Is anyone else an atheist with BC besides me?
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I am very emotional tonight so sorry for this lengthy post. My surgeon felt that I had to have the entire thyroid removed, so after forcing a hose (scope) up my nose 👃 and down my throat to take pictures of my vocal chords, sent me on a "tour" of CancerCare for all my pre-op tests. Getting ready for my chest x-ray, I walked in on an elderly man in his underwear, unable to get his gown on. While helping him get gowned, the tech walked in on us and you should have seen her face! I passed him a bit later in my gown after my x-ray and he winked at me. I will never forget that moment. Then while waiting for lab work, a very nice looking elderly man with sun glasses on was obviously struggling to scratch his back. I realized his glasses were covering his yellow eyes and he was suffering from liver failure, thus the itch. I scratched his back and never felt so appreciated. Then there was the lab tech from Russia who had me laughing about a Trump (sorry) and the young male tech who gave me my EKG over my mastectomy and said the sweetest things. I hated being back at CancerCare, yet realized how much I felt at home there. The other patients and staff were wonderful. Thanks for allowing me to share that.
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Enough women get both breast and thyroid cancer that I wonder if there's some kind of link or a factor that increases risk for both. My DIL had thyroid cancer 18 years ago and is doing very well. She also had her thyroid removed and then had the radioactive treatment. Sounds like you were the good fairy helping people at the center.
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TB: You got to me with your first 2 sentences and I let out a ^%$#. Then your courageous kindness came through while coping with your own cancer scenarios. I bet the people you encountered are telling the story of your kindness.
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TB90, you brightened people's day there, and now more people here. ❤
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TB90 you are a sweet soul. (In the non religious sense 🙂). I am sorry you have to deal with thyroid issues too. I had part of my thyroid removed decades ago and wonder about the relationship between breast and thyroid since they are both hormonal.
I hope your kindness is returned when you go in for your surgery. You deserve it.
❤️
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TB90-your posts cheer me up. Hopefully the thyroid issue will be soon resolved.
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TB90 - those grace notes of gentleness and care and connection are so so sweet -- even amidst all the crap of being treated. I had a horrible port that never healed well. Long story short I felt somewhat mad at myself for getting a port, somewhat ignored by my medical team, and very, very frustrated. Plus, it hurt. When the wound reopened I went in to interventional rads and said to the nurse and doctor who were examining me, "can you either fix this Fing thing today, or take it out? I hate it. It has never been right." Kind of a meltdown over the whole shitshow I was in and a few tears.
They were both SO nice. We'll take this right out and we are sorry your have been suffering and it will be over in 30 minutes. Zipped me right in and got rid of the port.
After, however, I had to go back to receive wound care ~3x a week.... for a month... because of the way it needed to heal and risk of infection. I was so bummed to have to hit the hospital 3 extra times during the week, while feeling like shit and undergoing chemo... But they were super super nice to me, both the docs and the nurses in that dept and specifically two or three of them who tended to be on duty when I went in and took care of me a lot. Gentle, caring, funny lovely team. When I finished w wound care the nurse who had admitted me came in to hug me goodbye.
I was smack in the middle of chemo, bald, exhausted, and having to go in 2-3x a week for this wound B.S. but they made it very sweet and a a weird kind of 'plus' of my experience.
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TB90 - That’s a lovely story and really underscores for me how important small kindnesses and human connection are. When this whole ordeal first started for me, the young radiologist who did my (astoundingly painful!) biopsy called me himself the next day to tell me that they weren’t expecting it, but had found invasive cancer. He sounded like he genuinely regretted having to give me that news and told me the next many days would be a whirlwind, but I’d be getting a call to set up an MRI and an appointment with a surgeon. After my BMX, I sent him a card telling him that his kindness had made a difference in a very difficult time and that I knew he was early in his career, so I wanted him to know just how important that was
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My heart overflows to read these stories and recall the staff who were good to me. It meant the world to me when the radiologist held my hand as I wept after the biopsy and the rad techs remembered what I had planned for the weekend.
Yes, there were some idiots along the way, but most were caring human beings who wanted to ease human suffering and anxiety.
With small acts of human kindness, I don't need any higher power. Love is all around.
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TB90, so nice to here humor in difficult situations. You brought a smile and a laugh to me. I live in Waterloo Ontario. I am sorry you are dealing with cancer again. I have an ultra sound tomorrow on another breast lump, a little nervous, and a uterine biopsy coming up. So much waiting it drives me crazy. I am glad to have met some wonderful people in our cancer centre here, have had some, well just say interesting experiences, makes for great conversations lol.
I have been trying meditation to help me be calm with everything going on, it is hard, my mind has so much chatter. Breathing definitely helps. I understand it takes a lot of practice so will keep working at it.
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Ladies, I come here to read thoughtful, inspiring insights. I've never been disappointed. I wish I had the energy to contribute.
Cheers, and thank you.
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Nan- I hope your ultrasound goes well tomorrow.
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Nan: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could be there for each other in any corner of the world? I love my family and friends, but just might pick one or all of you to be there instead. My most positive and hopeful thoughts and wishes are there for you. ❤️
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DearLife, I love that line, "With small acts of human kindness, I don't need any higher power." Beautiful.
When I was getting prepped for a nephrectomy in September, I was getting a little overwhelmed and panicky. Most surgeries I've had, they've conked me out right right after I got in the OR. This one, besides the parade of medical people in the regular room, I had to be awake in the OR for a while. The workers all seemed rather robotic (and I'm sure they had done it hundreds of times), and the male nurse in my line of fuzzy sight (no glasses makes me even more nervous!) looked so efficiently grim as he was reciting my readings to the anesthesiology team. But just before they started to pump in the gas, that nurse went to the side that didn't have all the IVs and tubes, and just held my hand and gently rubbed it as I drifted off. As scared as I was, this small kindness meant the world to me. And now that the pain and fear and panic are some months behind me and fading into a blur, what I remember most distinctly was that nurse holding my hand.
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NanfromOntario,
Hugs to you.
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I'm glad to have just stumbled on this forum. Reality-based!
I love the hand-holding nurse story that AliceBastable just shared. And the other stories about kindnesses that mean so much to us when we're suffering. My husband is a hospice nurse. He's supported me super-compassionately through my 2018 year of awfulness!
I had foot-rebuilding surgery in February of 2018, then all the breast cancer TX, and then hardware removal (screw in fusion--started causing discomfort, had to remove it) in December, right before my breast implant surgery in January. Non-stop fun! I'm recently finished with all that, and recovering my mental equilibrium and strength.
I love the sharing and support on this site. I am perfectly fine with explaining that I'm an atheist to people who want to talk about religion. At that point, I also try to add that I'm a strong believer in morality and ethics; a Secular Humanist. Somehow, religion has co-opted all the rights to have morality-based tenets for living and treating each other. I enjoyed Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion. As I recall, he points out that if it takes the threat of fire and brimstone to make people behave, how is that morality?
Warm wishes to you all.
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Nan I am thinking of you with your ultrasound today. I hope for the best results for you! 💐💕🌷
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I am in awe of all you wonderful people. Your stories. Your truth. Your compassion. Your words spoken to support, nourish, enrich, to let the light in. To bring smiles where there was anguish and to bring tears from readers like me, that express emotions I cannot name.
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I think when a non-theist is compassionate and caring it's because WE want to, not being driven by a God to be good.
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SoCal - I think that's definitely true, and likely true also for many theists. There are religious people who do because they believe their god demands it and others who would just do good anyway.
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I like to think I internalized my reward system
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So Cal - I'm not disagreeing with you about that for nontheists - I think I have, too. I'm just thinking theists aren't a homogeneous group when it comes to whether their reward/punishment system is internalized or externalized.
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I recall the concept of internal vs external locus of control from psychology. I found this description: [slightly edited personal pronouns]
Internal locus of control is the trait that allows the person to take responsibility of the events that happen to him[her] in his/her life without blaming luck, fate or God. A person who has internal locus of control will always believe that s/he has more control over their life than a person who has an external locus of control
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I was more talking about reward system. Some people need praise. For me it's just the doing of it.
Like say a newborn doesn't reward you for changing his diaper.
Some people like getting medals or certificates to say how great they are. Going up a corporate ladder; getting one more stripe in the Navy. Etc.etc.
Getting a 5 year pin for volunteer work or simply someone saying thank you..
Nice but not necessary.
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My ultrasound went well, the radiologist took a quick look at it before i left in case he needed more pictures. He said it looked like nothing to worry about and he did not need other pictures. I was so relieved, i was pretty nervous about it.
I have read a theory that there is no such thing as pure altruism, we are compassionate and altruistic because of the rewards, internal and/or external meaning we do for others because it makes us feel good. It is not necessarily for selfish gains but more a good thing because if doing good did not makes us feel good then why would we do it? Interesting way to look at things.
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Yes, this explanation of altruism is one that philosophers and psychologists have shown to be true. One more amazing thing that biology and evolution have added to our Heinz-57 of human attributes! And, thank heavens. Looking out for others and community-mindedness and kindness are cornerstones of human society. Human society atits best, that is....
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Yay Nan good news! Now you can relax. I am on a six month watch and wait for a “structure” found on my first mammo after treatment. Probably benign but they will look again in six months. I try to put it out of my mind but it’s not always easy.
I admire you SoCalLisa for not needing external reinforcement. I am a sucker for appreciation. I still try to do the right thing and be thoughtful and generous but feel a bit neglected if I don’t get a response of some kind, even a thank you.
But as I get older, I find it easier to understand that people are often blinded by their own concerns and aren’t able to give anything back.
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Looking at the science of empathy, mirror neurons mean that we literally can feel the feelings of people whose pain or joy we witness. So maybe we help a struggling person to alleviate our own distress, when witnessing their pain or trouble. But that's the way empathy works.
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Terrific news Nan! And sorry about the wait and watch Dear. 90% of the time you are confident all is well and then it hits you during a vulnerable moment. I hate that. Almost glad they are finally taking out my highly suspicious thyroid. And Santa, that is totally me. I feel others pain, frustration and even embarrassment. To the point I have to hide away at times just to get a break from the pain of life. I will be on the way to work and witness a deer dead on the side and it can almost ruin my day. I worry about whether a fawn was left behind, etc. I have to work very hard to get thoughts and visions out of my head. I had to work very hard as a social worker not to rescue others simply to alleviate my distress. I have nailed that as it does not work in the end, but am very in tune to the needs of others, including strangers, around me. To balance, I try very hard to be just as in tune to the beauty around me. My altruism is to alleviate my own distress. Yuck. But so accurate.
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I do get a little POd when my grandchildren don't send thank yous but it is a matter of good manners not being taught at home.
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