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Off Topic - Sometimes Life’s Not Fair

My oldest brother’s oldest son (my oldest nephew), passed away today. In his 50s, he was diagnosed out of the blue with stage iv melanoma in October. He’d started chemotherapy/immunotherapy but it was too late. It’s devastating news to our extended family. It all happened so fast; it’s like getting hit with a wrecking ball to the stomach. I feel numb and heartbroken.

My mother-in-law passed away in October. She was age 95 so it wasn’t unexpected but it is still a large loss. My stepson was diagnosed with multiple myeloma at the beginning of 2023 and had a stem cell transplant in November. He is currently doing good, but it is still a major concern.

Plus I’m dealing with my own complications from surgery to a rod in the femur in October. I’m not sure why everything hit the fan at the same time, but all must be dealt with.


  • orangeflower
    orangeflower Member Posts: 86

    I'm so sorry to hear about the misfortunes in your family, but glad to hear your stepson is doing well. I know what you mean about life being unfair. The <bleep> hit the fan when I was diagnosed in early 2020. My father passed away, the pandemic was just starting, and I had to move back in with my ex-boyfriend for a few months while I went through it all. It's just amazing how multiple traumas can hit all at once.

    Wishing you better days in the new year!

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 5,896

    Thank you, orangeflower. My nephew’s mom (my sister-in-law) wrote a beautiful tribute to him, describing the many “hats” he wore: co-worker, uncle, brother, son. It was very moving to read. It is not lost on me that I’ve been living with a stage iv diagnosis for 13 years, yet my nephew was gone in less than three months. My sil referred to it as a “brief catastrophic illness”. Generally, I don’t feel guilt about responding to various treatments, but in this case I feel awful that my nephew was dealt a different hand. We are all still reeling from the severe swiftness the disease took him.

    You really went through a lot all at one time, too. It sounds like you made it through tho I’m sure it was challenging. Hope things are better for you now.

  • aprilgirl1
    aprilgirl1 Member Posts: 743

    I'm sorry :/ it is good to hear that your stepson is doing well . So sad and really, unfair that your nephew went so fast . Cancer is so complex .

    loss of your MIL, at 95 is more understandable but still a tremendous loss .

    I believe you were hospitalized and had hip surgery recently so I hope you are healing well. Let's hope 2024 has less losses for you and your family .

  • threetree
    threetree Member Posts: 1,157

    Divine - I just want to say how very sorry I was to read about your situation. I do read and follow along, but have just felt too crappy for the last couple of months to post a lot. So much happens that mentally I want to respond to and post, but side effects, viruses, etc. won't let me. I totally agree about the life not being fair matter and so many seem to have to carry an unnecessary burden/share of the bad in the world, as if they'd been singled out or something. Absolutely not fair! I hope things get better soon for you and yours.

    Also want to say how much I like the picture you posted! Looks like you've made it your new photo on the site too. It's lovely.

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 5,896

    Thank you, aprilgirl and threetree. I am still trying to wrap my head around my nephew being gone from this earth. My heart is broken for my brother and sister in law, and their other three children. They were a close family. My brother said he and his son spoke on the phone every day and he is missing him terribly. One comfort that can be drawn from that is to there are no regrets, nothing was left unsaid. My nephew was surrounded by love, by those who loved him his whole life and were with him in his darkest hours. You can’t ask more than that, in a time like that.

    I’m still recovering from having a titanium rod placed in my femur. I then had five rounds of radiation to the leg which apparently aggravated/inflamed muscles or nerves in that area so healing is quite slow. I’m basically comfortable but had to scale activity way back and have to curtail my tendency to over-do it. Dh went to my appt with the surgeon; I was glad because seeing my leg xrays and all the hardware inside made him realize the extent of the procedure I went thru.

    Threetree, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling crappy. How is your treatment going? I hope we all have some smoother days heading into this new year.

  • goldensrbest
    goldensrbest Member Posts: 630

    Dear Divinemrsm - my condolences on the losses. Cancer - the equal opportunity giver and taker😢. Who among us can understand your 13 year history and your nephew’s short 3 months. I’ve always said the most consistent thing about cancer is that it’s inconsistent. I hope your recovery from your surgery will speed up, allowing you to enjoy things again!

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 7,683

    @divinemrsm - We're deeply sorry for the loss of your nephew. Our thoughts and condolences are with you and your family.


    The Mods

  • alicebastable
    alicebastable Member Posts: 1,934

    I am so sorry for your loss, and for all the horrible things you and your family have been enduring.

  • threetree
    threetree Member Posts: 1,157

    Alice - So great to see you here! I too have told Divine how sorry I am for all she's having to deal with lately. She's just been hit with way too much. I'm sure she'll be glad to hear from you and feel that support.

    Hope you had a wonderful holiday and Happy New Year to you,!

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 5,896

    Thank you, goldensrbest, moderators and alicebastable. Alice, it really is nice to “see” you on the forum.

    My heart remains heavy over the loss of my nephew. It was so unexpected and there is something about losing a family member of the younger generation that is so hard to accept. Life goes on, but I won’t ever look at it the same way again. Sometimes people use the expression,”what’s the worse that can happen?” Well, a person could get a metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. Or the diagnosis of an incurable blood disease. Or learn they have stage iv melanoma and then die within a couple months. Sometimes the worst happens.

    Even though I feel bleak and depleted, I was able to walk around the house a little with a cane today. I’m taking it slow. I do feel some slight improvement physically from a month ago. It’s taking much longer than expected, tho. I guess I need to lower my expectations. Dh was able to get us a temporary handicap placard for the car today which will help when he takes me to dr appts and such.

  • sf-cakes
    sf-cakes Member Posts: 505

    Dear divine, somehow I missed this thread - I am truly sorry to hear about your nephew, what an emotional blow. I've read so much about grief in the past year, and one of the things that's stayed with me relates to what you mentioned, 'what's the worst that can happen' - and it's that the grief that any of us are experiencing IS the worst that can happen. Our grief is our grief, and it's painful and awful and encompassing. For me, of course I'm relieved that my husband isn't in physical pain any longer, but I still miss and long for him every single day.

    Sending you lots and lots of love. And healing. ❤️

  • divinemrsm
    divinemrsm Member Posts: 5,896

    sfcakes, thank you. I appreciate everyone ‘s posts. It’s a comfort to have this forum as a place to share feelings like this, feelings of sadness and grief. It helps to know others care.