Illinois ladies facing bc
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WENDY Thanks for the advice. They took 11 nodes 2 were pos. My Once said that is where the rads will be not in my chest. But he probably dosent know. Thats not his speciality. I just wouldnt think te cancer would still be hanging around there to be zapped. i would think if there were any left it would have moved on throughout my body. I am so confused.
Donna. I talk to my animals too, So far they are not answering me. Thats a good thing.
i had my last AC yesterday. Guess what happened. I went in feeling better than I have in months. They tell me my WBC is way too high. I didnt think I was gonna get chemo. After all this time waiting. They said I have another infection. I peed in a bottle and went for a chest exray. I have not had one chemo session off anitbiotics, not to mention te 2 surgeris everything I was put on. OK my pity party is over......Thanks for listening again. Off to get my Nulasta shot.
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The Illinois Fairy is sending some sun your way:
Wendrew - I am very interested to follow your trial with the new contacts. I have been considering them. Please let me know your thoughts/opinion... good or bad. I wonder though... one of eyes has a stigmatism...not sure if I would be able to get them because of that. I'm having my annual eye exam on June 15th... so I have to decide by then. I worry about being on Tamoxifen. It can cause eye problems, and my eyes have gotten worse since my last exam.
Donna - You only have one more! Yeah! Your hair will be growing back in about a month. Try to be patient. I know it sucks and I know all too well...it's difficult to think that you will ever have a "life" again, but you will. All of us girls have been through it... and we all have gotten back into our lives. Things will never be exactly the same, but it's amazing how we persevere and pick ourselves up. We're so much stronger than we know. You have a couple hurdles ahead of you. But you CAN do it. I know what you mean about your friends. My friends were very supportive, but when they would complain about something so trivial as a broken finger nail... I found it difficult to be sympathetic. Your coccoon is your safety place not a hiding place. (Wendy has a great hiding place - under her table.) Little by little you'll venture out more and more. As for the wedding... put on that dress, slap on that wig, dance the night away and show everyone there that you are one tough Illinois Girl!
Buddy - NO MO CHE-MO! Man, did you have it rough! But you survived! There's nothing you can't handle now. Best wishes with your rads decision. Don't forget... if you skip rads, you will still be having Tamoxifen or an AI... that is considered continued treatment.
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Donna-
I completely understand the complaining thing. I had a friend that I don't talk to very much anymore, who called the other day to ask how I was feeling. Before I could even start to answer, she went into a 10 minute rant on all her aches and pains and and stomach nausea. Then says, "I'll talk to you soon, gotta go to work." I don't think I said anything except "hello." I just tried to laugh at it, and realized why we don't talk that much anymore. You just hang in there, only 1 more. I know, easy for me to stay when I haven't even started yet.
Buddy- Congrats on the last AC!
Zap- Are you done with school, yet? The Ravinia table was a great gift, I know you'll enjoy it.
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Donna.....not a pity party. It's life with cancer. When I went for my last chemo there was a woman there who also was having her last one and she spent the 5 hours, sobbing. Not because it was over, but because her TREATMENT was over! She was so afraid of it coming back the next day. We talked for a long while about that. I still had the full year of Herceptin to take but Ihave to admit when the H was done and the port came out, even tho I was still on arimidex - I felt that my cocoon had been ripped away. My safe place with all the drugs. It is so hard to figure out what to do when treatment is over. We here on this board recognize it as post traumatic stress disorder. Really. They tell you you have cancer, they rip into body parts, suck out nodes, give you poison, nuke the c**p outta you, give you more poison to take every day but pat you on the back and say "Go have a nice life now!" HUH??????? And exactly how does one do that????? Honey, you WILL get a life back and it will be great, filled with joy and laughter and love. And some tears for sure. But there is great life after cancer. BUT.....until you have heard the words "you have cancer" you cannot understand what we go thru every day of our lives. We all had the rug pulled out from under us and in some ways, we all wait for the next shoe to drop. But that does not mean that we don't have a wonderful life, a great life....just that it is always there, the worry of it all, on the periphery of our world. But notice I said "periphery"...it will eventually become not the center of your existence....but rather a part of the whole. I hope that at least made some sense. Unfortunately - it takes a loooooong time to get there. BUT....you will. Trust us. You will. Hugs, hugs and more hugs!
Laura....I too have pretty bad astigmatism but the toric lenses for me just didn't work as I have...get this....tight eyelids! They never settle right! So far....the bifocals are OK! My far vision is much better now as I have both eyes corrected for that and I can pretty much read everything including the newspapers without the "cheaters". I really think I will be sticking with them rather than going back to the monovision. If you google bifocal lenses look for the bausch and lomb (sp?) site....they have a coupon you can take to the doc for a free trial pair. Wear them for a few days at least, then switch back to your old ones and see if they might work for you. Altho...I am still getting used to them...I read Buddy's post up above to Donna that she "talked to her armpits". I was really worried about Budders there for a minute, until I re-read it. Oh...animals, not armpits!
OK....off to do something. My grass is soooooo long but it's very wet so no mowing for me!
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Laura: Your post is so great today. I do remember going to a wedding two weeks after a treatment and with the wig. I went just to show the beast I was stronger (even though I felt like hell). It was the first time I wore the wig, so was 14 days after that first treatment. I will always remember that my son-in-law came up to me and said, "You look beautiful." It was all I needed to carry on. I had so much fun at that wedding! I know it is hard, Donna, but don't let the cancer take away your fun! Just keep showing up and as Laura says, "Slap that wig onand dance the night away." I seriously considered not going. If I had not gone, I would have missed the wonderful words of my son-in-law that night. I again understand how difficult it is , yet we are in a position to teach others a lesson in courage and that is a gift we can give to people. If we are feeling up to the challenge, then what a gift to give to others.
Also, Laura, I totally agree that LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME; yet we do get our lives back after the treatments. My life will never be the same, but I have learned a great deal. I will never ever be able to say I welcomed the cancer experience; but I do appreciate a few of the insights it has provided me. Good thoughts, Laura!
Susan
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Wow !!!! Donna you have some fantastic answers and don't need any real input from me. All I would really add is something that Susan/Zap said.......you don't know who will be your angel ( it was her son-in-law ) and make your rough path so much smoother that you actually see it just that way too. It is bound to cause some anxiety or sense of struggle, or just a huge lack of desire when we are doing things through the discomforts of chemo etc. but we don't know where our hope, our ray of sunshine, our loving kindness for this 24 hr. period is going to turn up. Wendy and Laura are so right.....life does return -- it is not quite the same as it was --- the dark cloud that was cancer ( now tiny ) still lingers but I try to see it as my badge of courage. You too will look back at the marvel you really were, at all the bravery you possessed and how well you used it ----- and Donna and Budders and everyone here.....it is no small thing you have done, are doing or will soon start. This takes courage, fortitude and good old fashioned spunk and grit and I would like to say Donna, Budders and anyone else....when you want to vent, complain, be irate or cry your heart out.......hear me very loud now NO ONE HAS MORE RIGHT. And when you are mad...I'll be mad with you...we all will, and when you vent we will all listen, and when you are crying we will cry with you then help dry your tears. Those who have not ever had cancer don't know...can't relate well, but I still say they are tongue-tied in a foolish way because they are secretly and silently so glad it's you and not them. There have been many times in my life when I did not know what to say......so I forgive them to an extent. But that is why we stay here for one another.
Hope you all have an ok day....yucky rain here but they say today it's over ( by late afternoon, early evening ) and we will be dry for several days. Good, Good, Good. That means I don't have to go buy a gray rope and take it into a gray room and hang myself due to the depressed feeling of going w/o sun too long. Lets get dry and sunny.
Hugs,
Jackie
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Afternoon ( or should I say evening!) Ladies!!
BJ check out my friends web site & click on the waterscapes... www.sofoto.net/g/home They do photo as a hobby. Most all the pics were taken within 1 hours drive from here.Very relaxing to look at even more so to be there!
Wendy your vamps MIA??? hummmm do I need to have the cops look under your house?? LOL My vamps have been very quiet....they must be up to something!!
There is life after chemo, but I do sooo remember the "sick and tired of being sick and tired" feeling. I'm not a make up person, but really wanted a little extra color to my face,so I took a little bit of foundation and mixed it in my face lotion. It gave me that little boost of color plus chemo drys out your skin so it "loved" the lotion! I was amazed at the people who never even knew I was in treatment and wearing a wig!!
I must share one little silly I did yesterday....got dressed went to work 10 hours later came home took off my shoes....OMG I had on two different tennis shoes!! Not one person mentioned it to me ALL day!! LOL ( for those that don't know I manage a Bar / restaurant I worked behind the bar 8 hours yesterday!!!)
Back to work
every one have a wonderful weekend!
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YOU ALL.. are so wonderful and feel so much better. How much strength i have had in the years and somehow i seem to forget WHERE i came from to get to this part of life!!!! My life has not been easy,especially from my childhood and now i realized.DUH that this too is all goin to be used for not only others. but when i EMERGE from the cocoon.. WILL be ready to start again.. will be a new and more improved Donna .. i think i got lost in the fear and not in the FAITH of knowing.. no matter what, YOU will be ok if you just Trust. Fear and frustration is so hard to escape right now and AM feeling it and have to realize it is still ok.
What also caught up to me, is looking in the mirror and seeing alot of tiredness and looking sick.!! Make up does not do alot and thinking of being around alot of people i will be looked at in general. I KNOW, I have to look at it all with a fighting attitude and show them!!God willing i will be able to for i am a feisty person when need be LOVE to dance too!!!!.Just need to bring it out and not let the other stuff define this time. If i was not tired, it would all be so easy!
For now ladies.. you are all a God send and have given back the perspective i need. Went to yoga this am and feel today was better than yesterday and tommorrow will be whatever i choose it to be.
Laura.. love the fairy pic!!!GOOD we don't talk about the other fairy kind related to .. laundry!
Budders...Don't have any clue how this is happening to you.. but whatever this new infection is, will be gone by time they do another test!! I said so!!! i have connections with powerful fairies.!!!Is there anything you need? Seriously? The neulasta shot is done now right. Wendy..thought you were talking to your armpits and not your animals... AM DYING LAIUGHING!!!!!This is your last AC..yeah!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks Jackie.. Your words have hit home and needed it. Your love and passion is always there.
IF I forgot anyone here. trust me.. i have it all in my heart and know I appreciate it all.Looking forward to a life when it is presented... Just have to TRUST that and know it is all part of the bigger plan!!Thanks for listening, i was in a very bad spot this AM and have isolated myself for a few days.
Love and Hugs..Donna
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ARMPIT TALKING ........HMMMM! WHAT WOULD WE TALK ABOUT. SHAVING. DEODERANT, OR LACK OF. THANKS FOR THE LAUGH.
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Hey Budders...those arm pits can be uesful.. don't ever underestimate the power...lolol. Hoping you are well and know it is all a daily journey. Here!!!!What is goin to happen with this last tx to the next step?
Enjoy the day.May try some estate garage sale with my DH, close to us. Love to shop and look for bargains. Mornings i am most strong. Love the sun out too.Today is a good day and am goin to print out the posts from yesterday and keep it for postiive wisdom to have as needed. Thanks so much!
Hugs,
Donna
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OH YES GARAGE SALES. I LOVE THEM. I STOPPED BY ONE YESTERDAY AND PICKED UP A BABY MATTRESS FOR MY SISTERS OLDER DOG. HE WILL LOVE IT. HE IS HUGE. HAVE FUN.
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Buddy - I had a mastectomy and had chemo and radiation. My tumor was very large and that was the reason I was given for needing the rads. I was told anything over 5 cm needs rads just to make sure. I have heard several times that even though the surgeon thinks they got all the breast tissue during a mastectomy, there could be some left over. I see your tumor was 2 cm, so I'm thinking they are just suggesting it as extra insurance because of your chemo delays. I had my radiation with tissue expanders in. I didn't have any issues while going through radiation, but the radiation did affect my skin and my reconstruction doesn't look like it should. The skin is very tight and has pulled the implant flat. So, even though he put an implant in that was a bit larger than my good side, my left breast looks smaller. It bothered me for a long time and I finally went and got an insert to give that breast more fullness. So happy I did that as they look even now. Good luck deciding.
Donna - you are at a rough time that I remember well. Friends have gone on with their life and you are left to find normal. It's tough. I think you have gotten some very good advice from Laura, Susan, Jackie and others. While I thought my wig looked ok, I really hated it. Once I lost my eyebrows, I thought I looked just horrible. I ended chemo in October and I started to get some stubble in December. I didn't take my wig off until around March/April. It is a tough time, but just be proud of yourself. This makes us very strong women and I am proud of myself for making it through.
Have a great day!
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You know, all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae.
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coniehar thank you. I already have teh expander out on that side it got infected. Plastic surgeon said it would be hard on my skin. I can see if they want to do rads on my breast. But i dont understand teh nodes. They are gone.
Love Lisa
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A day without Wendrew is like a day without sunshine!
Hope you're all making the most of this day!
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Connie...thanks!!!
Budders.. The garage sales were all over this one development and did have some good finds. This one stop, i ended up looking at a rack of clothes..decent too! As i was, the lady who was having the garage sale, said, she hated to depart with some of the items as she gained weight. Now this was like my tenth stop, what made me say this.. i said, oh, i have lost weight as i am goin thru chemo. She says.. OH.. i just finshed my second bout in April!!! She had breast cancer recur in the second breast in a period of two years.!!!So we of course had a great conversation.The one item, i need and cannot find, is just a simple ,white jacket.. and there it was!!!!There is never a mistake in these times!!!!!She gave me a break on the clothed on top of it and found the whole event as so awesome!!!!I Her hair is coming back enough.. all curly and never had she had that kind of curl. IT was just a great moment on so many levels.
As i left, i saw another with a scarf on her head and a port in her neck. Looked young. I wonder how many I have missed since now that i am a cancer patient. They are everywhere and so does my DH.! The eyes are now open and with a empathetic heart!
Thank goodness for special moments.. they are such a gift!!!
Hugs..Donna
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Donna-
Great story, it sounds like your spirits are higher today. I know what you mean about these special moments. My little one, sees a speech therapist and had to get reevaluated the other day. They asked me to reschedule a second appointment and I told them I couldn't because I was having chemo that day. The lady looked at me, and said I just went through my third round of breast cancer. She said she's doing great. It was great because she was a beautiful, happy women. And it just radiated from her. (And I found out she has the same oncologist, who she couldn't stop raving about.
Small world.
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OH DONNA WHAT A GREAT DAY. I AM SO HAPPY. I JUST GOT BACK FROM IV FLUIDS AND ANTINAUSEA DRIP AND I AM READY TO GO TO SLEEP. GOOD NIGHT LOVE BUDDERS
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Hi,
I'd like to join this group. I also live in Bloomington for the past 28 years. I had bilateral mastectomy with tes on April 28 at OSF. I am doing very well except for the expander pain. My ps is sending for pt beginning next week. My nodes were clear and receptors negative. I see the med oncologist next Tuesday. My gs feels he will want some chemo but will wait to see. Its been a real blessing to me to be able to read eveyone's stories and learn.
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I remember after I was dx'd that me and dh ALSO starting noticing more and more people who were in treatment. In fact, my poor dh... last year an Onc's office opened in the office building he works in. He says it's difficult being on the elevator EVERY DAY with their patients. It brings back not-so-good memories. Definately not something I'd want to see daily either!
Buddy - Sweet dreams!
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I have a question I have been curious about for awhile. You know how they say that it takes years for breast cancer to grow enough to be felt. I think even I was told that it had been there for many years but the mammograms never got them as the tissues were too dense. Well, my question is how can these recurrences occur within a year or two years after the first issue. It it takes years to grow, how can it be big enough within 12 month or two years. Would not the mris and the annual mammograms. I never understood that.
Your stories are heartwarming but a bit worrisome. Is breast cancer a lot more common today as how could so many random women have this? It just seems I ma hearing too much about it lately and EVERYONE knows a few people who have it.
Buddy, sleep tight!
Susan
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A hardy great big welcome to you Tanyar. Bookmark this spot and come often. All of the ladies here are from Illinois and are some of the most wonderful people in the world. Empathy, sympathy, and just all around big hearts abound. I'm sure in so many ways I have become a BETTER person because I chose to come here and stay. I do lurk on another cancer blog...and on one other thread....but this is home to me. Hope you will tell us a little more about yourself and if you want....you can pm Laura with all your vital statistics......diagnosis date, your email address, your birthday, address, phone etc. Someone will always notify you then when there is going to be a luncheon or dinner get-together. They are all quite enjoyable. Blackjack takes care of setting those up. Laura is LauraGTO. I am the quote lady....and we have been told their are laundry fairies around ----- but most of the time they won't identify themselves.
Yes, Yes, Yes everyone. I have heard and read since I was diagnosed about how very, very prevalent ( especially breast cancer ) cancer is nowdays.. I think I mentioned before.....many years ago, I never knew anyone who had cancer of any kind......now, we are most definitely not a minority. It is almost scary and the numbers just keep climbing.
Susan - you do have a question that has puzzled me as well. I will say though....at least in my case......I now know that the clinic where my pcp was , had been doing ultra-sounds for a long time watching something.....but they never hinted at what this might be. When it was time for my 6 month mammo and US, I called them and told them we had lost our insurance and I would not be able to make the appt. Their was a sharp intake of breath.............and of course, that makes me wonder.....how long do they suspect cancer and don't bother to tell you that they are apparentlly waiting to see something specific while checking you out every 6 mos. Obviously I was in a state of ignorant bliss....at least until I told them I could not keep that appt. Then....I ambled around and could not find a good time to do something....till I got the bruise that would not go away.
Long way of saying...yep, we do have things going on for a long time....and we should know before but for some reason......why oh why....they must sit on it waiting for some SIGN or other that now is the TIME. A little sad. There are lots of questions that we will never get an answer for I think----darn it.
Just know that I am so thrilled for all of you.
Got to go now...Everyone...have a good Friday night and feel good....life is good and you have a whole lot of someones who care very much about you.
Hugs,
Jackie
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Hi all. *OFF TOPIC* My excellent colonoscopy...
Just popping to let you know I survived the endoscopy and the colonoscopy. Will spare you all the um...crappy...details (sorry). Prep was awful. A bit of a rough start as I actually got into a bit of a tiff with the anesthesiologist. In the consult with the GI doc I had made it very clear that I'm uncomfortable with the use of Versed and she felt that the use of a different drug, Propofol, would be better for me- but that it requires "MAC"- Monitored Anesthesia Care." I would need to get clearance from my insurance company. So I did. I'm in the holding pen, Anesth comes in and immediately tells me that he will be using the Versed--and seems surprised at my objection. I go through the whole thing, explain why I don't want it, blah blah and then he says, ok, the propofol then, but we will start with the Versed. I actually sat up and had to raise my voice- NO- No Versed at all! I mean honestly! At one point I had to say Look- this is MY body and I should have a say about what goes in it!
I won't go into the whole ordeal. Did think it was a bit ironic that after specifically seeking out a woman doc, I get a male nurse. Seeing my ugly butt...greeeaat. And after all of the above, I end up being mostly conscious when she starts the endoscopy, gagging badly.
Sum total-- no polyps. No sign of colon cancer. But a hiatal hernia and some other places she took biopsies of. But no sign of bleeding- which is what we hoped we find to explain the anemia. Next step might be a test involving a pill/camera thing that goes down into the small intestine?
Tired and feeling unsettled about the day's events. Anyone ever had to argue about "what's best for them" with your doc or an anesth. before?
-julieb
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Tanya - We were posting at the same time! Sorry you have to join us... but welcome aboard. You've come to the right place...hang in there. Our motto here is: Illinois Girls are Tough!0
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Julie - You did it! Those big girl panties must have helped! lol That is horrible that you had to argue with them. The nerve of some people! I'm so relieved that so far everything is A-okay... I have a Hiatel Hernia... I take Protonix for it... no big deal though. Have a great weekend and don't forget - your Colon is squeaky clean now! lol
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Hi Ladies!
I am berrypatch's daughter. She wants you all to know that she's doing great. She's been so busy at work and home but she is thinking about all of you. She said she will be back on this weekend to chat with you. I just called her and she said I should ask you ladies about what to do with my situation. One year ago, I had a phyllodes tumor (borderline) removed from my left breast. My surgeon did a WLE of the tumor and my margins were clear after three tries (yay!). It took a huge chunk out but I accepted it even though my bra fits kinda funny. Three days ago, I went for a routine ultrasound. I get them every six months because of what Mom went through and my previous sitch....Anyway, what was originally catagorized as fibroadenoma (left breast) on previous visits are now getting huge, fast. Because of the rapid growth they think once again I have 2 yes count 'em 2 phyllodes tumors. My doc suggested that I get a partial mastectomy. Or get a partial breast implant and have just the lumpectomy. Yikes! Now I know what my mom went through and this scares me outta my wits! I am getting a second opinion at Dartmouth. This guy supposedly wrote the book on these tumors. I have a hard decision but I would like your input on this Illinois Ladies!!!
-A former Illinois girl stuck in Vermont-
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Sorry I had to run out fast....Dh spotted a hot air balloon and thought it was coming down on top of our house. I love ya'll so much I insisted on finishing up like nothing was going on, but I was pretty nervous by the time I hit submit.
Hope you all have a wonderful week-end. You are squeaky clean now Julie and thank goodness should not have to do that for a long time....whew !!!!
Hugs,
Jackie
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Tanyar- Welcome! I had my bilateranl mastectomy with TE's on April 28th, also. I will be starting chemo on June 4th. We'll have to compare notes on what we're going through.
Jo
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Good evening girls.....well I am feeling very sad right now as we had the funeral today for my police officer friend. It was a beautiful service with bagpipes, police escort and all. The sermon was very moving. It was about living life, friendships, family and most of all dear friends. As I sat there my mind thought of all of you here and how we came to know one another, became friends that cried together, laughed together and totally supported each other as we all went through our txs. We are put on this earth for a reason...but do you know what that reason is. Each of us has a special gift to give, to be a teacher, nurse, singer, quote lady, a business women, craft lady, mom, wife, or friend. We are all so unique.. that's what makes us all so special. To the new girls...welcome. We have big shoulders to cry on and big arms for lots of hugs that you may need down the road.
Sorry you have to join this girls club..but in the end there is a life after bc. I know that I am living my life now, as most of all of you are doing too. So enjoy the weekend..have fun....and hug the one's you love. Hugs to all of you.
Jammie time now as it has been a long day. I will chat tomorrow.
Remember to be healthy....be happy
BJ
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blackjack - ...Just out of my bath and had to check in once more today before I settle in and crochet some squares for my bc sisters ... and I am so glad that I did... your words...awesome... I know you're hurting... but thanks for taking the time to let us know that yes indeed, we all have a reason for being here and yes, we all have a special gift to share with others.
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