patty
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hello friends. I finally found the energy to log on and am blown away with the kindness and support. Am reading with tears streaming down my face. I am at the mo for an appt. he's gonna think I cry Everytime. Lol. Oh well
I've been in a horrible funk. Ready to just quit. Enough is enough. Mercy, uncke whatever makes it stop. Finally coming back around to wanting to live and come here to find so much strength. Thanks thanks thanks !!!!!!
My latest pet shows some growth in size of tumours but nothing new. Good news bad news I guess. Mo is suggesting I stay on ibrance/ falsodex Til there is more growth and I agree unless I would agree to start taxol. Which I won't. Yet. . Mo really pushing for weekly iv taxol but I just don't wanna do it. Mo trying to assure me that it will be easy on gi only se is hair loss. Well as much as I am already vomiting and nauseatedand exhausted I am just not confident about that. He said it won't be anything like the first go round with cancer way back in 2002. Meds have changed dramatically and they would give a lot smaller doses. I am not confident in that. Yes I've been bald a couple times and really hated it. But I more concerned about my children remembering me bald and looking so sick. I want them to remember me vibrant , full of life. My ds1 told me last night he thought that was selfish of me. He doesn't care if I am bald but I haven't had a change of change of heart yet. I know a lot of you are bald so please please don't get offended ( I thought hard about deleting the hair talk as not to hurt anyone's feelings but decided to leave it - hoping it's not offensive to anyone. ) . It's just they watch me struggle everyday with horrible pain , nausea and vomiting I look like hell. No energy to fix myself up. I just think for me the baldness will only add to my sickly look. It's truly not about me being vain. I want them to have great memories. Ah. So much is out of my control . no matter what it will get worse eventually and they will see me. No getting around it. I just wanna protect them from pain and of course I can't
Bbl. finally my turn to see mo
Hugs and love
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awe...Patty...I feel the same way...don't care personally about being bald, but when my treatment week is here I wish no one would come around. Don't even want hubby to walk in room. I look like hell and don't want anyone to see, and have no energy to fix myself up. He doesn't care...but I care a bunch. Don't know how to think of it any other way. Wish I could, then I could help you
I try to put the shoe on the other foot....but that doesn't work either.
Hope your strength and love for life keeps returning. Praying for you sister !! Love ya
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Patty. Understandable. Don't want to look miserable when feeling miserable. N&V are the worst I think. I completely understand your concern.
There are miracles. Look at Rosevalley. We are all praying for you to have one too.
Try to enjoy your holiday weekend. I hope you can put cancer on the back burner for a little while.
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Sending a hug......
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Patty - Beautiful bald or hairy. XXX God Bless You.
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Patty - so happy to see you here! Whatever you decide, I will be there to support you. BIG hugs!
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(((Patty)))
You are so loved and I'm glad you can feel our support streaming into and around you.
Glad too that you made it home again. You and your guys need one another.
Sending more love and support, Patty, Stephanie
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Patty, I am so glad you are coming back around to wanting to live! I totally understand the hair part and know I will feel the same way not due to vanity but just wanting to be vibrant and full of life for my family. It is so crazy how desperately we always want to protect them from pain and sadness and just can't always. I guess in the long run it makes them stronger more compassionate human beings. I think you will know the right time for you to change Tx and in the meantime I hope you get some reprieve from all the hell you have been going through. You deserve some peace and wellness.
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Aw, Patty. Hugs and more hugs. It makes it more tricky when we are trying to protect our family from pain.
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Patty, Have a happy Mothers' Day tomorrow. You are a wonderful Mom, and no matter what you do or what you look like, you sons know that. You share your heart, your love, your soul with them. That means everything. They are blessed, and so are you
Lynne
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Patty have a wonderful Mother's Day. Cherish every moment with your family and find the strength to keep forging forward.
Sending lots of hugs,
Babs
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Patty, wonderful to hear from you.
As I am rubbing my bald head, I agree with you. When & if you want to go back on Taxol, it will be there. I just completed Taxatere # 3.....ugh.....
I hope tomorrow brings sunny skies, you can sit on your porch & watch the boys being boys.
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HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY my sweet little Sister! I can't imagine what you are going through.... But WTH? How long were you WAITING to see that Doc? I mean they kept you waiting THAT long? You could have sent out for Pizza or something!
We waited for an HOUR last week! Of course we were EARLY, but STILL! I couldn't hear... Trying to get my ears to work with these hearing aids. Any infection you GET, goes to the spot you are the weakest! Now don't say anything about "well, there's your brain you know"....
Think about yourself, along with those kids of yours... they understand.... I'm praying for a miracle for you sweet girl.... Love you!
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Happy Mothers Day Patty. I do hope one of these days you will wake up and feel like your old self. In the meantime, hugs and love.
Amy
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Happy Mothers Day, Patty!
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I've been following Patty's struggle. Hey girl I'm bald, well um, I'm a guy. My wife didn't have taxol but AC instead and it worked real good she's NED for now. I love all the beautiful pictures posted here. I saved a few to make drawings from. Here's my contribution:
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Oh Patty! You picked up a guy? His name is Mike.... AND he draws!
So we must be nice to him! How's your wife Mike? How many years out is she? You say NED for now? That means "forever".... If that changes then oh well, we deal with ALL our problems on here. Thanks for saying hi to Patty.... And thanks for your picture.... !
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I'm an old guy I must be 150 or 200 I forgot. Combat wounded Vietnam vet with my own medical problems. I used to make some extra $ drawing borders for several greeting card companies. Someone else would do calligraphy inside the border; a prayer or poetry.
My wife's BC history. My wife refuses to use the internet, well except for Amazon and Ebay.
My wife, back in Dec of 2012 was diagnosed with Stage 4 ER+ PR+ HER2-breast cancer. One node and a small spot on the spine. After 3 infusions of AC she was clean except for the 6 cm tumor in her breast. The oncologist said since the cancer was responding well to estrogen blocker (aromasin) it was best to leave it be. Ops forgot to mention in the midst of all this cancer stuff she had to have removed a grapefruit sized and very painful non-cancerous ovarian cyst.
A little over a year later, Nov 2014, the cancer morphed and went crazy. She had a radical mastectomy and breast removal. A biopsy showed it to be ER+ and the oncologist prescribed tamoxifen. 19 lymph nodes were removed and 9 of the 19 had triple negative Metaplastic keratinized squamous carcinoma. A PET scan done after the surgery showed some cancer still in her armpit, probably spill over from the nodes. She has two cancers, one ER+ PR+ HER2- and another triple negative. She went back on A-C (lifetime amount), no Taxol as she almost died from it earlier. Almost died from NeuLasta too. Also 7 weeks of radiation.
After all that she had have major surgery to remove a tumor from her kidney. Eighty five percent were cancerous but hers was benign. Happy dance, she's NED and back on tamoxifen.
Prayers and fingers crossed.
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Mike... Sorry about all your wife's problems! You are 200? Man, I thought I was old! Glad she is doing well and on Tamoxifen! I also believe in miracles.... we KNOW they are out there!
Give her a hug for Mother's Day.... okay? I'll bet she loves your sense of humor... that's what keeps her going!
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happy Mother's Day, patty!
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hi all
Mike so glad to hear your wife is Ned and glad to see someone older then chevy
Chevy. Dear sis. Love ya and always look forward to hearing our stories. So wish we could do soon person but I guess tis is next best
To all. Thanks. Wish I could respond to each but just too exhausted. So many of you hold a special place in my heart and I feel a great connection. Thanks.
I've actually had 2 great days. Pain has been treatable and bearable. I've had some energy. I would say best I've felt in a couple years. Not sure how much is physical and how much is changed from my emotional attitude changing but whatever the reason I am enjoying it. My family spoiled me like crazy yesterday. In the evening we watched old home videos from when the boys were small. Lots of happy tears. I wish we could just hit rewind and relive them. Many things I had forgotten. It was awesome !!! Today is ds2 bday. Finally 11. This am I cooked some yeast rolls with lil sausages isude for his breakfast ( his favorite ). I am home resting today. Gonna decorate house with streamers and balloons and make German chocolate cake with white icing for him. We got his presents yesterday and dh gonna bring home pizza for supper. We usually go all out for bdays. Party at school, parties at home and parties for him and all his friends but not this year. I hope he still has a good bday and I am happy to still be alive.
At my mo appt last week mo is still pushing hard for taxol - I still say not changing tx to chemo til organ involvement , maybe. Maybe no chemo ever for me. Will cross that bridge when the time comes. Mo also pushing for surgery to pin right hip and scans shows fracture in femoral head very likely at any point. He says to fix it before it breaks is way easier then afterwards. I've done research and just don't see the advantage. Either way is surgery to pin in with about a 3 month recovery. No thanks ! Plus it's almost summer - NO. Not going to choose to be down all summer. Planing on spending all the time I can with dss. Hoping to get out and about some as well. Anyone have experience with pining before fracture and how was that easier ????
Much love to all. Hugs all around
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I WAS SO DAMN WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!! Wow! Our prayers DO get answered!
Oh wait.... No, I KNOW I am older than Mike... He must be about 62-4? He said Viet Nam... But I thought I would tease you about a "him" posting on your thread! He sounds okay though.... so be nice....
It is so nice reading about you and your family....! Memories are what our dreams become! I just made that up.... but it must mean something! And it's so special that you are feeling almost NORMAL now! Being without pain, let's your little brain think good thoughts again.
I got a pin.... you need a pin? Actually my hip and femur has a rod and 2 screws. I would not advise you doing anything.... It was HARD getting over it, and I didn't have any other issues.... like you might have. I mean it HURT! But only for awhile... Then the Walker, then a cane, and now I am running around on a skate-board... (
) Actually I've been working in the yard! Hah! Tell MIKE that one! Old, eh? Not THIS one!Seriously.... I would THINK doing it beFORE a break would be easier... easier on the bones... maybe they are thinking a "break" would not be a clean one... might shatter??? or something? That's just my own thinking.... probably doesn't make any sense...
Did you Google it? You want me to research this...? Now behave, and go have fun with your Son's! xoxoxoxo
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Yes, you do make sense Ms. Chevy. I thought about the same thing....prevention is better than trying to put the shattered bones together. But am not an orthopedic surgeon so.....I understand where you are coming from though, Patty. You don't want to spend the kids' summer break in bed recovering from surgery. You have to think about QOL also. Would this surgery get you that QOL? It is a tough decision because we don't know the future. I'm really not helping, am I? I'm praying for wisdom for you to make the right decision. Who but He, who knows the future? You and Rose are such good mothers. It just seems not fair.
Have a sweet time spoiling your DS2. Praying for strength and stamina for you. Hugs
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Patty THank God for 2 great days !! Good news. Happy DS2 Birthday. XXX
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I'm glad you had a nice Mothers Day. DS's birthday sounds very fun Yum, I would like a piece of that German Chocolate cake myself! The pizza was a good main course choice. In my experience anyway, boys likde pizza more than anything I could ever make for them!
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Dear Patty, these mild-mannered flowers, feverfew, pack a big scent and big medicine.
I hope their quiet beauty brightens your life.
Blessings, Stephanie
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Patty, I'm so happy to see you back posting. I'm glad you enjoyed a lovely Mother's Day with your boys. I hope your good days continue.
I've read a bit, but I haven't been posting. My daughter has been fighting bronchitis and we've been to the doctor's four times in the past two weeks. She has missed a lot of school and I've been doing everything possible to help her get better
At today's visit, we noted that she's still not getting better and she is tired all the time. We were sent out for a sinus X-ray and blood tests, including mono.
I hope to post some pictures for you soon.
XOXOX
Madelyn.
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