geneticist. My children are my greatest concern as well. I try not to think about the possibility that they may have to face this as well. I try to give myself peace of mind by saying that a lot can happen in ten years of science. Then I pray, please let there be a lot to happen in the science of breast cancer before my children need to face this. Ugh. I hate BC. 50% chance of my children having my BRCA 1 mutation is not good odds. My son is sensitive also. It has not been easy. How is Femara treating you in SE?
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I have actually handled Femara pretty well. I have occasional "night sweats" and "hot flashes" and I have some joint and bone pain. However, so far, I did not get the truly severe side effects some ladies seem to be getting. And, you are right - a lot can happen in 10 years.
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Hey girls...I am in the club too but further out than some of you. I was DX in Dec 2010. I was 45 at dx and my son was only 4 at the time. I also had an oophorectomy last year. I have not had a period since my first chemo in March 2011 and now after the ooph I am definitely in menopause. My latest issue is that my MO was looking into switching me from tamoxifen to an AI because I am now post menopausal. He wanted a baseline dexa scan to check my bone density. That did not go well....I have severe osteopenia. One score lower and I would have osteoporosis. Who gets that in their 40's??? I have been a fitness professional for over 25 years so I am in good health and exercise all the time. They attribute my bone density issue to chemo and early menopause. Have any of you had a baseline dexa scan? Just curious. My doc does not want me to switch to an AI because my bones won't be able to handle it. I have been on a bone building medication for almost a year now and have a repeat dexa scan next month. I hope it has improved.......
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I was 42 at diagnosis, 44 now. My girls are 10 and 6. I had a difficult recovery after my hyst/ooph last year but have been fine since. I had a baseline dexa with good results last year. With my onc's blessing, I'm staying on tamoxifen for at least a couple of years. I initially thought I would go on an AI after the surgery, but I figured that after instant menopause relatively young, I didn't want to eliminate all remaining estrogen just yet. I figure that I will be on endocrine therapy for many years, so hopefully waiting to start the AI will work out ok for me. I've posted a lot on other threads about the genetic testing I've been through (which didn't reveal anything). My breast cancer is very low risk for recurrence, but since it's my second primary, it's hard to feel very comfortable. I think it will get easier as I get further away from diagnosis.
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welcome mdg and lekker and nice to meet you. I have not yet had a baseline dexa. I have had a large number of other scans due to worries about recurrence in the past couple of months but thankfully all negative. I actually have a high risk of recurrence (as per oncotype). However, I am thankful for every single day that i live and all that I have, and I try my best not to have the fear of recurrence dampen my joy of living.
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Guess I'm joining this club! I was diagnosed at 40, just a couple of weeks before my 41st birthday. Tomorrow I'm having my lumpectomy and then next week I will hopefully find out what else is in store for me.
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Hi kiwilady,
So sorry that you had to join this club, but at least we are here to support each other! Best of luck with the lumpectomy. Let us know how it goes.
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YoungTurkNYC I am so glad you started this forum! I was diagnosed last June and have come to this website from time-to-time to get info as I've progressed through the different stages of treatment, but you inspired me to join today
. I'm about to start Tamoxifen on Monday and am trying so hard to figure out what I can/cannot, should/should not take while on it - there is so much conflicting info from different studies. I was 43 when diagnosed and have a 13 year old daughter. I, too, am a 3rd generation of BC, even though my Mom tested negative for BRCA. I am SOO worried about my daughter! I agree about praying that science makes some great leaps in the next 10 years. Unfortunately chemo did not keep me in menopause - my period returned after 3 months, so my MO is discussing the possibility of Lupron in the next few months in conjunction with Tamoxifen. I am highly ER/PR+, and my Ki67 was high, so we really need to get the estrogen under control. Instead of Lupron I'm considering talking to my MO about having an ooph, but am scared about the long term effects (osteoporosis, heart issues, Parkinsons). I see that a few of you here have had one which makes me feel better - I don't want to do something too extreme that isn't necessary. I like the idea of getting a baseline dexa and will bring that up at my next appt! So sorry that we all have to be here together, but so thankful that everyone is so so open and willing to talk about it and provide support to each other!0 -
Great thread ...count me in ...diagnosed Last year age 46 .....
Doing very well on Zoladex and tamoxifen ......hot flashes have diminished to about one a day and still wake up with a hot flash too .
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I like this thread! I was diagnosed at age 45 and have three kids age 16, 12, and 9.
Done with surgery and reconstruction. Have been on Tamoxifen for six months -- no major side effects besides irregular periods.
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Hello ycats70, pooh-61 and megonzal, and welcome to the thread!
ycats70 - when I had my ooph, it turned out that I was still ovulating from both of my ovaries simultaneously (hence my twins) and about to leave chemopause behind. I am so glad I had my oophorectomy. I also had several cysts in both the ovaries and the tubes - all benign, but still glad I had them removed. I also had a "through the roof" ki-67. Taking an aggressive approach makes me feel better, and I had very few side effects from the ooph - so, I am one of the fortunate ones on that front.
pooh-61 - I am so glad you are doing well on Zoladex and tamox.
megonzal - so glad that you are too doing well on tamox.
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I will join you ladies. I was diagnosed in September 2011 at age 39. No family history. I just happened to feel something and went to my Gyno. It was not that big of a tumor. Thankfully she decided to send me for a mammogram early. She thought it wasn't really anything probably a fibroid or cyst but since I was nearly 40 said let's do a baseline. I ended up having my left breast full of cancer cells and it had gone to the lymph nodes already. I have 3 boys at home. Right now they are 16, 9, and 4. I am on Tamoxifen. I will be having my reconstructive surgery redone in March. I have had issues with my left implant due to radiation.0 -
Hi dlm217.
Very sorry about issues you have experienced with your implant.
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Hello all…I've noticed there seems to be a lot of us 40 somethings on the board!
I was diagnosed last year at 46…like lots of us, no family history at all so it came as quite a shock. Just finished my year of treatment a month ago and am scheduled to get my port out this Wednesday. Hope to put this all behind me soon and move on with life!!
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Hi CameraKim,
Welcome to the thread. Very happy to hear that you are done with active treatment and ready to move on!
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Hi there,
I was diagnosed in Dec 11 and stayed working my oncology research job all the way through chemo etc. Now should be well but there always seems to be some new pain to investigate. Am sooo over the whole thing, but it just won't let me go.
I have 3 kids, hubby and dog all expecting me to just move on - so hard to do!
Am taking Tamox and MO wants to move me to an AI soon. No period since my 2nd chemo dose but still have my ovaries etc. At the beginning I signed up for a clinical trial testing a bisphosphenate bone drug in early stage women. Means I get a shot (which may or may not be the drug) in my stomach every three months and a MO check at the same time. Also means I get scanned in January each year. Latest lot of scans had me off for a new biopsy (ended up being fat necrosis) and a couple of bone spots that the CT report said could be mets, but the bone scan said the spots didn't light up so they weren't mets. Scared the hell out of me, but the MO doesn't seem concerned.
Jenn
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Hi Jenn,
Welcome to the thread. I completely understand how hard it is to move forward, and somehow, we get pulled back in just as we thought we were finally ready to start not thinking about what just happened and move on. I had a similar experience as you in the past couple of months. I had thickening in one of my "breasts" despite bilateral mastectomy, and the MRI for that came back clean but showed a spot in my liver suspected to be a cyst. They had seen the same cyst the year before on imaging but thought it may have grown since last year. A whole slew of other tests later, it turned out it was just a cyst and had not really grown. My only method of keeping my mind away from all this is to really focus on today and be grateful for all that I have today. I am able to get up every morning and spend time with my family and friends, go to work, travel etc., and I appreciate that so much. Of course, my mother is a Stage IV breast cancer patient, and I am an only child, so, I am never too far away from the cancer world, and have not been since I was 20 years old (when my mother was first diagnosed with Stage Ia breast cancer). I am constantly feeling guilty for not being able to do enough for my mother, and I feel helpless when she tells me about her pain and worries. Sometimes, I feel like breast cancer defined my life in so many ways due to my mother's experience and then my own experience. Also, I never feel comfortable sharing anything about my disease with my mother as she is already overly burdened with her own disease (and that is all my mom ends up focusing on during our conversations). Therefore, whereas many other young women are able to rely on their mothers for support, I am not able to do so. Not only that, but I need to be HER rock, and this is very hard as every time she talks about BC and her pain and worries (and I know she needs to that), all my fears, worries etc. come to the surface. It is really a situation that is very hard to deal for me. However, I need to focus on all the positives as things could also be a lot worse. So, despite it all, I am very grateful that I am still alive and relatively free of pain (just some joint and bone pain due to Femara) and that I am able to live my life today. I am also grateful that my mother has been able to live with Stage IV disease for over 13 years now, and she got to see her grandchildren be born and grow up. I know it is cliche but after almost a year and a half of soul searching, for me, being grateful for all the positives in my life and living each day with purpose has become the only way to cope with my disease.
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Hi - I'm almost 43. I was diagnosed last March 3 days before I turned 42. No family history either. Will be finishing up with Herceptin around the end of April. It is hard moving on...
I have 3 kids ages 14, 12 and 7. Was a rough 2013 for sure! Hoping that 2014 is better. Tested - for the BRAC gene...
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Hi Ukkate,
Welcome to the thread and nice to meet you (although, of course, we are all sorry that you have to be here). It is hard to move on. Cancer is either in the back of my head or in my nightmares, even when I am having fun with family and friends. Also, I need to be there for my mother who is a Stage IV patient, and therefore, it is hard to escape it. I try my best to focus on today, and be thankful for all that I have today. For instance, I started exercising which makes me feel better, and I am thankful that I am able to exercise; not everyone is so fortunate. I think there is a saying that many other patients are using as their mantra - "worrying does nothing to take away from the pain in the future, all it does is take away today's peace." I try to keep this in mind.
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Hi all! I was diagnosed one year ago yesterday at age 44. I am 45 now. I have two children, 14 and 8. Yesterday was rough. While everyone on Facebook was congratulating me on my one year mark, I was feeling "meh." Still feeling that way. I know it will pass. But, I'm so happy to have found this thread!!! Thank you for starting it! 😃
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Hello ladies!
I was diagnosed with ILC and IDC on my 45th birthday. Had Lumpectomy, did 4DD AC and just started weekly Taxol. Will have rads after that. Being tested for BRCA in February.
Married for 19 years. 17year old son at home, 25year old son from previous marriage. 2 beautiful granddaughters. Live on a small 30 acre hobby farm. Work as a CNA in a adult group home.
I think the hardest for me is worrying about my hubby who took my diagnose hard, not being able to enjoy my oldest granddaughter as much as before BC. She was at our house a couple nights a week as we have a pony for her and she loves to ride and hang out with grandma and grandpa. Serenity is 4 and the daughter we never had. Her mom took off when she was 5months and left her with our son who raised her by himself her first three years. Now he is engaged and they just bought thief first house. I think Serenity not having a mom has brought my hubby and I closer to her. Hard for a single man to raise a little girl. I thank god he met a good fir, who is now part of the family. But the biggest obstacle I have is taking g care of my aging mother. My hubby and I take care of her, do the yard work and keep house up to par. We would take groceries over and made sure she was eating right. Now with my treatment I am not able to do much for her. Financially we can't keep buying her groceries as our doctor bills are high. Hubby can no longer keep up with her house maintance as he was just diagnosed with a tumor on his back and needs surgery. Our son does what he can, shovels snow and does oil changes and such on her car.
She just doesn't get that my cancer is serious. When we told her she was like, oh breast cancer, that isn't so bad. So and so had it and is just fine. She will call and want me to take her out to supper and movies right after chemo when I am stuck in bed or couch with fatigue. I worry about her all the time, she is horrib,e with finances and over spends, then has no money left for food or gas two week into th month. No other family members around to help so my DH and I are reonsible for her well being.......feels like I am failing her.
Whew, sorry I don't mean to write a novel on my problems in my intro,lol. Hoping to get some advice from others my age on how to handle caring for aging parents, worried spouses and energetic grandkids. At Least our sons seem to have a good handle on my health.
Thanks for listening and I am so happy to have found this thread!
Pam
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Hi Pam,
Nice to meet you, sorry you had to join us here. You certainly do have a lot on your plate, I hope that we can provide you some support and some willing ears. I've only been here a short time, myself, but already the information has been invaluable.
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Hi kiwilady - I hope your lumpectomy went well and you are recovering well. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Hi AmyinMI - Welcome to the thread. I am sorry you are feeling "meh". I think many of us are still too close to the cancer diagnosis to push it out of our heads. I hope that with time, our worries will ease.
Hi NorthwindsGS - Welcome to the thread, and I am sorry you have so much on your plate. My mom is 68 and a Stage IV cancer patient. She does understand that I have two young children (9 year-old twins), and they have to be my first priority as well as my own health which also has to be my top priority. Of course, when my mother truly needs me, I am there. I give her a lot of emotional support, and we talk a lot on the phone. She has the ability to hire someone for her day-to-day needs, so, of course, that is a huge help. With respect to keeping up with young, energetic children (such as my kids!), I try to eat well and drink a lot of water. I have never been a big alcohol drinker, but I completely stopped drinking at my diagnosis. All of this appears to help with my energy levels. Perhaps it is all in my head, but it does not hurt to try!!
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Hello Ladies,
Thank you for starting this thread, I have been looking for a place like this. I was diagnosed this past Sept. with triple negative breast cancer at 40. I have two daughters 14 and 10. I have had 12 weeks of once a week Taxol already and am recovering from a lumpectomy and having 18 nodes removed on Jan. 13. I am set to start another 5 months of chemo on Monday. and then radiation. I have chosen to take a year off of work, I am a music teacher and I teach 500 students twice a week. Wow that is a lot of germs. ;-) My girls are handling it ok, but those are though ages to begin with and now this!!
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Welcome SorcererMi. Sorry you had to be here with us. I'm glad you're making the decision to take some time off, that really is a lot of germs potentially coming your way. I have made the same decision for my job and will be returning only after I have finished chemo/radiation. I work in a busy public library where I am on my feet all day and often walk 7 miles or more in the building each day. That coupled with the multitudes of children visiting and the fact that when sick, people come to the library to get books, was enough to convince me I need to take the time to just look after myself.
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Hi, all. Is there room for one more here? I was diagnosed at 40 in August 2013. Did neoadjuvent chemo, which I finally finished last week. Thought I would be done for good, but I had an MRI last week, which wasn't so great. So I may be in more for chemo after my surgery, which is scheduled for 2/14/14 (Happy Valentine's Day to me). I have an 8 year old daughter and am still working through this mess (helps keep my mind off it). Nice to meet you all!
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Hi Ladies,
I was diagnosed last December 18th at the age of 45. I had a lumpectomy in January, followed by CMF chemo and radiation. I just celebrated my one year mark and just had both my yearly mammogram and gynecological visit, I am clear as of today. :-) I am also a fitness professional, as I teach Zumba, which I continued to do twice a week, I only took time off after my lumpectomy. I also work in a special needs preschool as a speech assistant. This has been a hard year, and one I am glad to put behind me. I have no history of breast cancer in my family either. I've met many terrific ladies on these boards, and am happy to meet more.
Robin
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Diagnosed at 40 with DCIS following a stereotactic biopsy and excisional biopsy. Married for 11 years, with almost 9 year old twins. Currently undergoing rad treatment (just had treatment 7 of 33) and most likely will be placed on Tamoxifen after rads as I am ER/PR+.
Both of my grandmothers had BC, so there is a family history.
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