How do you lift your spirits, even briefly...
…when you receive troubling news about your tx, health, etc.? How do you comfort yourself and make yourself feel safe in spite of troubling labs, scans, etc.?
I ask because it seems lately my check ups have been disappointing and although I try not to have any expectations about any of the tx I'm getting, I have to have some hope that something is fighting cancer. I have check up week from Monday.
Thanks in advance,
Claire
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Hi Claire,
We're so sorry you're struggling. You might find these BCO podcasts helpful for some insight:
Living Well With Metastatic Disease: Controlling Fear, Finding Joy
Embracing What Matters Most After a Metastatic Breast Cancer Diagnosis
As well as this page from our site on Managing Your Feelings About Metastatic Breast Cancer.
Sending gentle hugs to you, and hoping others will chime in soon with their advice and support.
—The Mods
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I'm like you in our love of the natural world, Claire (and also our profession). I feel very grateful that I still have the strength to get out to the lake and the woods, kayak, hike, bike. Whatever I can do, or even more than I imagine I can do. That is a balm for my soul. I always feel better than if I just sat in my chair dwelling on my fate. I also have a meditation practice, but that's not for everyone. If you're willing, and you need something more you might try acupuncture. I was always skeptical about this, but I tried it, and I find that it alleviates my fatigue, both psychological and physical.
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I try to get outside and plan activities with friends. My feet are messed up from Xeloda so long walks and hiking are out though. I’m trying to swim more. It’s very meditative for me.
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Mountains never fail to bring me out of my misery, even if it is just for a short while.
When hiking, I am a scaredy cat, afraid of being on a ridge or of being on a path close to an elevation drop… Which is exactly what I try to do, even though my hiking endurance is quite pathetic now. Occupying my mind with putting one foot in front of the other and confronting my fear of heights, makes me forget about my diagnosis.3 -
Being outside with things like water, trees, mountain views, fresh air, etc. helps me a lot. I'm convinced the outdoor air does "extra special" things for us that haven't even been discovered yet. I also understand that plants outdoors (and probably indoors as well) emit chemicals and things that are really good for us in more ways than one. I'm not a gym person at all and one of the reasons is that I think the outdoor air combined with the exercise (walking for me) is key. I'm in the city, and don't have the advantage of a "real" woodsy hike, but I try to make my walks around the urban neighborhood as "hike like" as I can. I go where there are the most trees, fewer side walks, more hills, and shoulder to walk on. I also simply enjoy seeing others out walking; walking the babies, walking the pets, walking the family at times like Sunday mornings. I think the good vibes that other people out walking are feeling and showing, are contagious in a sense. It all just uplifts me. Music is also something that does wonders for me. There is a huge difference in my mood if I just flip the radio on. It lets my mind follow something other than any negative thoughts I'm having. Socializing with friends is also a big help. I don't do it a lot, but if I can spend an afternoon having lunch and conversation with a friend or a group of friends, I feel very renewed. It really allows you to "get out of yourself" and think of other people and subject matter.
It gets harder to walk with these drugs, and I really feel for people like AJ who are having so much difficulty with a drug that they can't walk. It's the one thing I really want to hold on to as long as possible!
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A really, really good novel that's immediately engrossing. Warm scones and jam. Pulling weeds in the garden. Getting dog licks/kisses from random dogs at the beach or the plant nursery. Listening to music from my teenage years. Hearing owls calling each other in the night (it occasionally happens here!) Reading poetry that doesn't shy away from death, and celebrates simple joys.
I used to include slow dancing in the kitchen with my husband, but he's passed on now, so sometimes I just close my eyes and pretend.
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@claireinaz, I take a 1.5 km walk to my gym and do resistance training, or if I can't do that any of the following calms me down and lifts me from the dark thoughts: a good book; taking time to think of things for which I am grateful, literally taking time to smell the roses and enjoy nature, my kitties and sometimes retail therapy. Be kind to yourself, this path can be long and difficult - so one step at a time cos there are good times on this path as well. In your pocket for those dark times.
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@AJ @malleemiss251 @sf-cakes @threetree @lacombattante You are my kind of people!
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Claire, you ask a great question. Many of the suggestions others have listed are things I do to comfort myself. I would add that comfort for me sometimes means finding “escapes” from the worry.
I like going for a drive by myself, cranking up the car stereo and singing along.Sometimes decluttering a room or closet in my house takes my mind off things.
When I feel especially low, I get my pajamas on early, find something really good to eat, snuggle into the sofa and get lost in a book or tv show. I recently started watching the series “Community” for the first time and it’s so funny! I like watching documentaries, currently watching one on Elizabeth Taylor of Maxx. I like autobiographies and just finished reading “Life’s Too Short” by Darius Rucker. The trick for me is to find things that really absorb my attention.
Getting out helps, too. I go to the pool on sunny days. They have early hours for adults only and it’s nice to socialize. (I don’t discuss my health there). Going to the movies is a good escape, too.
I know it’s hard living with the uncertainty. What are the things you do to comfort yourself?5 -
SFcakes - Did you happen to get your love of warm scones and jam from when you lived in the PNW? Whenever you mention that, I think of the Puyallup Fair here, the Fisher scone booth, and wonder if that was possibly the origin of your scone ❤️ thing.😊
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Yep like the others I just gotta get outside. I found anxiety pretty bad, aches and pains, insomnia, depression. So I'm on antidepressants. I'm human again.
But I also accepted this is my destiny. I don't have much of a choice. I feel very blessed in spite of the cancer and all it brings. Medicine has come a LONG way in treating our cancer. Thank God.
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Claire I'm sorry your check up are been disappointing.
I was just wondering the same thing, how can I keep having a little bit of hope. My recent blood test weren't very incouraging, with liver enzime ALT at 90, double than the time before. Still waining for markers. After only two months of therapy working...
So mostly I just tell myself "don't think about, don't think about it"! Because I know stress make things worst.
Taking a walk or exercising, just sitting outside or pet my cat (for a minute or two, because he wont allowe more!) give me reliefe.
But than sometimes I do want to think about my situation, and think about I do have some more chance...so I think at stories of people that had serious cancer conditions, and survided, found a drug that worked for them...I know it is rare, but it do happen. And I want it happen to me. It is not false hope, it is just pure hope. The possibility are low, but they are not zero.
A women in another forum wrote me that she also have liver and bones mets like me, changed so many therapies and radiations, lost her hair 4 times, added longs mets, switch to her2+, switch back to her2-, did clinical trail, break her femour due to Denosumab, and now 11 years after, she is on the med that lasted longer and feel better than she ever been since her MBC diagnosis 11 years ago.
So... also listen to other people stories give me hope.
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amel83, same here. My ALT is rising but just barely out of range, and my MO believes it is from Verzenio. I have stopped looking at my markers. Every month at checkup I ask if it's time to switch drugs but have been told twice now that we wait till Oct 21 and new scans. So no point in looking at markers if we aren't using them for the next two months to do anything. I'm better for it, actually. The rest of my bloodwork is perfect, so….go figure. I feel great…go figure. I hike 5-7 miles at a clip once a week, and less than that other days, etc. etc. also yoga, pilates, so go figure. I realized that there is a big difference in forgetting about having this chronic serious disease and just not thinking about it. There are moments, even an hour or two, when I don't think of it, but I never forget that I have it. And that I realize is my life now.
Claire
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