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Drains out today - started to cry

Double Mastectomy was on March 13th. My drains were removed today, and saline was injected into the expanders. All is going well with recovery from surgery. When my husband and I left the office and walked to the elevator, I started crying. Tears of joy, tears of exhaustion.

When I was first diagnosed and met with my breast surgeon, I thought, this is something I will go through and move on. It won't change me at all. Boy, was I wrong!! This journey is so emotional, and I am NOT the same. I am sure others will relate. Actually, I posted this because you are the only people who can relate. I am thinking of going to a few therapy/counseling sessions to talk in person about this.

Comments

  • needs.a.nap
    needs.a.nap Member Posts: 157

    Hello @nilespark44. Good riddance to the drains! I’m so glad you are healing!! It’s a process but you are doing it, one step at a time. My surgery (from tissue expander to implant) was also on March 13th.

    I felt similar to you, that life would resume, I’d still be me, just with one natural body part less. I don’t know how to describe it but I also feel different now and I’m coming to see it’s not necessarily a bad thing. This life experience has changed me. If you can talk to a counselor who works with cancer patients, you may find that very helpful. I just spoke with mine this week as I’m still trying to figure this all out. The emotions are slow to sink in for me, even after all these months. I have not taken full advantage of having a counselor and I can see I need to.

    Keep healing!!

  • nilespark44
    nilespark44 Member Posts: 28

    needs.a.nap—Thank you for the reply. I agree. The change isn't in a bad way. I read somewhere that someone said after a cancer diagnosis, you see life in color, no longer just black and white, and that is true. I am scheduling a visit with a therapist. The hospital where I had my surgery has a big cancer support network and offers some free counseling sessions with a therapist who deals with oncology patients. I am going to go and vent.

    Congrats on your implant surgery! I hope recovery is going well for you. Currently, I have had a few saline injections into the TEs, and I feel I am ready to STOP. Ouch, does it hurt when the breasts are expanding.

  • needs.a.nap
    needs.a.nap Member Posts: 157

    Thanks @nilespark44. Recovery seems to be going well. TE fills were not fun! I ended up having lots of little fills (50cc at a time) because they were worried about my skin being so thin. Thankfully they didn’t tell me that until after the fact, otherwise I’d have stressed over it!

    I definitely do look at things through different eyes now. Hopefully more vivid and colorful! I like that. Sometimes it feels like everyone in my life has been able to keep living their normal lives while mine has taken such a weird detour … as much as they try to understand, how could they really? Even I can’t always wrap my head around what I’ve been through! It’s been a big departure from my normal routine. I’m sure there will come a day where I think less about my breasts or hormone treatment and more about ordinary things, but it hasn’t happened yet. I don’t feel sad or jealous, just further away (or detached?) Not sure if that makes sense. The counseling is good, reassuring that our emotions are pretty “normal” for the abnormal situation we are experiencing.