In a dark place right now. Could really use support.
My anxiety is really bad and I could use some support. I’m 30 years old. Back in May, I found a lump on my inner right breast, just a couple days after my OBGYN did a breast exam on me. I remember being in the shower thinking whoa that’s weird, but I just had an exam so she maybe felt it and thought it was ok? I was also pregnant so I thought it could have been related to pregnancy. I mentally thought I should bring it up but proceeded to forget for months.
Fast forward to November, I’m getting ready to give birth to my son and I’m going to more doctors appointments. I finally bring up the lump and my new OBGYN (couldn’t see my original anymore because they did not do delivery) says huh, that’s weird, I’ll give you a referral for ultrasound. So she writes that up for me but doesn’t seem too concerned. Then I give birth and call to schedule the appointment in December. They are able to fit me in January, I go to the appointment. The ultrasound tech and I are laughing, talking about new babies and how she has a son too. When she gets to the lump she gets very quiet and says “I’m going to go get the doctor.” She comes back with the doctor, who says she wants to repeat the ultrasound herself, and she looks at the lump as well. The ultrasound tech is looking at the floor. The doctor points out to me that the edges are bad, like you would expect to see in a melanoma in skin cancer, and that she wants me to do a mammogram immediately.
So I go and do the mammogram same day. And the tumor still looks suspicious, plus they find an enlarged abnormal intramammary lymph node on my left breast. She comes back and tells me that she wants me to do a biopsy ASAP. She sounds extremely concerned. At this point I start to lose my shit, I’m thinking about my son and my wonderful husband and how scared I am to actually think I could lose them/ they could lose me. Everyone is very solemn, they give me tissues and then send me on my way.
So I called to schedule the biopsy and they don’t have any availability for three weeks. Three. Weeks. I’m already struggling with post partum anxiety, this has sent me into an absolute tailspin. I can’t look at my son or husband without crying. I can’t eat and cannot sleep. The few times I have slept, I wake up feeling normal until I remember I have this hanging over me. I can’t even tell you the regret that I feel for not having it checked out sooner.
Details: inner right breast 2.3 cm tumor, it is hard and immovable with bad edges. The nipple on that breast has also been cracked, bloody-looking (but no blood is coming out) for the past four weeks since I had my son. I thought it was related to breastfeeding but it won’t heal even while I take a break and just pump (gently), and the nipple on my other breast has never cracked or been damaged at all in this time. I’m also having chest pain underneath the lump which started in the past month, and upper right back pain.
Outer left breast intramammary lymph node enlarged 1 cm, this one I didn’t know about.
Rated BIRADS 4.