My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer
Comments
-
Mel, Moth, with you.
0 -
In your pocket for scans Mel and Moth. I'll bring all kinds of naughty but good things. Don't worry, it's all legal. Hopefully no bail money will be necessary.
I started an exercise routine this morning and now I painting my room. I think I'm going to pay for all this activity. Right now I am thinking it's time for a lunch break.
I had scans in July when my bone mets were discovered. On those scans and the CT scans in Oct and Dec, they mentioned an symmetrically enlarged left. This was not present on CT on Nov 2014. On my scan on Feb 18, the report said left 3cm adnexal mass, unchanged from previous scans. I am having an ultrasound on March 12. Ugh.
0 -
You should mention that to your MO Philly because I also don't think they always take our anxiety into account when waiting so long. It does not hurt to remind them.
Starting to feel lonely without family wanting to come see me. They definitely are there when I NEED them ie for a medical issue, come to appointments etc. No problems when it is necessary, but am missing them for wanting to socialize. I also am sad that my SIL and niece, both of whom have a lot of money have found a way and know what to get to sell on Poshmark at a profit. Knowing that I cannot work and feeling the need to wash and reuse paper towel in the washing machine and am anxious about money, won't share with me what they buy, where and what should be bought. It could be an easy way to make a few dollars to put into my pocket but they will not help.
Just feeling sorry for myself, will have to find a way to do things on my own I guess. Just build my own life and not worry about what other people do or do not do for me. Is not worth a conversation, I need to rely on myself, you guys and my phone friend as well. Thanks for listening, just feeling sorry for myself today.
.
0 -
Hello to all on this Sunday,
Mel & moth- In your pockets for your scans. I like how moth said it, about putting your anxiety in a tote bag and letting us take turns holding it. I need to remember that one. Reminds me I am not alone in this and is a good visual that you all are here to help carry the load.
Philly- Yes it is hard to accept the dependence we have on our oncs. How we hang onto everything they say, and don't say. You should mention this to your MO. Remind him that you are an individual and how scary it is to wait for the message from the doc that everything is ok.
dutchiris- In your pocket for your ultrasound.
Mara- Sorry you are feeling down today. Wish I could come over this afternoon. Share a chocolate bar---I am snacking on one now.
I get frustrated with people. I know I worry too much on what people think of me. I know my situation, my body, my fears. I should be confident in myself and to heck with others. But I still get upset with people. I just got home from church. This is the 3rd winter of being on Ibrance and having low counts. The past 3 winters I have been wearing masks during the cold and flu season and I don't shake hands at church during this season. My church is small and everyone knows I have cancer. But this coronavirus scare has EVERYONE on TV and the news wearing masks now. The latest fad. So I think my fellow church members just think I am going with the rest of the public in the coronavirus fears. That it is chic to be wearing a mask. I was doing this BEFORE it was a fad. I am doing this to protect myself from ALL germs. I don't want to get sick. But, of course, people come to churc sick. Cough, cough, sneeze, sneeze during the whole service. I could stay home during this season. But I don't want to hide at home. I want to go to church. I wish this coronavirus thing didn't come up. It just makes me look paranoid. But, hey, I have stayed cold/flu free the past 2 winters and so far this year too.
0 -
Candy thank you. I appreciate the fact that people will help me when I NEED them but they never even stop by for just a visit anymore. It's like the week I passed out from the fall and then ER a few days later, those counted as visiting with me. I understand that people can be busy, don't expect Sunday dinners anymore as we used to have. It was just I liked having people come over once a week or so, so I could tell them about things I was doing etc. Nobody in my family just WANTS to see me it feels like which makes it hard for me to want to be told what to do. I do something I think is exceptional for my wheelhouse, people are glazed over and talking amongst themselves when they are here. When I mentioned the 8km walk, they did not care. Am not trying to brag, but show I am looking after myself, dusting myself off after having the fall and faint. Knowing that I will call for help when needed. Be interested in what I do for myself. They just are not so I need to accept this and just hope nothing happens. Look after myself.
I will not bother saying anything because I don't want visits coming out of obligation. If people will not visit, that is on them and I'll rely on myself, you guys, my phone friend and other friends as well. I am a good person and deserve people wanting to see me sometimes, not just out of obligation. I deserve better than that. I don't expect every day to see them, I leave them alone as well because they did do all that work last year, but that was last year, this year looks like it will be my year to be alone. I will just have to deal with it and keep things to myself going forward. Oh well, lunch and my treadmill are calling to try to get out of this feeling sorry for myself. Have to rely on myself first and keep everything to myself. Stop wanting people to make me feel good with myself.
0 -
Deleted my last couple of posts complaining about family not seeming to visit. Called a friend who offers good advice and is a straight shooter. She made me realize that if people are there for me for the medical at the drop of a hat, they actually care. If I am lonely, it is up to me to say, stop by for a visit. I feel much better now and was grateful to get such good advice from you guys and my friend on the phone. Keeps me from just wallowing in sadness or starting an argument that does not need to happen.
Anybody having anxiety over scans and waiting, I am in your pocket anytime. Want to help deal with stresses everyone else have. You guys are my family here and know how much I care for everyone.
0 -
Candy, I am munching on chocolate as we speak. May have to bus it out to Walmart again for more chocolate
0 -
Mara and Candy,
I am wondering if there is something in the drugs they give us. I swear I have had a crazy urge to eat chocolate lately. I have never been a big choc. person, but I have even said to my hubby, “I could really eat some chocolate right now.” He just looks at me like I’m crazy, which I probably am. But just wondered if anyone else goes through cravings for other foods or sweets
0 -
Mel and Moth, with you. It’s me in for a scannext week ..., Fri 13th of all days!
0 -
Laurie, I am a sugar junkie in general. I like healthy food too but LOVE chocolate. Don't need it to be expensive. The Walmart store brand chocolate is only 1.00 here and about 75 per cent less than what I would pay for a name brand chocolate. It is also very good. I allow myself the chocolate because life is short and I enjoy it. I am quite physically active most days now and eat more nutritious meals than I did before, less meat, more beans, spinach and combinations of those.
Karen, what an unfortunate date to be scanned on when there is already some scanxiety going on. Jumping in your pocket too with chocolate.
0 -
Just want to say hello to all that are posting and reading here. The waiting for results time is the worst. I try to work against my brain by telling myself not to worry but that doesn’t really work. I usually end up calling after a few days and getting some general info.
I’m ready for pocket duty for Moth, Mel, and Karen. I get scans later in the month, you’ll hear from me before that. 😊
Philly, it sounds like you’re stable! I agree your MO dropped the ball in not communicating at all. I agree that he (and MOs in general) need to hear about the stress we experience in waiting and wondering. You will be doing him and his other patients a service with your tactful and kind heart to heart talk.I’m about halfway through rads and having some itchy rash areas. I’m sure the run to the finish won’t be much fun.
0 -
Rosie, I am sorry that you are having itchiness from rads. Hope they improve soon for you. I will jump into your pocket as well when needed.
I only have a neuro onc appointment besides my regular infusions. Won't be seeing regular MO until may. Wow, never had that big of a gap between appointments. I don't feel worried about it, just surprised. The neuro onc appointment will be a waste of my time as well as hers. I am sure she will start discussing the faint/seizure (unsure which I have had) and want to change medication which I do not wish to do. I understand the risk already and prefer to live a life mostly clear of seizure than take extra meds or wait weeks to see if I can adjust to added or new meds without passing out on the toilet when I go to the bathroom. Or enjoy a life of perpetual light headedness etc. Thank you, but no. I will allow her to talk if she wants to spell out risk of not changing, but will still NOT be changing.
0 -
Mara and Boo- I have always had a sweet tooth. Years ago my PCP told me to stay away from caffeine due to palpations. I never drank coffee or tea. But I stopped colas. I would not stop chocolate. Doesn't bother me--palpations. I know sugar is not good for us, but as Mara said, I am not stopping my chocolate. I like Hershey's brand the best. Smooth and yummy.
Karen- In your pocket for Friday the 13th scans.
Hi Rosie.
0 -
Hershey's is one of the best. I also enjoy cadbury dairy milk chocolate. The mint and almond varieties are yummy. Walmart does have the store brand in those flavours as well for less money which is good. It also actually tastes very good too.
0 -
Must have chocolate!!!!! No compromise. I eat whatever I want in moderation.... don’t drink at all. Never did. But I love my candy. Sour patch kids. Delicious!
I am. In whatever pocket I can hop in and out of, in between mine. You ladies are great! Hugs and much love0 -
Jumping in for pocket duty bring lattes, tea and hot cocoa for al
0 -
I too have a scab this week - we’ll check out the ok’ skeleton on Friday. CT scan to follow the week after.
I have a long planned trip to Hawaii in about two weeks. I wasn’t too worried about Coronavirus until I saw a video of a Chinese couple. The husband was caring for his wife who contracted it in the ER as she’s a nurse. It dawned on me then that I don’t have anyone to take care of me. She seemed bed bound for nearly two week0 -
Jensgotthis,
I have a trip to London planned next Monday, and I am slightly freaking out over the coronavirus. I have masks, but supposedly they won't help. I'm wearing them anyway. I have antibiotic wipes, and you'd better believe that I'm going to wipe down everything on that darn plane and in my hotel room. I'm also considering buying gloves to wear, although my daughter keeps telling me that I'm crazy. Yup, getting a little bit nervous....
0 -
Jen- In your pocket for your scans.
I was just talking to someone this morning about illnesses and the coronavirus outbreak. We were saying that the media focuses on the coronavirus so much, but schools in our area are shut down due to influenza. And how many people die of the flu each year. The coronavirus is "the thing" right now, but all the illnesses are bad--especially for us cancer patients with low immune systems and the powerful treatments we are on. I don't travel---never have. All you travelers, have fun. But be careful of ALL germs. Do what you gotta do---bleach wipes, masks, gloves. AND WASH HANDS ALL THE TIME. Stay safe.
0 -
Anybody travelling should do things to keep safe such as wiping things down, washing hands etc. Corona virus is a scary prospect, but there are flus that have still been worse we need to watch out for. I have a link on how to avoid it and it mentions that masks are only really necessary with people who are infected. No effect for people who do not have it. Link below on how to avoid it. Similar to avoid other illnesses as well.
https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/about/prevention-treatment.html
I hope the people going away enjoy their trips without too much fear. Just do the common sense things we do to avoid cold and flu. Carry alcohol hand cleaner if cannot wash hands, don't touch face unless you have cleaned your hands with soap or something else.
Enjoy your trips anyway.
0 -
I am also in for pocket scans today as well for anyone who needs me.
I am feeling better than I was yesterday. Took my depression pill first thing which was not a pill but an hour long walk on the treadmill. Leisurely pace and just silently (I hope) sang my songs. Going to walk following meals too. This will help me not focus on such silly issues I put into my head. Unsure if going out, we will see.
I am also feeling more confident about saying what I need to say to people to get some of the stuff I am looking for as well. Just need to put these things out there, hopefully respectfully BUT I have already listened to arguments against and decided to go forward with a couple of things I want to do. Not bothering with details but just reassuring myself it is OK to disagree whether it is with family or doctors.
0 -
it really is some freaky shit there. I have toast for an immune system. I know it started in China but i hope it doesn’t become a real serious thing here. I don’t need anything else to catch. The flu almost did me in. The two times I’ve gotten it Although I hear it’s different. I still don’t even want to go out. Public places are germ fests.... stay well on your travels.
Hello Jen always great to see you...
0 -
Look at this sweet pic I took of my daughter and our deeohgee. This is a happy place Getting my mind off scanning Friday! 0 -
Mara,
I am so impressed with how you deal with things that life is throwing your way. What a great idea to exercise to keep away depression. I try to do that, too, although I must admit that I'm not always successful in following through. But it's a great lesson for all of us. Focusing on something lets us try to forget this disease as well as other unhappy things that life throws our way.
And as for what your doc tells you -- you go, girl. You know your body and also you know what you are/are not willing to deal with as far as medication is concerned. Sometimes I think the docs take their clinical sides too far, which prevents them from seeing how some treatments are affecting us. What is that expression -- the cure is worse than the disease?
0 -
BevJen~I don’t think I have heard of a terrible amount of cases in the UK. But please keep washing your hands. The mask thing, not too sure of. Still airborne, eventually have to take the mask off. I think this whole thing is crazy! Everyone wash your hands!
0 -
BevJen, it is helping me today. I also made myself listen to a hypnosis for being more confident. I am gradually realizing that I need to conquer potentially stressful things one at a time. Most likely the scenarios I imagine for myself ie the doctor and SIL being unhappy with me are probably overblown anyway. I will get past this and move on to the next issue that has taken root which is the trust my disability people said I had to set up. There is conflict due to my wanting to withdraw some funds. I will cross that bridge when it needs to be crossed. For now, I will deal with the neuro onc and continue walking and hypnosis on you tube to get through it. I cannot afford to become too stressed out and must look for my own coping.
Regarding earlier posts regarding family not coming for a visit, I am thinking differently on that. They do NOT owe me a visit if time does not allow. They do NOT owe me inviting me out for coffee or supper. If life is busy, they have the RIGHT to spend their free time any way they see fit. They come if I have an emergency and THAT is all that counts. Any emotional support has to start from myself overall. You guys are also very supportive and good about listening. I just have to keep this mindset going no matter what. Nobody owes me a thing, I owe myself a good life, not wallowing in tears. Life is actually not that bad, I am pretty strong physically and I am extremely grateful.
Mel, your doggo and daughter are beautiful.
0 -
BevJen - oh yeah, wipe down EVERYTHING. I was on the Tube yesterday and some gal was coughing intermittently but it was a real chesty cough. No covering the mouth or anything, just barking into space in the carriage. I hand wash and Boy hand washes as soon as we get in the door or wherever we are going, and I bleach the door knobs and cane/crutches. People are just gross in general but when you have a lot of different people from different countries all jammed together its even MORE gross somehow. And who cares how you look - Ive previously seen a man walking down the street in fishnets, a ladies bikini bottom, and a cowboy hat so you wiping down surfaces and wearing a mask isn't gonna turn any heads.
I wanted to get some cupcakes from a vendor on our way home from our movie (Wild River - Luv Monty!) and while the serving girl was fine, she handed them to her colleague to ring up and put in a bag and THAT gal was wiping her nose with a kleenex and then not washing hands or sanitizing them. When we got home we agreed to toss the cupcakes cause - ew!
They say there aren't that many cases here, but the news will be kicking up a frenzy and the government is full of idiots. I would suggest seeing sights early or late in the day and not buying any food from open air vendors that have food sitting out or lack a visible means of sanitation. They just had a case announced earlier today where a doctor at a cancer treatment facility tested positive, but assured people he wasn't treating anyone. Guess we will wait and see how that turns out. Just glad I am done for the next few weeks and don't have to go near the hospital any time soon.
0 -
I saw some interesting tips from a health journalist who has travelled through all sorts of outbreaks and she recommended
-considering wearing gloves - like the thin cotton ones https://www.gloves-online.com/cotton-parade-gloves-ornamental-stitching Many bacteria and viruses don't stick/survive as well on fabrics so if you touch it with a glove, you're less likely to have it stick around and grow. Also, less likely to touch face with gloves on because it feels weird.-of course regularly wash hands or use hand rub and then reapply clean gloves.
-wear glasses. Prescription, or just clear no prescription lenses or sunglasses. Someone sneezing or coughing near you might propel the germs to your eyes and glasses provide protection and again, tend to impede us touching our eyes
-carry tissue with which to touch face, nose, eyes when you get an itch you can't ignore
I've also thought that if you wear makeup, try not setting it or wearing a slightly more dewy finish - the kind that if you touch it smears. Might deter thoughtless touching of face and that seems to be one of the most important things.
Also for those of you flying, the flight attendants union is calling for some changes in flight procedures to reduce transmission risks so you might see changes https://www.afacwa.org/afa_actions_stop_spread_of_covid_19
0 -
Good afternoon ladies
Went to Whole Foods yesterday and a kid was coughing not covering mouth-hacking. Mom said cover your mouth. I made a quick left turn and left. Kids are just learning so we all have to be diligent with hand washing etc.
I’m planning on not attending too many crowded events.
Have a good day all
Tany
0 -
I don't go tons of places but I always wash hands after a grocery shop etc where there are tons of people. I do my best not to give into paranoia but stay aware of my hygiene when it comes to hand washing. Especially after a day at the cancer clinic. Not everybody there is good about covering mouth or wearing a mask if they even just have a cold, but they certainly get told to take a mask and wear it by receptionists or nurses. I am glad they do this.
0
