Lymphovascular Invasion Present and Perplexing Pathology Report
I am new here, and have spent the last seven hours crying. I received the pathology results today, and as you may have guessed, it's not good. Not good, confusing, scary, and I have discovered Google is not my friend tonight.
My pathology diagnoses results were:
-Foci of ductal carcinoma in situ, intermediate nuclear grade with cribriform pattern, necrosis and calcifications
-Focal invasive carcinoma is present
And for extra anxiety and despair in the comments, "the foci measure unto 1millimeter in maximum dimension, compatible with micro invasion precluding grading of invasive carcinoma" and "there are areas of lymphovascular invasion present in the specimen, which raises a concern for possibly larger foci of invasive carcinoma which are unsampled."
I haven't breathed since. I am 50 with 6 year-old twin girls, and I have been crying in between hugs, dinner, and trying to act normal so my girls don't see me lose it. I can't stand it, I want to crawl out of my skin. This is like a nightmare I can't wake up from. I am confused, scared, and I vacillate between guilt and anger that I have not kept up with my mammograms the past years, fear I won't see my children grow up, and regret I have not sucked the life out of every waking moment since my children were born.
I have spent the last three hours since I put my children to bed trying to understand what I am up against. My doctor wants me to have an MRI and see the surgeon immediately (which I will do without haste as soon as possible this week if I can get in). She has assured me we will do everything possible in between surgery, treatment including radiation and chemo depending on the surgeon's plan and results from the MRI. Yet I cannot get past "llymphovascular invasion present" and there is nothing that I can Google that is not grim and dire. I am spinning like a top. I want to grab my children and run away from reality but run where, to what, and for how long?
Beyond what my doctor has explained to me about LVI, has anyone else out there faced this? Any words of wisdom, any sage advice? Any insight, I'm hungry for some comfort to make it the next hour, day, week. I just don't know how to keep it together without absolutely falling apart. One minute I am determined, the next a blubbering mess.
I have read the "Understanding your Pathology Report" so generously provided on this site, and it is very helpful. Yet, here I am, shaking and scared out of my mind. I have to find a way to shift my mindset from "this can't be happening" to "it's happening, what's the plan."
All my love to all you lovelies out there who are smarter, stronger, and are fighting the fight.