scanxiety, cant stop thinking im going to die
hi, i have no one to talk to and im freaking out and i need just anyone to please help me think everything is going to be OK
i have been in treatment for stage one since the end of 2019, lumpectomy, sentinal node removal, radiation, tamoxifen--you know the drill
my mammos have been clean, i dont feel bad, i take my tamoxifen religiously, Dr.s have been happy with my progress every time
last time i had blood drawn my CA 27.29 was elevated to 43 and i have to wait til the 30th for a full chest abdomen and pelvis CT scan. i cant stop worrying that i have ovarian cancer and im going to die. like this is it. i dotn know what anyoen alive could say to me to help me. i take care of my 102 yr old deaf blind grandmother, if i have to put her in respite care for soem kind of surgery it will cost me 10k a month, just to die anyway.
anyway, i have literally no way of comprehending what the chances are theyre going to find something worse, i cant stop thinking that elevated number DEFINITELY means "this is it", even though my dr didnt seem too alarmed by it and said she just wanted to check, just the fact that she ordered such a big scan makes me think she DOES think its something
i feel like im going to burst into tears and scream "OMG IM GOING TO DIE" every second
if anyone can help me i would really appreciate it, because i dont think i can take this