August 2015 Chemo Group
Comments
-
I'm scared, sad, pissed off, and sweaty, too.
When I stand up from sitting, it takes about 90 seconds for my knees to unlock.
#old
But not. I'm 37.
0 -
Kate, I bet it's the bl**dy Herceptin! I seize up when I stay in one position for more than an hour. I never did before starting this drug and I'm not planning to stay prematurely arthritic for the rest of my life!! Hang in there - only three more months. And if it's messing up your joints, think what it's doing to those dastardly tumor cells with HER+ receptors all over the outside! This has got to be doing us good - OK?
0 -
No real news on DH. They have run more tests but no one has ordered an MRI. He is tired and run-down but doing better and other than an episode the following day has had no more eye dilation.
I had Herceptin Thursday and had a tough weekend. Really overdid it Saturday, despite a long afternoon nap, and paid for it Sunday. But today is much better. I hadn't really thought of Herceptin causing my shaky legs when I stand up-really just my right leg-but what else would be doing that right now?! I looked up "ankles feel swollen but aren't" and someone mentioned that being a neuropathy thing. Have any of you had something like that? They look just fine but feel so swollen. Just 4 more...
Next Monday is when I will probably start Tamoxifan. Working my courage up. Still on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster with the SNRI switch--really need a good week so I know I am stable and can differentiate side effects between the two meds.
I have been hot and sweaty on the Effexor too--this is not bodeing well for adding Tamoxifan. Kate, I loved that you added sweaty to my list! Made me smile!
So where are we meeting up ladies? That has to happen at some point! I'd say come to OK since I am centrally located, but there is nothing to do here! Can I dream of us all meeting up with MsBrompton in the UK?0 -
I wish that I could rewind my life back to the days before cancer.....
I went for an ultrasound today on my foobs. I had noticed a lump on my left side while showering, so I have been shitting bricks for a week. Thanks goodness it is just a ripple my implant that I can feel through my pec muscle. I have been having flashbacks & walking into the same building where I had my Mammogram and U/S a year ago was very hard(the radiologist had told me right on the spot I had cancer). So when the U/S tech left the room today and told me she would be back with the Dr to discuss my results I almost threw up. I was so fricken scared that IT was back. Thank Goodness it was nothing. I hate this living in fear and paranoia. I was a sweaty aka "hot mess" by the time I left.
Speaking of sweaty mess, I went to a hot Yin yoga session with my daughter on Sat. Not sure I'm a fan of the hot yoga session. Will give it another try but didn't love the heat. I was envisioning all of the chemo toxins draining out of my body.
I also know why I don't feel rested in the morning. I got a Fitbit for Mother's Day and it tracks your sleep. When you are restless 40x, awake 5x(total of 1 1/2 hours) no wonder I'm still feeling tired when I wake up. If I take an Ativan my stats are waaaay better and I feel rested. I only take one about once a week but I do take Melatonin every night, not sure that it does much though.
Oh how I miss those awesome sleeps I used to have pre shit show!
0 -
Musogirl, I haven't had that "ankles swollen but aren't" feeling on Herceptin but I do notice that as the doses build up, my legs (and especially my knees) simply don't feel right. I was walking down an escalator to get to the tube yesterday and nearly fell. Normally I could have done that easily! I too have four more to go. Can't wait!
Dee, I think we all have a bit of post traumatic stress, and I guess we're all going to get jumpy every time we find a little lump or blemish. I found a hardened vein in my arm the other day, rushed off to my onco who said "that's a hardened vein". Doh.
0 -
MsBrompton: okay. It's Herceptin, and there are only four (or something) infusions to go. Mind over matter!
I don't see how anyone could live through what we've been through and NOT have a touch of PTSD. I don't use that term lightly--my partner has PTSD, and it's no joke--but, yeah, triggers? They're real.
My parents are in town starting today. This'll be the first time I've seen them since I had my other breast lopped off, which feels important to me in some way.
In other news, I forgot to add "grateful" to my list of adjectives yesterday. I feel like I'm a million years old (well, my knees feel that way), but I'm happy to be alive. I've been trying to adjust my piss-poor attitude, which developed during radiation and has yet to dissipate fully, so there you go. Grateful to be here, in spite of it all.
0 -
"grateful" indeed.
Today I had an email from a guy at work who had failed to show up for a meeting. "I'm sorry, I'm having chemo for metastatic lung cancer". Two weeks ago he seemed fine...
My own problems paled into insignificance.
0 -
My brain went down the drain for a second last night after rehearsal. we were talking about the priest having to retired in the near future (he's going to be 75 next year). the Maestro said he's probably going to retired next yr from his day job. then worrywart said he might be still be teaching piano, but not so many students. then my brain went.... 75 is so far away! oops
on a lighter amusing note, he wanted to know how often mammogram needed to be done, & if there's lots radiation. I'm not kidding! <roll eyes>
0 -
Dee, I'm glad you are okay! But hot yoga?! No way for me!
MsBrompton, that poor man! And he probably has chemobrain too--not showing up for a meeting.
Kate, grateful is a good word. One we all need to focus on more.
Superius, you have a long life ahead of you! Plenty of time for worrywort to drive you crazy!
I finally accepted my fate concerning Tamoxifan and made an appointment with my therapist to deal with my anxiety. Talking it over with my PCP won't change the fact that this is the best starting point and hopefully will work out fine. So this is it and I will just have to deal--but some trauma therapy may help too.0 -
Kate - I like your lists of adjectives. I often find myself having to consciously pull my mind out of thinking negatively and being bitter. I have been feeling so resentful lately, looking at other people asking the question, "why me?" Then I run through the gamut of emotions: Angry, bitter, resentful, sad, acceptance, fear, panic, hope....rinse and repeat.
Is your SO's PTSD related to your diagnoses?
Musosgirl - still thinking positive thoughts for you. I hope Tamoxifen is uneventful.
I forgot to mention that the OBGYN I saw last week handed me a prescription for estrogen vaginal cream and said if I wanted to improve my sex life I should use it. (This came from ZERO prompting from me.) She also said it wouldn't absorb into the body so I "didn't have to worry."
I saw my MO yesterday and she nearly freaked out when I told her, saying that I've been trying to rid my body of estrogen so why would I want to put it back in? She said you take medication that absorbs into the body rectally so why wouldn't it absorb vaginally. It worries me that my OBGYN is so uninformed. I understand breast cancer is not entirely related to OBGYN stuff, but I had thought that it would still be under the blanket of women's health, and therefore she would be more versed with it. I might have to find a new OBGYN.
0 -
I have to say I am grateful. To be here sitting around a fire with the 3 people who are my world. What more could I ask for
0 -
SoCalGrl, wow! When I was pregnant some of the women I met in my online support group could only take their ODT zofran vaginally. Because we were all vomitting continuously we had to get...creative. So I am shocked an OB would say it's not absorbed! Anything taken vaginally definitely is!
Well, it's here. The day I can no longer stall on starting Tamoxifen. I saw my therapist Friday. I saw my PCP today. No new solutions, no alternatives (looking more on the anti-anxiety med side), no magic wands. I asked my DH to pray over my pills tonight--never done that before--and I sobbed for a good 5 minutes (MAN I miss my Paxil!). But it's done. If PTSD taught me anything it's "do it afraid." Only 3,651 more to go.0 -
Gals, after feeling afraid for most of the past year I decided to start living again. My therapist recommended I get back in touch with my badass self. I bought myself a present. I've been wanting one of these for almost 50 years. It'll make driving to herceptin and doctors apointments a lot more fun.
0 -
Nice! Love the color!0
-
That is awesome, RavenSally.
I am getting back on my motorcycle this weekend. I can't wait. I added a F*ckCancer sticker to my chest protector (right over my missing right boob).
0 -
Hell yeah, RavenSally! That's one sweet ride!
0 -
RavenSally - that car is sweeeeeet!
I had my exchange surgery this past week and I'm still in a medicated fog. I took a peak at my new tatas, and they look like potatoes. Ok, maybe not totally like potatoes, but they're definitely flat and square looking. Hopefully they settle into something better.
0 -
Oh My! Blue is my favorite color!
0 -
Ravensally-LOVE the car! I did something like that as well. The day after my hair started falling out from chemo I bought a BMW. I figured if I die, I might as well enjoy a fun vehicle for awhile. Brought it home from the dealership and then came home and shaved my head....It was bittersweet
0 -
Raven it's beautiful. I have a deep water blue Dodge Ram pickup. I got it after I recovered from brain tumour surgery in 2010. I still have it... it's like it's a part of me.
Had the boob squishing machine follow up today ladies... 7 -10 days to get the results... it all feels fine, except of course that the radiated boob feels like el dente pasta and the non radiated boob feels like a water balloon full of water... does that make sense?
i'm not worried about it, what will happen will happen..
0 -
And you deserve it RavenSally!!!! Can I sit in the passenger seat and be a Bond Girl?
Hey ladies, my friend and I (she's had breast cancer this year too) are going to RIDE THE NIGHT tonight for breast cancer research: http://www.actionforcharity.co.uk/eventdetailsnew2.php/urlsearch/Women-V-Cancer-Ride-the-Night-2016, cycling from Windsor Castle to the centre of London and back with a couple of thousand other women. Its a bit of a send-up of the pink ribbon people - I just got an email from her "Hope you don't mind, I have bought you a pink tutu". Off to buy pasta!!
0 -
And a cartoon for all you brave ladies...
0 -
I love how so many of us are just going for it. Cars, houses, vacations. . . . That's one upside to this whole bullshit ordeal, isn't it?
RavenSally, beware the speeding ticket! I might be projecting, there.
0 -
We rode all night - in pink tutus!! Yeah, we're all crazy. Liz did it in her pink socks that say f**k cancer!!
0 -
It was a great weekend for camping and riding. That's my husband on the ATV (with our dog Dixie). He didn't bring his motorcycle because he thought I wouldn't be up to much of a ride. He ended up complaining that I was too fast for him to keep up. Ha!
0 -
Yeay VickiRides!
I guess we're all going to have a better summer than last year....
0 -
I'm counting on it, MsBrompton. I love seeing those happy faces in your picture.
0 -
I love seeing all these pictures!
0 -
Damn Herceptin! I hate it! Of course, it's nothing compared to the hard stuff. It's nothing compared to radiation. But now that all of that has passed and I have nothing else to complain about, I feel the need to curse this drug and its side effects. So run-down, breathless, dizzy, weak. I have been ROCKIN' my 2 mile walks. Told my MO's PA that I tried 3 miles one night and at the same time we said I "got breathless.". Guess that is totally normal and she said I am doing great. I practically crawled a half mile tonight with my head spinning the whole time, chest tight, can barely put one foot in front of the other... Why am I crying over this tonight?! I'll only feel this way for the weekend. And only 3 more. So mad and frustrated!
Okay rant over. Talked to my DH during the walk (didn't dare go out alone) and told him think I would prefer a hysterectomy over Lupron. Won't Lupron have side effects? Will I have to take it for the next 10 years? If my period came back, would I have to stay on it longer, even longer than Tamoxifen? What would that cost over 10 years? Surgery would be covered by insurance this year--medications will be out-of-pocket. These are questions that hadn't occured to me, but DH was in the mood to share and made some good points. I was just thinking the shot is less invasive, but is it?
I asked about Zoladex, but the PA said my MO definitely prefers Lupron. I said I am not making this decision without my GYN's opinion. See him in 2 weeks.
Probably should have posted this in the Triple Positive Group, but you ladies are the ones I run to. Love you all. Have a blessed weekend.0 -
Musosgirl, here we are again! I posted a reply in the tamoxifen group. . . . But wanted to reiterate that I hear you, and I'm in the boat right next to yours. . . .
0
