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Jun 24, 2019 07:06AM
Meow, thank you!!!! Your thoughts, as always, are appreciated.
Fairydragon, thank you for responding! I will be here for you too! I hear you about pictures. I only have mirrors in my bathrooms (only shows above breast and up) and one narrow full length mirror in my bedroom behind the door. Suffice to say, I don't see myself much and I often wondered if I got more mirrors if it would encourage me to lose weight again? I have always had a "virtual" picture of myself in my brain and I am always shocked at how bad I look in pictures because the image I have is not nearly as overweight! It isn't that the photos add two pounds either!
I am a walking ball of inflammation, lymphedema in my left arm since 2003 when I had the entire fat pad removed with 24 nodes and it spread to my former left breast, side and left leg. Both of my shoulders were replaced due to completely torn rotator cuffs. My orthopedic doctor told me in 2010 that I have lymphedema in my right arm as well. My right ankle swells, but the swelling will go down by morning, so I don't consider that lymphedema. It is not an excuse for the weight, just another issue that adds to the frustration of trying to lose weight. I can easily gain 5 or more pounds in a day, especially in the summer, that is all excess fluid. It is gone in the morning.
I thought about joining a gym near my home, and I might do it this summer. I wish I had room for a treadmill at home but I don't. My biggest problem is that when I work (I work in a school) I am exhausted and I don't think I could get myself to the gym.
To say I hate my body now more than before the DIEP surgery is an understatement. I have a flat stomach with tennis balls on either side of my hips and a huge muffin top so I had to buy a lot of new clothes because nothing stays at my waist. I know the hip thing the PS will need to adjust, but the muffin top is all on me Something in my head keeps saying "so what are you going to do about it?"
I am going on vacation next week, but I must do something about my weight when I get home. I have never been a quitter, but after a lifetime of battling weight, it would be easier to quit trying. On the upside, if I focus on diet and exercise again, perhaps it will take my mind off of breast cancer? I think I have to try. But this time, I want to do it differently. I don't want to tell any of my friends or family what I am doing. (of course my husband will know) I don't want it thrown in my face if I don't lose weight. You can expect to see posts from me here.
I feel we need a place to talk about weight in the company of others who really understand what it is like to be obese for decades/lifetime. It is kind of like breast cancer. I feel better talking about it with others here who have/had it because you really understand. It is so hard to take diet/exercise advice with someone who has never been more than 10 pounds over their ideal weight.
Spookiesmom, I assume that is a picture of Spookie, who is soooo cute! I am a bit jealous because I want a dog so badly. We always had dogs and when our last one passed away over two years ago, my heart broke! The biggest reason is the expense as I am 65 and nearing retirement and our nest egg isn't huge.
I was this weight when I had both of my shoulders replaced, 6 years apart. Also, my DIEP surgery was 8 1/2 hours. I know my BS was concerned about the anesthesia, but the PS wasn't. All went well in that respect. Still, only a fool would think obesity doesn't have an effect on us during surgery. That said I agree when you said it should be an incentive but it isn't. I am really going to TRY to use correctional plastic surgery next summer as an added incentive, but I know it isn't enough by itself. I need a lift on my real breast, but I am still having healing issues due to radiation from 2003 cancer so it can't be anytime soon.
I totally hear you about making meals for two. I guess in that respect I am lucky my tall, thin, husband is diabetic so he is supposed to eat the same food I am supposed to eat. We don't have much junk food, occasional ice cream, in our house. Rarely I get chips or make French fries. Sweets are limited too, for special occasions and usually without keeping any left overs. So really, while I too like food and whole heartedly believe in comfort food, I really can't use that as an excuse. I know I really need MORE exercise.
I hope I hear from you again.
Thank you all for replying.
6/6/2003, IDC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, 0/24 nodes, ER+/PR+
12/4/2018, ILC, Left, 1cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2- (FISH)