patty
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Congrats Patty! i'm sure it's all bittersweet, melancholy, sad, exciting, overwhelming..But you have been through so much, you are a very strong woman. It will be a very good thing in a lot of ways. Just as everyone above suggested make sure you have some good support lines in place. Send us a pic when you get it spiffed up!
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Patty - Divorce final tomorrow, big move Tuesday ... what a week ahead! Accept all help offered, sip water constantly, and rest every chance you get. I am excited. I do think this will reduce stress and get many things going in the right direction, including your health.
Go Patty!
>Z<
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So it's official. I have a new home. spending the first night tonight and divorce final today. Really thought I would be so much more upset. Guess I am just so exhausted from the move. Although I had plenty help it's hard not to just get up and do what needs to be done. I am super picky and clean , everything in its place. I just gotta decide its place. Lol. Dss are handling things extremely well. Mostly worried about me. I still have lots of unpacking to do but my bestie will be here again tomorrow to help as she did today. It's nice to have someone you are close enough to that they can just unpack boxes, even undies and such , without any awkwardness. I cried most the morning thinking about dh , well umm ex-dh, was as court for finalizing. He help me move more tonight well he and dss did everything and then we unloaded and went to Walmart to stock me up on groceries. Esp easy fix foods and boost for when I feel bad. Then we all ate pizza ate my new place. Really glad that we ended peacefully and can still get Along. Actually have been getting along better. Although I'll miss dss like crazy for half a week I really think it's going to be good for me and my health without the stress.
Kinda excited for this new chapter, who knows what things I'll find that I like to do. Have just been stuck in an old married same stuff all the time rutt. So no telling what I'll get in to.
I really only have the 1 friend I could count onto get me to hospital at midnight. Have several other people but just not so for positive they would be there. I can always call an ambulance if I get that bad. And when I get sick it's that bad. The dehydration makes even standing impossible. All my family lives about 8 hours away and don't wanna Mo e the boys away from their dad. Ex-dh swears he will still be happy to get groceries or my meds or take me to Dr or hospital but my pride probably won't allow that. We have agreed we wanna stay friends and be able to do things together for special events like bdays , Christmas etc. I hope that works out. I still have alot of hurt that the cancer and it's effects on me is really the reason for divorce. So much for better or worse in sickness and in health. I really can't say what I would do if situation was changed -because honestly the sickness effects his everyday life as well -. But I just don't believe I would leave him in my position. I can't change it so I am moving forward in as positive way as possible.
Last time I was in hospital bestie asked to be counselor \ case worker and said they would have the most info on help for me. They referred !e to ARea agency on aging even though I am ,46. They had to wait til I actually moved to access me so maybe next week. I am worried most about when I am such or later when cancer professes :. Transportation to Dr or hospital and preparing meals. They said I should be aliguble for both. Apparently there is a Medicare paid van for serious illness who qualify and then meals on wheels or a aid a couple hours a couple times per week. Not sure wat else is available. I really hate to ask for or except help but am learning to let some pride go .
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So happy for you! Enjoy setting up your new place!
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Patty - I am amazed at how well your are organizing your situation. Lots of admiration for you girl. Lots of love and hugs to you my friend.
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Patty - you are doing great! So proud of you and happy to see you in a better situation. I still worry about you being alone. I know I sound like broken record. I know you are way to young for this but still consider one of those devices you can hang around your neck in case you fall. Not that I think you will fall but if you find yourself suddenly ill and not able to walk or reach your phone and you are alone then you can just press the button hanging around your neck and magically help will come running. BTW you don't look 46 at all! I thought you were 10 years younger than that. Glad you are feeling better too! Love and hugs, Cathy
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I'm in the same boat as you know. You are just moving faster than me. Mine finally admitted he can't handle the cancer. I'm sure it is tough on them but like you, if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't check out. I believe yours and mine will be there when we need them.
I second the necklace thingy. Mom had one and they checked on her twice a day. Just a phone call from the local hospital. Kinda cool and relieved a lot of worry for everyone.
Take it easy and drink, drink, drink
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Patty- I am glad you are in the new place. I also send you BIG HUGS for all that goes with this change, including the divorce being final on Monday. It is so hard to know how people with be with us through time and around changing circumstances. You are entitled to your tears friend.
My hope is there will be more happy days through the days, weeks, and months ahead. Keep taking it one day at a time and let people help you.
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Patty, congrats on your new home! Enjoy! I'm glad that you and your ex are staying civil for your boys. I'm sorry that he couldn't handle all the changes Cancer brings to a family...his loss and he will be sorry one day, if he isn't already. Stay well and hydrated, rest when you can.
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Best wishes Patty. XX
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so I havent unpacked a box in 2 days. Just too exhausted and too much pain . Have had vomiting as well. Ugh. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel like company to help me unpack. Hate these restrictions my bods puts on me. My mind says I can but body laughs at that.
Yesterday was ds2. 12th bday. Exdh brought him over at football camp and we all ate here and had cake and ice cream. Was glad we could do it all together. Told ex dh he has ate here the last 3 nights. Go to his own home. Lol. Definitely less stress. Dh took D1 home and ds2 and I got alone time til I took him home forbed. He got his room arranged just as he wanted it. So funny. D1 stayed home sick today. I think it's just nerves but school is out next week so 1 day at home relaxing didn't hurt him. He as texted and called me like every waking hours at least once. He is the close to me.
Lolaout the necklace help button. I appreciate it but I just can't make myself do it yet. It's like I am giving up some of my Independence and I've already lost enough of that.
Still weird saying ex dh. I guess I finally got me a baby daddy. Ohmy. Lol!!!! Well they are not babies anymore.
Hugs all
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Patty- sorry you are not feeling well. Your body needs a break. Try to get some rest for a bit before you resume. Ask some trusted friends and family to come over and help which you supervise?
And former husband can go fix his own meals. Part of the deal in the new world he wanted. Just sayin......
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Ya! He should be bringing dinner if he wants to visit! I would take it slow too Patty. When we moved I just geared into stealth mode and got it done. It was soon much to pack, clean, move but I was so determined to get the new phase of my life started. A week after it was all done I hit a major wall! Just fizzled right out exhausted.I am just now getting some energy back and shaking some of the aches and pains I helped create.
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Patty, so happy that you're in your new place and settling. You can unpack when you feel like it. Agreeing with Artist that DH should bring dinner when he comes to visit.
About the necklace thing: although it may feel like you're giving up some of your independence, I think the necklace makes you even more independent as you don't have to worry who'd going to take care of you when you need help.
Yeah for the special times with your boys!
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You and I were the only ones that ever talked about Essex. If Duke suggests going to Essex, well, Essex isn't a consideration. He may try to say whatever. But the divorce denies any consideration of Essex visitation.
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Aww Patty. Hugs and more hugs. Cancer definitely can change us and our love ones. I hope you get the support you need. I vote for the necklace alert too.
Zill, best wishes to you. I am sorry.
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Patty seems reasonable for ex DH to bring dinner.if he wants to eat at yours. If that is your home then he is now a guest. Guests don't arrive to visit people dealing with serious illness and expect to be catered for. Normally they bring soup! It must be difficult setting those new boundaries. Wishing you well. Take the time to get stronger before you tackle the boxes. The boxes will be there when you feel ready.
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Lover - laughed so hard at minion post. So true!
Patty - I live with ex. Divorced long time ago but reconciled long time ago, won't remarry him for financial reasons. I don't want to be a burden financially for him. My point is for the first 4 1/2 yrs after dc, he was gone all week working, I was alone. He was out of state so I had to rely on others. I have always been fiercely independent and it was excruciating for me to ask for, and receive, help. You have to! Still hard, but I am learning. If you won't get a necklace, do you have a cell phone? If you do keep it on you at all times! I mean all the time. You only get a break to shower and them put it close so you cam reach it. Oh I forgot to mention i live on 5 acres, with 5-20 acre parcel's all around, so chances is of someone finding me were slim. You need to look after you! You can't take care of Dss unless you take care of you first! I know if you need help with transportation, you can get it. Same with meals. I know the Ms of moving is enough to drive someone to drink, just let it go, give yourself a break! When you are feeling good maybe you could cook something's that could be frozen so that when you don't feel good you just heat up. I do that with soups, casseroles and lasagna. But the main point is ASK for help!
Sorry for the lecture, I read your posts and went into mom mode! Whew! I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers!
C
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thanks c
Loverly. Love the pic. !!!!!
Yes exdh brought food each time. I havent cooked in couple weeks I think. Still don't want him spending ever evening here. That's the whole point. That's what HE wanted. He stopped by yesterday after work to check on me. At least he called first but hello go to your own house. I let him stay about 30 minutes then ushered him out. The boys weren't even here. Exdh saying he is having a super hard time emotionally. Uh. Hello ?????? How does he think I feel. I need time apart.
Sas. Essex is out of the question !!!!!! Not for his lack of trying. Truthfully maybe in the future a planned Essex might be good. I don't see me dating someone else. Can't imagine e showing someone my reconstructed breast with no nipples. So maybe we can be friends with benefits - in the FAR future. Don't wanna get my heart hurt more. Sorry I missed your call yesterday. Left my charger at old house. Ran out to use car charger but it's dead again and I don't feel like running outside. Will call you tomorrow ???
Hugs all
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Dear Patty,
Though it has been a while since I have regularly posted, not a day goes by that I don't think of you.
Your strength has been my inspiration during my own ucky times.
I am so PROUD of you for making the changes to take charge of your life. Your health, happiness and well being must come first. Having the opportunity to recharge will give you so much more quality time with your sweet boys.
Take things slow and don't wear yourself out.
And yes, get one of those necklaces - I sure could of used one when I took that tumble out of the tub last June....... and in the kitchen last month. How 'bout this? I'll make a pinkie swear promise to get one if you do? We'll have to send picture proof! Deal?
Love you, you strong woman 💟
((( hugs ))) & prayers 🙏
~ Shep
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Patty, I am so sorry for the rant yesterday. I just got really worried for you after remembering how alone I was for 4 1/2 years. Not an excuse, I am genuinely sorry!
I thought of 2 quick and easy recipes for you and your boys:
1lb Italian sausage(use turkey if you want)
1 jar Bertolli marinara sauce
Any whole grain pasta(my family never noticed the difference)
2- 1lb ground turkey
1 can fire roasted with garlic diced tomatoes
1 can low sodium corn
1 can low sodium black beans
1 can vegetable broth
1 cup quinoa
Chili powder and cumin to taste
Simmer approximately 40 minutes, until quinoa blooms
I hope you enjoy these, they are simple, nutritious and inexpensive
V
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Hi Patty- sorry to hear your ex is burdening you with his own emotional needs. I am sure everyone is adjusting to the change, but maybe you need to create some new boundaries around him coming around and spending too much time there. I always like to say sometimes you need boundaries when other people have none. Seems like unless he is there to pick up or drop off kids for visits, everything else should be an agreement.
Not sure if you have a Costco or Sam's Club membership (or if someone else you know does), but was thinking that could be a great way for you to load up on some bulk food and pre-made meals. I like some of their pre-made pasta dishes, salads, etc. Could be a great way to feed the family without having to think about meals all the time. Just a thought for you!
Hope you are feeling better physically and emotionally every day friend. We are here for you and let us know how else we can help you?
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Thinking of you!
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Hope you and the boys had a wonderful day.
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dropping in to say hi
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Hey Patty- good to hear from you. How was your weekend? Did you have some nice time with the boys yesterday? I hope you are feeling okay, no nausea or vomiting and lots of good hydration. All this is a lot of change so one day at a time. The way so many of us live anymore, right?
Wishing you a good week friend
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Hey Patty, I hope you are feathering your new nest beautifully and have everything you need. I also hope you are enjoying some solitude and not getting lonely.
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Patty there's no messing with you. You got your head on straight. I like that , you know what's up, you are not fooling yourself, you are just going at it head on. Friends with benefits if it works for you, why not?? You do what you gotta do.Feel good.
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it is a good morning. Got both dss here with me since wed and they are staying til bedtime Sunday night. Yea! Been very hard not having them around all the time. I am thankful school is out so they can stay here as much as possible. They both are wanting to live here full time and see exdh like every other weekend. As much as I wanna agree to that I know if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be furious at exdh for not making them come here.
Bbl dss waking up. I am gonna make pancakes and bacon D1 favorite meal. Ds2 loves anything with pasta so lupper ( lunch and supper mixed ) will be spaghetti
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