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Aug 21, 2016 12:29AM
Aug 21, 2016 12:57AM
I've been really angry because of my situation, and I know I have to work thru it somehow. My dad smoked for 30 years, was exposed to a lot of asbestos in his job, drank like a fish and died at 85. My mom never smoked or drank, but got cancer and passed when she was 48. Go figure!
When I was young, I used to attribute my mom's death to all the Diet Pepsi she consumed: two 16 oz bottles a day, and more in the summer (we didn't have those 2 liter plastic bottles back in the early 70's). She also used a lot of Coffee Mate and ate Diet Parkay Margarine - nothing but chemicals in both. My dad, if he drank soda at all, it had to be the real thing with sugar, and he only put real milk in his coffee and wouldn't touch that imitation margarine in the little tub.
There's an interesting article in the Winter 2016 issue of CURE magazine that discusses the randomness of cancer. Why do some people smoke and NEVER get cancer? Why does breast cancer show up in women with no family history of any cancer whatsoever? The randomness of cancer is especially prevalent in very small children - obviously they didn't smoke or drink more than a glass of Chardonnay every evening. I'm not going to summarize the article, but it's an interesting read. For a lot people, cancer is just the hand you're dealt - of course this is very controversial, as the article points out.
But I'm still pissed...REALLY pissed! I didn't drink soda for decades because of what I thought it did to my mom. I was a "meatless Monday" person a couple times a week, and mostly ate fish and poultry, eschewing my beloved bacon, cold cuts, etc. because of nitrates and nitrites. I never went to McDonalds or Taco Bell. I did all my own yard work, walked, and joined Curves. What the hell for?
In truth, food choices and exercise probably delayed my "random" cancer by X number of years, but I still got it regardless of all the sacrifices I made. Now I'm not going to go crazy and let myself go, but I went out and bought a 2 liter bottle of Diet Caffeine Free Coke (I don't like the taste of Diet Pepsi), and I plan to drink it. I had my husband grill up some fat, juicy steaks last weekend (but I could only swallow half of it because I was still on a chemo cycle), and I'm planning on going to McDonald's next week and get their new garlic fries. Might as well. Gonna die anyway.
Not having any sugar cravings on "off cycle weeks," tho. I used to enjoy dessert once in a while, especially cheesecake and Ben & Jerry's, but since menopause kicked in, I really tried to watch the sugar consumption too, especially when they declared me PRE-diabetic in 2010. I'm not going to run out and get a big Sara Lee's because I heard that sugar feeds the cancer - not sure if that's an old wives' tale or not, but it makes sense. Cancer needs easy-to-procure calories to keep dividing, and one digests sugars and carbs quicker than protein and fats.
It effin' sucks that I have to apply for permanent disability because of all the compression fractures in my spine and ribs - all because of my new second husband, cancer. There is NO SUCH THING as divorce, when you're married to Stage IV cancer - it literally is until "death do us part."
Yep, infuriated by all this, and that's the way I'm gonna be for a while, which is good. You have to be ANGRY to keep fighting.
(Note: Also cross posted to The Steam Room thread.)
Stage IV De Novo, Occult, Amorphic. New Brain Mets Aug 2017. Now on Gemzar and Zometa. Dragged into an arranged marriage with Mr. Cancer that I didn't agree to, and divorce is forbidden. Grateful for however many GOOD days I have left.
4/14/2016, IDC, Left, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/liver/other, ER+/PR+, HER2-
4/27/2016 External: Bone
5/22/2016 Xeloda (capecitabine)
4/20/2017 External: Bone
8/23/2017, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, metastasized to brain, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2-
9/6/2017 External: Brain
10/10/2017 Taxol (paclitaxel)