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Anyone on just Taxotere and Cytoxan?

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Comments

  • MsKarin
    MsKarin Member Posts: 105
    edited July 2008

    Michele,

    Not glad to hear stabbing pains got worse with each treatment. Not looking forward to Friday when if on schedule should return.

    Thank you for the compliment on picture. As for not being brave enough to post, going to copy something I put on another post. Maybe, maybe not it will help you find your courage.

    So many commented that they liked both my avatar and picture of me as Riff-Raff.  You should see the pictures without smiles. I wasn't going to post the one with grandson because that is the one that showed what haunted me when looking in the mirror. I saw Riff-Raff. What all my family saw was the smiles on both Bryce and I.

    Just like all of our fears while walking the path of this journey, nothing has ever been as bad as what we had created in our minds. This also applies to how we see ourselves. Ask hubby to look through your pictures and pick out the one where he sees his Otter. When I took the time to face my fear, my monster (Riff-Raff) I could laugh at and smile at him. No longer a depressing feeling there.

    Just thought of something else. If we want society as a whole to start accepting bald women, I think that WE MUST accept ourselves first. If we can't, how can we expect others too?

    Enjoy the day, Karin

  • slortiz
    slortiz Member Posts: 142
    edited July 2008

    Question for the Hives-Sufferers:

    My Onco PA seemed very surprised when I called him to report the hives that came on me on Day 10 and now seem to be resolving on Day 13. He said hives were unusual with T-C and they would usually occur sooner than that. He thought that they might be related to the Levaquin, which I started on Day 8 (due to perilously low WBC) rather than to the chemo.He wondered if they really were hives and whether I had been exposed to some viral disease involving skin eruptions. (Who knows?)

    I would appreciate some perspective from some of you fellow hives-sufferers even though  I'm afraid my PA is getting rather tired of hearing me say, "But my gal friends on the T-C Board say. . . ."

  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 757
    edited July 2008

    Sandra, my hives did come much earlier--between days 3 and 5 I think.  Hives and other skin reactions are not that unusual with Taxotere.  (I have no papers to cite for that statement.)

    Levaquin is a possibility, though.  I considered that my hives might have been caused by the Neulasta shot I got on the day of my chemo tx.  Also, my hives erupted the day after my 3-day course of dexamethasone was finished.  I wondered if any of those things were related.  The good news was that I only got hives after tx #2--never with the other treatments.

    Do a google image search for "hives" or "urticaria".  Hives come in varying sizes; they sometimes merge together (coalesce), and they often have pale spots in the center with a red rim around the outside.  They don't form crusts as they "mature".  They itch like crazy.  Mine appeared in protected or sensitive areas of skin, like my forearms, my armpits, and behind my knees.  Those are also places that tended to be warm and moist, compared with the rest of my skin. (OK, there are other warm, moist places that didn't get hives!  TMI.)

    My onco seemed a bit surprised, too, when I reported the hives.  I think there are so many pharmacologic things going on in us when we're getting chemo--so many drugs in our bodies at the same time--that it's difficult to place the blame on the right drug sometimes. 

    otter 

  • VBG
    VBG Member Posts: 75
    edited July 2008

    Hi All,

    I am on day 7 from my 2nd tx and feeling pretty good.  Extremely bald but otherwise suffering very few SEs.  I am opting to stay home so as not to expose myself to too many germs, too much heat, etc.  I went out yesterday to pick up my son and left like I was driving drunk so am opting to stay off the road for the time being too.  I am not taking any meds except an occasional ativan to sleep at night.

    I have finally gotten over my "depression" about my hair.   Once it was finally gone it was a relief to have it be over.  Now I can focus on looking forward to it growing back versus worrying about it falling out.

    To those of you wondering about the sudden onset of menopause and hot flashes I am happy to report that I had an ooph on 4/29 then chemo began and I have not really experienced any hot flashes to speak of.  I was on tamox for 1 yr prior and did not have hot flashes either.  I have an occasional "warming" but nothing compared to what many of you have reported.  ( okay so I lucked out on the hot flashes but I have had BC twice so maybe that makes it even?)  So the sudden onset of menopause does not necessarily mean misery.  My mother swears that menopause symptoms are hereditary....she never had hot flashes either!

    So despite my bald head I am feeling very blessed to be doing well and hoping/praying that the rest of the journey continues to be smooth.  So far my initial blood work up prior to my second tx was really great, everything far above needed levels!

    Thanks for all the great posts Otter, you are an amazing source of great info!

    Hoping you are all having a wonderful and event free day!

    Valerie

  • MoinTexas
    MoinTexas Member Posts: 13
    edited July 2008

    My hives started on day 7, during that night - one huge one, several large and several smaller.  Very itchy, nurse said to take benadryl 25 mg OTC and use cortisone cream.  Didn't sound surprised.  After my WBC went way down, and I started giving myself Neupogen shots every day, got hives again which have been pretty much in the same  places...took same things, they are diminishing somewhat.  Last Neupogen shot tomorrow, 2d tx, hopefully, Thurs., 7/10, if the ANC is up to 1500.  Onc said will give me Neulasta, 1 shot, day after the tx - wonder if I will get the hives again?

  • beachmom13
    beachmom13 Member Posts: 85
    edited July 2008

    You ladies have always been here when I've needed it and I really need it now.  Someone has posted a recipe for chocolate cheesecake rocky road brownies.  I wasn't tasting when it was posted and I figured I'd come back and print it later.  Now I can't find it.  Was it here?  If someone would be so kind as to lead me to it, I would be grateful forever ( as would my dh and dd.)

    Thanks, Lee

  • MsKarin
    MsKarin Member Posts: 105
    edited July 2008

    Lee,

    It is in "On the Road to Hell"

    Page 14 by AlaskaDeb.

    Enjoy the day, Karin

  • beachmom13
    beachmom13 Member Posts: 85
    edited July 2008

    Thanks for my family and me.  I'll be making them tomorrow.

    Lee

  • ggrose
    ggrose Member Posts: 29
    edited July 2008

    Hi everyone.

    TX 3 last week really kicked my butt!  I'm still not back to normal, bad indigestion and extreme fatigue.  Added a few new SE's to the list, hot flashes and restless sleep.  I did go back to work but I'm totally wiped out when I get home at night.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel -- my last treatment is in 2 weeks.  I am really looking forward to feeling normal again.  I think my digestive tract is looking forward to it too!  

    Hope that everyone has a great day, free from SE's.

    Rose

  • Kfalls
    Kfalls Member Posts: 67
    edited July 2008

    Hi Lee - keep me posted on the radiation.  I don't even see my onc to schedule the rads until next Wednesday.  I am jealous that you are underway - I know we both have to start work around the same time and you will probably be almost done.  I don't know why I am nervous about the radiation.

    Karen 

  • beachmom13
    beachmom13 Member Posts: 85
    edited July 2008

    Karen, I'll keep you up to date on the rad.  I pushed my onc for a referral using the excuse I needed to plan my flex benefits by the end of June.  I was surprised that he was willing to start as soon as he did, on day 13 if my blood counts were up, and they were.  You might be able to start right away.  So far ( and it's only day 3), I have had no problems.  The longest part is the drive.  It's only 15 min each way, but that's about 3 times the amount of time I'm in the building.  The actual rad. takes less than 5.

    My one complaint through ALL of this is one dr. telling you what to expect during the next step.  So far none of them have been right, and each next step has been longer than I was originally told. (chemo every 2 weeks became every 3 weeks, rad for 4 weeks became 6 1/2 weeks).  I keep thinking this will be over before it is. 

    Lee

  • CaliforniaRN
    CaliforniaRN Member Posts: 6
    edited July 2008

    I am starting cytoxan and taxotere next week.  Stage 1c bc, with neg nodes, ER+, and oncotyope score 16.  I am so happy to find this site, and read what everyone has to say.  The words of encouragement and advice are so great.  Looking forward to sharing my story.

  • terridwo
    terridwo Member Posts: 31
    edited July 2008

    Welcome CaliforniaRn,  sorry you have to be here, but you found a great place to learn and share.  I don't post often, but do a lot of reading and it is comforting to feel that you are not going through this alone.  Your dx is very similar to mine and I had an oncotype score of 17 and am curious whether you are taking part in a study or not.  I was offered to be in a study where I would have 50/50 chance of getting chemo.  I opted to have the chemo instead of leaving it up to fate. 

    Otter-thanks for keeping track of everyone's tx's.  You are amazing.

    I registered today for a program through the American Cancer Soc. "Look better, feel better program".  Was wondering if anyone else went to this and if it was helpful or not.  It's supposed to give you tips with wigs, scarves and make-up.

    To all that are feeling the stabbing pains.  I too started having pains again where my implant is and where the snb was.  Had my second fill on my expander and it did hurt afterward more than the first time (without chemo in me).  I guess our bodies are so beat down that everything is magnified.  Onc seemed surprised about this pain, ps said it's common.  Got a script for vicodin this a.m. from onc.

    Hope everyone has a good day!!!

  • catlover44
    catlover44 Member Posts: 78
    edited July 2008

    Funny how different the dr's reactions are to the hives.  Mine started about day 8 from tx 2, it is now day 14 and it's the first day I think they are really almost gone.  I had them the same places as Otter--everywhere the skin is sensitive, and the palms of my hands and soles of my feet.  (Don't even start scratching there....it makes it go crazy!)  I finally had to rub ice cubes wherever the itch erupted, and that helped as much as anything.  It's kind of alarming that these things happen almost randomly and the dr's are like, 'Huh.  Well how about that." 

    I have a little question--I see several of you take Ativan occasionally.  I've had just a few of these odd moments of anxiety, dread, something like that, that come out of nowhere and last just a few minutes (thankfully).  Does this T/C make us mental too????  It's almost like a mini-panicky feeling for no reason at all--and a warm kind of flush like adrenaline on the back of my neck.  Is that partially what the Ativan is supposed to help with?  I've never had this kind of problem before and would prefer not to! 

    Feel good, everyone!

  • collector
    collector Member Posts: 72
    edited July 2008

    Catlover, I was prescribed Ativan for anxiety and to help me sleep right after my diagnosis.  On the day of my first Chemo I was surprised to be given another prescription for Ativan to be used for breakthrough nausea.  I've not had any nausea difficulties with all the other stuff they give me both during the infusion and for 3 days afterward but I have continued to use one Ativan at night and the occasional one during the day when I was feeling very stressed.  I don't know how long I can continue to use it.  It's been suggested by my onco that if I felt the need for more medications, she would be happy to give me something to help me sleep OR refer me to their psych department for antidepressants.  I still feel like I'm stuck at the very beginnings of the mourning for this whole experience and haven't sought counseling or other meds yet because I think I am SUPPOSED to be feeling crappy right now!  DH is getting impatient however and thinks I should "see someone and get more meds" but I'm not ready yet.  Chemo is hard enough and I still have the radiation to go.  I hate the thought of weight gain from the antidepressants and I know I have to "process" this some more. I have my coping mechanisms when I feel like I'm losing it.

  • terridwo
    terridwo Member Posts: 31
    edited July 2008

    Catlover, my regular dr. prescribed xanax right after I was diagnosed just for those moments of "losing it".  I use it rarely, but once in awhile when I can't sleep at night.  It does have a calming effect and helps me to sleep, but sometimes I think it may be causing nightmares so now I'm reluctant to take it.  I've taken it during the day a couple of times when I was real anxious and it does help.  Expecting to go to it when the hair starts coming out.  I know I feel prepared, but I think it really doesn't hit until it happens.  I know some of the antidepressants you have to be on for awhile and take regularly.  Xanax, anti-anxiety, you only need to take when you are feeling the need and is less addicting.  I'm not sure about Ativan.

  • MariaG
    MariaG Member Posts: 24
    edited July 2008

    Starting TC 4 rounds 1 every 3 weeks on Tuesday the 15th of July.  I'm as ready as I will ever be.   Have done all I can to prepare, (had teeth cleaned, dentist gave me many sample bottles of mouth wash to use during chemo and told me to call him if I get mouth sores, he has another sample med to give me for that). I have plastic forks and spoons ready, hand sanitizers, Lip balm, rubber gloves and always have on hand meds for constipation and arthritic type pain. Seeing hairdresser tonight about wig, I like the crown wig to wear with Baseball caps.  My oncologist did say that my Mediterranean diet will help me with digestion, constipation etc.  I still cook what I call Sicilian Peasant Food with lots of olive oil, fresh fruits and vegetables, fish, beans and fresh herbs.  And I always have on my kitchen shelf Bay Leaf to make a quick tea for upset stomachs (my oncon is Lebonese and he uses fresh MInt in a tea for the same thing, and I have plenty of that growing in my garden).  So onto the next step, and whatever comes up I'll deal with it.  I just want to get started so I can finish.

  • VBG
    VBG Member Posts: 75
    edited July 2008

    Hi Catlover,

    I was given ativan for spasms after my surgery and again for additional help with nausea if the zofran was not sufficient.  It is an antianxiety med as well.  I do take one every night to help me sleep and alleviate some of the spasms I still get in my chest and/or back.

    Funny you should mention that anxiety feeling, I get it too sometimes.  We had a power outage last night and I almost lost it feeling trapped, sick and bald in a house where the outside temp was over 100.  It was getting darker, my DH was gone and I felt a bit crazed!  In my mind anxiety is normal, there is so much going on and the lack of control over everything that is happening can at times be very overwhelming!  To not feel anxious sometimes would actually seem to be not normal!

    wishing everyone a great day!

    Valerie 

  • beachmom13
    beachmom13 Member Posts: 85
    edited July 2008

    Catlover - I think bc causes all of us to be "mental" at times.  I'm not sure if the tc adds to it or not.  I was given activan as a breakthrough nausea med, but never needed it.  When I told onoc that I was having trouble sleeping, he told me to take the activan and I did sleep like a baby.  Looking back, those nights it seemed like my mind started going and I couldn't stop it. 

    Collector - I was on an antidepressant before bc and continued.  Not all of them cause weight gain, and the do need to be taken regularly.  They also can take 2+ weeks to start working.  I"m a firm believer in them if they're needed.  Talking with someone (as in therapist) can give you a better idea if you need something or not.

    Hope everyone is having a good day and a better night.

    Lee

  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 757
    edited July 2008

    Rose, what are you taking for the indigestion?  The Taxotere/Cytoxan combo gave me really terrible acid indigestion/gastric reflux.  I was miserable for 8 solid days during my first cycle, because the Pepcid my onco recommended just didn't work, even if I added a few Tums here and there.

    For my 2nd cycle, she suggested something much stronger--Nexium, or Protonix, etc.--a proton pump inhibitor, like they use for gastric ulcers.  I took Prilosec OTC (omeprazole), which is availabe everywhere without a script and as a generic.  My onco said to take twice the OTC label dose, so I took 2 x 20 mg each morning right before breakfast, starting on the day of my infusion.  It takes a day or two for that stuff to kick in.  It worked really well--I had almost no indigestion after that.  On the few days when I ate something stupid and needed some extra help, I just chewed a couple of Tums.  I was taking the Prilosec for the first 10 days of each cycle, then taking a break until the next infusion, and then starting it again.  My onco said it was OK to take it like that, which is more often than the OTC label says.  Ask your onco if you can try it, so you don't have so much trouble with your stomach.

    The Ativan must be a common script.  I didn't ask for it.  When I met with my onco to set up everything for my first TC treatment, she wrote me scripts for Decadron, Phenergan (for nausea), and Ativan.  She said to take the Ativan before bedtime on the days I was taking Decadron, because it would help me sleep.  (Decadron does the opposite--it can cause insomnia.)  She said Ativan would also help control nausea, plus it would help when I felt "irritable".  Good stuff, but I never took it.  I didn't have as much trouble with those things as some people do.

    Hi to our newcomers--I put you on my master schedule, so next weekend when I post the updated TC treatment calendar, you'll be on it!   CaliforniaRN, what day do you have your first treatment? 

    otter 

  • SherriM
    SherriM Member Posts: 90
    edited July 2008

    MariaG:  I'm getting round 1 tomorrow morning, and thought I was prepared until I saw your list!  Didn't even think of plastic silverware.  And as for laxatives, I'm taking about 3 tbls ground flaxseed a day now, do you think I'll need a stool softener, too?

    Otter:  I'm on my first day of Decadron, and I didn't get a script for Ativan, and it's 12:30am and I'm wired for sound.  I thought today after my first dose I should call and get something for tonight, but was afraid I'd come off like a drug-seeker since I really didn't know how it would affect me.  Should have called anyway.  I took some Melatonin and a Vicodin--hopefully that will take the edge off. Soon.

    Do we get pain meds for bone pain, or is it not that bad?  No one's really mentioned anything about that (that I've read, anyway.  I admit, I've not read all 83 pages)

    Thanks to all!

    Sherri 

  • ggrose
    ggrose Member Posts: 29
    edited July 2008

    Otter, thanks for the info on meds for indigestion.  I didn't have any indigestion with TX1 and only slight indigestion with TX2 so I really haven't been taking anything up until now.  I started taking Prilosec a few days ago and am feeling better already.  I'll make sure I start taking it the day of my next TX to prevent problems next time.

    Good luck to everyone who is starting their TX this week.  I remember being so scared before the first treatment but it wasn't as bad as I imagined.   Listen to your onco's, fill your prescriptions and come here to read and ask questions.  Rest when you are tired and let your onco's know immediately if your med's aren't working.  They have many different drugs to choose from and there is something out there that will give you relief.

    Sherri, everyone seems to tolerate TC slightly different.  Fatigue is common for most of us.  For me, it's bone pain, achiness and indigestion.  Don't be afraid to ask for scripts.  It's better to have it on hand even if you use it.  I've never had to use anti-nausea meds but I have them here just in case I need them.  The best advice I can give you is to treat your symptoms as soon as they come on.  For bone pain, vicodin works.

    I can't believe it's this late!  I have to get ready for work.  Hope everyone has a great, normal day!

  • beachmom13
    beachmom13 Member Posts: 85
    edited July 2008

    Sherri - I was told to take whatever worked for me for bone pain if I needed it.  If I had something left over from surgery, use it, if not, let them know and they would give me something.  I use 1/2 of the endocet left over on once for each tx and aleve or tylenol 2 or 3 times each tx, I didn't need anything for the last one.

  • Gina_M
    Gina_M Member Posts: 108
    edited July 2008

    Hi everyone,

    I have also been posting to Anyone starting TCH in July , Starting DDAC July 2008 (which seems to have expanded to include TC) and Taxoter, Carboplatin & Herceptin topcis.  I just had my first tx on Tuesday and so far so good for me.  I have not had any side effects except bloating the first day and mild constipation which will get worse if it lasts much longer.  I was wondering what side effects you all had after tx1 - when did they start/end?  I won't be having any white cell counts till the day before tx2 ( the 28th) and that scares me a bit, as I will not know how or if I should be "quarantining myself" to prevent infection or have any idea of how quickly the counts will come up.  If on the 28th the counts are below 1.5, they will put off tx2 for a week and give me a WBC booster. Any tips you can give me about side effects and how you handled the "stay away from infection period" will be well appreciated.

     Good luck Sherri - let us know how it went.  And Maria G - just hang in there, the time comes around quickly and once you get started, you're on the raod (which on course has an endpoint somewhere done the line).  Yes, these Boards are absolutely the best for us - tips, warnings, support, humour and traveling companions!

    Gina_M

  • MariaG
    MariaG Member Posts: 24
    edited July 2008

    Sherri M, everyone's system is different, so you have to do what is best for you.  I have a very good health insurance and one of the side benefits is that I get periodic calls from Registered nurses to see how I am doing and if I have any questions.  They base their calls on the tests you've had and submitted to the insurance for payments.  This time around I lucked out,  the RN who has been calling me worked at a breast cancer center administering Chemo.  So she has been a God Sent and a wealth of information thru this whole cancer journey.  She calls me weekly.  And I based my list on her advice.

    One down side on my insurance and this is my fault, I chose a policy that does not cover prescriptions. I'm self employed and pay $600 a month for health insurance, adding med coverage would bring it to $900 a month. I never needed much prescription drugs before.  I am on one prescription drug non-cancer related.  I used to get it filled at a chain drug store which charged me $114.00 each time I refilled.  Last year I changed to Wal-Mart Drug Store and they charge me only $8.00 for the same med.  Yesterday I had my prescription for the anti nausea medication filled and again it was $8.00 (a generic brand but the prescription read to use generic when possible, I know the chain drug store was using the same generic brand as wal mart for my other med).  The way I look at it the extra money is better in my pocket than theirs.  My insurance will cover my chemo.

  • catlover44
    catlover44 Member Posts: 78
    edited July 2008

    Thanks for the info on the anxiety meds.  I've just never had that problem, and when I get those weird "flashes", it seems to have no real reason.  Valerie, if I had been in the same power outage situation as you were, I think I'd have been almost crazed too!  I'm not used to feeling this way--I've always been very independent, just fine with my own company if no one was around, etc.  I had a horrible nightmare too a couple of nights ago--the kind you're trying to wake up from but can't...I ended up having to turn on the TV because I was afraid to go back to sleep.  That's not me!!!  I don't know if that stupid nightmare came from the chemo, the steroids I was taking for the hives, the antiobiotic, the Benadryl....??  I don't even like taking medicine and I had more pills rattling around in my stomach than ever.  I admit I'm wishing this summer away and cannot wait til my last tx in mid-September.  Since we had to put off the vacation, we're talking about going somewhere fun in October or whenever I'm done with those last s/e's. 

    I have read that we're not supposed to eat fresh fruits & veggies due to the risk of infection?  I assume frozen (after we fully cook it) and canned are OK?  Not that I couldn't live on Pringles, but that wouldn't be very nutritious....

  • VBG
    VBG Member Posts: 75
    edited July 2008

    Hi Everyone,

    Gina  - I do not get blood count until the day of my chemo either. After TX 1 I was tired for a few days, the inside of my nose was sore, my intestinal tract felt achy but other than that I was good.  By day 7 I was back to doing pretty much normal stuff but I have stayed away from crowds and small children.  I wash my hands a lot.

    My blood counts were all excellent before my second tx so the docs are not expecting any issues.  After the 2nd tx my fatigue has been a bit more pronounced but otherwise SEs have actually been a bit milder to date,  Due to the heat and air quality here in CA I stay indoors most of the time and I do rest as much as I can.

    Catlover -  I use a Lotus sanitizing system to wash all my fruits and veggies so that I know they are free of any germs or contaminants that might make me sick or further irritate my GI tract.  I have been using it for almost a year and it is an amazing product!  None of my docs told me to avoid fruits/veggies but I feel better Lotusing them before I eat them!  I have to admit I too can not wait for summer to be over since my last tx is Aug 13th so by Sept I am hoping to be back to my "self"!

    Hope everyone is well and SEs are minimal!

    Valerie 

  • sherry38
    sherry38 Member Posts: 25
    edited July 2008

    Hello all, I am new here.  I will be starting my TC on Tuesday.  I was initially told I would only need radiation - by my surgeon but....When I saw an oncologist (after my lumpectomy) I was told that even though is was small .9cm and no nodes were involved that I was extremly high risk because of my age, the grade 3 & triple negative. 

    I am going to cut my hair very short & donate my pony tail to locks of love (something good will come out of this) and I am now on the hunt for a wig.  I just couldn't see myself going to a school function bald.  I have a feeling my daighters would be devasted, lol.

    So, I guess I am in the "July Club", Good luck & prayers to all : )

    Sherry

  • Gina_M
    Gina_M Member Posts: 108
    edited July 2008

    Welcome Sherry!  I'm sure you'll find these Boards to be a great place for support, tips, and information of all sorts.  My tumour was also small - 0.7cm IDC, sentinal node negative, but the cells were grade 3, ER/PR negative AND Her2+++, so that is considered quite high risk.  I started TC this past Tuesday (4 cycles of 21 days planned) and will start Herceptin at the second cycle.  So you'll be a week behind me.  One of these message threads is about getting together a "chemo kit" to help with side effects.  You might want to check that out.

    Best of luck,

    Gina_M

  • slortiz
    slortiz Member Posts: 142
    edited July 2008

    Well, here we are:  Day 15 after Tx 1 and the hair loss is starting, right on schedule. Glad I got my hair chopped off so short, but it's still gross to run your fingers through your hair and find a whole handful of the stuff. Yuk!. I'm going to a lovely concert Saturday night. Wonder whether I will have enough of my own hair left then, or whether it will be the premiere performance for my wig??

    Catlover--with regard to the emotional roller coaster, please be assured you are not alone. Normally I am serene to the point of being almost comatose. For instance, since first discovering the lump in December, through biopsy and testing hell, surgery, and now this, up to now I have not even shed a tear. I have been amazingly stoic and funny. Yesterday my sister dropped off some documents regarding the sale of the last remaining asset in my parent's estate, a condo that we are selling. I'm not happy with the deal but we have a cash buyer and nothing is moving and logically I know it's the best deal we're going to be able cut in today's market, but I just came totally unglued and had this big meltdown. Called the agent and said I just couldn't sign the papers, started to cry hysterically . My poor sister has been working so hard on this and I'm sure it was a big blow to her. Then this morning the agent called me and we talked it through once more and I ended up driving to her office and signing all the papers, and feeling ok with it, but I was so amazed at my reaction. I think I was crying for my parents, my best friend who died of lung cancer a year ago, my own cancer, and even my stupid hair, which I kept having to brush off the documents.  This is just NOT me!!!! And when will wine start tasting good again?  How is a person supposed to enjoy life without an occasional glass of wine.  Waa, waa

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