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This is an informative post but does the person with cancer want to talk about it all the time? Or does she appreciate some conversation about current noncancer topics also?, so as not be defined as a cancer patient only?
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I am a very private and independent person. I can count on a few fingers those who know of my diagnosis and I don't want to discuss it with anyone apart from my doctors and on this site.
I think how a person handles her diagnosis depends on the individual.
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i know it depends on the person. But most people (friends and family) default to not talking about it. that’s been my experience.
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I understand what you are saying. Some people are not comfortable to talk about cancer or other topics like that with those affected. I guess we are more aware and understanding because we have experienced cancer.
I do talk with people going through it but then I think: surely they don't want to talk about this all the time?
The key is probably acknowledging the issue and then being guided by the person as to how much they want to talk about it or move on to other topics.
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the most important thing in my opinion is not what you say, but that you listen
And yes, I amStage 4 and I don’t want to talk about cancer and deathall the time. Sometimes, I do. But not all the time.
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I’m with you @Racy. Only a few know about my first diagnosis and only 1 knows of my second. I want it that way. I want to be treated like me, not “me with”. I don’t want to talk about treatments; I don’t want to talk about how difficult this is; I don’t want to talk about how I live with constant pain, constant fatigue. I think about this damn disease enough, give me the space and grace to talk about something else. Please
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I definitely do not want to talk about cancer and death and dying all the time. Not the point of what I wrote. It’s just a huge part of having metastatic disease for me. I’m a counselor so talking about feelings is just really important for me. But the responses to my pos are making me realize many people don’t have this same need.
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zipmonk,
Many people are not comfortable being public or open about their bc. I was still working when dx'ed and was extremely open about my situation. It allowed me to set the tone and make sure that gossip and rumor were nipped in the bud. I encouraged people to ask me about my health, especially if they heard something that concerned them. I should add that I am a recently retired teacher and will always be an educator. I was able to be a support for several parents at my school who were unfortunately dx'ed at a much younger age than I was. I even let a parent feel me up so she would know what implants felt like as she considered her own recon 😂. I think I may be rather atypical in my openness but my school community was also a huge support for me. They did the meal organizing and many other things to help my family out. I taught for 10 years with mbc and can't wait to start subbing.
Despite my bare it all attitude, I think it is of the utmost importance that we respect the way each person feels comfortable dealing with this highly personal matter.
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I had someone tell me that she would die if anything happened to me. That was NOT helpful. I’d rather hear, “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
The ring theory says, “Support in, dump out.” I like that theory.
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sunshine
I love the ring theory! Everyone should know about that and adhere to it
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