My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
Oh my god Mara, I don't think I have ever met anyone who has cited Greatest American Hero before! Its one of my first memories, that show. That and Mork and Mindy and TJ Hooker. I can still recite the theme tune from memory, even if I haven't heard it in almost 40 years. I was watching Carrie (the original) the other week and man Katt had such lush hair. I hope it makes you feel better., or at least comforted while you let the cold meds work!
I can now check off rads - only I had a fumble at the hospital with the date. I thought it was today, the card said tomorrow, but I think last week the tech had said Thursday. Anyway, they were able to work me in after I waited for an hour, which I was thankful for given the traffic. I cant say I was dancing off the table, but I think I can stand up a bit straighter actually. We'll see how the next few sessions go. Feel ok so far, but have had a tension headache all day due to sleeping weird and the cold/fog going on.
Hope everyone has a really lovely Thanskgiving next week, you all sound like you have some great plans!
0 -
I felt good this morning, then the nap hit me. Knocked me out. Next thing I know it is 430 and looking darker. My dogs passed out with me also, so we all Did well In that department. Gotta fast tonight after noon for blood work tomorrow and XGeva shot. So I won't be feeling too terrifically motivated to do anything. This weekmy energy levels were meh,,, I think I do better my week on the chemo and not as well off chemo. It does feel better taking one week on and one week off. It's more tolerable for me. I'll be starting month number #38 of Ibrance. Keep working little brown pill. Please !!!!
0 -
Sondra, I remember all those other shows too, especially his hair in Carrie. I don't feel as bad as I sound. I now have laryngitis, ha ha. Wouldn't you k now it, I had to call my cable company 3 separate times today which was annoying as hell. Two people were quite nice, one was really rude. Kept saying Oh my God. I told her she should hit the mute button if she wants to say anything. I worked in customer service on the phone and if I was frustrated, I would make sure to hit mute if I needed to make a comment. This agent was sloppy. Needless to say that really ticked me off though now my issue has been resolved.
Mel, fingers crossed for you that you can stay on your treatment for years to come.
Myself, other than the phone frustration, I am gradually recovering. It feels slow but I have to remember I was only noticing a sore throat Sunday night. The fact that I am coughing is good as I don't wish to have a really sore chest. No shortness of breath and I managed almost an hour of walking. Took a lot of songs to make it up but just as beneficial and I did not huff and puff. Kept me from getting too frustrated today. Going to try going to bed a bit earlier as well and hope for good sleep. Maybe my voice will improve. Sounds worse than I feel.
0 -
Having a crappy day. Does anyone else wish they could trade in their spouse for a new one? Or just dump them and run? I am drifting more and more away from my DH. He is an only child (I’m not picking on only children, I promise) who was so spoiled and coddled by his parents. Everything was done for him growing up. He didn’t even know how to keep a checkbook when we were first married. He is emotionally unable to handle my diagnosis—he acts like I have nothing wrong...I can tell he thinks I’m faking it when I am too tired to do many of the things I used to (everyday things). Sex? I know this part is my fault, but I don’t care if we never get intimate again. He drinks too much; we’ve discussed itmany times. It is certainly his crutch.
I am going to see a counselor at my church to talk about this, and hopefully come to some kind of resolution.
Anyone else feel this way?
0 -
Off and on Booboo for us. So I'm about eight months into dx and at first we grew closer together but lately it's been a little different. I sometimes feel like he just does not and cannot understand what I feel like inside and doesn't want to know. He'll cook dinner and goes to work and assures me that he will take care of everything but I'm not sure about this at all. I've always been the responsible one and the one who sees that there is a holiday dinner, or a family get-together. At first DH would tell our family and friends I was going to live another ten years. He'd call it the ten year plan. This pissed me off. What plan??? I didn't plan it. It pissed me off more and more. Now he's telling people 10-20 years. He is in complete denial and won't talk about it. My DH was a bit like yours - sort of like an orphan before he married me becuase although he came from a large family, he was a bit of the black sheep. He will be an orphan again after I die and has told me he plans to sell everything, buy a small RV and leave here forever. I call that running away. I'm angry with him right now about this and his denial, but we go to therapy together. It really helps alot, but he lets me do all the talking there which is also pissing me off. I'm sad you are going through this too. I think it's a big bump for us but his family background and my taking care of things for him all these years has not helped the situation either.
0 -
....btw BooBoo I feel like running away today too. Do you think the upcoming holidays are starting to creep into our awareness? I know for me this always brings up a little PTSD about other things and holidays can be happy AND sad for me. Sometimes the anticipation of it causes little "things" to come up. Holidays. How many more will I have? I think this a lot. And I don't want to think that. I'm PISSED I have to think that. I have to work to enjoy the holiday I'm having right now. Your post sounds like you need a hug and someone to really hear you. I'm glad you are seeking out a counselor. That is the very best thing you can do.
0 -
Moomala,
Thank you SO much for your kind reply and your understanding. I know there are probably thousands of us that feel isolated and alone in this journey. I hesitated to even post it, but thought maybe putting it out there would make it easier to be supportive for others feeling the same way. I also think you could have hit on a very real truth. The holidays have always stressed me out. I have had some very difficult holidays over the years with family members....so thank you for bringing that up. I do think the healthiest thing to do is go to counseling. I don’t know if there is any couple that have a game plan for how to navigate marriage after a terminal dx. I totally get it why you would be pissed about your husband’s discussion about how long you have. I think it’s is a coping mechanism...mine just laughs and says I’ll live forever. That’s pisses me off too.
0 -
Tanya the pics are on page 400 November 18. I'm so excited for you and Booboo to meet each other. Awesome.
I survived my dreaded y90. And, I haven't had the pain I had with the first ones two and one half years ago. Yay. My liver did complain some yesterday but it's okay today. So far, so good. He said he was able to get all of the big ones and a bunch of tiny ones in my right lobe.
The left lobe will be about mid December. I'm sure I won't dread it as much since this has been so easy. It feels so good to have two procedures behind me and only one to go.
I see my MO on January 6. She has mentioned using capecitobine for my next chemo. It's the only one I haven't already had.
Hi to everyone, we're in this mess together.💞
0 -
Boohoo and Moomala, marital relationships are just HARD. My DH of 32 years has had all sorts of stuff going on over the last 12 years including my stuff and I feel incredibly guilty about that. The last year and a half just about broke us and also brought us closer weirdly. He's a middle aged intelligent Scottish man... trust me they don't talk. They drink, get angry and have no clue how to deal with our shit. BUT he just attended his own first counselling session last week after speaking with his favourite GP doc who said he needed to do something or he'd break and end up a gibbering wreck ....again. I set it up with cancer support Scotland, but the decision was his entirely and he likes his counsellor, who is a woman in her sixties, Dutch and straight talking.... no patting the hand and saying poor you. Just what he needs but would NEVER have considered a while ago.
I also had some professional counselling this year from a different source.... not something that comes naturally to me, but I do think she helped me clarify and accept my situation a bit more calmly. Talking here helps too if only to just to get the thing out of your head and on the table in a safe place.
0 -
Good evening all
Grannax I saw your pics
Booboo and moomala marriage is work but it has to be everyone. It’s a test for sure but I am good friends with my husband that happened over 40 years. We’ve endured many many many ups and downs. As far as the cancer diagnosis I try not to let it get in my head space. He wants to get counseling but has not done that yet. Hang in there it’s a tough time for us and the last thing we need is stress.
I went for a walk alone today. It was wonderful. I don’t know where the energy came from but I’ll take it.
Did anyone shop the before Black Friday Black Friday today?
Have a good weekend all
Tanya
0 -
Tanja - they've even made Black Friday a 'thing' here in the UK which always seemed odd to me as an American over here. And it seems like regardless of when Thanksgiving actually it, the de facto date for Black Friday in retail (regardless of country) is now around 22-24th. Its a late Tgiving this year for sure.
Karen - I definitely prefer the straight talk approach - love the no-nonsense Dutch therapist! Scottish men are really lovely (and very straightforward themselves) but you are right, they do tend to hide issues deep down and cover with drink. I hope he continues the counselling though - Im starting to think that could be good for my partner too as I suspect hes in a bit of denial (Swedish, they are very practical)
Having a rough day managing frustration and expectations. Frustrated at the ongoing back issues (now on the left side! weee!), worried that I am hitting the wall of expectations vs reality for this 'new normal' and learning day by day what my cancer means for me and lifestyle. Other than the (good side) needling back pain I feel fine and have a bunch of energy that I just can't use
But the frustration comes out in tears and that wasn't helpful for my partner this morning. I just want to clean the house and do the laundry and take the load off him so he can go off and do something else and.. I can't. I also got an email from my mom and I realised shes only heard one half of my diagnosis and it wasn't the stage IV part. I told them before the bone scan was back confirming the CT. I feel terrible knowing I am going to have to tell her soon, and its weighing on me.
It'll get better. One day at a time.
0 -
Karen~Hi honey.. I think we all have marital challenges. I am not the woman I used to be and that saddens me, he has his needs I know. It's like a job keeping a marriage together. I don't mind that job though because he's wonderful. He talk and feels But it fully aware of my condition and pulls no wool over the reality. It may be the reason I haven't fallen apart!
BooBoo~Moomala~ I feel so different about sexual contact because i feel like I have lost my sexy. I can't feel intimate if I feel like a scarred mess. Cancer life is the pits. For sure I'm so glad we have each other!
Waving to sweet Tanya~ Mara~Candy~Mae~ Laine~ Simone ~Sondra~.Grannax♥️ And I'll be back soon. Still waking up. Got my shot yesterday. Xgeva. Some months are ok. Others aren't so much. This time I Am a Bit achey! Yuck. But so far blood work looks good Tested thyroid , Cholesterol and all of that stuff so I had to fast. Boy was I grumpy without my coffee. I could Barely function. That little cup of java makes such a difference
0 -
Hi Karen, will be in your pocket, and there for the bollie lol
Understand the husband problems, counselling should help, fingers crossed x
0 -
Thank you Minnie, much appreciated
0 -
Minnie~ Hello lovely! Hope You’re enjoying your weekend and by now getting ready for bedtime which is my favorite time of the day. Always good to see you.... hope your hip is cooperating with you!
Karen~ You’ll have full pockets!! That’s for sure... wear a big smock! With huge pockets. Mae has something And it works wonderful..
0 -
Karen, I will be in your pocket as well.
Mel, I also like the getting ready for bed time of day myself and snuggling under my blankets.
0 -
Hey All, sorry I’ve been away for a bit. I’ve had one of those nagging colds/coughs. It’s improved to cough only and is hopefully on its way out. My MO nurse ordered antibiotics when I called to ask who I should see —primary or onc. Easy, and I think it’s helped.
I think I mentioned that my MO suggested more aggressive treatment because of good response to I/L and that she now thinks I’m oligometastatic. I’m scheduled for a lumpectomy (with node dissection probably) on Dec 4 and getting a little nervous. Mainly about the node dissection and issues that may go with it like lymphedema. Radiation (25 sessions) is recommended also because of my positive nodes, which is a little scary too. I was feeling good about the aggressive plan but now I’m wavering some. At my consult with the IR she said Id be a candidate for sbrt but it might be wise to wait for progression because the mets are very small now (2 mm and 5 mm). Of course there’s that big unknown of when new things show up.
Sorry to go on about all this but I wanted to say hello and give a little update. Our river cruise in October was awesome, even with some gray and cold days.
Glad to see that MicMel’s living room is still a cozy, comfortable place with room for all of us. You must have a lot of furniture, Mel.
0 -
Thanks to all who responded about how hard the marital life can be with this disease. It really is so nice to know we can come here and talk about anything. That support is what keeps me going. We are in this together, and I thank God I have you ladies to chat with.
Hope you all have a great day
0 -
BooBoo!~ Trust me, my DH and I just had a talk about this same thing this weekend, I lost my shit! Bawled like a baby. I feel so much different inside about sex. It's very difficult when your heart is in it, but your body is the opposite, achey and hot flashes..... dizziness.... I mean how can that Not be sexy for us? Ugh! I feel like I'm a lost little puppy in a large tide pulling me out to sea.. I struggle so much with being enough for him. He deserves to be happy also. But physically for me, I don't feel sexy or even attractive. So why would I have those feelings of sexual need? They are gone it seems. I only muster them up because deep inside my heart. I know he deserves a loving woman. It's so hard. And a fine line for us both to walk. I believe a lot more Women Feel this way, but just don't admit it, or even want to talk about it. It's very vulnerable way to feel when you once were such a sexual creature. At least I felt I was. Now I am no longer that woman. My hormones hate me. And they let me know it. Hugs to you my sweet friend. I adore you!
0 -
Oh Mel,
You are such a gem. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known, and that’s why your hubby loves you. And all of us here too. I talked to my hubby again about everything, and I feel better after our discussion. Sometimes they get it, and sometimes they don’t. I’ll just find the kind of support I need here and with the women’s bible study I just joined. And now that I have met Tanya, I feel like I have a sister who is close, and who I can confide in. So I am blessed.
Take care, and don’t ever forget how much you are loved!
0 -
Micmel, just had a wedding party yesterday. Good fun, not young folk, but 50ish. Plenty of good music, and a quiet Sunday to follow.
Hope everyone is doing ok, sending love, see you all in the pockets this week xx
0 -
Tanya Yes, it was special walking with her. She is not stage IV and thought she didn't qualify. I had to talk her into it. Part of my story is how BC and MBC have affected our family, I knew she belonged on that runway. Science has not caught up with us yet, they have not isolated our gene mutation. They know we have one. MY mother and her mother died of MBC. I, like my mother, have had four DX of BC and MBC. My sister was DX in 2012 with stage 0, PTL, but had a double TRAM.💞
0 -
Rosie - thanks for the update, I'm really interested to watch your case, so if you feel comfortable sharing as you go forward, there is at least one avid reader here!
Just checking in as I start my run through Hospital Week. Did rads this morning and got my favorite Christmas sandwich on the way home (which required more walking between bus stops). It is amazing to feel the muscles 'turn back on' in the right side though, like my butt is actually engaging without me having to consciously squeeze it. Gives me hope that I can still engage with the holiday season in a few weeks and make it to some of the social events planned.
For mel and boo and moomala and Philly and all the other lovely ladies - I hope you have a great holiday week and spend a wonderful time with your families.
0 -
Good Monday morning all
Karen it’s like a reunion tour of pocket people for you. Key lime pie is such a mess in here.
Booboo and moomala on a lighter note with husbands and intimacy my ambien side effects say something about the side effects being that you sneak out of the house and have sex with a stranger. Every time I take a pill my husband asks if it’s the sexy one. Lol
Minnie glad you had a partying Saturday night. I find that I have to have major rest time in between binge activities. I’m just glad to do the activities.
Grannax for these 16 years of BC and now MBC I didn’t identify any family members in my history. However in 2017 I did ancestry and located my grandmothers father and his niece explained to me that two of her sisters had it. She’s in her 80’s and she also said that another female family member probably had it too but the medical world wasn’t that diagnosed. I have no information on my mother’s father as she’s adopted both my grandmother and mother
I’m sure it must be horrifying for your sister to know what you’ve gone through and have any diagnosis.
Sondra walking makes me happy too.
Tany
0 -
good afternoon my friends!!
Hope everyone is feeling as well as can be on this beautiful sunny Monday.
I don’t have much excitement to report. A couple days of scans approaching in the next two weeks. I’m taking a 3 week break from letrozole to see if my aches and pains calm down. Having a lumbar spine MRI next Tuesday and then in two weeks the usual CT scan and nuclear bone scan in same day. My MO knows that I want him to call me ASAP with results. No waiting for me! I’ll report back!
I slept till 11am and stayed in bed till 1pm today zzzz I guess catching up from my work week last week and then a full day yesterday of socializing and exercising.
I think I found the right medical marijuana for sleep myself: it’s a tincture and I take 1/4 a dropper full before bed and man I conk out! It’s fantastic!! I did originally take too much (1/2 dropper full) and was having cool visualizations when my eyes were closed but with the most terrible dry mouth!!
Love and hellos and hugs to all my buddies here. You are all very special in my heart and mind and I send you each love and healing thoughts every day!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💞💜🖤❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️
0 -
Hello everyone. Hanging out at the cabin this week, DH and friends are digging a trench and laying the electrical lines, hopefully we’ll have the breaker box and outlets installed tomorrow. Rough work in this weather, which is about 50 degrees with howling winds and light rain. Meanwhile, I’m inside watching Netflix and hanging out with our friends 3 weenies 😁
0 -
Mae more pics of the weenies please!!! 😍😍
0 -
Hi all. I have been reading your posts the last few days, but just not adding much to the conversation. Sorry. Some stuff going on here. Not cancer, just stuff.
So today I saw my MO for the routine visit with her. I posted update on Ibrance Thread and Liver Met Thread. In short, continuing Ibrance/Letrozole/Lupron, changing Xgeva to quarterly from monthly, changing TM's to every 2 months from monthly (since they are not too accurate for me), and next routine CT scans in Feb (if insurance agrees).
I pray for you all daily. I thank God for this site and all you wonderful virtual friends. You understand where my tangible friends/family just cannot.
Hugs.
0 -
Ladies... you make me 😂 with your exploits! Keep it up please and especially you Philly
0 -
Weenies 😁
0
