Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Lew and I just got back from a week's cruise to the inside passage of Alaska, our first cruise. Who'd have thought we'd be going to Alaska for the warm weather. While it rained and snowed in Fargo the whole time we were gone, we had sunny skies and temps that reached 68 on the trip. Mornings would start out cooler, but dressed in layers and by 10 am the layers were coming off. We took Princess and were totally pleased with the cabin, the friendly crew, the FOOD, scenery was breathtaking. Even added 2 new birds to my list.
I had my baseline 3D mammogram last week after we got back, waiting for the results. Will see oncologist next month.0 -
Love it Chevy!
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Love the bad combinations, Chevy...still chuckling!
Puffin....hope the baseline mammo comes back O.K.
Hi termite...so glad to see your post! We will need to see pictures of your crochet projects when they are finished!
Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day. Ours was very quiet.
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Puffin, hope mammo results are excellent. We took an Alaska cruise and the scenery really is beautiful. Our first day out from port, a bunch of dolphins were playing in the ship's wake.
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Sheila - I had a friend years ago who had a stroke. She could understand what we were saying and she could laugh but all she could say was "no" and "damn". She looked at magazines but we couldn't tell if she could read. She lived many years and we visited her often and, unfortunately, she didn't seem to progress.
I had my 4-yr 3-d mammo and it came up clear. Cheered up my day plus the family's day.
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MostlyMom.... That's like with my friend Carol... She CAN understand, and reacts when we talk about fun stuff, but all she can say is NO, and yes, and then she TRIES to form words, but just can't get them out... Her Son doesn't think she can "read" but will look at pictures... We are going today to visit her again... they say maybe this Friday she will go home... but man, I don't know how that will work.
She will have nursing care, and rehab at home, but was your friend able to care for herself at all? He said she will take a few steps with her walker, but can't turn around yet, and gets tired fast....
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I thank the powers-that-be that my daughters brain was not affected by the stroke, at least not in diminished mental faculties Puffin, she just lost out physically.
Chevy, Kellie is in a 'group home' that cares for only four people at a time. It is a Catholic run house with 24 hr staff on duty who do everything for or with the residents. There is an older woman of about 55 yrs, who has Motor Neurone Disease and is still capable of doing most things for herself in her wheelchair and is even doing a law degree as a correspondence type of course. She only has one daughter who has to work to raise her own son so Kathy stays in this house for the time being. She says once she gets her degree she will get out into her own home although by that time (jmo) she may well be beyond doing the simplest things.
Until a couple of weeks ago, there was a young man in a coma (tried to commit suicide years ago) who died one night and we are waiting to see who is the next guest in the house. I hope it is a youngish female whom Kellie can make friends with.
Kellie gets a bit cranky at times when Holly's noise goes on too long so we arranged to have a tv installed in her room to enable her to retreat from it all and she watches her old DVD's, Michael Jackson, Dirty dancing etc,. I think she has landed on her feet so to speak and I remind her of her long 8 months in the hospital which seems to bring her back to her normal mood.
The staff love her like their own family and always volunteer to be the one to take her out to her regular activities, the movies or shopping. We have to attend a wedding in July, too far away to do in one day so we are arranging for one of the staff to come with her, probably drive her in the 'house' car, share a room and attend the wedding with her as I will be three weeks post hip replacement and banned from any sort of heavy lifting. This event will have its problems but at least we will know what to watch out for in case of future overnighters.
Sheila.
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Getting through BC surgeries made me think the hernia repair would be easy. NOT. I think I need to buy stock in a company that makes anti-nausea medication. Even with a binder, coughing and sneezing from allergies is awful. Thankfully, it is in the past and its recovery time so I can go to my grandgirls'kindergarten graduation Thursday.
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Teacher......I had 6 children......all 6 had hernia's.............some had 3, and they were all repaired.....now of course they were young..........but I remember a couple of them I thought would never walk upright again..............they walked bent over from the waist, cause it hurt....these were the boys.................now my girls were out riding bikes the next day.
Maybe it was a guy thing.......if I can find the picture from the newspaper that it was in because it was so rare in a family I will post it...........0 -
YEA Mostlymom....That's what we like to hear!
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Good news, MostlyMom!
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Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it's important
to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level.
We need to literally "count our blessings," give thanks for them, allow
ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.
Shakti Gawain0 -
mostly mom -- yay for you and Puffin -- hoping the very same for you. We are waiting for rain. Last storm we had a huge dead limb down. Caved in a spot on the garage roof. Dh said he could punch it back out, he thought. We had some serious winds obviously for a bit. I was in the shower at the time and knew nothing. Probably a good thing.....I do tend to get very jittery when we have very much for wind with our storms -- 70 or 80 trees around us or directly on our property ---- so, I am always glad when the wind subsides.
Big reminder here --- I will be gone starting tomorrow --- so won't be checking in ( I don't think ) until my four days work are done. Lots to do today to get ready and some cooking ahead for a few things for Dh. He will come over to the house where I am and get most of his meals, but needs a bit here too as well. It is all good for the most part. Dh will have to do double duty here caring for our animals --- but hey -- I did it while he was gone to S. Dakota so it can work out all right. I may go out and do the feral cats myself as my lady takes a lot of time in the bath and I could get out and get the feedings over and done and back before she was even aware. We shall see.
Teacher -- glad you are on the mend from the hernia. I'd be like you and see it as a piece of cake after some of the things I've gone through, but I think we never really know and doing this during allergy season --- I'd not even think of that part of the issue --- unfortunately until it came up after the fact.
Aussie Sheila -- I'm also glad that your daughter did not have to suffer the loss of mentality though I'm sure it is frustrating for what she can no longer physically do. We ( most of the time ) don't know ( even with fairly vivid imaginations ) what it is like to lose large parts of ourselves that were always available before. So many challenges and it takes a lot of strength to keep pushing through. So many new advances in things -- you never know that there may not be a break-through almost right around the corner if we can just hold out in patience.
Blessings
Jackie
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Jackie, we will miss you during those days you can't check in! Hope everything goes very pleasantly for you.
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Yes Jackie..... I'll really miss reading you also! But staying in that huge house, has to feel like staying in a nice hotel.... Ha!
Thanks Aussie.... I've visited someone in a group home like that.... And it was really nice.... the gal really DID treat them like part of her family.... I think she had the day shift, and someone else took nights.... Can't remember....
Carol will be in her own home.... with 24 hour care.... She CAN move her right arm more.... but honestly I can't see any difference in her speech or thinking.... Still just one or two words.... and then tossing her head around when she can't say what she WANTS to say.... I can't see them sending her home Friday, until she can use her walker more... She was sitting in her wheel-chair, watching TV.... and she turns the channels, but doesn't inter-act, while we were watching Price Is Right with her.....
Then her fiance" came, and that was nice.... more people to talk to..... That man is a SAINT! So caring, and protective of her! He could tell me everything I was wondering, but we included her in our conversations..... She just can't respond....
So glad your Daughter is doing alright! I know those group homes DO bring their folks to the shopping centers, to just walk around, and eat lunch there.! It is important that they show them more than just the 4 walls.... Glad you have someone to help you with Kellie! I can see how much understanding and love you have for her.... AND others.... Thanks!
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My mammogram results were waiting for me on the internet this morning, first one since treatment - all clean, YEAH!
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Yay, Puffin! Great news. DH and I will have to come to Fargo this summer and have lunch with you and your dh. We drove there (about an hour and 20 min.) two summers ago and had lunch at a restaurant in Moorehead. It was located in a nice old brick building on the Red River, just across the bridge, and was quite good.
I had trouble going to sleep last night. Medical news about my mother was weighing on my mind. She had an appointment with a cardiologist yesterday to discuss a recent Echo test. The valve of the main artery in her heart is not working well and the only remedy is surgery. At age 92 she rules out surgery which could destroy her current quality of life and even bring death instead of improvement. Our nurse in the family, a sister-in-law who has a lot of experience with post-surgery cardiac patients, completely agrees.
I just ordered my mother a mini Keurig and it is ready to be picked up. It's a bright red and she will be pleased to have a new gadget. It will be perfect for her since she drinks one cup of coffee in the morning. Sam's Club has the big boxes of coffee pods in her brand, Community dark roast, so I'll bring her a big supply of coffee, too.
I have a hair appointment this afternoon.
Hope Jackie is comfortable and happy. And everyone else, too.
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Here it is 7 hrs. after my last post and all is quiet! So I guess I'll talk to myself!
My mother loves the new mini Keurig. It's a pretty red color. We made a couple of cups of coffee and I noticed that something was wrong. When the coffee dripped into the cup, it splashed too much and made a mini mess. A little piece is missing. A small funnel that fits onto the bottom of the cup that holds the coffee pod. I called Keurig and the customer service guy was very nice. He put in an order for the part to be mailed to my mother. In the meanwhile, I'll give her the same little funnel off my Keurig. It's disappointing for something brand new not to work the way it should.
I'll come back later and see if anyone has checked in.
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Carole, I'm always checking in with you girls but don't post so much anymore. Just had a three day garage sale, put our house on the market and son's cancer has reared its ugly head again. I like keeping up with everyone but so busy right now. Don't feel neglected....will try to post a little more 😊 My 90 year old mother-in-law loves her Keurig that was a Christmas gift. Nice for making her one cup a day. Still living on her own and going strong. Jo
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Hi Jo....Stop in more often!!!!
Carole, you can be glad that you weren't here golfing with me today. I started out doing so well and when we got to hole # 7 it started to mist. We played though 7 in the drizzle and by the time we got to 8 it was a heavier mist. By now our clubs are wet, as well as our golf gloves and it was getting hard to hold onto the club. Then the heavens opened up on hole 9. The wind whipped the rain around and we were a mess....along with our scores! We went into the locker room and took turns drying our clothes with the hair dryer. There was no help for my naturally curly hair at this point! :-) We waited out the rain and finally finished the back nine but my concentration was gone and what started out as good, ended in frustration!
YEAH Puffin! We LOVE that kind of news.
Well I am off for a Golf 4 the Cure Meeting tonight. Although our event isn't until August 1st, there is so much to do and we need to get started!
Talk to you later!
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Carole, yes! That sounds like fun to get together.
I saw my interventional radiologist today for my follow up CT scan for my kidney issue (good report). He put in my port, now that I have the good mammogram report I asked his opinion about what I should do with the port and he said it could come out. So I sent my onc a message and asked her to write the order.0 -
hi all,
I am not 60 yet, but can I join? Almost 59, and by the way, very much looking like 60!
I want to share feelings and experiences on how you prepare for letting your grown up children behind (mine are 28 & 29 but not yet settled).
Any responses welcome!
Marietje
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Morning gals... Carole, I had written a post about MY coffeemaker but it got LOST somehow, somewhere, so I gave up.... But glad you got your problem solved..... ! I had to take my shiny red beautiful do-everything coeemaker back, because it would not even turn ON! Hah! Oh well... I'll stick to my little 4 C Black & Decker... Husband has one too.... His and Hers... because I like De-caf....
Okay now Marie! What's this about your grown Kids? My Daughter and her Husband, who live in Orlando, are STILL going through something.... One is gone on his own, and not being very friendly to ANYone it sounds like, and the younger one, 27, has his own "share" place, but stays home as much as he can... Ha! And she loves that... but you are right, they should be on their own.... Hopefully still being nice to their Parents, but maybe you know how THAT goes.....
So what are they doing? It's funny, because I'm their Grandma, and everything is "perfect" with us, but when it comes to talking about their Parents, or Daughter talking to ME about things going wrong, It hurts to hear it.... I love them all, and sometimes I just have to change the subject... I'm not there, and I can't help.... all I can do is listen..... and cross my fingers and pray that they will all be okay someday.....
SOMEtimes other things take control of their lives, and THEN it's an up-hill battle... Like with my Brother and his GROWN Son! That kid has been a problem since he was a teen-ager... Now he is 56, and STILL coming to his Parents for help.... Used to be to bail him out... Or give him a place to stay... He had kids, and x-women, and then got disability, because HE was nuts... lived on streets, anywhere, and with anyone that would put up with him....
THEN my Brother found out he was in Hospital, pheumonia, drugs, a coma......and didn't want to live anymore... He screwed his life up SO bad, and everyone else's .... But he was looking for a long-term re-hab place, if he ever made it out of the hospital.... I haven't heard any more, and hate to ask..... Sure it's the drugs... but always an excuse..... sometimes it'a a losing battle...
So YOUR problems can't be that bad.... can they? Ha! By the way, our oldest Daughter will be 58 this year... We are never too old to have problems...
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Marietje, you are welcome here. You don't have to be a certain age to participate in this forum, just in the "older" category. I joined in 2009 when I was MUCH younger, in my 60's! Now I'm 72 and can't believe I'm this old. But I'm very grateful to be this old and able to enjoy life as lived by older folks.
My mother called a little while ago and couldn't figure out how to make her cup of coffee with new mini Keurig. I talked her through the process, which is quite simple once you learn it. My sister is taking her to her hair appointment at 10 am. Afterwards they will come to my house to pick me up and we'll go out to lunch at Pontchartrain Poboy, which has good food and serves portions that are much too large. We'll probably get one order and share it. An order of fried shrimp covers a platter and the side of macaroni and cheese comes in a bowl you would put on the table for a family of 3 or 4.
Rita, that golf outing sounds like a disaster. I've had similar experiences. It's probably better just to call it quits and not finish the round.
Since my surgery, I've gotten lazy about getting up in the morning. I sleep until 8 am. I had just been up a few minutes this morning when dh got back home from exercise.
Puffin, glad you got good medical news. You'll be glad to get rid of the port?
Hi to Jackie and everybody else. Hope your Thurs. goes well.
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Welcome marietje! Come and join us often. As you can tell by looking back over the posts, we all have our trials, tribulations, and opinions which we offer free of charge! :-)
Puffin, I hope the port can be removed and you get on with the next stage in your life.
Chevy....you just always know what to say to make everyone feel welcome! Thanks for being such a major part of this thread!
Carole....it's quite all right to be lazy. Sometimes I feel guilty when I sit around and do nothing or sleep in and then I realize "Hey, you've earned this!" Just concentrate on getting that foot back to normal and enjoy the more leisurely life style.
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Good morning all,
Welcome Marietje- we don't have any hard and fast rules on this thread, and enjoy meeting new friends. I am not sure whether you were asking how we let go of our adult children and let them survive on their own in general, or how do we prepare them for when we are no longer here. Either way, I am not sure. I have 5 children, ranging in age from44 to 29, and while they are basically independent, I am very involved with all of them. I am a widow, and split my time between my oldest daughter, who lives in a house I own near Atlanta with her husband and 2 sons, and my long term home (bought in 1978), here in South Florida, where my middle daughter lives with her 12 year old son. When in Atlanta, I always spend a week or so at my oldest son's home in So Carolina, and when in Fl, my 2 youngest and their families are over all the time. So I am very involved with all their lives and issues. I don't know of any other way to be. And I wouldn't have it any other way to be.
When I had my double mastectomy in Atlanta, three of my kids were there with me. They were arguing about who would spend the night with me - not who had to, but who would get to. Finally my youngest son said " I came all the way from Florida to be here for Mom. If anyone else wants to stay, that's fine, but it am not leaving". My middle daughter had already planned to fly up the Sat after the surgery to be with me that next week when my oldest had to return to work.
My husband had passed 13 months before my diagnosis, so everyone was still dealing with that. While he had been sick for a long time, diabetes, heart problems, etc, and we had even been told there was nothing more they could do, so just take him home, none of us expected his death when it happened. He was not a man that was easy to get close to, and 4 of the kids felt they had "unfinished business" with him. So, although I have always been close to all 5 of them, I have learned not to just show my love, but to verbally say it a lot more often. I am in constant contact with the 3 oldest, either by phone or email daily, and when in Fl, I see the youngest girl at least twice a week. My youngest son just moved out in Jan, to live with his fiancée, so I don't see him quite as often.
I also have 6 grandchildren, whom I adore. I cannot even begin to think about not being here for all of them. I can talk about finances after I'm gone with no problem, but actually trying to picture me not being here is just not possible. Each "child" is dealing with their own issues- some have drinking issues, some have relationship issues, some financial, etc. most are dealing ( or not dealing) with more than one issue. They use me as a sounding board where they can safely vent, and get encouragement and, as much as possible, support that doesn't throw their spouses under the bus.
Re independence now, I will tell you that both of my boys were in their late 20's before they got their lives on track. Until then, they were happy living at home, working at jobs with no futures, but that provided them the money they needed. One is now a high school special Ed teacher who graduated college with three majors and a straight A grade point average, and the other is a tech in one of the largest ERs in the area and plans to become an RN. The girls seemed to have an easier time settling down, although they have made several career changes along the way.
Hope that helps some- at least to narrow down your question a little better. What I can tell you for sure, is that whatever is on your mind, someone on this thread can relate. We come from varied backgrounds. Starting with nothing except breast cancer in common, we have become a close knit group of friends who look forward to being part of each other's lives. We support and encourage each other, but we also have lots of fun talking about anything and everything going on in our lives, from traveling to cooking, to old memories, to gardening and golf. We welcome newcomers and look forward to getting to know you better.
Anne
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Yeah for the all clear, Puffin
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Anne, what a great post! I thoroughly enjoyed it even though I am already somewhat familiar with your family structure. I think I have already said that I admire you for being such a strong maternal person.
I know we're all missing Jackie. She's normally a daily presence on this forum.
Lunch with my mother, sister, and dh today was a lot of fun and very filling. We went to a local casual place that cooks fried seafood perfectly. We three women shared a fried shrimp platter with a huge side of macaroni and cheese made with real cheddar cheese. DH had an order of onion rings with his poboy and my sister and mother helped him eat them. I'm a non-onion-eater so I passed.
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Carole, How can you go wrong with fried shrimp? Your description made my mouth water.
I agree about Jackie being gone.
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hi Chevyboy! Wow, that is a whole new perspective! Your stories really gave me a pinch in the face, I hope underetand me well, as English is not my native language.... What I mean: my kids are living happily on their own since they are 18 years old, working & having fun, they just did not find their true love yet! That is what I mean by not settled... And as they were heartbroken when I told them my cancer came back - or to put it right, had been hiding for 8 years.. I thought: my goodness they cannot miss me, what am I to do?
Now I can understand how it must hurt when you (grand)children are having issues and telling you about it! I just realised you could be my mother)
Thanks very much for your light & ernest reply!
Marie0
