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Feeling offended

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finallyoverit
finallyoverit Member Posts: 133

Let me say before I type any more, I am not directing this gripe to anyone in particular. I just need to vent and only my stage iv sisters would understand. My sincere apologies if I offend anyone, that is truly not my intention.

I am young (under 50) with a Stage IV diagnosis. I’m grateful that I’m doing well, but I can help to be absolutely offended when people around me (some family, some friends) continue to smoke like chimneys. Granted, most people do not know of my dx, but family definitely does. They continue to smoke like chimneys right in front of me. 1- I do not need to be inhaling all of those carcinogens, tyvm and 2- (let me preface this with I would many wish this mess on anyone, ever)I can’t help but to see it as flaunting.. “see.. I can do something that has been proven over and over again to cause all kinds of nasty diseases, including lung cancer, but I’m doing just fine and yeah, you didn’t do a thing to invite stage iv cancer in your life. Must suck to be you”.

I’m tired of always being the one who has to move away to avoid it. Again, I don’t wish this on anyone, but yeah, it royally pisses me off.

Extremely pissed tonight and just needed to vent.

Comments

  • mojos
    mojos Member Posts: 33
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    I fully understand and support your reaction. Inhaling smoke and being around smokers is not helpful when your plate is full with your own cancer worries. So sorry!

  • sadiesservant
    sadiesservant Member Posts: 1,875
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    Totally on your side. My parents smoked like chimneys when I was growing up (my father died in 1986 at the age of 63 from lung cancer) and, as a result, my lungs became super sensitive to smoke. I avoid it like the plague. Thankfully my mom quit smoking long before my dad passed so our home has been smoke free but my neighbour smokes… And then, they legalized pot here and OMG there is nothing worse than the smell of pot! 🙄 Okay, now my rant is over.

  • Kikomoon
    Kikomoon Member Posts: 358
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    finallyoverit- I know! I don’t know anyone who smokes except my neighbors who sit outside on the front porch to do it. Super nice people but I’m like, really? You have stage IV living next door, you know about it, and you’re going to continue? And my sister who is 10 years older, but we don’t talk. Haven’t in years.

  • sondraf
    sondraf Member Posts: 1,597
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    I was watching a couple round the resort pool the other day, they spent at least three hours drinking, smoking, and tanning, both overweight but the lady considerably so. I remarked bitterly to partner that how come I got cancer, never mind mbc, but that lady of approximately the same age, mid 40s) gets to live her life with complete naive bliss.

    Yeah, its a crappy crappy hand and while most of the time I can deal with it, there are instances when that bitter comes out. But for the grace of God and all that (and I'm an atheist!)

  • finallyoverit
    finallyoverit Member Posts: 133
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    @sadiesservant ~ I totally feel you on that. Both of my parents were very heavy smokers when I was growing up. I have no doubt in my mind that it contributed to me being first diagnosed at 37, and with MBC at 42.

  • sadiesservant
    sadiesservant Member Posts: 1,875
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    I do sometimes wonder as I was diagnosed initially at 38. But then, I don’t have children (a risk factor), was quite overweight as a teenager/young adult (ironically, I lost all my excess weight and then found the lump) and, as someone trained in the sciences I handled some pretty nasty chemicals. I don’t think about the how or why now. It’s just the hand I’ve been dealt. But stay away from me with your stinking cigarettes! LOL.

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 4,832
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    Cigarette smoke is a difficult issue. It is still legal for adults though where one may smoke isincreasingly limited. Yes, I do wish friends and family members would respect the wishes of others and not smoke around them but some are too selfish or pig headed to care, As to cannabis smoke, I actually love the way it smells 😊 but like any smoked product, places to do it are limited and not everyone likes it. I am a daily cannabis user (pain control and appetite stimulant) who both smokes and uses edibles and tinctures. I smoke in my home or on my patio (where passerby's likely smell it) but I try to limit my patio time. I apologize to any who have been offended by my cannabis smoke. In the interest of good neighbor relationships I would stop the patio toking if anyone objected.

  • sunshine99
    sunshine99 Member Posts: 2,628
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    finallyoverit, I get it and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I don't have anyone around me who smokes, but I remember when I was first diagnosed with Stage II cancer, I was with my husband at a conference in Hawaii. I was "sitting out" some of the activities and there was this guy who was smoking who kept following me around at the event. I guess he wanted someone to talk to. I just wanted to be away from his smoke. I had on a big hat, so he couldn't see that I was bald. I wish I had told him that I was in treatment for cancer, and I was trying to avoid his cigarette smoke. I never spoke up, but I wish I had.

    Carol

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 6,071
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    finallyoverit, I can understand how you feel. I have felt like some of my family have flaunted things in my face. A sister in law has smoked like a chimney since long before I met her over 30 years ago. She has few health problems and will turn 70 next year! Not to be mean but if she would keel over dead tomorrow from cancer, she still would have lived without the cancer monkey on her back like I did from age 52. That's many more carefree years than I had and the death scenario is only hypothetical. She could live for many more years.

    Sunshine, as women we are socially conditioned to tolerate others' offensive behavior. "Be the nice lady because smoker dude needs someone to talk to." Putting his feelings before yours. I have been there far too many times but the past couple years have started to assert myself more, even if I still usually default to asserting myself in a nice way. It is a like a muscle that needs flexed often. I read a book about getting rid of the nice girl syndrome and realized I don't even have to make eye contact with men in public if I don't want to. I used to always have a smile on my face and now I feel much more free to simply ignore them. I am getting over thinking I have to be a pleasant, congenial person to strangers. I have the gift of gab and can chat with practically anyone but now I do it only if I want to.

  • nkb
    nkb Member Posts: 1,561
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    When I got breast cancer- I had no risk factors- I also know many smokers who have no illness.

    but, smoking in front of you is so disrespectful! can you just excuse yourself? I find it hard to not be nice- but, I would leave the room-(but, I wouldn't be the only one leaving hahaha)