Joining the Stage IIIC club With a Fearful Heart
I got my pathology result today after lumpectomy and lymph node removal. 28/28 nodes so here I am. Stage IIIC.
That number of nodes has me terrified. I know there are phases--we can get through this many days, with strength and some measure of positivity. I have been feeling strong and upbeat. Then I got my results.
Today, I feel despair and no hope and convinced there's no way it hasn't spread beyond my lymph nodes.
Is it disrespectful for me to be scared of something that I know so many others have faced bravely?
I am terrified, lonely, and hopeless tonight. I know I have it in me to be strong and that will come back shortly. Just not today.