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Wife wont exercise or eat better. What can I do?

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  • MerCats11
    MerCats11 Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2021
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    As a psych nurse, I love helping people change their habits for the better. To that end, I found (and studies have proven) that Motivational Interviewing can really help. Just a few simple questions to get the other person thinking can lead to them making the change themselves. I tried it on my husband and he has quit smoking and drinking.(!!) When you do Motivational Interviewing, you help the person uncover their reasons for wanting to change. But let's be honest - we all feel conflicted about the changes we know we "should" make. With this technique, you kind of highlight, or bring to the forefront, their own reasons. You kind of plant seeds and patiently wait for the changes to appear. You can search for a free Motivational Interviewing training online. As far as healthy eating goes, both my husband and I changed our diets drastically (to mostly vegetarian) over the period of several years. We were motivated by watching all the really powerful documentaries about food on Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube. If your wife is open to watching them, they can be very potent motivators and they are entertaining as well. I cannot believe my husband gave up sausages, but he did! But note, we did not watch them with the express intention of becoming vegetarian. We just watched them for information, and the changes came about slowly. Good luck!

  • salamandra
    salamandra Member Posts: 745
    edited October 2021
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    For you, your wife's cancer has motivated you to make changes. But for her, it hasn't. (Or at least, not yet). Maybe she wants it to or she wishes it did, but it has not.

    Who she was before the cancer, she still is now. That can feel frustrating but there is also a side to it that is beautiful. I do believe that our weaknesses and our strengths are all connected. You fell in love with her as she was before, the whole package. Can you make connections between her apparent weakness in not changing her diet/exercise to qualities you cherish in her? Maybe stability/strength of character, desire, pleasure, self determination, etc?

    Based on my experiences with people I have loved, if you can channel the gratitude for a second chance not into the 'fitness/diet/change' energy but into 'enjoying every moment you have together while you can' energy, I think your future self will thank you. There is no such thing as controlling how long she lives or what eventually kills her, but there is some controlling making the most of the time you have together.

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 5,062
    edited October 2021
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    I hope the op is still reading bco. He has not signed in since his initial posts.

  • MerCats11
    MerCats11 Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2021
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    As a psych nurse, I love helping people change their habits for the better. To that end, I found (and studies have proven) that Motivational Interviewing can really help. Just a few simple questions to get the other person thinking can lead to them making the change themselves. I tried it on my husband and he has quit smoking and drinking.(!!) When you do Motivational Interviewing, you help the person uncover their reasons for wanting to change. But let's be honest - we all feel conflicted about the changes we know we "should" make. With this technique, you kind of highlight, or bring to the forefront, their own reasons. You kind of plant seeds and patiently wait for the changes to appear. You can search for a free Motivational Interviewing training online. As far as healthy eating goes, both my husband and I changed our diets drastically (to mostly vegetarian) over the period of several years. We were motivated by watching all the really powerful documentaries about food on Netflix, Hulu, and YouTube. If your wife is open to watching them, they can be very potent motivators and they are entertaining as well. I cannot believe my husband gave up sausages, but he did! But note, we did not watch them with the express intention of becoming vegetarian. We just watched them for information, and the changes came about slowly. Good luck!

  • deniseml
    deniseml Member Posts: 68
    edited February 2022
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    bcpyro,

    I've read thru all the posts and agree with Yuuki that your wife may be trying to work thru what has happened to her. With that said, what jumps out at me from your first post is the possibility that she is clinically depressed.

    I've worked in health care for 36 years, the last half as a nurse practitioner in primary care and am wondering if she has been screened for depression at anytime during this ordeal. while many of us experiencing the BC diagnosis and all that comes with that , can pick our selves back up and move forward. That is not the case for all of us. Major Depressive disorder is also a disease that requires treatment, whether it's counseling, medication or both.

    Have you tried asking her about her feelings of loss, and coping with what she has been thru? or maybe suggesting she have this discussion with her primary care doctor? wishing you and your wife the best and hoping that she receives the help she may need to move past this trauma in her life if she hasn't already.

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 5,062
    edited February 2022
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    Denise,

    The op has not signed in since the day he joined over a year ago. Perhaps he is still reading but usually when someone joins and then doesn’t sign in again after that they are likely no longer participating.

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 5,062
    edited August 2022
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    mamarika,

    The op has not signed in for over a year. Please see my post above.