Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Marie, welcome. Afraid I have no advice on kids, had none myself, but Lew had 4 children so I get to be Grandma to their 11 kids.
Where's Jackie? I haven't read back through all the pages while I was in Alaska. Hope nothing bad happened and that she's just on vacation somewhere.
Radiologist called this morning, my port is coming out Tuesday!
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Carole, Rita, Anne,thnx for the welcome. My greatest pain in the thought I will possibly die before my kids are married with children is that I cannot be there for them to support and care for the rest of their lives and perhaps be a grandma.
And though they are grown ups, they both can still be my cry babies oow maybe this is my big chance to let it go a bit!
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Hi Anne,
Thank you very much for your reply. Wow your life is full of love and care! How wonderful. I can see you cannot be missed - and that is indeed the key feeling of my angst.
Of course anybody can be missed in a way, but some ways will be blocked for the ones you leave. When I imagine that, I feel enormous grief. I am searching for ways to prepare myself and them.
I now am spending more time for leisure and pleasure together with my children, holidays, dinners together. We talk about what we mean to each other. And I am writing up my memories from their youth.
Still, my stage is III C- no mets net, so maybe this entire struggle is a waste of time - but no: we harvest the fruits of more intense contact NOW!
Liefs Marie0 -
Okay Marie.... where are you from? What is your main language? You seem to be able to communicate very well! Your kids do not have to find their true-love to be happy! Or they might find someone who they think is all that that want, and get married and find out that it was the worst decision of their life! It's okay.... Like my one Grandson.... He and his girl-friend bought a house, moved in together.... then broke up, she went her way, and bought her own place.... He had to buy her out.... What a Pain in the butt!
But you can't ell them anything.... then my other Daughter, WAS married for 4 years, and thankfully they parted ways....! But the best part was we are STILL the best of friends with his MOTHER! She is great.... HE moved back in with his folks, due to a lot of bad choices, and now his FOLKS help take care of this brat! He is 56! So see? Don't be in a hurry to see those kids get married.... It doesn't make them happy.... or happier.
You could write down all of your wishes for after you kick the bucket..... Do it without even thinking about it.... Make sure they know where all of your important stuff is.... If their names aren't on your bank accounts, or your home, you can do that....
We have all of our arrangements made.... Of course we are older than almost all of you gals put together.... they should be made POA or DPOA.... talk to someone who can help you..... but just tell your kids you have plans for when you will not be here.... We ALL won't be here someday.... But we have to think of them, and make arrangements, even if we are in the BEST of health.
My friend, who is my same age, had a stroke! Now her life has completely changed!!! She can't even speak more than 2 words... So see? We just never know.... Life goes on, and thankfully we are blessed with this day, and maybe tomorrow!
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Marietje, There are women here who were diagnosed with stage IV more than 10 years ago, so your departure may not happen for a long time. I think you should discuss your wishes with your family, as should we all whether we think we're going soon or not. Then make plans for the future and expect to be there. I had a grandmother whose husband died when she was 70. She decided that she would be gone any minute and never bought a green banana. She was 94 when she died. I vowed I would have plans right up to the last minute. I hope you will be here to celebrate many milestones in your children's lives.
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Got a Facebook message tonight from a friend. She had her mammogram/ultrasound a couple weeks ago and was diagnosed with breast cancer. Got her PET scan results today: mets to ribs, spine, pelvic bones, proximal femoral bones, sternum and proximal humeral bones. I really don't know much about stage 4 and don't know what to tell her.
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Wow. What a shock! I've seen quite a few women say they were stage IV from the beginning. She might want to come here and see about the Stage IV forums. Had she had BC previously?
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Wren, no, she hadn't had BC before, just newly diagnosed. I sent her info on breastcancer.org and suggested she check out the Forums.
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Thank you, Wren, for your reply, especially for the GREEN BANANA haha that is a good one
I am from Holland, desperately working on expressing my thoughts and feelings in good English....
have a wonderful weekend all of you!
groetjes van Marietje
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Oh Puffin....so sorry to hear about your friend. Wow! That would be a real shock to everyone!
Wren...I, too, liked the green banana reference! You are so right, though. We need to get things in order but live each day to the fullest! I have a hard time to talking about these things with my son because he doesn't want to hear it and changes the topic.
Rain here today but it looks like it will clear. I am going to stay home and work around here. Heavens knows I have enough I can do around this place!
Thinking of you mommarch and hoping it going OK for you! Missing you, cammi!
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Sorry about that Puffin.... It's kind of hard talking about anything on FB.... especially something that important.... Can you just email her of call her? And yes, coming here to BC.ORG would be the best thing you could do.... send her the link even....
You are like me, don't know much about stage V.... I know some of the gals can do very well, and many years go by..... But everyone is different... So just talk to her about what you know.... And we really don't know until after the final path report after the surgery, and everything is analyzed and then treatment plans are figured out..... You could tell her that....
That doesn't sound good, but we never know.... we never give up or give up hope.....
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Welcome Marie. I've spent time in your lovely country and wish I could go back someday. Some people who fear they won't be around to see all the milestones in their children's lives write letters to be opened at future dates. That seems to give them peace of mind that they have figured a way to "be there" in more than spirit. As so many of our group have said, in spite of the best of plans, you never can tell what life will bring. My husband's family all live into their 90's, healthy as horses in spite of plenty of country cooking and bad habits. We always expected that I would be the first one to go since my family tends to die young (my father was only 45) and I had a stroke, then breast cancer diagnosed at 64. Now everything is flipped and he has been diagnosed at only 67 with a rare terminal illness for which there is no treatment or hope of survival unless he has a dangerous bone marrow transplant with only a 50-50 chance of making it through that process. Never in a million years did we expect this. You simply can't count yourself out - or in, for that matter. Each day has to stand on its own. Ha - I'll never buy another green banana again!
Anne, excellent post. Carole, my mother also had valve problems for which surgery was the only option. She was only 75 at diagnosis and very active in spite of the slowly progressing congestive heart failure. She was fearful of surgery and sure she wouldn't survive it. (Her best friend had recently died during a routine surgery.) She felt that somehow a treatment would be found so she chose to say no to surgery. She died at 78. By the time she realized there would be no new treatment, she was too sick to survive surgery. These days surgery is performed on older seniors more and more. What does her doctor say?
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Chevy: My friend and I have been using private messages on Facebook so it's just between the 2 of us.
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Yeah Puffin.... I just did that with my friends fiance'.... Carol is going home today.... I just can't imagine her being "home".... I never would have imagined her in the shape she is in now...... If only I could just TALK to her... like someway she would "wake-up" from this awful stroke~! If her Son would just TALK to me, but we don't know each other that well.....
I don't think she will ever "walk" again, much less drive her car, or even play on her computer, or be able to take those trips with her friend.... Not to mention all the volunteer work she did.... or work in her gardens.... or go to lunch together..... just ..... "If"
Sandra, same with my Mom! She had CHF.....Like for over a year....... but drove to the Doc's herself for an appointment.... HE sent her to Emvergency.... THEY drove her to San Francisco! And they decided this women at 80 needed a quadruple by-pass and a valve job.... She had a stroke right after the surgery.... She could "talk" to me right after, but then the stroke..... and pacemaker..... Didn't come out of it.....
If I would have BEEN there, to talk this over with Dad and her and her Doctor's, things might have been different.... but I didn't even KNOW until after the surgery.... I was in Denver, and they were in Richmond, and they didn't "want to worry me."
Thinking of you Sandra..... xoxoxo
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Chevy, it does sound like your friend's life will never be the same again. She is lucky, however, to have had all those good years. A member of our senior center is in a motorized wheel chair and some sort of intensely assisted living. She was hurt in a car wreck in her teens and has been in the chair ever since. She can communicate OK and her mind is fine, but she's unable to feed herself or write or type. Despite all this she has a smile on her face when she comes in and is loved by everyone there.
Marietje, I think you're doing very well expressing thoughts in English. I've only been to Amsterdam but would love to see more of your country. I worked at Holland America Line a number of years ago and enjoyed it very much. Several of the people had been in Japanese prison camps in Indonesia during WWII. Amazing resilience, although conditions in the Netherlands were also very difficult.
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Puffin, what awful news for your friend. It's bad enough to be dx'ed with BC and worry about mets in the future. But many times worse to be dx'ed stage 4 from the outset.
Mariejke, I had a Dutch friend with your same name but it was her first name, maybe spelled a little differently, Marejke. She was lovely and a very good tennis player until she developed scleroderma, a terrible immune disease similar to lupis. Life can seem so unfair to nice people. I know Jackie thinks everything in the universe works out for the best, but I don't exactly see it that way.
I went grocery shopping today and rode one of those motorized scooters around the grocery store. It worked out well. We were out of some basics. This was my first supermarket outing since the foot surgery on May 13th.
Hope everyone is doing well on this Friday.
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As usual it is late. I have been trying to get some things done while I feel good. I saw my ONC yesterday. He is lowering my oral chemo med from 4,000mg to 3,000mg per day. He said he thought it would help the foot syndrome. I told him that after about 2 or 3 doses of the med on the first 14 days that I noticed that I did not have the filling of fullness or bloating and had an appitite. Which I have not had in months. He said this was very encourging. I will do 28 days of med. 14 days on and 7 days off and have a ct on July 9th. The pharmistics suggested I take 100 mg of B6 3 times a day. I started on that today;
Now for the rest of the story. On Wed. evening around 7:00 DH went out side to play with his 1986 Toyota 4X4 PU which he had got running pretty well. He is having a problem with the battery staying charged. He was checking it out. I was in the house doing laundry and had the window air conditioner on and the TV. About and hour later I saw him comming up the drive with someone else, he was all bloody. i sent DGS out to see what was going on. He did not have the PU on gear and it rolled backwards and hit a tree and came back forward and hit and knocked him down and drug him a few feet. I could not hear him hollering in the house. Our neighbor 10 acres away heard someone hollering for help so he threw on some clothes and headed toward the sound. He found him and got him out from under the truck. Helped him to the house, I put him in the shower and cleaned off all the dirt grass etc. Once I got a good look at it I said no we are going to the ER. as he is diabetic and I was taking no chances. They patched him up and we got home around 11:30. His right arm is like hamburger meat. He said as he laid there he finally said oh please God let someone hear me and then their was Bob.
He is pretty sore and has a black eye and lots of road rash. I am so thankful. I hope next week is quiet.
Hugs to everyone.
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OMG Mommarch! That is terrible! I'm so sorry!!!!!!! Those things can happen when you least expect it! Wow!
Glad your Meds are doing better!
And Wren! Yes, Carol is HOME! Her Son posted this on FB! Said she is driving her electric wheel-chair VERY well! I wrote back asking if he was going to trick it out, as he loves driving race-cars...Ha!
No, she probably won't be the same, but she is "happy!" She smiles and laughs even though her life is so different now.... We all just have to keep encouraging her... and not let her worry....
Carole, I look at those things, and thought how FUN! Ha! But glad you can get about by using one!
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Mommarch: how scary for both of you, so glad he's going to be OK.
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Mommarch, what a horrible thing to happen when you and your dh don't need any more crises. Your dh sounds like a man who should steer clear of working on vehicles.
Hope the adjustment in the meds works out for you. Keep us updated.
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Monmarch - sending healing thoughts for you & now DH too. What a freak accident.
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oh mommarch....wow! I am so glad that your hubby is going to be O.K. Just what you didn't need! I hope the reduction in the drug helps solve your problems with your feet.
Carole....well you got the shopping done and had a new experience while doing it! Those shopping scooters come in handy, don't they? It's good to hear that you are "up and about" more now. You are showing much more patience than I would have had while recooperating!
Chevy...glad that your friend is home and that she is coping with her limitations and appears happy. You might be surprised. The home environment may have a healing effect on her and she may make more improvements than you expect. She is so lucky to have you as a friend!
It's been a lazy Saturday here as the rain has come down most of the day and the skies are dreary. I've got a turkey breast in the crockpot for dinner and think I'm ready to grab a good book and spend a hour reading!
Hope everyone is enjoying your weekend.
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Momarch, get well wishes to your hubby! Hope your med schedule works well for you.
Jo
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Hey there peeps, another new baby, this time gs, my dd 2 has 4. Oh n i went on hospice 3 weeks ago...feeling good...meds r well managed, no pain
Puffin, love the h
Sandra thinking of u n mike all the time, good idea 4 her tooogoing back to her home, she probably needs a break from aall the sick, lol...
michael..aka buddy....jen aka lala, charli aka cha n andrew aka gooch
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Blondie, What an adorable baby and just look at all that hair! Looks reddish in the photo, but you can't tell at this point anyway.
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Puffin! Beauifull kids! Congratulations! And glad you are feeling better....!
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Thank you, Sandra and Wren! When I was diagnosed the second time in July 2014, I thought: o hell, when I die soon, I have never seen America, especially New York, that would be awful!
So my husband and I went three months after my rads, in April, we went to California and New York and it was truly FANTASTIC. I always thought Amsterdam was the coolest city in the world, but No Way, it has to be New York! We strolled for a whole week through all the different and exiting sections, enjoyed all different foods, smelled the 1001 smells of the city. WOW.
We will be back!!
California was lovely also (did San Francisco, the coastal route of course, and Santa Barbara, where our youngest daughter and her little family were staying for a few months.)
Carole, I think your friends name was Marijke perhaps? That is a very common name. Mine is Marie (from Maria), but we also have Marieke, Marike, Marretje, Marja, Mariet, no end to it hahahaha.
Liefs Marietje
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Blondie, heavenly picture with new little red haired angel.... Life is beautiful.
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Blondie, it's good to have you check in. The children are all beautiful. They must be a pleasure for you. Glad you're pain free and comfortable. I'll be thinking about you every day.
Mariejke, that sounds like a great trip to NY and CA.
It's odd not to hear from Jackie. I hope she'll be back at home soon.
Cheers to everyone.
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Yes, we do miss Jackie, don't we?
Blondie...so glad to see a post from you and so glad you shared the pics of the new baby and those other lovely granddaughters. Hugs to you, I think of you often and am sending peaceful vibes your way!
Brrr...... lots of rain and cooler temps this weekend in Illinois! We just mowed the grass and will have to do it again as soon as the ground dries out enough! At least I haven't had to water the flowers!
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