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Off Topic - A Family Matter

divinemrsm Member Posts: 6,205

My stepson is in his 40s, married with a couple kids; one’s a teenager, one’s a tween. They live about three hours away from us. SS has been a part of my life since the late 1980s when he was a tween and I married his dad. He’s undergoing tests for some form of blood cancer. It doesn’t sound good. When Dh and I visited them at Christmas, SS looked alarmingly bad and had lost a lot of weight. It wasn’t until January he sought medical attention because he didn’t feel well. The testing seems to be taking forever. He’s mentioned a few things to his dad about what’s going on but I’m too scared to google any of it. A part of me does not want to know the full reality.

I’m so upset about how unfair it is. I’m upset over what SS and his family will be going through, and I fear the worst. Dh is getting over a horrible cold that he’s had for almost two weeks (he tested negative for Covid). It’s as if the stress of worrying wreaked havoc on his immune system.

So this is what’s on my mind these days. I will have to take it a day at a time. I’m not sure how any of us are going to handle this.


  • serendipity09
    serendipity09 Member Posts: 769

    Divine - I'm sorry that your SS is going through this. Nothing worse than seeing someone you care for have to go through something as terrible as cancer and not be able to do anything to prevent it, after all, we are parents and we should be able to protect them. It is unfair! I hope that it all comes back as best case scenario for him. Best bet is to stay away from Google, but you already know that. Sending you hugs!

  • threetree
    threetree Member Posts: 1,471

    Oh Divine - Very sorry to hear about your family situation, and I can really understand how devastating this all is. Yes, it is UNFAIR! I too have loved ones who've gotten terrible diagnoses, that just seem so not right. It's all part of life's big crapshoot, I guess. I understand completely how you are trying not to google. It's a double edged sword and sometimes it's the wrong side that takes over.

    Do know that whatever is going on with your stepson, there are better and better treatments all the time, and while from what you describe, he will probably have to endure some sort of treatment regimen, there is also always the hope that whatever is going on with him is curative. Without knowing the full story, and all the possible treatments, you are bound to worry big time. Hold on to hope that is always there! Wishing you and your family all the best as you navigate this situation that is indeed UNFAIR!

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 5,060

    I know this must be very difficult to deal with. Fairness is so elusive in the real world. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  • nkb
    nkb Member Posts: 1,561

    Oh Devine!! I really feel sick about young people with kids having to go through this stuff-

    I would try to get what info you can from SS or his wife- I find men seem to minimize things and getting 3rd hand from your DH could minimize it even more- they could use your wisdom and support- lots of men are silent sufferers.

    I had a friend who was in "denial" and ignored things too long, family dynamics were complicated, but, she had a lot of friends.

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 6,205

    Thank you all very much for the support. It is a great help and gives me hope. I haven't mentioned anything to my sisters yet because they overreact, and the information dh and I are getting is still somewhat vague. I'm grateful to have this forum as an outlet be able to mention it here.

    Nkb, so true about men. Dh and his son aren't the best communicators, and then something additional often gets lost when Dh relays to me what was said between the two of them. Over the years, I've had to learn how to extract the contents from Dh on what they talk about in order for me to get the full picture and then I'm only somewhat successful!

    When DH and I visited SS and his family at Christmas, although we had a lovely visit, I was quietly alarmed by his appearance. I like to get group photos when we're all together, but can feel like the old granny who's pestering everyone so I'm sometimes hesitant about it. We were getting ready to leave and I hadn't taken any pictures and suddenly I looked at SS and got the worst feeling. It was this premonition, a fear like “ohmygod, I better get some pictures because what if something is drastically wrong with him?" (I even thought worse but cannot bring myself to put it in this post). I did not say a thing to Dh about it later. But I took out my phone and got everyone to pose for some snapshots. I'm not generally a premonition type person, but the next month as we learned about SS seeing a hematologist, my worst fears were being confirmed. It's a dreadful feeling.

    Thank you all again for listening.

  • kbl
    kbl Member Posts: 2,793

    DivineMrsM, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through. I am sending you hugs. Men definitely tend to minimize.

  • goldensrbest
    goldensrbest Member Posts: 690

    Divine - I will lift up your SS and family (you & hubs too)in prayer for God’s grace during this difficult time. Please update as you learn more.

  • sadiesservant
    sadiesservant Member Posts: 1,875


    I’m so sorry to hear about your stepson. Life, is indeed, exceedingly unfair. I can understand how hard this must be for both you and your husband and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I sincerely hope that with treatment he will make a full recovery.

    As to premonitions, it may seem odd but I have often felt that those of us with MBC are a bit more finely tuned to subtle signs that something is not right. We spend so much time monitoring signs and symptoms of progression that I’m not surprised you had a heightened sense of concern with your stepson. And yes, men minimize so it’s good that he’s had this checked out.

    Sending a big virtual hug.

  • aprilgirl1
    aprilgirl1 Member Posts: 787

    Divine, I am so sorry to hear about your stepson. Like Sadiesservant said, life is exceedingly unfair. Sending you and your family love and prayers - hope there is successful treatment for him. Your family will be so thankful to have the family photos that you had the foresight to take on your last visit.