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Bone Mets and Told I Need Hip Replacement

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  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 6,154
    edited October 2023
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    Thanks, everyone for the well wishes.

    My MIL and I had a tangled relationship. She was widowed the year dh and I got married (30+ years ago). At times she was irresponsible which led to her getting into messes dh and I had to get her out of while his other siblings turned a blind eye and went about their lives. It was frustrating and caused problems in my marriage. My MIL could be manipulative but dh couldn’t or wouldn’t see it. On the other hand, I admired my MIL for always moving forward, having a survivalist mentality and living a good long life, and we still had plenty of nice times together. I’m okay with having conflicting feelings about her.

    I’d hoped for a different type memorial service for her for the sake of my husband and son, and it truly would have meant more to me as well. Dh feels the same. Today there is at least a small graveside service which should help with some closure. I feel like my SIL made her mother’s life too small by not being more inclusive with extended family and friends. It’s like she dismissed a large portion of what her mom’s life consisted of. But dh and I will go along to keep the peace. Sigh.

  • chicagoan
    chicagoan Member Posts: 992
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    Divine,

    Just a thought, coming from a pastor, perhaps you and DH could plan a different type of Memorial Service later this year or sometime next year. It wouldn't have to compete with the graveside service but it could be a fuller celebration of your MIL's life. I've noticed that "Celebrations of Life" are often scheduled several months after a person has died to allow all who wish to come to make travel plans, etc.

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 6,154
    edited October 2023
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    The memorial service was barebones but nice. The weather was overcast but mild. Eleven of us gathered; sister-in-law handed everyone a sheet of a few prayers and scriptures to be read in unison. Her two adult daughters and my other SIL were surprised and happy I was able to make it in spite of my recent surgery (I wasn’t going to miss it.) I’d also suggested the day before that we all go to lunch afterwards at a small local restaurant and surprisingly, everyone went. That turned out well as we’d reserved a latge table for our group, and everyone seemed on their best behavior (no passive-aggressive or hot-button remarks), which was a nice way to honor my mother in law. I’m not sure why my SIL was so anal about having such a small service with only immediate family as there was a little bit of money to have been more inclusive. But, it was their mother. Overall, even tho the grieving process is an ongoing thing, the memorial did provide some closure for which I’m grateful.

  • margesimpson
    margesimpson Member Posts: 59
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    @divinemrsm thats a relief, I was hoping you would avoid any more stress. How are you going with your recovery? I had it in February and my recovery was slow - even now I don’t have the movement I had before and can injure myself easily. The bone injections have been a big help for me and saved me from doing the other leg!

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 6,154
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    marge, recovery is slow but I guess I have to give it time. I’m thinking/hoping that radiation to the leg will help. I have soreness on the outside of the hip and some in the groin area. I’m not supposed to drive, nor do I want to, yet even tho dh will happily drive me anywhere, I guess it is the temporary loss of some independence due to physical limitations that has me feeling a bit blue. That and the shitty weather! Dark and rainy for a couple days now. I always see both sides, tho, and I realize I have all the creature comforts to help me recoup, so I do try to keep that in mind.

    You mention bone injections. Is that cortisone? Would be interested in hearing more of your experience if you care to share.

  • margesimpson
    margesimpson Member Posts: 59
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    i originally had my left leg done because the bone was about to break, they waited 3 months to do the other leg so I wouldn’t need a wheelchair but I was told to walk as little as possible and use crutches to protect the “good” leg while I waited to recover enough. I had denosumab (?) needles each month and I didn’t need the other leg done by the 4 month mark! I still have that injection each month (in my stomache) and my last scan showed no growths and my broken bones seem healed. I had mentally accepted I wouldn’t drive again but I started doing small drives after the other leg was ok. I still go down stairs and hills weirdly and I’m “aware” of my leg- especially my hip. I only started lying on my good side after about 4 months (and I still use a pillow between my legs). I understand how you’re feeling down, it’s weird because it’s a reminder that my body isn’t well and it’s weird knowing a lot of experiences are now not really an option and I have to accept and ask for help. I’m only on fulvestrant and the denosumab. I didn’t do well on verzenio. I also have liver Mets.

  • margesimpson
    margesimpson Member Posts: 59
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    Sorry I just realised I think you call in Prolia in the USA.