How to not be a negative person career-relationship wise?
Is it possible to resist the urge to punch your boss after he asks "but what about your career aspirations?" when you tell him you are not interested in going up the corporate ladder?
Is it possible to dig oneself out of a hole: pushing loved ones away knowing you don't have long to live? Not wanting to meet new people because you don't want to hurt new friends down the road?
Is it possible to stop being selfish, even though your therapist tells you to be because you are "fighting to live" and "life is too-short"?
Is it possible to find proof that this disease physically makes you depressed and negative? Or is this all in our heads?
This disease has not changed me the way I expected (finding a new zest for life or a life purpose). It has brought more guilt and pain that I have ever experienced. I want to know how is it possible to live among friends and family without wishing to not exist in the first place. My meds got changed and still feel the same. I get asked "why not get disability?" and I get enraged. In the mirror I see someone who can walk again and not need opiates as pain-killers. I look normal. Then I go to the proverbial hell that is the oncology department for my Zometa infusions and talk to a doctor that wants me to go through another CAT scan. I have family members who survived and not survived when they got their mets. Both became religious fanatics and recommended I do the same. For those who did not take that path, how do you do it?