Im not on a "journey" and Im not a "warrior." Who is with me?
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Great. Thanks for sharing Traveltext.
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Thanks to all for your support
Moth ... appropriate touching to put my breast in the machine is not a problem. I have had techs lift my breast, smooth my breast and pull it forward into the machine. What you described is expected. The problem is that what she did was completely unnecessary and had nothing to do with putting me in the machine. I gave her more than one opportunity to tell me why she did it. She just pointed at the machine and said let's just do this. Then the mammogram and the necessary touching she did was completely appropriate. If she had given me a reason she needed to use two hands to grope my breast while I was standing three feet away from the machine I doubt I would have allowed it. If she had told me she needed to palpitate my scar, it was visible, she didn't need to look for it. I was able to talk to the radiologist right after my scans and asked if they were good scans and he said they were fine. You sound incredibly considerate and empathetic. By your description the “poking and prodding" you do is for a reason. I can't get the reason why I was groped and she certainly never gave me any warning or asked my permission. Thank you for trying to give me an explanation. If there had been a valid reason for the touching I could forgive the lack of communication but it won't ever happen again. I'll warn the next tech. Thanks again for letting me vent. It definitely helps
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I agree!!! I love F the pink ribbon!!! Not on a journey.
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Absolutley agree with this. I've been told I'm stronger than I think - even though I repeatedly tell this person that i'm not - I just have no choice.
As for 'brave' - when it comes to this, I'm scared, depressed and angry a lot of the time. I think it's because other's are so scared of cancer, that because we go through it we must be so brave. But what is frustrating is that even when you try to tell them you're not feeling that was, they don't listen. Just keep saying it, or else they imply you're being too negative.
So, my conclusion is that only brave, strong warriors get cancer. If you're a coward, and classify yourself as weak and pathetic, you can't possibly get cancer. And yes, it's not a journey it's a shitfest.
But as is always the case, listening to us and how we really feel isnt the priority - we're told how and who we are and how we should feel by people who don't know what they're talking about.
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This thread is cathartic.As a newly dxed person, it feels like unknowingly stepping into a coiled nest of barbed wire; there’s no “happy outcome” or “surviving”. Just trying to get through.
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Rubyredslippers and BCinfoseeker ... sorry to say ... welcome to the club. I was diagnosed in 2018 and completely refused to be sunshine and roses for anyone. My husband knows me well enough to know I would reach out to the people I needed and didn't want to talk/discuss/listen to advice or hear horror stories from anyone else. Bless his heart, he came home one day and the first words out of his mouth were, I swear I didn't tell them. Someone had seen me at the doctors office and asked my husband what was going on. He said, she's very private and the best thing to do is not talk about cancer unless she mentions it. They were good friends and followed his advice without getting offended. Fortunately my cancer was/is not aggressive and I'm in the 5 year follow up with mammograms, breast MRIs and Letrozole.
As for being brave, unless you've been on that road, there is no brave. The emotional roller coaster is so completely draining. Even now two weeks before a mammo or MRI, anxiety kicks in ... what if ... I still don't feel OK with my body, I've been betrayed.
BCinfoseeker, it looks from your information that we have a very similar diagnosis.
Best wishes and empathy to all on this journey. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, gather your emotional rocks close and the hell with anyone else who can't deal with it.
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Grandmaadam - I'm not new to this. I was diagnosed in 2008, and have been through it twice since. The latest is again this year. My experiences and anger are deep. there is so much crap attached to this.
I'm getting increasingly tired of all the covid stuff about their depression, fears and uncertainty - yet before covid, what have we been force fed? Any hint of these feelings results in we're not being positive enough? We're supposed to hid those feelings and be brave warriors.
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Grandma - My mom died in 2019 of ovarian. Undiagnosed for months - it was the size of a grapefruit when they found it. Inoperable; she was 86 and just decided to pull the ripcord and lived two months at home with hospice care and never left the house again.
I thought I was going to get a *little* more time before this deal became part of my life like a very unwanted guest that messes up the kitchen and shits on the floor. And I too am pretty private. My false negative biopsy came after a BI-RADS 5 US which I should have taken more seriously. But I kind of whooped it up in August after the biopsy results, thinking I was going to escape relatively unscathed. I told a few people about my false negative diagnosis that I wish I hadn't. But, I've just stopped texting them since the surgery and dx; maybe I'll hear from them and maybe I won't!
We can chat more about our dxes... for now zzzzzzzzz.
Hugs to all
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To my coworker who's been complaining to me (of all people) about how she's been suffering so much with a really bad cold:
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oh thank goodness for this thread. Please don’t give me another label as I’ve already had 52 new ones on this “ journey “ . How many times have we been asked “ date of birth ?” as we enter the Dr’s office instead of our name ? It feels like that.
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puglove: thank you for reviving this thread. The last one was December 20121. In the past I battled with cockroaches in a dumpy apartment I lived in. Breast cancer is not a battle. I am not brave. Do people want me to hide under the bed so they can see the fear and anxiety this disease causes? Currently, I am NEAD. Did I win this current battle but not the war? I do not want "Lost her battle with cancer" ----- maybe "she lived her life fully and joyfully until she couldn't" or does that also sound like a failure too?
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Agree, I lost count of the people who have said your so brave, I couldn't do what you have. Really..what are gonna do...curl up in a ball and die? Isn't your life and family worth fighting for? Yes, you would do it and thanks for thinking I'm so brave but I'm really not.
elderberry I can't stand "lost her battle" maybe she lived her life fully and joyfully up until her final day's. Agree, we can't have anything that implies we failed when it's really the treatments that fail us.
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Not a journey. I think the word ordeal is more fitting. Ordeal is defined as as a horrific, painful experience, often protracted.
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lately I’ve been trying to give people grace because I firmly believe we each need to use the language that fits for us so whether it’s journey or battle or ordeal or the other one that irks me most recently “club no one wants to join”. As with others who have more than one health issue in life or long term chronic illness or any other crappy issue that has happened in life, I really don’t view my life as a never ending series of battles or ordeals or journeys (except maybe getting my children to clean up their own dishes that just might be a series of battles which I have lost this week 🤪).
So as we own our own truth, I think it’s important to speak it as well although I’m not sure it always comes off the way we would like, but it’s important to me at least that when someone uses words or terms that don’t apply to us to describe our life, we let them know otherwise they assume we agree with them. So I’m not battling, or on a journey or in a club or going through an ordeal at this moment or a survivor. I’m just trying to live my life one health issue at a time. But apparently I don’t have to add skin cancer to the list as the spot on my arm is only a precancerous growth and hopefully the liquid nitrogen has put an end to that
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Losing the battle simply makes it sound like a person did not fight as hard as they could. We can and do fight all the time from early stage to metastatic as well.
Best thing someone told me, a social worker I think is that I am not dying of breast cancer but simply living with it. I also believe luck played a large role for me and my response to treatment. I also know it could change, but if or when I die, I will not have lost the battle.
I also only believe in thinking positive if it helps someone but there is nothing wrong with saltiness or being PO'd about the situation either, whatever is most helpful to someone going through it all.
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Mara - I agree about thinking positive, although I certainly understand how some don't/can't. I promised myself and my my son from my first appointment with the MO that I would remain positive. If it wasn't for those positive thoughts I would've went into a dark hole.
When I'm called strong or a warrior, I cringe inside, but I smile and just let people say whatever is going to make them feel good about however they choose to show me encouragement. And for those who can identify with those words, that's great, it's just not for all of us.
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