Coping with emotions
Background: I'm 52 with MBC. In 2022 diagnosed with estrogen positive cancer w/high BRCA indicator. Had a double mastectomy and chemo. In February 2024 noticed a lump in the scar tissue from the mastectomy. My doctor and I thought it was just necrotic tissue, but she ordered a PET scan. Not only was it not necrotic tissue, but also had a large mass on my chest wall. I immediately start on Kisqali and exemestane. One month ago, another mass popped up on my breast that looked like an infection or horrible pimple. Again, it wasn't an infection or pimple but more cancer. The Kisqali and exemestane weren't working, so we changed to Talazoparib. My understanding the Talazoparib isn't a long term solution. The Talazoparib is working miracles. The lumps on my breast have all but disappeared and the pressure in my chest is 100% better. I feel tremendous hope, but I can cry at the drop of a hate when talking about cancer. It's taken my 2 years to actually say I had cancer and now that I have cancer. I just don't know where the emotions are coming from. I have a wonderful and supportive family that I talk to about this. I try not to dwell on it and just get on with life. I would like to understand the emotions and how to cope with them.
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Oh, @godonnell , it's a lot, and completely normal to feel all these feelings. You've been through so much with this diagnosis and treatments. We're so relieved to hear that the Talazoparib is working!! How absolutely wonderful. And great to hear that you have a supportive family. But the emotional rollercoaster is normal, and getting support like here or in our virtual meetups is the best thing. You're not alone!!
Hoping more chime in soon as well.And here are some resources that may be helpful:
Mental Health Care Options for People With Metastatic Breast CancerPodcasts / Metastatic Breast Cancer Living With Metastatic Breast Cancer
Join one of our Virtual Meetups
Sending you gentle hugs,
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@godonnell welcome, so glad you are sharing your story.
I hear you and can relate to your journey. I too had a recent recurrence with skin eruptions this past January. The skin eruptions made me feel like a leper, and just when I thought my cancer might be done and dusted, it recurs as MBC just 6 months after surgery, and 1 month after I stopped chemo the first time. Oh my and the emotions too, hard to admit and hard to accept, and they come and go.And through it all, I find that positive thoughts, images, meditation, excersise - lifestyle medicine uplift and sustain me. It’s what I can control when so much is not in my control. I do a few things , which if it is helpful you might try or ignore lol . Journal- I have two, at night before bed I use a gratitude journal to write down 3 things that went well that day. Small joys simple joys to remind me that life is not all cancer all the time. And sometimes reminding myself that a conversation with a colleague, or a great dish I made, or a walk in the shade was uplifting… intentionally going to bed with positive thoughts and I sleep really welll! Also during the day I journal about how I feel and what I’m looking forward to that day, it’s private and mine and I can slowly track my side effects from medicines too, record my workouts, etc.. in that journal I write positive affirmations too. “Every day and in every way I’m getting better and better” also “never ever give up and dare to recover” etc… good for my mind to remember and my heart to be fully engaged in my quality of life.
Dealing with difficult emotions is like a meditation practice, it takes time and practice. Aversion is so natural, turning away, I understand I do that too sometimes. But I have found turning towards , in small ways helpful. I would suggest go slow with them, that is what I do. I call it making a quarter turn towards what I feel, not a full turn sometimes a half turn lol… but a quarter turn to simply acknowledge that emotions are present and breathe deeply in and out around them just making space as best as you can, and no more than that. I really like mindfulness practices for that, which I find super helpful to make space for what is hard to acknowledge and it softens in the heart with the breath. Not trying to change anything, just accepting what is here to be known with small steps many times. As you can. And before you know it, you feel freer and happier. It is what it is.
I hope this is helpful , and if not it’s all good ! Either way, you are not alone. - Rhonda3 -
@godonnell, I hear your story. I was diagnosed just about 12 months ago with de novo stage iv. It is a lot to take in and there is information overload - try to make sure you take time to be kind to yourself. It is sad that, after dx, every ache and pain is viewed through cancer glasses. It can be very had on your mental wellbeing. I encourage you to use all the support mechanisms of this forum. We are all in this boat together.
As I approach my 12 month cancerversary, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop - the news it is advancing - I am very superstitious, sadly. My last bloods showed a minor increase in tumour marker numbers - so the next 3 weeks will be long ones. It could be caused by a number of innocent issues, such as my cold, but that doesn't stop me from jumping to worst possible scenario.
In your pocket with support😀
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I think for all of us emotions well up out of nowhere. Emotions, thoughts, joys and fears they are all there regardless of how well we are coping or how much support we have. I used to joke that I did not want to have so many emotions, I was fine without them lol like I had a choice! Now that makes me laugh at my own human need not to feel too strongly.. Sometimes I just find it easier to allow myself to dwell on them, observe them rather than ignore. Like old friends in a way… I can invite them in and say “Ah, there is my old friend fear… come on in and have a seat. Let’s have a coffee” And together just acknowledging feelings are there makes them less overpowering,
@malleemiss251 I understand about the shoe dropping fears too… I have a scan on Thursday .
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godonnell, I don’t know anything about your personal circumstances. I’m so sorry that you are now dealing with mets. I want to say, tho, that it’s possible you’re trying to minimize a life-changing event. “Trying not to dwell on it and just getting on with life” may be a way to cope with this overwhelming diagnosis for now but that’s only going to get you so far.
I remember being diagnosed around the same age as you, and at first, I said, “this will not change me.” But I was wrong. I had to learn to roll with the changes. It was a process that took place over time as I began to reassess: what was I doing with my life? How was I spending my time and who was I spending it with? And how was that working for me? I learned that I did a lot of stuff others wanted me to do instead of what I wanted to do. Gradually, I began changing all that. It’s not a quick fix but more like a captain starting to steer a huge ocean liner in a different direction. It takes time. I started simplifying my life. I paid more attention to what I was feeling rather than always, and I do mean always, putting every other person’s feelings before mine. I learned to practice tender loving self care and self-compassion.
I do phrase this as “living with metastatic breast cancer”, not dying from it. But that doesn’t mean I tuck it away and try not to think about it. I make time to feel my emotions, address them, work through them. I have plenty of good times, but even tho I wish it weren’t so, I still have to deal with mbc. For me, it is about trying to find a balance in all of it.I wish you all the very best. You are still very new to the diagnosis. Hang in there.
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