Shadow in chest is recurrence
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Hi Ann,
Thank you for your message. I found it very helpful given the similarities in our situations. You definitely gave me a lot of food for thought, particularly regarding what I need to do for an exit strategy. My conversation with my GP did not go precisely as planned. We did talk a bit about fatigue and scaling back. He is supportive but the conversation did not go as far as, "You need to reduce your hours of work. I'll sign the forms." However, I think that's fair. It's still something I struggle with - a) asking for help and b) admitting weakness!
The reality is that I need to go through six months of short term leave anyway. Your advice to take the sick time when I need it is sound. I am terrible when it comes to this... if I'm not feeling well... I work from home. MUST stop doing that!!! And, in my case, I do think that part time can work.
I see my MO at the end of April. I'll keep assessing the situation and may be discussing work with him as well. Until then... I press on.
Day started with dark snow clouds but it is now sunny and beautiful. I hope this bodes well for the weekend. Happy Friday!
Cheers. Pat
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Hi Pat,
None of the doctors told me directly to stop working, they did say though that they would support my decisions. I needed to lead it. My MO would carefully say that I needed to listen to my body. She repeated that over several months and I figure when someone says things more than once then they are trying to get me to understand what it means and do something. To help me process what I needed to do, I wrote out a statement (more for myself than HR) about how the cancer has affected me and my ability to work. It was hard to do, I cried buckets for what I had lost, but it helped me realize how much things were changing for me. The last month, it took everything I had to finish a work day, I was so exhausted. You’ll know what is right and when, you’ve taken the first step by starting the thinking on it.
An
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Good morning, everyone,
Sitting here in the California rain with my coffee. The house is quiet. So good to read your posts, and the work conversation (thank you, Pots and Pat and Jackboo and everyone else) feels so spot on to me. The struggle around whether to continue full time, part time, our new energy levels and post-treatment bodies, the relationships with coworkers/colleagues -- all of it speaks to me right now. I am also struggling with the reduced emotional investment in work itself, and the desire to do other things.
Like Pots, I have spent years doing work that I found compelling and meaningful. I have enjoyed some small but important successes. I've had good deal of attachment to my identity in my field, and in my role as an employee. In no way has it been perfect but it's been a core part of my life that I've enjoyed and grown in. But things have changed after cancer, and now, after this recurrence and working for about a month, I've been bowled over by my changed emotional state.
After the first diagnosis and treatment, coming back to work felt like a triumph. My coworkers were extremely supportive (and still are, bless them), and cheered. I am so grateful to them. Life went back to some kind of full-time, routine "normal" for awhile.
But then the recurrence happened. After chemotherapy and major surgery, my energy levels tanked. More significantly, my emotional state this time around is much more sensitive. I'm struggling much more with depression and anxiety, and small work conflicts that - before - would have barely registered with me are now taking on a much bigger magnitude and causing a lot of rumination on my part. I know this is the depression, and I'm getting help for it. But it's very difficult. I'm not as emotionally resilient as I was before. Even returning sometimes to my work desk, and sitting those first few minutes in the morning, can trigger a few quiet tears. I'm reminded. You know what I mean? I'm reminded of the old life. Of how much has changed. Of how I'm not "on top of my game." My short-term memory is shot. I feel deflated.
And I know the risk of recurrence for TNBC a third time is high. "Don't dwell on that," says my support circle, and I get that. But like so many of you I am struck with a sense of urgency about how to spend my now-ever-presently-alerted-to limited time on this planet. What, like Mary Oliver writes, will I do with this one wild and precious life?
And that's the question our encounter with mortality forces us to ask. No easy answers. No one, straight path.
I'm leaning towards less money, more time at home with family/writing/supporting others/puttering -- being. I'm leaning towards honoring my need to withdraw from the machinations of the money-earning world. What that looks like logistically is unknown, and will certainly mean sacrifices. But time is all I've got. And it's all I want.
Forgive the long post. The support and shared life here is wonderful, and I am so grateful to you all for being here.
Love out.
Jojo
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Geez, why is this work thing so hard? Once again, I am completely shattered and still have a day to get through. My ED is supportive but in the thick of things she just keeps firing things at me. It’s just not that easy, at my level, to say sorry, done for the day. But, by the time I stopped, instead of cutting back I found that I had barely given myself ten minutes break, starting before 8:00 AM and finally quitting for the day at 5:00 PM. I’m numb with exhaustion.
Part of the problem is that I don’t see my MO for another two months but when we do meet I need to have a heart to heart with him. This is simply not sustainable. It’s challenging for the healthy but for me, in pain and experiencing other issues, this is not helpful. Trying to take your advice Pots but it’s tricky! Wish me luck.
Pat.
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I think I said I would get back here soon and here I am. I agree that it was very quiet for a while. We were in the Bahamas in February sailing on some friends' catamaran. While it was enjoyable and relaxing the trouble there and back not so fun. I caught a cold and cough and it has been more than two weeks recovering. Of course having chemo three Thursdays since then did not help. However I am on the mend and plan to do inspire Health's Rain Walk tomorrow. I think Pat and anyone else in Vancouver or Victoria will know about Inspire Health. The organization provides free classes like yoga, meditation, exercise programs planned just for you, counseling, nutrition classes and a doctor plus more. The walk tomorrow is there biggest fundraiser of the year and I have a small team including my husband, my daughter and her partner. We have raised quite a bit of money which I am proud and happy. I just hope I can make it to the 5K.
I had a CT and an MRI this week and my oncologist called this afternoon. The news is mainly good although there was something seen on my right one on the MRI but not the CT. We are not worried and the scans will be repeated in three months anyway. I do have problems with weakness and wobblyness and with only one hand working it is hard to get up from being on the ground for the floor. Diane I know you will know the same.
Speaking of Diane, I believe you had cryotherapy ablation yesterday and of course we will be wondering how it went. Liz you also had a scan this week so let us know how it went. Your daughter is gorgeous.
Pat and JoJo, it is interesting to hear about your work dilemmas. I hope that you can both come to some terms with your choices but Pat it sounds that you are getting closer to making decisions and I hope that you will be happy with them. I turned 70 while we were in the Bahamas. it seems strange but I do not really feel that old. Well some days I do but not often.
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Hi all
I have been in scanxiety mode so a little absent. I saw my oncologist on Thursday and my scan is clear and unchanged from last Sept. The relief is only now beginning to sink in. Thanks for asking after me, I really appreciate it, to know that I have you all at my back means so much.
So I am now 2 years on from stage 4 dx. My second piece of news is that I have decided to apply for ill health retirement. I am 48. This of course has not been a quick decision by any means. However, we are mortgage free next month and it is the time of year when decisions are being made about staffing for Sept 2019. I love standing in front of a class but not everything it takes to do so. Handling the anxiety of this disease and the pressure from the job continues to be tough.
As to my plans, I do have to consider a small income if possible so will possibly tutor. For now, I am just looking forward to being more present. I am out of the house between 7am and 6pm 3 days of the working week.
Please forgive me, will need to read over recent posts, but a warm hello to all.
Liz x
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Hi Liz,
Getting stable scan results twice in a row feels surreal. Like is this really me?
Good for you for making a decision about your work. Once I made the decision to stop working, I felt a great calmness, relief. What you do next will be on your terms....congratulations! And let the next adventure begin.
An
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Marian, the Bahamas sounds lovely. I'm sorry you caught a cold - been struggling with a virus myself and the aches and fatigue are miserable. Chemo infusions don't help I'm sure. Glad you are on the mend and that the scans aren't worrisome. And happy belated birthday!
Liz, so glad to hear the scans are unchanged! And it sounds like you've come to a decision about work that feels right to you. I bet that's a huge relief.
I'm still trying to make that decision myself. It's a challenge to consider the needs of our daughter, bills, daily living, and weigh that over the loss of income.
Wishing you all a great Sunday and week ahead.
Jojo
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Jojo, I love your blog. You write even the hardest, saddest posts with beauty. I also love that you sometimes use words I have to look up. Reading your blog posts just now made me wonder where you are at in your triple negative life. What chemo are you on at this moment?
My blog posts are quite different and perhaps personal in a different way. My husband does not read my blog. My daughter does faithfully and always complements me. My sons read sometimes but I think they get more information when they talk to me. My youngest, age 26 who graduates from nursing school this spring, bears my cancer closest to his heart. His graduation ceremony is June 4 but he has a pinning ceremony on June 1 and when he first heard that I was metastasized, he asked me to be the person to pin him. Whenever he hears something good like the scans recently that showed no progression he is more excited and happy I think than other two. Hmmm, what got me going in this direction? Who reads the blogs I guess.
I started counselling though only one session so far. My biggest issue right now is my husband who does not like cancer or talking about it and refuses to think about counselling. Often I want to separate but it is too much now to contemplate. I hate my loss of independence. Do any of you feel a loss of independence? This is for me the loss of use of my dominant hand which makes day to day living more difficult and everything takes twice ass long to do. I have lost my trekking life and anything uphill gets my heart racing. I was a serious quilter and that is gone. On a brighter note I am enjoying colouring left handed.
Enough. Keep up the blog posts Jojo. I write only every couple of months though I think more frequently would be better for my mental health..
Ann, are you still on Pacletaxel and if yes, how many treatments now? I keep hearing there are limits.
Liz, the reasons for taking early ill-health leave makes sense in so many ways and we know you have given it much thought. Pat I hear you too.
Marian
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Hi Marian,
I finished Taxol in early October. In BC, I was told 6 cycles max. In Ontario, I had the option of 6-9. I think the dosage might be different too. In BC the standard was higher than in Ontario. I got 21 treatments, 6 -7 full cycles? What number/cycle are you on?
Loss of independence is a big one...I certainly felt more trapped when I was doing taxol. Also I had to ask to reduce the dosage after cycle 3 as it was affecting my mood, emotions, perspective....I was a mess. So if you are feeling more down and dark, consider asking about a lower dose. The change made a huge difference. I think our challenge with this disease is navigating a lot of losses....independence, health, vitality, energy, brainpower...OMG the list goes on. Losing your right hand mobility has got to be tough and a big change, you’re having to learn how to use your left hand! 6 months post taxol, I am feeling more like myself again.
My husband went to one counselling session by himself...that’s it. Didn’t think anything more was necessary. I think he lives in a world of denial and false hope. I have resigned myself to the fact that when things go sideways for me or when I need a lot more help, I will need to hire someone or find it myself. He is blind to what I need. I know he cares, but he doesn’t have the skill or ability to be empathetic. It is what it is.
All this to say, you’re not alone Marian.
Big hugs,
Ann
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Hi All,
Well, it's past my bedtime here but I'm lying awake stewing. I had a bit of a slap in the face today at work which has my brain spinning. My ED pulled me aside as the person who deals with the finances to let me know that HR had carried out a review and decided that my co-worker is underpaid compared to others at his band. What this means is he will be getting an increase to almost the same salary I am earning despite the fact that he is at a lower band and has less responsibility. I was gobsmacked.
My ED kept saying it's not personal and it wasn't her call but she supported it. The challenge is this is a guy who made a very conscious and deliberate decision to maintain work life balance despite his role. He is in at 8, always goes out for lunch, has multiple e-cigarette breaks through the day, spends hours chatting with colleagues and has his man purse on his shoulder at 3:55 each day, out the door by 4:00. In the meantime my boss keeps firing things at me. I am now earning the equivalent of about 5 minutes a day more than him - that's less than one e-cig break for gods sake.
When I expressed my views, my ED said, in all fairness she has been doing everything she could to accommodate me. I felt like hitting her. Accommodating me how exactly? I'm working full time plus, work through lunches, regularly work late. I WORK from home once a week - emphasis on the work bit. Oh, maybe she is accommodating me by allowing me to go to medical appointments cuz, oh... I have cancer!
I’m trying to put it into perspective as a very good reminder that I need to follow through on my plan to cut back as clearly the only one who will look after me is me. Right now I’m just royally ticked off and feel like an idiot.My ED essentially indicated I was hardwired to perform. She may be in for a shock. The timing is interesting and may be Devine intervention. I have started the ball rolling to investigate how I can cut back. I am not sure where these conversations will go but can’t help but wonder how Mr. Work-Life Balance will like picking up the slack.... 😏
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Hi Pat
I share an exam class with a co-worker who has basically left me to sort out the coursework for the group. She has ignored my e mails, manipulated the students over deadlines and left me with all the admin to do alone before I can sign off the work that is sent away to the exam board. Basically, she has thrown me under the bus on a number of levels.
I mention this because there are some parallels with your own cig break co-worker. It doesn't appear to make any difference that you and I are good at our jobs and always go the extra mile.
So this is where I am: I am limping through to retire now. I have to get all the forms in and the class I mentioned above finish on 15th May. After that I am out of there- no looking back.
Now you know that this is not like me, so what has changed? I made the decision, felt wobbly for a short time and then this wave of acceptance and euphoria hit. I finally realised that I am doing the right thing, even at the age of 48.
Back to your situation. I believe that you might be experiencing cancer compassion fatigue. Your boss is throwing it back in your face, hence the comments about doing all these things to help you. If we raise anything, it is all too easy for those around us to sneakily bring up our time off for appointments, sickness absence etc. It stinks, it is unfair, but it does happen.
I have seen just how much of yourself you have given to your career. It is now up to you to decide if you are prepared to keep on giving. I hope things have improved in the gap between you posting and my current reply.
Thinking of you.
Liz
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Liz well done and I am so happy you came to acceptance. I wonder if your co-worker is piling it on because she knows she will never have to face you.
Pat your boss sounds truly like an uncaring bitch who knowingly is throwing you under the bus. Is there someone higher up that you can see before you make a retirement decision?
Ann, thank you for your comments re husband. I could have written what you wrote. I will send an email with more plus copies of all the women who came to my lower mainland plus potlucks and we can try to plan one for the fall at my friends house in Kits. Spring/summer gets too busy and November became the best month for the 3 potluck I did plus yours was also November wasn't it? Would love to see you and will plan on it when I next come to Vancouver, probably May.
Jo, i continue to love your blog posts.
Di, I never stop thinking of you and want to know how your surgery and then treatment has gone.
Marian
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Hi All,
Thank you so much for the support. My boss really is not uncaring. She is generally kind, thoughtful and generous but has an unfortunate tendency to think of herself first in work related issues. I think it's in part due to the struggle women often have in advancing through the ranks. Her first gut reaction is to think about how it impacts her and the office. I've learned to adapt to this style by gradually introducing a concept, giving her time to think things through. This usually leads to her making the “right decision" eventually. As an example, when I first broached the subject of reducing hours she had an immediate negative response but now she is supportive. (Mind you, I suspect she may have raised this with her supervisor who likely pointed out that it really isn't a matter of choice - they have a duty to accommodate.)
This situation is getting more interesting all the time. I had another chat with her about it, outlining my concerns. She agreed she would raise it with her boss when they met yesterday. As a preemptive strike I followed up with an email laying out the salient facts, pointing out that my health is irrelevant in this situation - I am currently working full time and have fewer sick days than most of the staff (less than 6 last year and I had pneumonia for God's sake!). I thanked her for discussing this with her boss and even mentioned that I realized there may not be much that can be done.
Well, one would think that would lead to a quick follow up with me. Either yes, they will go back to HR to have my pay reviewed or no, sorry and this is why. Nothing. Instead I noticed in her calendar that she had scheduled a call with a retired senior public servant who now leads the employee association for management. Very odd. As my friend in Brazil would say... “Something smells putrid!"
So, now it's a waiting game. Not sure what the game is or where this is going. They may be worried given my diagnosis. Just not sure. But it should prove to be interesting!
Hugs to all. Pat.
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Hi all, I had cyrotherapy. During procedure I remember telling them that it hurt, hurts so bad. They stopped and gave me more anesthesia after that I didn't remember anything. Dr said my back was going to hurt for a few days and it sure did. 3 weeks on and my scapula area and ribs where mesh was put in for chest wall rebuild still hurts. I now can't wear a bra cause the strap and band causes pressure in those areas and aggravates it. I got the results from biopsy testing it is positive for a protein PD-L1. The clinical trial I was going to do was just approved by the FDA. The clinical trial has an immunotherapy drug called Tecentric and Abraxane. I started treatment yesterday. When I got home I took a nap then got up to feed my furbabies then went back to bed. This morning I got up and fed furbabies and went back to bed and didn't get up til 2:10. Geez that's alot of sleep.i will do 1-2 rounds of treatment each treatment is 28 days then get ct scan. First week I get chemo plus immunotherapy 2nd week I get chemo 3rd week I get both. If treatment is working I will do 6 cycles. I won't finish treatment until end of September. My next treatment is April 5th.
Liz happy to hear you made your decision about work. I know it's hard to leave a job you have worked at for so long and enjoy. Just think now you can spend more time with your family and grandbaby. So happy to hear you got good scan results! Praying for many more!
Marian I just love the Bahamas. I've been there several times. Your photo is beautiful. I know what you mean about not having the use of your hand. Yes things take twice as long. I too like to color now that alot of my other activities have been taken from me. Happy belated Birthday! What a great way to spend your Birthday.
Pat your like alot of us. Your a hard worker. I understand fully about co-workers moving up the ladder and making the same amount of wages and not knowing all the job entitles. It stinks and it's not right. I was in the same situation with a co-worker and on top of that my boss wanted me to train them. Needless to say i only showed them the basics and didn't give up my secrets. It was like my boss knew the day was coming when i would leave on permanent disability and wanted to make his job easier.
I truly understand about hubby putting their self's in a bubble and not wanting to see what our futures could be. My boyfriend and parents don't even want to hear bad things. I tried telling them where my important paperwork is in case some day they need it and they didn't want to hear it.
I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
Love to all Diane
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So good to hear from you Diane. It sounds so amazing what they have done with the cryotherapy and also rebuilding the chest wall. Your timing for the clinical trial could not have been better I look forward to hearing how it goes. As far as your sleeping goes, your body must need it. What we go through makes a normal person's routine look like a walk in the park. My paclitaxel every week for three weeks with a week off does take a toll even though it is nothing compared to yours. Thursday is my chemo day and I have lots of energy from the steroid, dexamethasone but eventually become very tired. This morning I am sitting around taking it easy after quite a bit of garden work since chemo Thursday. However our garden looks great and we did have help for a few hours yesterday. Left-handed gardening is slow but rewarding and I often just sit down and prune wherever I am. The past two mornings have been very foggy and suddenly just now a yacht race came out of the mist. I will try to add it.
Pat, your commentary about your boss does make her sound more reasonable, nevertheless it seems wrong that you have to do so much work around her needs an attitude. I hope that you can come to a reasonable conclusion. Liz, I suspect you are counting the days.
Ann, I know I responded earlier somewhere else to you but again, your last paragraph above is so much like my husband. I go to my second counseling session tomorrow at Inspire Health. I have to do it for myself.
I hope it is a sunny day where ever all of you are.
Love Marian
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Hi Di.
So glad to see you post. I have to say... you are one tough cookie! Cryotherapy does not sound at all pleasant. Ouch!!! I hope you treatment tomorrow goes well.
After a stressful week, it appears that I will not be satisfied on the issue of compensation. While I'm obviously disappointed, I am taking a more sanguine approach to this. The positive outcome is that it is pushing me to make decisions about work that I have been vacillating over for months. I had a call with support from the Cancer Agency again yesterday and feel confident that I have a plan. It still feels like a gargantuan step to cut back on work - still not entirely sure of the financial impact as going to part-time complicates the plot - but I am starting to lay the groundwork. The fatigue and stress is getting on top of me and that can't be helpful.
I'll let everyone know how things go. Stay tuned!!
Pat
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I wish you luck Pat. Hope you find some peace with a way to move forward whatever the outcome
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Good morning, everyone,
It's been awhile. Despite flu and pneumonia vaccinations, I came down with some terrible bug last month that wiped me out. I've still got some residual bone aches/pains, that I am trying to remain calm about. If they continue, it'll be yet another call to the oncologist.
Like you, Marian, I'm learning to deal with more limited hand and arm mobility. The rib surgery and mesh implant were huge, and I had to stop all physical therapy last month due to sudden and acute shoulder pain. So, on top of the virus, I'm recovering and in chronic pain, and every day has been a slog. I work part time, and have had to take partial days off even then. The fatigue has just knocked me out, and I get these weird afternoon sudden chills/bone pain that just knock me out. Marian, the pictures you posted are lovely and thank you for the comments about my blog. Writing is very therapeutic for me. I love the personal touch of your blog, and the descriptions of your adventures. I hope counseling continues to give you support.
Pat, I'm sorry to hear about your work situation and want to offer empathy. The frustration of not only being asked to do more work while someone at a similar level and similar salary does considerably less, while you have CANCER...grrr. And yet it sounds like you've really homed in on some workarounds with your boss. Work questions are so huge, and I share your uncertainty. Where do we go? How invested are we? What are our new priorities and what do we want to do with our time? I do hope the Cancer Agency and the plan give some path forward. Please keep us posted.
Di, I'm wishing the cryotherapy sounds tough! I hope you are getting the rest you need and that the clinical trial works. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Liz, I am in such admiration of the decision you have made to retire. I'm in a very similar situation and have not come to any resolution. Are you retiring this year? What were some of the deciding factors for you? I'd love to hear how you came to this decision, as I am feeling myself more and more disengaged - not hostile, not resenting - from the entire concept of paid work. Like the rest of us, I've faced cancer multiple times now, and the question of how I want to spend my time is much more urgent.
Wishing you all continued recovery going forward. We have the first sunny, spring days ahead now and my small wildflower sproutlings are coming up big. It's such pleasure to just look at them and see their small growth. There must some symbolism in there somewhere.
Love out.
Jojo
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Hi Jojobird
Firstly, I am sorry to hear about the virus and the pain. I am amazed that you have been able to work at all feeling like this. Hopefully the virus will go very soon and you will begin to pick up. I do hope so Jojo.
I have now completed all the ill health paper work, but my oncologist has jet to write up his report and so everything is on hold. He has been in receipt of the papers for nearly a month. Obviously, this is a cause of immense frustration for me. I want to send it all off to Teachers pensions and get a decision. Yesterday was a HP treatment for me and was really hoping it would be waiting for me at the clinic, but no.
You asked about my decision. I feel it was a build up of increasing anxiety, sheer fatigue and a succession of physical symptoms. The most recent issue has been ingrown toenails- painful and infected but I have now had partial nail surgery and so they are healing. My point being, there always seems to be some issue I am struggling with.
Emotionally, this stage 4 dx is hard to deal with alongside a demanding job. I want to be able to look after myself a little more and family life will run more smoothly with one parent around, rather than being out of the house for 12 hours.
All this being said, not an easy decision. I am haunted by the need to have time for me while I am still well enough to enjoy it. I think this was the bottom line.
I wish you luck with your decision.
L x
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Liz it strikes me as being unconscionable that your doctor has taken this long for the report. Is there a way via his staff to push this forward?
I admire all of you you are going through this process of retirement and the need to advocate for yourselves simply to get what you deserve. I also note that many of you find it hard to give up work because you have always enjoyed it or felt rewarded by it.
Jo, I have read over some of your blog posts and also your February piece for Sharecancer where you describe your surgery in more detail. I do hope that you are able to get more strength back so that you have complete use of your dominant side.
Last week we went to the west coast of Vancouver Island and stayed in Uclulet for three nights. We went on two forest/coastal hikes, one 5 km and the second over 6 km and more hilly. It felt good and reminded me of what I was doing two years ago. For the second hike we were joined by my daughter's best friend who is five months pregnant, and her husband. They met on one of my 2014 treks, so more memories.
Since we got home Friday, I have been exhausted but not sure it is due to the activity but in part, feeling down again due to the fu**ing cancer and what it does both physically and mentally. oh well, I have "Game of Thrones" to look forward to tonight.
One thing that strikes me so often is how lucky I am in many ways but how much guilt I feel when I am unhappy. So strange this life with Stage IV breast cancer.
Marian
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Hi Liz,
I can only imagine how frustrating the delay is. I find now that once I have made a decision, after much agonizing, I want it “done” and over with. Did you speak to your physician about your decision at your last appointment? I wonder if perhaps he is holding off until your next appointment so that he has an opportunity to chat with you prior to finalizing. There may be details about how you are feeling that he wants to capture in the paperwork.
Sorry to hear about your challenges Jo. Hopefully things will improve soon. Marian, the hiking sounds wonderful but I’m sorry that the rebound had you feeling down. That’s one advantage to work, it takes a person away from cancer land for at least a little while.
I have initiated the first step in my plan to make work more manageable. I’ve drawn a line in the sand, blocking off lunch breaks and my departure times in my calendar as a signal to colleagues, staff, my boss and myself that I need to work regular hours and no more than that. I’ve backed this up with a note from my GP. We’ll see how things go but I have to admit that I am seeing improvement with this simple step. It will, of course, be interesting to see if my boss adheres to this when the next “urgent” request comes.
I’m off next week which should provide time for my body to rest.
Sending hugs to all. Pat.
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Hi to all,
I have retired! I taught my last lesson on Thur 2nd May. I feel at peace with the decision. I’m happy and I am looking forward to a rest and a new chapter. I never thought I’d be able to say that being stage 4 but I really am.
L
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Yay! doing a Happy dance for you! Enjoy the time to rest and don’t be surprised if you feel exhausted after a few days off. There’s a tiredness that we carry that seems to take a while to work it’s way out. I bet Monday morning felt very good knowing you could stay home!
Pat, how is your work situation unfolding?
Be well,
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Hi Jackaboo....congratulations on your new life..
yes a weight is definately lifted..lightness of being is a delightful space to be when you retire from teaching
...no more damm reports and bells to remind us!
More time to do the things you enjoy fill your days with busy things is my motto
Im even making time for costume for reinacting and steampunk has broadened my horizons
Might even get to the Viiking festival at York next year
We have the freedom to decide
Enjoy your planning and new horizons
All the best
Bright in hope
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Hi all, just a short update on my treatment as I'm exhausted. Had treatment today at 1:30. I'm on my second round of treatment with Abraxane and Tecentric. After treatment I'm exhausted. Tuesday I have a ct scan and that will decide whether the treatment is working or we stop treatment. My scapula area continues to hurt which makes me believe that the cyrotherapy didn't work this is on my amputation side. I can hardly move my shoulder up and down. Dr. put me on Fentanyl patch to help with the pain and it does help greatly. Dreading scan tuesday.
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Hi Di,
The treatment you are on sounds gruelling. You have been through so much it just stinks. I will be thinking of you on Tuesday.
Pots, Bright and everyone who has wished me well after leaving my job- thank you.
Liz x
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Diane, I feel so badly about this treatment and the side effects not to mention the worry about whether treatment is working. Despite your fear of tomorrow's scan, at least you and your team will know and then either carry on or look for a new treatment. You have had such hard luck and ongoing terrible pain and we know what it is like to have no use on the cancer side.
Liz, I can almost feel the lightness that you have now work is done. Pat, how goes it with your initiation of work changes? Jojo, what about you? Any relief?Hi Bright55~~is 55 your age?
Ann, let's try for a phone call soon? I hope to get to Vancouver in June. I go to Terrace for my youngest son's grad ceremony and pinning ceremony from his BSNursing end of this month.
Bone scan was good other than some bright areas on right leg but most likely old injuries but when I have my CT in June she will add knee just in case it is not arthritis or injury related. I am feeling pretty good and start cycle 7 on Taxol this week. Fatigue gets me but I am not a spring chicken.
Marian
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hi everyone and
Marie Elizabeth..55 is day of birth..I am now 64 or as old as rock n roll !
I dont post very often..sometimes by here and on lung mets .
I have visited your beautiful BC capital in the early 90's camped in the yukon and small plane journied to the high arctic so love the outdoors.
I am still on monotherapy for lung mets....Last three months have had moderate anxiety waiting to see if the change from letrozole to tamoxifen would stablise the lung tumours which had again started increase after three years. This week good news woo hoo tumours have reduced and ct and bone scan showed no progression.
Celebrating with A sister and two friends all outddoor fanatics and me will meet up in the the wilds of western australia for camping starting early june in Broome, swim with whale sharks and magnificant scenery like the Bungle Bungles finish in Darwin
No leg pain as no letrozole .....so should enjoy the ups ands downs of camping.
All the best with treatment everyone
Bright in hope
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