My Biggest Fear Came True - Help
I'm so grateful that this community exists and that there are people who understand what I'm going through.
My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1995 and has been battling it ever since. She has had stage IV since 2009. She has had multiple rounds of chemo and been on many many drugs for ER/PR + but has mets in her liver, bones and lungs. She slowed down a lot in the last year but when I got a call a couple weeks ago to say that her doctors had no other treatments that she could try, I was devastated and shocked. She has been sick for so long but has managed it like a chronic disease so I wasn't ready for that news. She is my absolute best friend and soulmate and so the news is crushing me. Her oncologist said that she has 2-3 months and again that was a blow because we thought at worst he would say 9 months. The time is flying by now.
Maybe this is a coping mechanism but when I learned the news I went into researching power mode. I'm trying to find one more treatment, a clinical trial, holistic remedies, anything I can that might help. I'm located in Ontario, Canada and so some have recommended she take high levels of CBD oil (no THC) and others have recommended turkey tail and reishi mushrooms. I am so desperate to try these with her but the biggest issue right now is her liver. She is going into liver failure I think and so I'm really concerned that any herbal remedies we try might make her worse and I'll lose her sooner. Her abdomen has been filling with fluid but she has been getting it drained. She has also had bad muscle spasms, a cough that never goes away, anemia and constipation.
I feel like I can't stop trying to find something to help her, like it's my responsibility to save her but part of me is also saying that I need to stop and just try to get as much peaceful, happy time with her as I can. I haven't been getting anywhere in my search. I guess I would like some guidance and advice on this. Maybe I need to focus on acceptance that this is the end of our journey on earth together. I keep feeling so much guilt, like I should have done more 10 years ago and searched for better treatments then. I don't know, I am so lost and I just can't imagine my life without her.
Please any insight would be so appreciated.