how about drinking?
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These two guys walk into a bar, and they've each got a black eye... The bartender asks the first guy. "What happened to you?"
The first guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words with my wife.. You see, we were getting plane tickets, and the lady behind the terminal was REALLY big breasted and I accidentally said `Two pickets to titsburg please!' and I MEANT to say 'Two tickets to Pittsburgh!' and she hit me.."
The bartender looks at the second guy and asks. "And you?"
The second guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words also.. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I meant to say 'Please pass the margarine' but instead, I accidentally said `You stupid bitch, you ruined my life'..."
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I love these jokes---I laugh all the time when I look up active topics this is ALWAYS in the top 10==WONDERFUL.
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Chicas!!!
Been buzzy getting organized, leave saturday morning, so one last sprint today at woik. At least I iz packed up! Free wifi at unity, will send a pick.0 -
Chicas!!!
Been buzzy getting organized, leave saturday morning, so one last sprint today at woik. At least I iz packed up! Free wifi at unity, will send a pick.0 -
have a wonderful time scuby
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Good morning, Loungettes! Foggy and chilly this am, so going to concentrate on cleaning up my sadly neglected house today. At least it will be clean while I'm working this weekend. Which I'm not really looking forward too, but since I like the 5 hours of overtime in this cycle's check I guess I can do it with a smile. It's always ok once I get going, anyway, or, at least, most of the time!
Bernie--Aw!!!!! So cute!!!!
Kay--aha, that makes sense! The Tenders have a lovely selection of wines of all colors, but more in red than any other, so many Loungettes like it! Don't stress over ketchuping, and don't stress over posting, it will come and this is supposed to be a fun place, not a stressful one! Post any way you want. Not all of us use the funny language. I just like to use a few of the more fun words, but it's not a requirement!
Juliet--thanks for the reminder, I need to print off the obit and have it put in my file. May not get me a pay raise (the union controls that and if everyone can't get one, no one can get one) but should show up on my yearly eval. And it is a compliment.
Bernie--had to wear a belt buckle? Oh my! Crazy coincidink, I got an e-mail from a friend of mine who is now in the Boy Scouts, his troop is raising money for a project . I'm going to buy one of the "Camp Cards," it's only $5 and gets me 10% discounts at lots and lots of places I often shop at anyway. Win-win situation!
Oh, Oh, Juliet is unsupervised! Look out Lounge!
Kay--it's ALWAYS time to dwink here, no excuses needed!
Wahine--Here's to good drugs working fast! Sinus infections are not fun, I can tell you from experience (although I haven't had one since last fall, YEAH). Inner ear infections are also the pits. Getting the 2 together is just plain NOT FAIR!
Karen--sounds like you need a social secretary to keep all your functions straight! I'd apply for the job, but I'm afraid that neither of us would get any work done, we'd always be here in the Lounge!
DorKable--I'm with you praying for Chrissy. I'm making a quick stop in the Inflatable Chapel, then I'll be out to play in the pool again.
Wahine--ANOTHER name! I challenge you to write them ALL out sometime, just to see how much space it will take!
Juliet--LOL!
Camillegal--Welcome to the Lounge! Stop in often, laugh much, enjoy at least this one part of life!
Scuby--Hooray for being packed, have a good trip, have LOTS of fun, and bring back pics!!!!!!!!
Princess Glitter Sizzle's DOTD is the Second Language
2 oz Scotch Whisky
1/2 oz Dry Vermouth
1/2 oz Tawny Port
1 dash BittersDirections
In a mixing glass half-filled with ice cubes, combine all of the ingredients. Stir well. Strain into a cocktail glass.0 -
Camille, We all luv da jokes (yokes) too...and OMG Bernie, Juliet, and NM are really on a roll! Join in whenever you can!!!
Juliet, I had seen the "guide to a man's english" before, but STILL got a big chuckle...how true that is!
Bernie, LMAO, as usual!!
NM, You REALLY want me to twy an list all mese names? Wid my memory (or lack of...LOL)???? That wuld be quite a challenge. Ya know, I spent about 10 hrs in bed last night...and SO FAR, although I have not made it very far yet today.....do not feel dizzy. Usually it hits me every time I turn over in bed, and when I get up, etc. Feel SO much better, already. So glad Juliet's reminder of your mention in the obit, is resulting in you putting it in your file. Shows how much the family appreciated what you did, when they mention it there! Hope you can get your house clean!!! I need to do mine, but no motivation yet. I think if I sorta "take the day off" today, it might help me a lot. I really want to be more cheerful around my parents, but the past few days I have just felt awful. And then I feel "guilty" if I am not doing things with them, etc. Ha,ha.....Second Language dwink.....purrfect for all our languages here!!!
Glad the chapel is inflatable, as maybe that means it will also be able to expand and fit ALL of us who are going there to pray for our Chrissy! HOPE you are out of the hospital now, Chrissy, and at home, or on your way home. (((CHRISSY)))
I am suffering from beans-withdrawals, and dork-withdrawals, as you galz have not been able to post much lately. Know the reasons why, but still miss youse.
Oh SCOOBYDOO, have a superduper vacay!!! So very happy for you, and glad you will be able to send pics!!!!!
Hugs, drugs, mugs, no slugs (in NM's garden)......
Katwinka of de Names
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Katrinka-no-drinka-AGAIN (Wahine).....so glad you all had such a good time, but knew you would. Thank for sending Mr. Bigger in to the rescue. What a startling find in the fish basket, yikes! Are most of the snakes there dangerous? Odd that the snake got in and couldn't get out, must have drowned, as it couldn't get out and get air? I bet is skeert the beejeebies out of the fishies too! What kind of fish were they catching? And now you are going to FL? And to Vermont. And a cruise, or is that just your folks? Just read you went to the docs, good deal, so glad you did that and hope the new drugs and anti b's help. Where are you going in 2 weeks? As for the ducks, maybe they have a nest nearby that they are protecting, and we are gonna have lots of baby AFLACS?
Bernie, sure hope that little babe of yours wizens up. Did you tell her how that made you feel? Darling picture of your furbabies. That is too funny, that you had to be a cub scout. Were you ok with that, as a child? My son went all the way through scouts and earned his Eagle.
LOL Kay, please join us with your wine and/or your whine. Both are accepted here. But really, you don't have to slur your words when you type. I think in time, it will just come naturally. Hope that muskrat didn't bother anything in your garden. I see you have posted several times, so I guess you are gonna hang wif us? Good deal. Now I am wondering if you know who we are talking about, as a lot of the girls have other names that have been given to them. If you are unsure, please ask.
Juliet, why thank you, for noticing my innocence!!!! Hope you can drink soon. I am working on getting as wealthy as the gal in your cartoon!
Karen, that is neat that you were born where Kay is from. Sorry for the lack of sleep, we can relate. Hope you can enjoy the 20 year celebration.
Dofey (DorothyK) I did not know your story about Chrissy and Marie, how very sweet! Just hate that you have to woyk so mucho. We so miss your posts. Is Stella helping you with your work?
Heather (Kittycat) allow me to help you with your picture. I hope this one is ok, but all of the Pink Ribbon Mafia pics are great.
Hi Cam and welcome. Nice to know we are in the top 10! Stick us in your favorites and it will your NUMERO UNO!
SAFE FUN TRAVELS SCUBES! We love you and will miss you. Can't wait foy some pics.
Our financial advisor is coming over for a visit tomorrow, so I need to get moving. They have a 3 year old and new baby, I'm more excited to have babies at my house!!!!! I just know I am about to be bumped into the pewl!!!! ** plugging my nose, and just jumping in**
NM, did the tiller start?
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Ha,ha Lori....Guess lately I have been bumping you into the pewl (better than the poo though, member dat one?)....but sheesh mese tinks this is planned, as there goes Mr. Bigger in after you....AGAIN!!! Sounds like when Junie always ran off with Pants (or wuz it Jock?)....wese all gotz ta watch you and Mr. Bigger!!! LOL. To answer ya, in 2 wks (from toodey) wese will be heading to da mountains of Vermont for a wk....also plan to visit Montreal!..Have a 3br unit reserved at this awesome place....have room if ya wants ta join us! Den we also have a wk in Vegas in June (and gets ta meet Mema!), de cruise planned for end of Aug, den going to Long Boat Key, FL in late Sept, den to NJ late Dec (betwn Christmas and New Years, and hoping to meet Dorkie, and possibly Scooby!). Datz all mese gots going, so far. But de year is still young! Hugs!
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Oh, My I love the Mafia pic, especially the dark glasses! And teh 2 young guys in the front!
No, the tiller didn't start yesterday. Not sure if I'll try it today, got to go into work this evening. Will depend on how the housework goes. So far the kitchen and the sunporch are picked up and swept, bathroom is next, then bedroom. doing it 10 minutes at a time, alternating with 15 minutes of play on the computer time. So far so good!
The folks that will be putting up my new fence have cashed the deposit, I'll know when they'll be here to do it soon! Yeah! No more dog chain in the kitchen!
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Scooby have a wonderful trip and post pics.....
Kathy....wow...lots of travel on your calendar....
Laid in bed way tooo long this morning....just couldn't make myself move...Need to clean house today, pick up some produce, finally go buy my supplements that I should have started 2 weeks ago....and want to spend some time outside as it is gorgeous out.....clock is ticking away as carpool pick up is in 6 hours!!! so best get busy!!!
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Hmmm.....One more reason why men should stay away from Kohl's....... (OUCH!).....
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kathy tea drinka-ouch indeed! just had my first shower since surgery, finally feel clean!
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Wow Kathy! Like Karen said "that IS alot of traveling". I hope you can make Nashville, when we make our trip out to TN. Alli sais she was going to try to make it. Funny Kohl's picture!
NM, DID YOU SEE MY COMMENT EARLIER ABOUT USING "START" IN YOUR ENGINE. YOU PUT IT WHERE THE GAS GOES.
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Juliet, Isn't that the most awesome feeling....FINALLY getting to shower!!!! Ok, now we will be able to get closer to you....just kidding!
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OOPS...didn't "refresh" like Juliet did (lol), and missed the last page! Lori, when are you going to be in Nashville?
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Goldie--yes, I did see that, sorry I didn't mention it. My tiller is brand new, but the gas could have been a bit old. I'll look for some and try it!
Thanks, Goldie!
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believe me after 56hrs no shower,i didn't want to be next to me either.
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LOL Juliet, I DO remember that feeling....yucko....soooo nice to get that first shower!!
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NM, my DH swears by it! I hope it works for you. I think it can be found in the automotive section and I think he gets it at Wal Mart.
Oooooo doesn't Juliet smell nice now!
Kathy, probably doing TN around the same time as last year, sometime in Oct.
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Morning goils....not much time, DD be here any min for our SPA DAY...YIPEE.
Haven't caught all the way up, but I will, jes wanted to say THANK YOU Lori for posting for Kitty.
Kitty - I will look for you on the 5th! Too Cool.
Juliet - glad ewes got a shower...wheww...jk...n thanks for the 'happiness dust'....jes what I needed!
Hope ebery1 has a gr8 Fried-Dey....I'll b back later for lots n lots a dwinkies....OH and Happy 1st year Cancerversary to meeeeeee....and many morrreeee!!!
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YAY! Happy 1st Cancerversary to dear MemaSue!!!! YIPPEE! Dwinks all around!
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Oh ya, anudder reason to drink! Congrats Mema! Wishing you MANY MANY MORE TOO.
Do ya ebber think we might run out of things to sail a brate?
Been quiet here (work wise) off to get dressed now and go to town............yippee! (NOT)
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Babes - Bernie is at the Bar 0 -
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush Restaurant
and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her
gin as she sits alone at a nearby table.The wife asks, do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to
drinking right after we divorced 7 years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.""My God!" said the wife. "Who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?"0 -
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter
of water each day, at the end of the year we would have
absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria
found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo
of poop!However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or
rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other liquors) because
alcohol has to go through a distillation process of
boiling, filtering, and fermenting.It is better to drink wine and talk shite - than to drink
water and be full of shite.There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I am doing it as a public service.0 -
Subject: Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Indubitably, Innovative, Preliminary, Proliferation, Cinnamon,
Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
Specificity, Cogito ergo sum, British Constitution, Passive-
aggressive disorder, Loquacious, TransubstantiateThings That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex;
Nope, I don't want another drink;
Sorry, but you're not really my type;
No kebab for me, thank you;
Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
I'm not interested in fighting you;
Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing!
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A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive
lounge. He took her to his lavish apartment where he soon
discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and
apparently very intelligent. Hoping to get her into bed he
began showing her his collection of expensive paintings,
first editions by famous authors and offered her a glass
of wine.He asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry and she said,
"Oh, Sherry by all means. To me it's the nectar of the gods.
Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a
glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed
and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the
enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It
seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my
whole being begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins
being softly played fills my ears and I'm transported into
another world."On the other hand, Port makes me fart."
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