Waiting for two different biopsies and freaking out
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I understand. As you probably know, it's not an easy feat. Plus, I already have anxiety.
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SaraJay, take it a day at a time. I found it very helpful to schedule as many fun things as possible between appointments and tests, and I don't mean elaborate things, just deliberate. I spent a lot of time in parks, having picnics with my small family, going for drives in the country. If the weather isn't cooperating, set aside time to watch funny movies, or blast your favorite music and dance. If you MUST worry, schedule ten minutes for that each day and get it out of the way, then move onto the enjoyable things in your life.
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This is great advice and I thank you for responding! I know the fear is getting the best of me right now and I can't slow my brain or steer it away from all of the "what ifs". I'm sure everyone here has been through it, but it's so surreal to me. Even without a diagnosis, things aren't feeling like they're going to be benign. It's been a very emotional month so far and I already feel like I'm drowning. I just know that I have too much to look forward to in life and my daughter's life. Everyone keeps telling me to "stay positive", but that's definitely going in one ear and out the other at this point. This past year has already been a challenging one in so many ways. Family separation in June, had to move in August and lost ability to see my step kids (daughter can't see them either). Had to quit school to get a new full time job. Filed person bankruptcy because of the financial situation my ex left me with. Lost my truck. Effing Covid keeping us from seeing family through every holiday. And just as there is a light and I have a plan in place for bigger and better things...this. I know it's sounding like a huge sob story now that I'm reading it and I haven't even been diagnosed. I've just been so strong for so long that this feels too hard.
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SaraJay wow you have been through the wringer. I too wouldn't be surprised if that was a panic attack. You mentioned that you were working out really hard before - any chance you can turn to that activity to release the stress and anxiety in your body? Something to physically tire you out so your mind has a chance to rest as well? I hope you can find some time to care for yourself right now - as a yogi I hope you can lean into the practice to find some grounding.
One thing I do know - you have already overcome a tremendous amount of upheaval (and hey lets throw in a major pandemic on top of it). We are all standing in your corner supporting you - no matter what direction your test results fall. I know how absolutely nuts the waiting is, I hope you get answers very soon. My very very best to you.
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Thank you so much for your response. I felt as if I had a good game plan ahead of me and that things were getting closer to where I wanted them to be. This is definitely come at a shock.
I have read that some women experience degrees of pain as a symptom and some do not.
I'm now feeling very random pains in the lump area, while I had no pain a month ago. I'm worried that this is a sign that things are getting worse.
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SaraJay,
Yes, it is true that we experience pain differently. One thing to remember is that the vast majority of breast cancers, even higher grades, usually grow very slowly. Remember that our breast tumors were probably growing for years before they became large enough to be seen on imaging. So please, please put aside any thoughts that things are getting worse as that is something you have no way of knowing at this time. Take care
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I think the biggest thing that has me worried is from what I've been reading here and on other forums is most cases are detected during a regular mammogram. Since I'm 39 and don't qualify for regular mammograms (40+ in Canada), I haven't been checking. I also had a diagnostic ultrasound I think 8-10 years ago because of lumpy breasts. This just turned out to be fluid cycts and no follow up was recommended. I guess I let my ignorance get in the way and no idea how far along this could be.
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SaraJay,
What ignorance? Younger women do not get routine mammograms and are much less likely to develop bc. Yes, self exams should be done, but I would venture to guess that you are far from the only one who doesn’t perform them regularly yet the vast majority don’t develop bc. Yes, mammograms do detect a lot of cases of bc but the fact that, due to your age, you haven’t been having regular mammos should not be a cause for worry.
Sarajay, do you practice yoga, meditation, mindfulness, breathing or any other type of stress relieving practices? These things can be helpful in lowering anxiety and slow down perseveration on negative thoughts. Take care
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I have been practicing yoga for 8 years now, but since my mammogram/ultrasound, I haven't been able to get to my studio. I think I'm scared that something will hurt or I won't be able to do a pose and that will cause more anxiety. To be honest, I don't even know what I'm thinking or doing most of the day. I struggle to even get up and shower these days because I can see and feel my lump and it starts the day poorly. I know there's nothing definitive right now, but all symptoms are so very scary. I look back just over a month ago and I was feeling great. My workouts were good and I was feeling very strong. I might try some meditation at home tonight before bed. With my appointment tomorrow, I'm just spinning and reading forums non-stop.
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SaraJay - STOP reading and remember - you don't have to be prepared. You just have to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward ONE STEP AT A TIME. The most important thing I've learned in 70+ years - let go of things you can't control. That's royal bitch - VERY hard - but try.
Hope tomorrow goes well. Be sure to get copies of all your reports.
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Letting go of things I can't control: something i have always struggled with! It's definitely not an easy thing during such a time of uncertainty.
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During my biopsy today I found out that I have 3 masses of concern as well as calcification in another area. They biopsied one lymph node in my armpit. They said it was "borderline" and measures 3.4 mm. He said they usually biopsy at 4mm. They did say it is fatty and the outer part was slightly thickened. The largest one is between 3.5 cm and 5 cm. Have to wait a week for results 😭. They mentioned that I might want to see a breast surgeon. I don't even know where to start to find the best one.
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saraJay - call your OB/Gyn for start. They look at breasts all day.
BUT - you don't know enough yet. What doc ordered the tests? Call them to make sure you get copies of the reports & have an appointment to review them. You still have NOT been diagnosed with cancer. Even if you are, there are many steps between here & surgery. That's why I recommended you go see your GYN doc.
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My results will be sent to my GP. I don't have an OB/GYN and never have. I've just done regular paps at a clinic near me that has a female doctor.
I understand that I still haven't been diagnosed with anything. Everything is pointing towards cancer at this point, though.
I plan on calling my GP office every day starting Monday to see if they have the results. I also have a stereo (can't recall spelling) mammogram biopsy next Thursday for an area of microcalcifications. Though my results from today should be in by then.
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My situation sounds similar to yours. I'm 41. Mammogram 3/3. Diagnostic and ultrasounds on 3/17. Went 3/24 for an ultrasound biopsy on the right--1.6cm near the chest wall. Stereotactic biopsy under mammogram on the left for 9mm with related calcifications. Birads cat 4. The waiting is absolutely terrible. I have a plan and dr in place. Even if it's benign, I feel like there will definitely be more to come. Will be thinking positive thoughts for you!
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So sleep didn't really happen for me last night and I'm quite sore today from the biopsy. Now that I know I have two tumors next to eachother and possibly a third in another quadrant, I'm even more worried. I've read on multicentric cancer and it sounds bad. Anyone else have multiple?
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SaraJay, I'm in the Lower Mainland & can point you to some surgeons if you want to pm me.
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Thank you for the positive thoughts! I feel like I've been leaving all that up to my family and friends these days. I hope your results come back with good news!
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Sarajay, hang in there and keep us posted. I am waiting for my biopsy results (Bi-Rads 5) early next week. Feeling a terrible anxiety, not knowing what to do with myself, letting my fear drive my thoughts to very dark scenarios. I did get distracted this afternoon. I fear waking up tomorrow to this new reality (I am assuming it is cancer). Mine is 1cm on the right breast, 4cm from the nipple. Hoping the best for everyone in this forum.
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I feel you! This waiting is torture. I want answers, but I also don't. I can't stop thinking and stressing. I'm overanalyzing every single thing I feel in my body. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
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Hi SaraJay, I sent you a private message with my contact information, in case you want to chat anytime.
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Hi SaraJay
I came across your question about “multicentric tumors”, thoughts maybe I could make you feel a bit less worrying.
i am older than you, but was at the same place you are right now last December (in fact I was diagnosed on new year eve). They also found multiple tumors on my upper quadrant left breast (mine is multifocal, I think difference between focal or centric is the distance of the tumors). Anyhow, I was worry sick, reading about them. But along the way, people on this board and my husband made me realize that too much (unreliable) info can scare the heck out of me and it is not always good for my health. And even with multiple tumors/areas in my case , they are all pure DCIS according to my post surgery pathology report.I know it is hard for you not to worry about it now, but please take one step at a time, take cate your mental heath too. I’ll be thinking and hope you will have good results
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tntsnd, thank you for sharing your experience with me. While I know I'm unable to stop the worrying thoughts, I'm going to try to relax as much I I can. I went for a massage yesterday and had some time with a good friend who made me laugh (the first time in a month). Tonight I'm going to yoga class, even if I don't feel like leaving the house. I know I won't regret it and I miss it so much. I've taken away my physical activities this past month, but that's something that's a huge part of me.
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I experienced something strange last night. About 10 minutes after getting into bed, I started feeling sharp pains in both of my breasts. My left one (not biopsied) has felt lumpy for the past week. They did mammogram it during my diagnostic, but no ultrasound. I'm worried there's something going on in there too that was missed !?
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SaraJay,
Please stop driving yourself crazy. Until you have biopsy results you can speculate and perseverate on every itch, twitch and pain and all that will do is stress you out. BTW, it is rare to be dx’ed with bc in both breasts at the same time. Take care
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SaraJay, that sounds like your anxiety is coming out in physical symptoms. I wish you'd take a look around this forum and see how many active, thriving members there are, all (with a very few exceptions) who have already had cancer. Most of us are doing fine! And there are countless others who don't get on forums like this because they had cancer, finished treatment, and never thought about it much again for the rest of their long lives.
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exbrnxgrl, you're right. It was just quite painful and concerning. I know I'm not helping my own anxiety and fear is definitely in the driver's seat.
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Alice, thanks for that positive perspective. I should definitely start looking at things like that. I guess the unknown keeps taking me to the worst places. The majority of women's stories I've read have caught BC on an annual screening. I have not had annual screening because of my age, so I keep thinking it could have been growing for some time. I guess I can't do anything about that right now. I need to find some peace of mind.
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SaraJay, even when women have annual screenings and even when their breast cancer is found during a regular screening, it's still likely that the cancer was present in their breast for several years. Cancers start out as a single cell, and then grow from there. It usually takes 3-5 years for a breast cancer to become large enough to be detected by screening.
What happens is that women who have regular screenings have clear mammos year after year, and then one year something shows up. Or sometimes, nothing shows up but they feel a lump. When the cancer is found, in some cases it is very small but in many cases it's larger - in one recent very large research study, the average tumor size was just under 2cm. One reason that sometimes masses aren't found until they are larger is because most younger women have dense breast tissue. Mammograms just aren't that good at seeing through dense breast tissue. So by the time the mammogram spots the mass in the middle of the dense breast tissue, the mass might be quite large.
All that to say that you shouldn't assume that your mass would have been found any sooner if you'd been having annual mammograms - it probably wouldn't have been. And that's why mammograms aren't routinely used on younger women - because they are not particularly effective.
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Beesie, you have a comforting way with words. I'm grateful.
I'm still here waiting for the biopsy results and trying my best to stop obsessive thoughts. I also have a mammogram guided biopsy on Thursday this week (fun). I already feel so incredibly emotionally drained. I know I have to keep it together for myself and my daughter. I'm a natural fighter, but the fear is so strong.
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