Is anyone else an atheist with BC besides me?
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Thanks, Pooh - I'm very sorry to hear about your daughter. How horrible, I can't imagine.
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Lauren, ramble away - this is a goo place to do it and you can be sure none of us will tell you God is great and will take care of you. I hope you find some peace with the path ahead of you - I know it won’t be easy. And hey - we need as many of us as possible around in the next election, even if the Dotard doesn’t get impeached.
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Thanks Wanderweg - I'm doing better today. I was able to focus on work, so that's good.
I woke up to a text from my sister's sister-in-law telling me she and her whole family are praying for me. She is the nicest, most sincere, genuine person, so I took it in the spirit in which it was given and promptly burst into tears. My sister lost her husband about 4.5 years ago, I'm the only real family she has left. I don't want to leave her, she's already lost so much. It is a comfort that her in-laws are keeping her close, but it's not the same. So aside from starting out the day a crying mess...
I still don't have the PET scan scheduled - apparently not approved yet. I will call the onc tomorrow and see if she can call and get this thing moving. I haven't heard if the Faslodex shot I'm supposed to get on Monday has been approved yet either. I'm only dying here, so you know, no fucking rush. Maddening. And depressing. And scary.
Anyway, I am semi-enjoying the impeachment circus, but I feel like the slimy scuzball will get away with all of it including 2020. Just a mood, I hope.
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The fight starts tomorrow. *plays Rocky theme music*
The exercise, the diet, and the Faslodex all start tomorrow. I've given myself a week to digest the news and freak out and cry and eat everything under the sun, but tomorrow the new normal begins. I am ready to say yes to this cancer fuckery and bitch-slap it into submission.
I can't do it this time, but I'm going to try the fast mimicking diet for my injections. Supposedly, it helps the drugs work better, so we shall see. I'm not kidding myself into thinking I can juice and exercise myself into remission, but I am obese and grossly out of shape - healthier living will at least give me a sense of control and hopefully make treatment more effective and tolerable. It's something I should have done years ago, and yet...I didn't, so here we are. And who knows? Maybe I will be an outlier. It ain't over 'til it's over. As one of the six books I've been reading this week said, (paraphrased) "I want to be on the (waaaaaaay) tail end of the bell curve."
I still don't have a PET scan scheduled, but expect to hear from them tomorrow morning. It had been denied so she had to do a peer-to-peer, but it's approved now. With any luck, the cancer has stayed in the neck nodes and can be removed. Not sure about radiation - I've read radiation in that area can cause all kinds of wicked side effects (can't swallow, can't speak, etc.) so it might not be recommended. I mean, really, if I can't eat or talk, what else is there in life? Or my life at least. (As you might have recognized by now, I'm a talker...)
So September 30, 2019 is the before and after line. I have to accept that life will never be the same as it was before Stage IV. It can maybe be close, but not the same. We all have an expiration date, I just have a better idea of when mine might be. That changes things, ya know? So I have to change with it, not fight against it. I'll save my fighting for beating back The Beast instead of fighting the reality of what is. (If you haven't read Byron Katie's The Work, I highly recommend it.)
Anyway, that's my version of a self-involved Sunday sermon.
tl;dr: I start my treatment tomorrow. WOOHOO!
Lauren
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Lauren have a look at Proton Radiation. It has way less "wash" onto tissues you do not want radiated. The beams do not pass through the body but stop and release their energy right into the tumor. They do it for head& neck and other tricky/ inoperable tumors. I did proton rads because of a left sided BC I was worried about my heart. It is not as known-about but the evidence on it is very good. I loved my center, and they worked with the price to make sure I could afford it and they also took on the "fight w insurance" - limiting my responsibility to my max out of pocket under my plan which I knew I'd hit anyway....
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Thanks, SantaB, I will definitely look into it. I hit my out of pocket in March, so whatever I can do this year, let's git 'er done!
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My brother went to Loma Linda, CA to have proton radiation for prostate cancer. That was one of the original locations. He swears by it but the treatment isn't available everywhere. Mayo, MD Anderson, and more coming.
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There are I believe 22 centers in the US now.
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And so the theocracy era begins. https://www.vox.com/2019/9/26/20873873/supreme-court-gut-roe-v-wade-next-week-abortion
I have written and deleted at least three expletive-filled, brutally honest and opinionated posts, sure to offend 80% of the US population (#sorrynotsorry). I'd love to let 'er rip, but I'm not sure how that would fly with the mods. Are f-bombs allowed? Is the term "imaginary sky daddy" allowed? Is "dead carpenter cult leader" allowed? I'm new so I'm not sure how angry we're allowed to get in this thread. Suffice it to say I'm beside myself right now and I'm holding out zero hope for the courts mentioned to do the right thing.
At least it's a diversion from my own situation but I'm sad for the country.
Carry on.
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If you watch The Handmaids Tale you can easily imagine Pence in charge of Gilead
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Well, Lauren, let's test it: The rapidly escalating trend toward a theocracy/oligarchy in this country is fucked up.
There - we'll see if it flies.
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Fucked up is right, Wanderweg. Separation of church and state? Anyone...anyone...Bueller?
To whoever needs to hear this:
Pray to whatever figment of your imagination you'd like, but keep it the hell out of my government. Your ridiculous religious opinions shouldn't dictate what I can and can do with my own body. And yes, until the fertilized egg can live outside my body, I make the goddamn rules. Not brainwashed bible thumpers who wouldn't know a scientific argument if it bit them in the ass. Try making your case without invoking god and we'll see how far you get. I get how believing women are murdering their babies could be upsetting, it would upset me too, but guess what? It's not true, so believe something else. How about try believing that a fertilized egg is a baby as much as an acorn is a tree. How about answering the question,"If a fertility clinic were burning, and you could save 50,000 fertilized eggs or a 3 month old baby, what would you do?" Not. The. Same. Get your cult-pickled brain wrapped around the fact that a non-viable embryo and a cute, bouncy, gurgling baby are NOT THE SAME. One is viable, one is not. One is intelligent life, one is not. What don't you understand?
I don't give a french fried fuck if you think life is god-given and oh humans are children of god and oh we're so fucking special because jesus loves us *eyeroll*. That's a hella arrogant fairytale world you're living in, not even close to reality. We're not special. We have as much significance as an ant, cockroach, or giraffe in the grand scheme of the universe. We just have a bigger, more complex brain than all living things on Earth. That's all. We're born, we do our best to survive at any cost, we die, we decompose. Just like all life forms. We are insignificant. Make the most of the life you have and leave the rest of us the fuck alone.
Well, it was nice knowing all of you, lol.P.S. - Started Faslodex today, PET scan finally tomorrow, and I got called for jury duty. (Maybe that's why I'm a little extra today.)0 -
Abortion is wrong because only women can have one. One cannot be forced against one's will to give blood even to save a life. One cannot be forced to give up a kidney even if a child may die. There are laws preventing the harvesting of organs from the dead unless the person gave permission prior to death. When it comes to bodily autonomy, women have less rights that the dead.
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I think it was Gloria Steinem who said, "if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament."
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Yes and yes. We're more than incubators, thank you very much.
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Lauren, how's this: Zombie Jesus wants you to have babies for his fucking cult.
That should annoy a few people. 😈
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LaureninPHX thank you, it's my son who had liver cancer, he's my youngest. Very happy to report he is well now, age 17.
SantaB I love that quote from Gloria Steinem, so true!
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Excellent news, Pooh! Glad he is doing well.
Zombie Jesus, haha. Sounds like a Halloween costume to me.
Pretty sure I'd get stoned to death here in Texas if I wore it. So PET scan is today - I had to break the no caffeine rule because my head hurt so bad my eyes were crossing and I was nauseous. Hard to drive when there's two of everything, ya know? They'll just have to get over it. Apparently, caffeine affects the heart part of the scan, but since I'm not concerned with heart cancer, I think it will be fine. I'll get the CD and do my best radiologist impression to read the results. I think PET scans are pretty easy. If it glows like my neck nodes, I'm screwed. If not, yay me. I should get the official report by Thursday.
After my mini-meltdown last week, I think they know I'll be calling otherwise.Faslodex shot was yesterday - no issues, but I'm a little concerned that she got it into a muscle. I have a lot...a LOT...of fat on my backside and she put it up around my hip area which is loaded too. She moved the fat around and said the needle was long enough to go through to the muscle, but...I'll try not to overthink it. She's been doing it for years, that was my first time, so...I'm sure it's fine.
Jury duty? Really? I'm going to ask her to give me a permanent pass on jury duty for medical reasons. I need to get something good out of this Stage IV thing. And I don't know how the drugs will affect me yet, so if I'm put on a trial, who knows what will happen. Not interested.
Well, I'm off to check Twitter to see if the country is still a dumpster fire... (Narrator: The country is still a dumpster fire)
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Actually, it was Florence or Florynce Kennedy, but published in a very early issue of Ms. Magazine, edited by Gloria Steinam. (Pedants United. 😉🌺😆
I can't seem to get the ending paren to add to the phrase ending with emojis after Pedants Unite, so we may have an air conditioned paragraph hanging out there...)
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A friend told me about a colleague picking up his child (4 yrs old) from daycare at Easter time and the teacher was waiting for him and said in a stern voice, “he got into trouble today”. Dad asked for details and was told that when discussing the resurrection the child said, “you mean Jesus was a ZOMBIE?” Dad responded:” He’s 4. What he knows about dead people who come back to life is that they’re called Zombies so it seems like a reasonable question to me.” 😂. Out of the mouths of babes...
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lol Yogatyme, perfectly reasonable assumption I'd say. I hope he didn't get into that much 'trouble', poor wee thing.
LaureninPHX I think a permanent pass on jury duty sounds like a good plan!0 -
Great answer!! Yes, I wonder what kind of “trouble” too. Probably scared the kid and started his fear of god indoctrination. Sad.
If I am reading the scan right I think it is contained in my lymph neck nodes although it could be on the other side too. If it is I don’t know that they will do the surgery but I will kick and scream if I have to. I want them OUT! I hope to find out tomorrow, because the waiting is really making me insane. At least I started the Faslodex so something is happening.
For now I’m just grateful that my caffeine withdrawal headache has finally gone away after a caffeine pill, two Excedrin, 2 diet cokes, and an iced tea.
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A reason to leave the turmor in (which they did with me) is to be able to watch the response to chemo.... so they can switch you if the chemo is not killing it.
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I was scheduled for jury duty for last summer. I got it delayed until fall due to the lumpectomy and planned radiation. Then a scan showed I had kidney cancer and that got scheduled for September. Luckily, my hubby works in the court system for the presiding judge, who decided to play it safe and give me a three-year pass on jury duty. Glad to have that, but kind of a crappy way to get out of it!
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All our courts requested was a letter from my MO to pass on jury duty for a couple of years.
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The crappiest way for sure, Alice. Boy you’ve really been through it huh? I’m sorry to hear that.
SantaB, when I went through the first round, I had chemo before the mastectomy. He did a scan about halfway through and it had “somewhat reduced in size.” It freaked me out. I figured that if the strongest chemo at the time TAC wasn’t seriously killing it, I couldn’t wait for them to cut it out! I’m afraid ofthe same thing happening. I hope they’ll say they can tell if it’s working by tumor markers and if I don’t progress. Pleaseohpleaseohplease!
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I think that will work, Minus. I’m sure she’s written a hundred before so I’ll ask when she calls with the results. We’re both in Texas so that should do it
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Good one, Lauren.
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