STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER
This thread is meant to be for RANTS and RANTING. Then Rant again. We need a place to simply get rid of the anger. Write it here. Unleash it all. Get it out. This isn't meant for the Stupid comments(great thread). This is for the gut wrenching, tell them off anger.
IMPORTANT: When done ranting don't necessarily stick around. Toxic. Drop the rant and find a better thread.
Only rules: Please, follow them as the Mods will shut it down in a heartbeat( waving Mods)
1. Be careful to not mention docs, nurses, hospitals by name. Defamation and all that tedious legal stuff
2. If it's caused by someone on BCO, just don't mention their name. I think the exception will be if someone is stalking you, blow their anonymity wide open. A stalker doesn't deserve politeness.
3. If you think the rant is about you, let it go, they're no names. Don't take it personal. This is the steam room.
4. If they're is a fight, don't expect the Mods to moderate, it was your choice to come here.
5. After writing a rant, do nothing more, re-read at a future time. Decide if it's important enough for you to cut and paste the rant to whomever caused you the anger. It's a choice. Sometimes it needs to be done, but remember they're can be fall out.
6. ######## pound those keys, SCREAM(caps), J*&R$WSDF&(swear)
7. Religion and politics discussion should go to those topical threads. IF their is something that impacts cancer, it belongs here.
I will revise topic box as needed-sassy
For puking and the color works pukeewogh
Comments
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Supposin' that no one wants to be the first. I wanted to do this thread in 2010. Really needed it that year. On and off since would have been nice. I'll bump it periodically, never know when someone might need it.
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Dunno where this thread is going to go, but I'm on: I'm an extremely BAD PATIENT, under the best of circumstances, and struggle with not scorching the people who are not only trying to help, however awkwardly. Mostly. (fumes)
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Hi Queenie, I always thought for decades that houses and work places should have a sound proof room that had padded walls that you could kick without hurting your self. I've done the primal scream a few times. It was always related to bad care of family. A few times in grief. Here, I think it would be a good thing to let off steam, without worrying if the Mods are going to get upset. The point of being here is the posters upset. Let it fly.............. once it's out, is a good thing. Someone get's into a cat fight. Don't depend on the Mods to intervene. Rules were set. Thanks Queenie......................
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This is perfect. Thanks sassy!
Screw you well meaning cousin who sent me a long text this morning about someone my age, with a young child like mine, who was diagnosed the same month as me, had been given the all clear without tests like me, who just got admitted into palliative care. Why would you send that TO ME? I don't know this woman. I know too well what COULD happen in my future and I am trying to live my life WITHOUT the constant fear. SO SCREW YOU, for bringing it back into my life today. I had barely contained it and now you have re-released the beast. Did you THINK before you hit send? THANKS FOR THE LITTLE RAY OF DOOM AND GLOOM.
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WOW-Clarm............great rant....sucky cousin. Wait a few weeks and decide to cut and paste to her. Must revise topic box. Clarm, I added #5..AND " This isn't meant for the Stupid comments(great thread). This is for the gut wrenching, tell them off anger" What do you think---okay? Your's was gut wrenching anger. ............Let the fleas of a thousand cats infest her crotch.
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What a stupid woman. How was that supposed to help you? We have some many losses here on ladies we have come to love.....
Brenda
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wow, clarrn,,, that is just awful. That was just so unkind. Rant it out,, we are here for you.0 -
I had my first mamo Monday ( 6 months since treatment) and nothing suspicious showed up. Everyone and I mean every single person I know and love thinks I should be happy, relieved, and reassured. They don't get it. I'm on this sucky drug called tomoxifen for 10 yrs which is causing joint pain that on some days is excruciating. I'm having vision problems. I'm terrified I won't be able to work much longer and I love my job ( caregiver). My only other option is an oohphrectomy and an al which has worst side effects! I had just found the love of my life 3 months before dx after a 25 yr bad marriage! Darn it I paid my dues and I just want my life back without constant pain, stress, and fear! Doctors don't get the quality of life thing ! Cancer is a life sentence and darn it I didn't commit the crime! And I just can't be honest about how I'm feeling with my family. I'm the strong one and I need to be strong for my daughter's. I'm all they've got. Just so damn tired ! Changing insurance too! Leaving my esteemed doctors due to new job and new state so that's not stressful! I HATE CANCER!
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How about a place to lash out, where it's understood that we're lashing out, not at a person necessarily or a facility, but at cancer. At the loss of autonomy during treatment. At the loss of choice....because the choice between a life/psyche consuming treatment and death is not a choice. At the fact that we'll always be looking over our shoulder in fear of a recurrence.
Me? I'll start trying to figure out how to explain, starting with to myself, how I can both understand the need for a treatment and also be terrified of the process. How to explain to the psychologist that I understand I have a very curable form of cancer and yet not be able to stop being angry at the need to accept the disruptive treatment. To explain to oncologists that attempting to alleviate my worry by explaining how my treatment compares favorably to chemotherapy, to AIs, that I'm angry about the need to lose, even in part, a hormonal function that I'd fought to keep, if only for a few years more, while getting stuck with the messier parts of that hormonal function. To explain to the surgeon that I'm flipping out about the loss of sensation in an intimate part of my body, that restoring the appearance of normalcy won't solve that problem..
Did i get the rocks hot enough for a good steam? Good. Thank you for listening. Now to go console my poor husband who has to stand by and watch me go through this, and bear the brunt of my steaming.
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my rant. 7 weeks post chemo, eyelashes are falling out, hair growing all over my face, had to pluck like 200 hairs and I am not kidding, also, eyebrow hair growing in under brow area.
Pretty soon I guess I will be a woman with 1/2" head hair, and gorilla hair everywhere but where I want it to be. My face hairs were twice as long as the hair on my head.
This fricking sucks.
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Italychick: rant read and sympathized with! i'm perilously close to the gorilla stage of hirsutism and the idea that chemo might not affect ALL of that would send me off into a tirade that scorched the entire cancer treatment center.
Oh, and I forgot: being forced to teal with the symptoms/effects of stress without being able to do bleep about the obvious solution: remove the source of the stress.
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breast cancer awareness, right, what about permanent damage the so-called treatment leaves, in my case surgery- lymphoedema, chemo- peripheral neuropathy, radiation-numbness and collateral damage to yet more lymph nodes. What about the financial impact, had to quit my job, cost of lymphoedema treatment and garments. No awareness of any of that. The life I had is gone and the life I thought I would have is gone and if one more person tells me that I should be grateful to be alive I will scream. Oh how could I have forgotten Arimidex- eating my bones
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Prior to bc I was very attractive, I had long hair... after bc... no hair, thinner hair; hiding what scarce hair I have under wigs... did I mention that "I HATE WIGS!!!!".. eyebrows barely came back, and when penciled in, rub off if I'm not careful!!!! ... had pubic hair (sorry)... not anymore... had beautiful long eyelashes... nada!!!!... Radiation treatments/surgery causing painful truncal lymphedema... numbness in toes/fingers from chemo... I have no confidence... These treatments/stress.... have aged me... I am only in my mid-50's but when people look at me they think I am over 70 years old (,,, and that is not really old to me, it's just not my age now!!!!)... If I had the money I would get a face lift, and not for vanity, but just to not look so old when I"m not there yet!!!!!! I would like a friend, but I am no longer attractive... but yet, I am still me "INSIDE... I am trapped and can't be me because people think I am trying to be younger than what they perceive me to be and I just want to scream at these rude creatures that "I AM FREAKING YOUNG... I AM NOT YOUR DAMN GRANDMOTHER!!!
YES, I am thankful to be alive, but quality of life matters too!... I want to live "OUTSIDE" again...
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Neverland
God idea. This thread is like padded room in a loony bin. Scream all you want as neither you or anyone else will get hurt.
MY RANT:
I am not going to follow every sentence with "'I'm grateful ". The feelings of fear, anger, resentment, pain, financial worries, altered body image, fatigue, whatever has nothing to do with gratitude. Gratitude is like the house that is holding all the rest.
Next time I hear the gratitude comment I am going to blast them a new assh*le. The person with the cancer determines what they are grateful for and what degree of gratefulness they feel.
rant over
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Hi folks, Raider nailed it. " This thread is like padded room in a loony bin".
YELLING and SCREAMING. Cursing(^$#)3%... or chit, forklift, mtfkr, drama encouraged, if it helps
Don't play nice, bust them in the chomps. Consider it therapy.
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I'm sorry.... I don't mean to laugh, but you gals really have a great way of telling all concerned that WE GET IT! No-one else does..... What's UP with that? I can't rant to my Husband, or to my girls, I can just lay it all out for you guys.... We are supposed to be "cured" after 5 years! And maybe we are, but it still hurts to hear about you gals, and all you are going through.
I know it can come back.... no matter HOW much yogurt I eat, or how much Asparagus, or how much I cut down on sweetNlow! You girls go ahead and just let it all out.... We'll hold your hand.... and we'll all give a "THAT'S RIGHT! YOU TELL EM'" But even if it ain't cancer.... getting older, and maybe falling all over the place, or getting some other illness is pretty bad also.... We all NEED each other....
Thanks Sass!
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I'm angry! Mad! Pissed off! I don't want this disease! It's a wicked pisser. I try to stay positive but all I really want to do is cry! Everything with my elderly father and my daughter rests on me. Being strong sucks. I haven't had a relationship in years.., I'm lonely and afraid. There, I said it! My support system is strong, it's just not there in the middle of the night when I wake up and remember I have cancer..,when I just want someone to hold me, to wipe away the tears.
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I never feel really good...and it pisses me off! Much less everything else all the ladies have mentioned. To top that off, I've not had much pubic hair since hysterectomy 25 years ago...now it is growing instead of the top of my head or eyelashes! WTH?
And don't tell me I'm brave and keep up my wonderful attitude, Really
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Just found this great thread...just when I needed it!!! I have been flat (BMX no recon) for almost 4 years. Very happy with my body, although still have sad moments, at times. One of my besties came over today to moan about how she hates her boobs since she has lost weight. She said she hates having small boobs and doesn't feel "womanly" anymore so is considering going to Thailand for breast implants!!!! OMG why did she come to me to complain? Sympathy? Support? I told her that she is beautiful blah blah blah just as she is....actually felt like saying, "WTF? You're telling ME you are upset about your small boobs??" I don't know...what is wrong with some people??
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I will rant...for spending 10k after saving forever on a beautiful boob job and then getting diagnosed 10 months later. I will rant for losing 2nd base and not being able to feel my DH's hands when he touches me. I will rant about a MIL who asks me why I'm milking it by not being back to work full time yet, who worried about her son missing work while he drove his wife of 20 plus years to treatment and who told me to cut my boob off and be done with it. I will rant about the co worker who said her sisters cancer was worse than mine because I didn't have chemo and I will finish my rant by being truthfully honest and rant about trying to quit smoking and scream at the person who implied that it was the reason I got cancer. I'm just so tired of the drama and my health being the main topic of conversation!!! I'm sure I could think of more!
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I rant about all of that! Well, not about the hair loss--I haven't had chemo--but at the problem of explaining to doctors why I'm so upset about something which seems minor to them, that getting a nipple tattoo won't restore to me what I've lost.
Ranting about financial issues! Being self-employed means not having to explain to an employer why I need to take two hours off every single day for six weeks. Not having to explain why I need this time off, and then face discrimination because I might have a recurrence. Illegal after the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act twenty-five years ago? Yes. Will employers do it if they can get away with it? Yes. Cancer and cancer treatment may permanently affect individuals' ability to work, but sweet Jesus, don't jump the gun!
But I'm not only self-employed but trying to start a business: I have to find the work. It doesn't come to me. And that does mean worrying about when I'll have the physical energy and mental concentration to resume going out to find that work....and then there's "What if our income drops below the point of receiving subsidies under the ACA? What if we have to go on Medicaid?"
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*^$#%%%^^^&**((*&^^%Idiot Docs. What hope is thery're for any of us. How pervasive is this in the pathology community. I'll be shaking the rafters on this.
I saw Gyn doc this week. Reason: The path report of the biopsy in May, final dx written as CIN(cervical). Should have been VIN (vulva). They are completely anatomically different areas. I wanted to know why. Gyn said he had reviewed his notes when he got the report back and not to worry, he knew where the bx was from.
BUT BUT I had reviewed five path reports from the same lab prior to meeting with him. Five submissions from five different practitioners(4docs/1 NP). Three of five had something wrong. The pathologists (multiple) misidentified location or source, or dx didn't match location/source. The president or VP over that area will be getting a call this week. May have to take it to JACHO or the national accrediting laboratory organization. This is a different lab from the one where the pathologist twice failed to identify thyroid cancer. Oh yeah, no one ever said they noted an error.
One person. SEVEN path reports. Five of seven reports wrong. Three of five if you exclude the two thyroid errors as skill incompetence.
I know how to read reports as a nurse. The way all medical stuff is to be read is--Check name, date of birth, date of procedure. Then the diagnosis, specimen submitted, dx. Last check before completion(signature) is the same. Making sure all the info is correct. Obviously, this wasn't done by multiple credentialed people
This healthcare organization (HCO) owns 4 hospitals, the insurance company, all ancillary facilities, and has over 5,000 employees. The President isn't going to be happy.
Shit's going to hit the fan on this one. The internal review is going to shake up allot of people. I have decided to take it to the national accrediting laboratory agency. The process will keep people working for years. They will go over the HCO with a fine tooth comb, discover root cause, revise procedure, train, re-evaluate, retrain----that's at least three years right there. Then the national body will make rules and evaluate all departments that are accredited.
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Thank you for being here, all of you! Okay, I started today listening to by DS and DH yelling at each other as they left to replace spare tire, find wheel rim, get new tire, etc. after DS '"bumped" a curb last night. Once the house was empty, I let loose. For the first time in many, many months, I screamed, I cried, I wept, and repeated. I feel empty. It was good.
An acquaintance asked me yesterday if I was all done with treatment. I asked her if she really wanted to know. She hesitated, but said yes, so I let loose. I have been "done with treatment" - love that lie, since we are NEVER done if we are alive - since May 2015. Dealing with post chemo, post rads, se's from Arimedex, etc. Severe nosebleeds started in May. After 2 ER visits, and 4 ENT appointments, and many hours at home dealing with this (2 1/2 hours per nosebleed) At 3 month check up, MO says nose bleeds side effect of estrogen fleeing my body is weaker blood vessels, dry membranes, etc. and he showed me a better way of stopping the bleeds. Thank you.
Continued joint pain, and neuropathy in feet, toes, fingers and hands. Keeps me up at night, keeps me from doing the things I enjoy, you know the drill. I joined LIVESTRONG program at the YMCA - I highly recommend this for non-gym types like me - and was working at trusting my body, again. On Monday numbness in my feet led to my tripping on carpeted indoor track. I FELL hard, and broke my right wrist. (scaphoid bone.) Embarrassment, pain, ER and doctor visits. Pain killers great until severe (post surgery and anti-nausea med type) constipation and all that that entails.
Phone call from newest doctor yesterday. Bone density scans troubling. Osteoporosis (low) in spine. Wants to start me on Fosamax and talk about Arimisen.
DS off to college in month and I cant do a damn thing with my hand out of commission.
1 year anniversary of finding my lump on 8/1 - DH birthday; he was at his dad's bedside after colon cancer surgery.
And my beloved Abby Airedale died of cancer in February, a day before my last chemo.
And no, I am really not grateful right now. Except for you all, and this site! (I'll probably never see that acquaintance again.)
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I've posted this elsewhere on the site but I think it truly belongs here.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/facts-and-argu...
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Kathy - thanks. This is perfect. lind
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I get angry at the mainstream media, they paint breast cancer like it is a walk in the park. They tell us when someone famous has been diagnosed with this disease but when someone dies of it we barely hear about it. It gives the general public the impression that everyone always makes it. Maybe they don't want to scare the public but it doesn't seem right. Until I was diagnosed I never realized how many people die of this disease every year. I knew about recurrence but I didn't realize that the rate of recurrence for this disease was so high. I pray for a cure everyday.
(I hate to say it but I do feel like I am being punished. Not sure by who but it does feel like a punishment. I can't even begin to think how a child must feel who has cancer.)
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I am so GD sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Grrrrr the Damn treatment seems worse than the disease, which I have had it with reoccurrence fear. I am not going to take it anymore.
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Meow: Oh sweet deity: "the damn treatment feels worse than the disease". Even my husband, who is pretty unfailingly supportive and understanding, seemed perplexed by that reaction! I don't know if the disconnect between effects of the disease and effects of the treatment narrows or widens with the increased severity of diagnosis....but it's there for all of us.
Booklady: my neuropathy-raddled feet send your neuropathy-raddled feed their deepest sympathy. Mine has another cause, but doesn't make walking any easier! And how to explain to well-meaning medical professionals why I'm rolling my eyes in exasperation at their suggestion of "but you can go for gentle walks while you recover". And i expect kids would have their own sets of rants. Being talked down to. Lacking even the ability to make legal decisions about their own medical treatments. Unable to completely express how the side effects are affecting them.
.....Hell, I rant about any statement that starts "But...." but you don't have invasive cancer. but yours is curable. but you don't have to have chemo. but you didn't have to have a mastectomy. Feel free to suggest all the "but"s you've heard, ladies! (and the occasional gentleman)
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Queenmomcat - don't forget "at least" my personal fave! It puts the hair on the back of my neck up every time. Memorial Day weekend, at the ER after a 3 hour unstoppable nose bleed - even after jabbing nitrous oxide up both nostrils twice without 1st numbing the area ( painful, trust me) the doctor says "at least the metal cauterizing rod isnt working
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Could the "at least"s and the "but"s be considered a variant? (At least you have sufficient remaining breast tissue for me to shape a new form." I'm not a gingerbread (wo)man!)
But I'd be quite happy to rant all afternoon about side effects that doctors don't tell you about! (I'm prone to bloody noses,)
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