STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
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Trish, we'll be in Idyllwild the first weekend in May, staying in our neighbor's cabin. We're looking forward to it!
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Would love to just pick you all up and head to CA mountains. Sounds glorious right about now!
Alice, I'm glad everything is OK.
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Wow! All this talk of Idyllwild! I had a cabin up there on South Circle drive! I love it up there. The Ernie Maxwell trail is a good mostly flat hike with some views!!
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Alice, omg, how scary. Glad it wasn't a serious injury but being assaulted - jeeeeez. how stressful
ctmbsikia - your family is experiening a lot of sequential grieving right now. Hard times. I'm sorry
Trish - glad you're in a getaway but sorry about your ovarian ca friend. Cancer world is so full fo sadness.
We're in lockdown again - I'm glad of the lockdown, sad it took so long to get it going and it's sort of wishy washy anyway. People are ignoring it already anyway. There's supposed to be a recreational travel ban but I'm not holding my breath at it actually working or being enforced.
I'm stuck in limboland waiting for lung testing appointments. Without them my immunotherapy is on hold. Great, let's let my metastatic cancer run wild while we wait....& the delays are because of covid. All the respiratory specialists are kinda busy looking after people who are actively trying to die, so my case - dying but not right at this moment - keeps getting bumped. I hate our provincial health officer - she's such a wimp.
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AliceBastable, we must have been posting at the same time earlier today - I didn't see your post until now. Yikes! What a terrible, scary event. Thank goodness your DH is okay!
moth, we're on full lockdown in Ontario. It's practically a police state, the rules are so strict. Something has to be done to stop the Covid transmission but it appears that people just aren't abiding by the rules anymore, no matter how strict the rules are. The other problem is that there is only so much that the provincial governments can do. Not having enough vaccines is a federal issue. And while the provinces are restricting travel within and between provinces, the feds are keeping the airports open. I read an article about 10 days ago about all the Covid cases flying in from India - almost every flight had positive cases - and recently the feds lifted the extra restrictions on travellers arriving from Brazil, apparently because the Brazilian variant is already in the country, so why bother? The stupidity makes my head explode.
"A federal government website that lists flights where someone has been confirmed to have been infected with COVID-19shows that from April 4 to April 16, there were 120 flights with a COVID-positive passenger or passengers." https://nationalpost.com/news/amid-surging-cases-and-double-mutant-variant-flights-from-india-touch-down-in-canada
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Alice I am so very sorry that your husband was attacked. Thank God he is okay and they got the criminal that did it.
ctm....I am also very sorry for the death of your BIL.
For those mourning the loss of friends and loved ones know that I am holding you close.
Runor, please update when you can. I am thinking about you.
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I’m amazed at everything this group goes through! The number of times I’m reading and say “holy hell!” , but, really, a stabbing?!?!?
was the coffee ok? (I joke, but I’m glad to hear his hard head saved the day)0 -
Oh Alice!! Sorry to read this, hope DH doesn’t give up his coffee. Spookie,Kris and I send hugs and licks.
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Alice - Glad your husband didn't suffer a serious injury! Does he need a sword cane? Maybe we can get a bulk deal?
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ctmbsikia - I'm so sorry for your loss and all the grief you have experienced.
Alice - holy cow! I'm so glad your DH is okay and the attacker was caught.
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NotAsCalmAsILook
He threw the coffee at the guy!
SerenitySTAT
Now I know what to get him for his birthday!
I have told him to wait until he gets to work for coffee, or make it at home. No more coffee stops before dawn for now!
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Breaking trend with tonights rant. Next round of humiliating side effects...sub mandible salivary gland comes and goes ever few weeks to now every few days. Last year they claimed it was a tiny .3 cm stone...just suck on lemon sour candy ( with these teeth that have been over exposed to zometa, prednisone...my touchy stomach that I pop a zofran to deal with nerves nausea every other week really?!) Tried sugar free. Gum. Brushing to the point my gums are receding. Mouth wash 5x day, tongue scrapers, ...throwing in the towel just needle it cut it out I dont care.
Our son who has been remote is on a church baseball team ( first structured activity since befor covid) and yes hes off, rusty...but coming home crying because he was getting yelled at and teased by the other kids after 4 practices? Who are these people?
My husband and I reassured him, he is a good player. Hes going to practice more, needs to keep a positive attitude, work harder and we got him some private lessons (again) I'm sure itll get better. He was looking forward to this team all winter.
Then our friends daughter has stage 4 nueroblastoma...and they got back terrible news, their 2 yr old is battling refractory disease ( never achied NED) first time...and after an emergency 2 go rounds with chemo which we all thought was working...its spreading.
So sick of the world focus on very real covid...but why cant we fix the immune systems of people with cancer...2 yr old. 2!!!
Ugh. I am unable to drive hibby to his second shot tomorrow. Big baby. Mine was kast week. One or two bleh achy days...backvto booking vacation. Stay well everyone, stay safe, but LIVE while we can, best we can, for as long as we can..
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For everyone - so sorry for your losses, setbacks, frustration, and just .... anger.
My heart goes out to all of you,
Jane
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Ctmb - sorry about your BIL and I agree with others, that was fast.
Alice - oh my god. Just, oh my god! Hope Hub hit the guy with hot coffee!7of9 - In all my howling about maybe having uterine cancer I do recognize that I am not a mother raising kids, which would be hell to have cancer in that situation. And I am not a mother having to watch my kids, my YOUNG kids go through cancer. I cannot imagine how anyone survives that. I just can't. The world is a hard place.
I had my hysteroscope and D&C. I think I don't like fentanyl as it was in my anesthetic and seems to carry a serious whallop. I can't shake the foggy head. Doc said that nothing in my uterus was overly alarming. She did find and remove a polyp. She cannot, however, declare me cancer free. I will have to wait for the pathologists report in about 2 weeks. I luckily feel no cramps right now but am bleeding. I think I am going to go to bed and close the curtains on this day. Thank you everyone, I am grateful and appreciative of each one of you. Good sleep to you all.
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Alice: Jeez!! what a scary thing to happen!! Glad he is ok.
Jelson : I read the link you sent me. I can see the sense in what they are saying.. SIL is improving and may be d/c this wkend. I think it is going to be some time before she feels good but tonight she said she feels alive. So many are not taking covid seriously. My brother infected her...works building houses and he said tonite 5 guys are down with it at his work.
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I got a call from my PCP that they had a batch of Covid vaccines in March. I took the plunge and got the J&J vaccine on March 8, 2021. That was a mistake. I've had MS for 30 years. I knew it could be an issue but blew it off. Not me. Not now. I have stage IV breast cancer. That takes precedence. That can and will kill me in a few years. I asked my oncologist and he said to get the vaccine, just to be safe. My PCP obviously knew about it but it went through her office in a kind of automatic process. No one, including me, was really paying attention. The circumstances were odd, as are all things Covid related. Then on March 22, exactly two weeks after getting the vaccine, I started the most severe MS exacerbation I have ever had. The first day was just severe pain all over my body. That lasted for 24 hours. Then I couldn't walk. Then I couldn't think. I went to my PCP's office without much resolution. (They are a teaching practice and I never get any resolution. I swear I will never go back but then something like this happens and I am glad I have them.) I was in so much pain that I didn't notice other symptoms. I was very weak all over but the worst was my diminished cognition. I would look at my computer or phone and my mind would go blank. Completely blank. I forced myself to concentrate and figure out a few things but it was really scary. I am slowly getting some facility back.
My PCP convinced me to take high dose steroids for five days starting on April 8. I don't know if that did any good or not but I HAD to do something. Then the slow recovery from the steroids, where you forget how arduous that can be.
My situation is unique in that I have NEVER had any kind of vaccine since childhood. I avoided them for just this reason. I knew what could happen. I have never taken any MS medication. I've spent years choosing to not deal with that whole issue. It was a choice I made quite deliberately. I don't regret it. I don't blame anyone (except maybe myself).
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Jaycee, I am sorry this happened, you must feel shoved off a cliff. We are in uncharted terriroty with these vaccines. We simply have NOT had the time, the years needed to know for sure how safe they are for various health challeneged groups. Hope you get your brain back!
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Oh Jaycee I'm sorry you are having this problem. I do know someone whose daughter got MS with 2 young kids at home and did do treatment and meds and is glad she did and it has helped her a lot with her MS and not had a relapse since then.
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Thanks, Colorado. People don't understand my situation because it is quite unique. I am not anti-vaccine. But in my particular circumstances, the vaccine wrecked my health. I told BCO first because telling my MS people would just scare them really badly. I guess I need to. I was waiting for all of them who wanted to to get it. I don't know how to feel about my doctors. I haven't talked to any of them yet. I'm angry and sad and confused and so many other emotions. And it took me 15 minutes to type this. I took another MS hit this morning. I thought I was past it but I guess I am not.
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jaycee49- I am very sorry you had such an awful flare-up after you covid-19 vaccine. I just checked the MS Society webpage and they are advising that those with MS whether taking meds or not, to get vaccinated. They have convened a panel on the J&J vaccine, but don't appear to have issued any specific advice yet. I would think that, when you feel up to it, you might share your experience with the MS Society and with the FDA. I hope your symptoms resolve quickly and you don't experience anything of that severity again.
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jacycee. Hope you feel better soon. 0 -
God I"m such a COW these days, but I have to kvetch.
Before anyone takes this the wrong way I have nothing against anyone having a faith. I have nothing against anyone telling me they are praying for me, or chanting, or throwing rocks at passing cars in my name, whatever. I will take all good energy I can get. But I DO have a problem with people who give me a personal sermon on how I need to be viewing my current situation.
A lady popped by to let me know she was praying for me. I am truly grateful for that. Where things went off the rails was when it didn't stop there. It went on into, "The lord has a plan for you. Yes he does. He is in control of everything. He makes no bad decisions. He has his reasons and they are mysterious to us but we have to accept that all of it will work out the way the lord wants it to in the end..........." at which point all my energy was given to keeping the screaming inside my own head and not out loud. I am sure I was bug-eyed and red-faced.
It is the lord's plan that I should die of cancer, two of them before I am 60? It's the lord's plan that small children should die of cancer and traffic accidents and neglect? It's the lord's plan that parents with young families to raise are lost to disease or tragedy? This is the plan of a sane person? A sane god? A loving god? Perhaps a psychopath who uses humans as pawns on a chessboard? Flicking us off into oblivion without a thought because, well, there's so damn many of us that wiping us out in the hundreds of thousands isn't really anything worth noting. Kids die, young adults die, useful and good people die, rotten shitty people live to be 100 and win the lottery. This is a plan? Whoever came up with this plan is no god of mine and can go straight to hell in a hand cart!
But WORSE than the fact that I do NOT agree with this approach to life or religion, is that she felt it was okay to target me like that. When someone is scared to death OF death and you got nothing up your sleeve but 'god has a plan' it's time to shut the hell up and go the hell home. Take your proselytizing and take a long walk off a short peer. What a vicious and ignorant thing to say to someone.' I'm so sorry you are suffering but really, it's probably a good thing, since it all fits into some master plan' (in which the person who says these things is not them self suffering nor watching someone they love die of cancer at the age of 15.) This was not said to me to make ME feel better, it was said to make HER feel better. So far the remarks that I have appreciated have been basically, this is shitty, I don't know what to say or do, I am praying for you, hoping for you and standing by to listen if you need to howl. THAT is what help looks like. It's raw and honest and humble and carries no promises. It recognizes that in the face of this disease we are all just along for the ride and the outcome is unknown and we have to learn to deal with a life that in no way looks like it did PRE-cancer. Well, looks the same maybe, but isn't. Not even a little bit. Believe whatever you want but that was just plain cruel and did NOTHING to make me feel one iota better, just bad that I have been so unappreciative of the master plan of the god that I would not speak to if he was indeed picking out kids to die of cancer. No thank you.
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oh runor. I am a person of faith but no way do I ever tell anyone things like that. To me that is not what it is about about. Has she not heard "take the log out out of your own eye" before you try to take a splinter from your neighbor's eye?"
Prayers are done in secret anyway. That is also in the Bible.
You do not deserve the aggrevation from anyone.
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Amen. Runor.
Faith is a very personal thing. Born and raised Catholic here. Today, I don’t know what I believe. I did like being part of a community for all those years. After my parents died I became a chriseaster. Once the pandemic calms down I may attend more regularly. I don’t know.
So, while I may still say 10 Hail Mary’s in your honor I end it with, dude please remove those rakes and let this woman walk through the garden of life.
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Yep. People like that are no help at all to anyone. Just like those who try to be "helpful" when they find out you have cancer with their so-called support. Got a book from a co-worker about someone who had breast cancer. She obvioiusly had not read it. She dies. Not inpirinng or supportive. Just scary if you ask me.
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rakes in the garden of life is a beautiful metaphor.
Makes me think we’re all living life in an episode of Tom & Jerry. Some of us getting the rake to the face over and over again.0 -
I thought of my rake analogy as I watched Hub do outside work, with the rake in a precarious position, one that I make sure to NEVER leave the rake in!
I think I have a faith of some sort. I don't know where to park it or what to call it. In moments of awe and gratitude I offer a tribute to whomever it is that receives such things. I am not without a religious upbringing. It wasn't at all what this lady believed that was a problem. It was her zeroing her virtue gun in my direction and firing at will. It was her telling me how I ought to feel. How I ought to feel and how I ought to frame this experience and indeed my whole life, based on her chosen method of going through the world. It was arrogance in the extreme. IT was her unwaivering belief that she had the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so helped by God. The ATTITUDE was utterly offensive. I am scared. I have reason to be scared. And that I might be facing a 2nd cancer in 4 years before I'm 60 is a 'plan' that someone ought to be fired for. The misery and horror of humanity in general , someone needs to answer for that shit if they are claiming god status. I have STRUGGLED with anxiety and utter despair. And this may turn out to be nothing - but if it was nothing would I have been bleeding like that after 4 years of not bleeding? I don't think so. If god has a plan that I should spend the last years of my shorter-than-normal life thinking everyday about cancer and my own death, you'd think he'd have delivered that memo to me personally and NOT to the neighbour lady so she could trot over and tell me there's a plan.
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I agree runor, faith builds us up should never tear down anyone. Faith let's us be.... what ever that is
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These things are not planned, runor. They are mostly relatively random, shitty, luck. God (god) did not choose YOU or me to pick on, though some days it might seem like it. We didn't get this because we did something wrong, and the big guy is mad. Or because we did so many things so right, that the big guy wants to "call us home" early. There is no plan. I am offended on your behalf.
The question is, what do we say to people like this in the moment, a moment we are stunned and offended. What should we say?
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You could look at the person and blankly say "wow"
I do have faith. I'm offended on your behalf, runor.
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