Topic: Anxious hubby looking for some advice/reassurance

Forum: Not Diagnosed But Worried — For those who are experiencing symptoms or received concerning test results, but haven't been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Posted on: Jan 13, 2022 05:10AM

Posted on: Jan 13, 2022 05:10AM

Anxioushubby123 wrote:

hello all, hope you are doing well.

so about 2 weeks back, my wife who is 28 and has no family history of cancer began to show changes in her right breast only. Her breast were tender and a long dent started to form. From the top of the breast towards her nipple. We immediately made an appt for her GP, and after visiting, the doctor told her she had some lumps under her breast. He gave her an appt to do an ultrasound.

Fast forward to today, we did the ultrasound, and the doctor was perplexed. He could feel the lumps and see the dent but nothing showed up on the ultrasound. No cysts, no masses, nothing.

Afterwards, we went to go see the breast specialist, he reviewed the ultrasound and said he was a bit concerned about the “fat placement” in the breast. After visibly inspecting and feeling the area, he decided that we should do an MRI. He did rule out, in his medical opinion, IBC which is a relief. Moreover he mentioned there was no swelling in the lymph nodes. He did also say that breast cancer is rare for someone in their late 20s, but without the MRI, if there was cancer, he couldn’t tell if it could be stage 1-3.

honestly, my wife is so strong and positive. But I’m such a negative anxious pessimistic person and I’m weighing her down, I’m panicking and I’m trying my best to not talk about it, google it, or show any negative emotions around her. So I found this forum! Thankfully. I’m just here to vent and see if I can get some opinions or just positive words on our situation.

thank you for taking the time to read this! Our MRI is in a week, so I’ll update when the time comes

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Jan 13, 2022 08:04AM moderators wrote:

Anxioushubby123, we're sorry you are here and worried for your wife's breast changes, but wanted to say welcome! We know it is hard not to imagine the worst case scenario, but breast changes at her age are really common, and the vast majority of breast lumps turn out to be a benign a condition. If you can, try to keep yourself distracted the next few days, to keep your mind off the waiting, and we hope that will also help her. Good luck with MRI! Please keep us posted!

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Jan 13, 2022 08:34AM parakeetsrule wrote:

If your anxiety is weighing her down, it sounds like you need to get help with that. SHE is the one dealing with a cancer scare, she does not need to deal with your anxiety too. Especially if it does turn out to be cancer: you're going to need to get support from someone other than her.

Hopefully it turns out to be nothing!

Stage 2 at 37, Stage 4 at 41. Cancer is dumb. Cookies are good. Dx 3/21/2017, IDC, Left, Grade 2, ER+/PR-, HER2- Radiation Therapy 11/6/2017 Whole breast: Lymph nodes, Chest wall Hormonal Therapy 12/8/2021 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Targeted Therapy 12/13/2021 Piqray (alpelisib) Dx IDC, Other, Stage IV, ER+, HER2- Chemotherapy AC + T (Taxol) Hormonal Therapy Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Surgery Lymph node removal (Left); Mastectomy (Left)
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Jan 13, 2022 11:12AM kbl wrote:

Anxioushubby123, I’m sorry you’re so anxious. Try to take cues from her and be there for her. It may be hard for her to process if she’s worried about you. Try to take one day at a time and just be there for each other.

De Novo ILC - No primary found. Mets to full spine, femurs, skull, and stomach. Missed diagnosis from 2013 to 2019 Dx 5/1/2019, ILC, Stage IV, metastasized to bone/other, ER+/PR+, HER2- Targeted Therapy 5/1/2019 Ibrance (palbociclib) Hormonal Therapy 5/1/2019 Faslodex (fulvestrant) Chemotherapy 9/27/2021 Xeloda (capecitabine) Hormonal Therapy Femara (letrozole)
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Jan 13, 2022 01:00PM alicebastable wrote:

Although it's good that you're supportive, SHE had the ultrasound. SHE will get the MRI. Please do not use "we." And I hope YOU get help for your anxiety.

Total hysterectomy for endometrial cancer 2008, MOHS surgery on face for skin cancer 2016, lumpectomy for breast cancer 2018, nephrectomy for kidney cancer 2018. I want a new hobby. Dx ILC, Left, 1cm, Stage IA, Grade 1, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 13, 2022 01:25PM Anxioushubby123 wrote:

thanks for all the reply! Yes yes anxiety’s a pain in the butt, which is why I’m posting on the forum so I don’t need to talk to her about it. I’m well aware that she’s the one going through it, however it affects more than her right? I’m just doing the best I can day by day.

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Jan 13, 2022 02:01PM pattik wrote:

Hi Anxioushubby123. It's especially tough early on not having a lot of information and waiting on results too. Once things start to pick up speed, it got easier because the focus was on solutions.

There's a book out there my husband read called Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond. You may find it useful.

Dx 3/02/2021, IDC, Right, 1.4cm, Stage IA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Jan 13, 2022 02:32PM Anxioushubby123 wrote:

thank you so much. I’ll pick it up today. I want to do everything I can to not stress her oi

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Jan 13, 2022 04:33PM typhoon wrote:

The husband of a member of this forum created a website for partners of people with BC. Though your wife hasn't been diagnosed (and I'm hoping she won't be!!) you might find this helpful.

Dx 10/23/2020, IDC, Both breasts, <1, Stage IA, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-, IHC Surgery 12/1/2020 Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel; Mastectomy (Left): Nipple Sparing; Mastectomy (Right): Nipple Sparing Surgery 12/9/2020 Lymph node removal; Lymph node removal (Left): Sentinel; Lymph node removal (Right): Sentinel; Mastectomy; Mastectomy (Left); Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction (Left): Silicone implant; Reconstruction (Right): Silicone implant Hormonal Therapy 1/1/2021 Arimidex (anastrozole) Hormonal Therapy 1/14/2021 Arimidex (anastrozole)
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Jan 13, 2022 04:48PM Anxioushubby123 wrote:

thank you so much. I’m hoping for the best as well. I’ll check out the website tonight!

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Jan 13, 2022 05:51PM threetree wrote:

I just want to say that when my mother got terminal cancer many years ago (not breast cancer), my father went to all of her appointments with her and "managed" a lot of the situation. He usually used the term "we" and my mother didn't care at all. I did mention it once, because he commented that "they" needed to get her bladder under control, and I thought that idea was comical and said something about it being her bladder and that there was no way "they" could get "her" bladder under control. He said they were a team and that this was a "we" issue, and again, it worked for my mother. I have seen where other husbands on here also consider this a team effort and a "we" operation. How couples choose to deal with this issue is very personal and unique to each couple, so I think they should just be left to use whatever terminology works for them.

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