Need advise-going flat
I know that reconstruction is not going to be right for me so that leaves me with two options. A lifetime of surveillance and biopsies or mastectomy and living flat. I am 38 years old and really am not that attached to my boobs. They are painful, heavy, sagging and are now costing me a fortune. So why am I so worried about my reaction after my mastectomy? I guess I am concerned about depression/regret? Has anyone gone through this that could give me some wisdom? My surgery is scheduled for March 1st.
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I had a bilateral mastectomy in May of this year and did not do reconstruction. However, I am 70, and I don't know how I would have felt about it at your age. I have had to get some different shirts/tops, but other than that, it has been fine. The mastectomy bras with the heavy silicone inserts are hot and I don't like the sports bras. So I am flat and really comfortable! My breasts were not who I am and I don't miss them. I only had to have one removed but felt that I did not want to worry about the other one. I would do the same thing again if I had to. No regrets
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Thank you so much for your reply. My main objective was to reduce the amount of time in doctors offices and inside of imaging machines and I feel with reconstruction I could be potentially creating a new issue. Now I would need to go in every 10 years and have the implant replaced (as I do not have enough of my own tissue to reconstruct with that method; I was surprised; lol!) not to mention the 25% risk of complications which could lead to more surgeries on top of that. My husband is in full support of my decision and has seen photos. I guess I have to remember that my breasts do not make me who I am. I am still a mother, teacher, and wife. I still have friends and a sense of humor. I can do everything I could before (just without boobs). I know I do not want to put my body through more trauma just to have numb breasts. Did you have any problems healing? How long was your recovery?
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You're about my age (I was 36 when I had mine done in 2016) and your breasts, as well as your attitude toward them, sound a lot like mine too.
I haven't had any regrets about my BMX or going flat; I've loved every second I've been flat because those big, lumpy, saggy, painful, cyst filled nightmares were gone and, for the first time since they grew in, I didn't have pain in my chest area.
Yeah, the drains were annoying, but not nearly as painful or annoying as my breasts had been AND they were gone after a week.
The worst part about healing was learning to be less active and not over-reach (literally, like, for 4 weeks you're basically a T-rex, and for 6-8 you can't easily raise your arms fully over your head so you're a partial T-rex) and to rest when my body was tired instead of trying to 'push through it'.
It took maybe 2 months before I could comfortably sleep on my sides again, so that was a bit annoying, but I knew it was also temporary so it wasn't a big deal.
The worst part about my recovery was having the stitches removed at 2 weeks, as I heal pretty fast and skin had started to grow over the stitches, so it kind of hurt to have them snipped and pulled. It was over in less than 5 minutes though, so, no big deal.
I did have to have one revision to get rid of dog ears and some extra fat that was left behind, but that was a super minor procedure and the only inconvenience was having to wear compression for a few weeks to help keep swelling from the lipo down. The pain from the liposuction on the area was worse than the actual BMX itself.
I do still have small numb patches, but I don't notice them unless I'm scratching the area as the numb patches can feel heat, cold, and pressure, but have a dulled sense of pain.
No complaints about how I look or how clothes fit; I actually prefer how I look with a flat chest to how I looked with big ol' DDs. The only things that look 'bad' to me: Babydoll style t-shirts, but I didn't wear those much anyway.
The main physical appearance thing to be aware of is, if you don't already have a pretty flat stomach, you will be surprised at how big your gut actually is. I thought I looked about 7 months pregnant after my BMX because my breasts had balanced the look a bit and without them sticking out further than my stomach, well...yeah. BUT, if that bothers you it can be taken care of by watching what you eat and exercising regularly.
One thing to keep in mind is that reconstruction isn't a "now or never" thing; if you decide down the road that you'd really like to have breasts again, you can always have reconstruction--flap or TE to implant--done in the future.
Edit to add: After any major surgery, it's pretty normal to feel depressed and it generally passes in a couple of weeks; I was mostly depressed over not being able to do everything for myself and having to rely on my husband to get dishes out of the cabinets, and other little things like that. I was determined that I was going to bathe myself, and figured out pretty fast how to bend other parts of my body to compensate for not being able to raise my arms very high. Bending over at the waist made it pretty easy to wash my own hair.
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Thank you so much for your reply. my breasts have been a literally "pain" for years and after taking my bra off literally ten minutes ago to shower I am noticing the imprints in my skin both in my shoulders and underneath. I then get another ten minutes relief to shower only to put my giant bra because it is too painful to not have it on. I feel like I have two pendulums on my chest. I am going to proceed with the mastectomy as my gut tells me that is the best option for me. If you don't mind me asking..did your scars heal pretty flatly?
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There are no guarantees- even with mastectomy and no recon, you will still need to be vigilant and have follow up, further imaging etc.
I'm 44 and elected to go with UMX without recon. I'm pretty active- especially swimming- and that is most important for my quality of life. It seemed there is plenty of evidence that recon may cause issues with movement, especially sub pec implants. And I know myself. If I find something uncomfortable it bugs me, I'll have difficulty just blocking it out. So that meant I'd prob be better with own tissue recon, but I just wasn't motivated enough to go through that long surgery, plus I don't have much extra tissue to use! My husband was supportive of whatever decision I made.
Interestingly, the BS was motivated to do recon and seemed very surprised that I did not want to do it. However the breast cancer specialist nurses I spoke to were very supportive, and stated that in their experience, recovery without recon was generally easier.
I had the UMX around 14 days ago- no recon. Recovery has been very uncomplicated, I had the drains out 3 days after surgery, and it is looking neat (which is what I asked for!). I was a B cup, so I've been able to get away with just wearing tanks and a loose shirt over (it's summer here, and hot). I am sure that there will be times when I miss having symmetry, but overall I feel clear about why I made the decision that I did, and I am comfortable with that.
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I was very surprised that I actually could have gone home the same day as my surgery! I opted to stay overnight, however, and my husband stayed with me. I have to honestly say I had no pain whatsoever. I was a little uncomfortable that night but came home the next afternoon and felt fine. I was a bit weak and my husband made me lay down and nap every afternoon but I was surprised at how good I felt. Other than some phantom pains here and there, I have had no problems at all.
I do still have some residual tissue just in front of one side that is bothersome and I might have scar revision surgery in a few months. But other than that, no issues. My scars are not totally flat but I don't really care. Just make absolutely sure you tell them to remove the flaps under your arms. I never knew about them and my surgeon just automatically does it, thank goodness!
Let me know what you decide.
Ann
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I had dissolvable stitches that had glue on top of them, so no issues at all with that. They were healed within a matter of a week or two and now are just faint lines.
I'm laughing at Chairara's response about her stomach, because I looked done and said where the hell did that come from??? I've been working hard at not looking 7 months pregnant but it's really really hard. But I am persevering!
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My scars healed pretty flat (though I can feel them if I run my fingers over them) and healed to white so the bit that sticks out past the chest tattoo is barely noticeable.
Some things to be aware of: If you're prone to keloids, it IS possible that you'll get keloid scarring. That can sometimes be treated by laser down the line, but may not be covered by insurance as it's typically considered a cosmetic procedure.
The scars, even if they are going to eventually end up pale pink or white, will look awful, angry, and red for almost a full year; mine looked awful in terms of color (they were BRIGHT red) for almost 8 months then they seemed to settle down and mature to pale pink or white almost overnight. Realistically, I know it took longer than 'overnight' but it felt like one day they were angry and red looking and the next they were white and hardly noticeable.
If you have darker skin, it's possible you'll have hypopigmentation along the scar line, which can make the scars seem more obvious. There's a 50/50 chance that the pigment won't come back, and you won't know for sure for about 6-12 months. They can be tattooed over to try and make them match the surrounding skin after a year, but if you do that you'll want numbing cream on the area as the scar line tends to be super sensitive in terms of how much you'll feel if you choose to tattoo over the area. I have a high pain tolerance, and even I needed to numb up a bit when doing my chest piece as, near the scar line, it felt like someone was literally burning my skin instead of tattooing it.
I'm also white as a sheet, so having white and super pale pink scars blends in pretty well with my already pale skin on the small area that wasn't covered by the tattoo (one side has a longer scar than the other due to the dog ear removal).
After about 4 weeks or so you can start using silicone sheets or silicone gel to help with that, though I had to quit using the strips as I had itchy reactions to the adhesive and eventually just decided to leave them alone and stopped with using silicone on them at all.
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All of you are amazing! This has given much peace with my decision. I will talk to the surgeon about the things you suggested for sure. I seriously feel so much better about this decision now. I know deep down this is the right decision for me and thank you so much for taking time to respond. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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BTW-I am starting sit-ups tonight! Needed to do that anyhow. LOL!
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I was 64, and had BMX. 5 years ago. I’m still flat no regrets and still not interested in recon. I just didn’t want to spend any more time in a hospital or dr office than was necessary. Or more pain, risk of problems no thanks. Every one is different it’s a tough call. And the Buddha belly is a surprise 🤪.
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After much research I arrived at the same conclusion as you. I want this to end a problem not potentially create more. Here's to healing and health.
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My treatment choice was a lumpectomy with rads, or a mastectomy. I chose a mastectomy, mainly because I didn't want to do rads, and I figured once they took off my nipple (where the cancer was) and a clear margin, what would be left would be very strange looking,, so I did UMX. After 4 years, and dealing with being lop-sided, and truncal LE issues,, I decided to have Righty removed. that was on Nov 30, so I'm still recovering. No regrets at all. I was tired of having that sagging C cup, and trying to deal with my truncal LE issues with Righty getting in the way. My compression choices will be much better now that I am flat. I was 54 at diagnosis, so older than you are.
And remember even though you do not want to have recon now,,, you can still change your mind down the road. I had a plastic surgeon tell me that, and there are women on this forum who have done it.
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I am so glad I saw this post. I am having surgery next week and made the same decision. So glad to have reinforcement. Thank you
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I had both invasive and in situ in my left breast, and was on the larger side at the time but there was no question, take them both. As I told friends at the time, and no one debated me on it, I hate bras more than anything else in the world and at this point in life they were more comedy props than objects of desire. I also hate swimming in circles, so take them both. Okay, I was mid fifties at the time but I have not regretted it since, except that I have yet to break a certain weight plateau and achieve having a waistline less than my tit-less chest measurements. I was already buying men's shirts if only for the good pockets and now darts are pointless for me and, though straight, I am not a girly girl.
The mastectomy was fourish years and thirty pounds ago (the MX only removed 4 lbs.). I had scar revision to remove 'dog ears', and the resultant side tit look that no one strives for, especially if there is no front tit. I had an eye lid lift at the same time because if I am not going to have the hooters, I might as well have the peepers.Sometimes I'll put on some foundation garment and stuff the cups and now it just looks weird to me. It's a challenge to be fashionable and flat, when your chest and waist is the same. Ten pounds more and maybe...but this plateau is endless. I might have broken it last year had I not fallen out of a tree I was pruning and broke my back and five ribs, that set me back another year I guess....but I digress.
My mom had BC before I did and we went prosthetic shopping together for her. The saleslady was so 'proud' that they had the weight and feel of real breasts and they did, but I was asking myself 'why would I choose to carry this extra weight for the sake of looking...I don't know, looking normal? I've never been normal nor do I care much what folks think, besides that I've heard they laugh at my floppy busom.
Don't worry about it, I've not regretted it for a second.
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I had my BMX in August 2014 when I was 54. I have never regretted it and never will consider having reconstruction. I have to wear prosthetics to work and they come off the minute I get home. My husband and I had a short talk when I was first diagnosed and had cancer in both girls. He said he didn't marry me for my girls and he would rather have me flat and happy and not go through all those additional surgeries just to have girls. I did however, have additional surgery to make me flatter, because the surgeon I had decided to leave some extra skin "just in case" I decided to reconstruct. Who is she to decide what I want???
I am so confident and happy with how I look, I go out flat all the time and don't care who notices. I just smile when I see someone looking at my chest.
I still see my Oncologist every 4 months and get a chest scan every two years. But, it beats the heck out of mammograms every year.
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I initially had a skin sparing mastectomy as I wanted to hedge my bets. I hated having big boobs but didn’t want to make any rash decisions while focusing on the cancer treatment. I loved not having breasts but found the side boobs annoying so went back to get the skin removed knowing I was happy with my decision not to have reconstruction. I had infections with both my original surgery and my revision and was glad to not be concerned about reconstruction complications.0
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aweate,
I dont know what your dx is , and you are still young
I am 64 .. married but opted for no recon as I had to also do radiation after chemo and surgery
This complicates recon
Anyway Im ok with my decision and just use small inserts in my bras but I had a plastic surgeon close me up so my scars are decent
I had 29 nodes removed 3 being positive so Im still numb on my right side
After my surgery the report came back that a new tumor was begining on my left so for me the double was the right decision..
And i just didnt want to go thru more surgeries
But I know others who have had various recons and are fine, and some say they wish they hadnt
its really a very personal decision..
mama oz
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I'm 40 and had single mx Nov 15. I am a B cup and it's winter, so I'm just wearing sweaters and scarves to cover small lack of the symmetry. I haven’t even shopped for a falsie yet. I know I don't need to make a final decision on reconstruction, and in fact would have to wait at least a year before doing it, but I think I'm staying like this. My recovery from mastectomy was easy but I have small children and don't want to spend more time in hospital.
I am really enjoying the book “living in the post masectomy body" by Becky Zuckweiler. It deals with practical and psychological aspects of going flat, and is written in a personal, accessible away.
Geneva
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There are two facebook pages for Double Mastectomy and Flat and Fabulous, I have found them both really helpful in terms of information, advice and support....I guess you can never have too much.0
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Hi, It is a personal decision - truly.
For me it was easy, my RH Breast was full of cancer, the LH Breast none showed - but it could have been there.
We didn't know if my lymph nodes were involved at the time of my surgical decision.
I had to decide VERY FAST as the cancer was already breaking through my breast skin!
My team assumed chemotherapy and radiation; reconstruction would have been difficult -- but that was not an issue for me at all.
I knew instantly that I did NOT want reconstruction. For me, I did not want any unnecessary surgeries.
My team advised me that my LH Breast may or may not be cancerous and that it truly was a 50/50 chance. I decided to remove it as well as the RH Breast. I did NOT want to take any chances.
My decision was a good one, upon biopsy my LH Breast did have in-situ cancer in it. Many, many lymph nodes were removed on the RH Side along with my RH Side Breast.
I have had ZERO surgical complications. My chest healed in a very nice, almost straight line (the surgical cut). And pretty darn smooth as well. Five years later, you can barely see the scars!
I have had ZERO regrets on no reconstruction and no breasts. I was in my early 50's at the time of my diagnosis and surgery.
I did not even bother with new bras, or fake breasts, or anything! I just bought new tops, without darts and that's that. It's that easy for me. I buy shirts with small little sleeves and more fullness at necklines. Honestly, I don't think the general public even notices. I have gotten very used to my new body, and I got used to it very quickly.
I wish you the best in your decision and sending a hug as well
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Thank you all for all your kind words and support. It has made this decision a lot easier and has helped me a lot!
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I will jump in - I just had a BMX on May 3, 2017. I had one definite ILC in left breast along with two smaller areas of suspicion. When he said he needed to take the breast, I said make that plural and he did. I don't regret that decision at all. We had a trip to Alaska planned for May to celebrate my 70th birthday but had surgery instead. So I really got the gift of life instead of Alaska.
After my surgery, I went to the breast boutique at the hospital and got fitted for a prosthetic bra with the silicone inserts. Didn't take me long to realize that I hate them. They are heavy and hot. I never liked wearing a bra in the first place so why would I want one again just to look "normal?" But the woman there said oh you will feel so much better because you will look like you did before your surgery. Ha!! I am the same person and I don't need boobs to define who I am.
ANd then I went and got a tattoo! My first ever. It's on my calf and is a blue/green butterfly on a pink ribbon with the word Warrior over it.
I am strong, I am a survivor, and I am a warrior. So are we all
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I will jump in - I just had a BMX on May 3, 2017. I had one definite ILC in left breast along with two smaller areas of suspicion. When he said he needed to take the breast, I said make that plural and he did. I don't regret that decision at all. We had a trip to Alaska planned for May to celebrate my 70th birthday but had surgery instead. So I really got the gift of life instead of Alaska.After my surgery, I went to the breast boutique at the hospital and got fitted for a prosthetic bra with the silicone inserts. Didn't take me long to realize that I hate them. They are heavy and hot. I never liked wearing a bra in the first place so why would I want one again just to look "normal?" But the woman there said oh you will feel so much better because you will look like you did before your surgery. Ha!! I am the same person and I don't need boobs to define who I am.
ANd then I went and got a tattoo! My first ever. It's on my calf and is a blue/green butterfly on a pink ribbon with the word Warrior over it.
I am strong, I am a survivor, and I am a warrior. So are we all
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I'll jump in. I had bmx 5 months ago and final swap 3 months ago. I don't regret the bmx that for a minute. I am regretting having silicon implants. They look okay, but they are functionally lousy. My pectorals spasm all the time and I had limited range of motion and weakness largely from the extended recovery, so need physical therapy (and the insurance company is not sympathetic). The doctors all want to fix you and they think you need reconstruction to be fixed. The cancer society site doesn't even mention discomfort as a side effect. I was told there was NO downside to having implants and the extra recovery was only a couple of weeks. Stupid me for believing the salesman (PS). Reconstruction slows recovery, you feel like you are wearing tupperware under your skin (or a brass bra), I have to wear a full coverage bra 24/7 to have any semblance of comfort, but every bra rides on the sore muscles and suture sites. Sleeping is a nightmare. I wanted not to have to wear an uncomfortable prosthetic bra, now I feel like I have an internal one I can't remove. I wanted to not have a constant reminder, now I do. Going flat is a good option and if you want you can always get a foam bra that's light and comfier than what I have to wear, or a silicon one you can remove.
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How was the pain level with going flat? Did it take a long time to get up and moving around?
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Thank you for letting me know. Best wishes and I hope things improve for you.
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Honestly the worst pain I had was from the drains the first week, if I moved wrong it tugged the stitch holding them in place and MAN that stung.
Afterward, it's more a matter of remembering to not push yourself too hard for 6-8 weeks, which can be difficult if you're used to doing everything yourself and have a hard time asking for help.
I was out taking walks with my drains in about 3 days after surgery and took 1-2 daily walks throughout recovery as it was the only exercise I could really do (they didn't want me going back to the gym for 6-8 weeks just to make sure everything was closed up and healed properly).
Practice being a T-rex now (pin your elbows at your side, what you can reach with your forearms + elbows still pinned will be your range of motion for about 6 weeks) so you have an idea of what your ROM will be after surgery. It takes 6-8 weeks before you can fully raise your arms above your head again without pain or discomfort. The first four weeks were hardest for me, but my ROM started slowly coming back after that and it got easier day by day.
I managed to shower and wash my hair by myself by bending over at the waist and using my T-rex arms as I was just adamantly not going to ask for help with that but, if you don't mind asking for help, go for it. I also learned how to bend at the waist to get in and out of tank tops and t-shirts but, honestly, button down shirts will be easiest for that time period.
The only pain I had was when I overdid it or tried to over-reach before my body was ready to reach.
For about 8 months or so afterward I'd get random 'zingers' of pain as nerves healed and reconnected (and came back online, so to speak). Sometimes the zingers felt like someone was actually zapping me with electricity and sometimes it was just a random dull ache. For MOST women, that stops around the 8-12 month marks, but for some women it's a permanent random thing that will happen. Unfortunately, there isn't really a way to predict if it'll be permanent or not.
The zingers hurt but not enough that I was left breathless or incapacitated, it was more of an annoyance for me.
You'll probably get easily fatigued for 2-3 months after the surgery, and that's normal, as it is still a pretty major trauma for your body to go through. Be sure to listen to your body and if you're tired and in a position where you can nap or rest, go nap, don't try to power through it if you don't have to. If you try to power through it, especially early on, you'll probably just end up feeling even MORE fatigued and cranky.
Also one thing to keep in mind: You're not considered "fully healed" for about a full year, though most women feel like they're back to themselves after 3-6 months.
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I have found my people. Hallelujah!
I am 36, had a single, modified, skin-sparring mastectomy last January (2017). Opted to do recon "later." Actually because I had the occasional cigarette, I was told that even trying to put an expander was "extremely risky," and I was in such shock about the initial diagnosis that I wasn't going to add any additional risks. Not sure why any skin was sparred because lo and behold, I am not a candidate for implants post-rads according to the PS I have consulted. I was actually quite happy to go the flap route, eventually. But then found that since I wanted to go smaller (carrying around only 1 DD these days), it would be one surgery for the flap with a long recovery. Then one surgery to reduce and lift Lefty. Then any number of corrective surgeries to achieve symmetry. Come again, now?
I have had big boobs since my early teens and I have never been particularly attached to them, so to speak. But having 1 DD and one sad little dog-ear is un-flipping-bearable. I've been fitted for a nice prosthesis. Hate it. I hate everything about being lopsided. And I've never hated much of anything in my life. Being one-boobed is the worst part of this ordeal so far. So, I brought up going flat with my wonderful husband and he says, "go for it." But for some reason, I worry this will affect both of us more than we know.
After going through so much over the past year, I just want to move on and move past this, not think of another year of surgeries. I am so thankful to have found this page. Any words of advice, wisdom, or support will be much appreciated. Thanks to you all!
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Well, I have been lurking in these boards since my dx in August of 2017 and have finally decided to jump in this post! I have had my BMX on 10/25/17 and left the option open with skin saving.
So far, I like been flat, although I guess technically I am still not flat. I had large breasts as well, and had a reduction at 16 years of age. I was hardly smaller at 28 DD, but smaller. At the time of my DX at 55 I was a nice 38DD and 50 lbs more than as a teenager. As others have stated, I do not want any more surgery, I have tons of drug allergies including opiates! Pain and surgery are 2 words that are connected. I did not want to commit to having 2 more surgeries as these implants will wear out. (I figured 2 more living another 20 years).
I think that women now are learning that all is okay for each person. It is okay to be different. That we can respect everyone's decision and still support each other. It's okay to love your breasts, is okay to hate them too! I think each person will mourn their old life, as a new life with a cancer diagnosis begins. Not that after cancer we are to measure, but each person will need to mourn the loss of their old lives in order to gain the most introspect.
I do have to say that seeing my stomach was the most shocking! Having a nice perky set since 16, I never saw that coming! As my daughter said to me "mom if you were like the rest of us, after breastfeeding you would have seen your stomach!"
Depending on where you live, some states (California is where I am) it is the law to restore you at the time you choose, not when the cancer chooses you. You can reconsider at any point.
I am so very thankful for this site and the women who post here. It is nice to be able to read others joys and pitfalls as in my own life!
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