Is anyone else an atheist with BC besides me?
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Flannelette
(smile) I can relate to your new name - sitting here in my cozy old Lanz flannel nightgown, sleeping on flannel sheets, and loving your new name! Hope it brings you continual warmth and everlasting comfort...love the Mongolian proverb. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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I like today's quote. Flannel .. thanks for posting .. your new name sounds lovely and cozy!
When I think about today's quote, I think about a friendship I am struggling with. I guess that a little drip, drip, drip of water can wear away a rock. It makes me sad.
Hope everyone is having a good day.
hugs,
Bren
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Good afternoon all!
Flannelette, what a cozy warm name. Thank you for today's quote.
Bren, I have a friendship which has been a struggle since my DX and it is sad. Sending you hugs.
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Bren, I too lost "friends" and "family" after DX. It's still hurts, but I was devastated then. I guess one never really gets over that kind of betrayal. I'm lighting a candle for you and hoping all will be well. Also sending a hug.
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Thanks gals! Although this problem doesn't have anything to do with breast cancer.
I did lose two long time friends due to their ignorance when I was diagnosed. The thinking was that breast cancer was really no big deal. Maybe because I didn't have a mastectomy or chemo and was only Stage I, it didn't really register with them as being a big deal. I thought the lumpectomy and 8 weeks of radiation was pretty bad. Then the struggle through Tamoxifen and Arimidex. I don't miss those friendships though.
But I do feel sad about the current one. I guess life just gets complicated and it spills over into other areas.
hugs to all,
Bren
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It's so weird not having these family members and friends anymore. There are these empty places that I don't quite know what to do with. But would I want these people back in my life? Certainly not.
I too was stage one (lumpectomy & radiotherapy). I sure thought it a big deal. There are problems inherent with all treatment. You are right about the complications spilling over. We just aren't the same people we were before BC.
I've taken grapeseed extract (a natural AI) rather than Tamoxifen or a Rx AI. I understand the Mayo Clinic in the States is studying it right now for the best dose. I've had no side effects.
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Bren -- Sometimes friends demand that you think the way they do. And sometimes you just can't. In my experience, friendships evolve, but sometimes that evolution leads to an undoing of the friendship -- then it's time to develop new ones. That situation has happened to me a few times, and I decided my own life was a bit too precious to even consider trying to adjust to their way of thinking.
Sending you multihugs!
Linda
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Thanks Linda .. I think you're right. It seems it has evolved into its undoing. I think sometimes I might just get a wee bit oversensitive!
Maya .. I don't take Tamoxifen or Arimidex any longer. I tried both, and just couldn't tolerate either one. I feel okay about it though, as I've had a total hysterectomy. I was pretty scared in the beginning about not taking them, but over the years, I've come to accept my decision as being the right one for me.
Hugs back atcha!
Bren
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BinVa
I sympathsize with the difficulty of parting with a friendship. And Maya2 - I ws amazed at the 2 friends I 'lost' because they couldn't deal with my having bc - just wanted to ignore it - took awhile, but I now realize they couldn't support, nuture me in the way a friendship, IMHO, should when needed.
I once knew a woman who used the expressions "Time to prune my friendship garden." I liked that - as we grow, there are just some friendships that can't grow with us - blessing is there is usually a new friend around the corner...
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Caerus .. I like that expression!
Thank you for sharing that.
Bren
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Good quote for the day. Another similiar quote:
A friend lost, never was.
Sorry for everyone who lost friends. I did also. I don't mind that much anymore.
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Does anyone have a link to the absolute figures for recurrence with Arimidex v no Arimidex?
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Just got back from a funeral. My coworker's 25 year old son died fom a staph infection that casued a cerebral hemorrage.
Can I just say right now I hate funerals? I don't so much mind the "celebration of life" part, but it was so darn wrenching to see his family up at the alter saying nice remembrances through their tears. But that's what it's about.
I had more of a problem with the minister talking about Brandon in heaven. And that God had great plans for him up there. Sigh--I don't have to explain any of this to you guys. You know how I am feeling about this.
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Anne, sorry funerals for young people are the worst.
Last week we went to the memorial for an 80 year old man that should have been a celebration of the wonderful life he had led. Unfortunately they had a preacher who went full-in on heaven and hell even to the point of saying that none of us knew when we would die and I quote "including children younger than eight". And he repeated that line two more times. I had three of my grandkids sitting with me, seven, six and five years old. My seven and six year old granddaughters looked very shocked. I already had my arms around all of them but they cuddled in closer. My five year old grandson however was totally bored and not paying the least attention to the preacher.
Linda, I think you've hit the nail on the head. My friend that I have been struggling to maintain as a friend does feel that it's an affront that I don't believe the same things that she does and I just can't. She went and saw a psychic about me shortly after I was dx'ed and reported back to me that the psychic said if I ate right and took care of myself I would live but if I didn't I would die. - thanks. Anyway I asked her to please not consult psychics about me and for goodness sakes if she couldn't stop please don't tell me about it. She said fine she wouldn't tell me about it.
Caerus, I am going to ponder your quote. It may be time for me to "prune my friendship garden" but it's not an easy task for me.
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In my book, friends are those with whom you share similar interests - otherwise I think they fall into the category of 'acquaintances". It hurts when those interests diverge, and you find yourself thinking the opposite. First, it makes you stop and think "Well, maybe they're right and I'm wrong". But when you know in your heart that you will never see eye to eye about the same things in the same way, it is indeed time to "prune the friendship garden" and look for other plants (people) that share your interests. Doesn't mean you have to agree about everything (that would be boring!) but when your "friend" starts to belittle you because you don't think the way they do about, oh, let's say politics, religion, social values etc., well, "Buh bye and I'll leave you to yourself" -- because you will never again have heart-to-heart talks without getting into unresolvable arguments.
Fortunately, there are plenty of people in the world around us who are open-minded and with whom we can share many things in common -- this thread, for example!
Anne -- I hate those kind of funerals too. DH and I have specifically indicated in our wills no funeral, just a big party with great food and good wine, to celebrate our having been here!
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from Wisdom of the East calendar:
Just as a flower gives out its fragrance
to whosomever approaches or uses it, so love
from within us radiates towards everybody
and manifests as spontanous service.
- Ram Dass
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I always wonder who the "quotees" are. Ram Dass sounds like the late American Baba Ram Dass of Be Here Now - do any of you still have a copy of that????? or - the language seems a bit flowery, could be another Ram Dass from the past.....
And I sure do agree with the sentiment.
by the way, and this is not a pitch, I've long been called flannelette by my ex...my business is making flannelette nightgowns....I've lived surrounded by flannelette for 30 years! and i sleep on it almost year-round - can't warm your feet on cool, smooth cotton sateen, though that's great in hot weather. the reason i was recently in ths US - to go to TJ Max and JC Penny for fab sheets on sale - you have NO idea how expensive they are in Canada.... alas,so hard to find flannelette duvet covers...sigh.as usual, will have to make one myself....
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Flannelette,
Don't Know if what you call "ette" is the same as what I call flannel - but I swer by the Garnet Hill "top of the line" flannel sheets - pricey - but last for years and don't "pill." Lands Eend used to be good, no more, and I think LLBean are the worst ;( I don't shop in stores, so I don't know aobut any others - just know the Garnett Hill are fantastic ( not the paintbox, but the really heavy pricey ones!)
Cheers - and I love how the flannel holds the heat from a ceramic Denby hot water "bottle." And meant to say, Yup, it's the same Ram Dass!!!
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I had several "friends" pull back from me after diagnosis. It was almost as if they thought some of my cancer would spill out onto them. But then I had other friends who stepped up to the plate much more strongly than I ever would have anticipated. I had recently moved 12 hours away from everyone I knew, but they sent me care packages and listened to me rant via the phone or email.
I've always thought I was good at reading people's character but I was surprised by which friends pulled back and which ones stepped up.
--CindyMN
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Anne, sorry to hear about the loss...I hate it when we go to a celebration of life, or funeral and the minister feels he has the floor and can hold us all captive to hear his beliefs....I want to raise my
hand and say, enough already.
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Notself, I think the figures on arimidex depend on what stage the cancer was to begin with
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You've all given me a lot to think about. In my case this friend didn't pull away from me. I've felt myself pull back from her. In addition to the psychic episode she was discouraging about chemo and every time she calls me or sees me she still asks, "how are you really?" with a look on her face that makes me feel like she's surprised I don't look worse than I do, like she's surprised I don't seem to be dying. I am doing well, but my story is kind of complicated and I did have several things happen right in a row that did make it seem like I was a marked woman so maybe she has reason to feel like this. But it's hard for me to be around her.
I think I've got my profile set to private and I haven't put my stuff in my biography because I was concerned about some things I saw going happening on the board before I joined. I'm not against sharing in a post at some point but it is complicated so I think it's best that I not tackle that until I get past the "trial period."
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Notself .. I read a lot of studies on the Adjuvant site. I can't remember what I read, I just know what the numbers were in my case. I had an absolute benefit of about 4-6% with Arimidex. Tamoxifen was a little less. Because my cancer was early Stage I, I feel okay now about opting out of both. It's a very personal decision that I did not take lightly.
I don't know where you can find the absolute numbers. I can look around and see if I can find anything.
Anne .. I am so sorry for your loss. I attended the funeral of a dear man who died of breast cancer a year ago. The part of the service that celebrated his life was so wonderful and uplifting, but then a preacher got up and turned it into a come to Jesus service. That made me sad for his family and everyone attending. He was such a cool guy, I just wanted to hear more about him.
Ellie .. I don't have my 'stats' in my signature line either, and I've been around a few years. It's just something I chose not to do.
Chumfy .. weird thing about the friends, huh. I was surprised too by what happened after my diagnosis. The best friends I have are the ones I've met post cancer.
hugs all,
Bren
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Caerus - thanks for the Garnet Hill info - I think Canadians more often use the word flannelette ( and Brits do too) but Americans use the word flannel. A ceramic heating bottle - yum.
River Rat - The person who is giving you difficulties does seem a bit - odd. Like, why would she go to a psychic and tell you such, to me, weird info. Maybe she is troubled by your difference of belief and is looking for signs that she was (is) right? Maybe it actually bugs her that you are thriving, or at least, ok, considering you do not vbelieve what she does, and that is unsettling?
It's not just cancer that might alienate - it's any illness. I have an 86 yr old sister who became suddenly diabetic and ended up having her leg amputated. Her neighbour across the street and she had been good friends for 50 years. This neighbour promised that all would be ok and she'd come over and take them out for coffee etc. and did that exactly once in the past 2 yrs since this happened. ok, taking out for coffee is hard, as lifting a wheelchair is required. But she does not so much as walk across the road to pop in for a minute to say hello. Ever. My poor sis asks herself over & over - what did she say, what did she do wrong - and has even asked her friend that - and her "friend" just answers oh, she's "down" or she's "busy". It gives my sis such sadness and anguish, to be so abandoned.We've been through the list of what could be the problem so many times - and the answer is - we think we'll never know. maybe it's just too boring, visiting an amputee.
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flannelette, I am sorry about your sister. But I do not think the problem is that it is boring to visit an amputee, the problem I think, is that when these things happen, these "bad" things to "good" people, it is hard for people to cope with the lack of control over life and what happens, with the possibility that this could happen to them as well. Everyone is so much happier living in their make believe world where by not walking on the cracks, no mothers backs are ever broken.
I learned today of a death of a fairly young [younger than me] woman who I knew years and years ago--well dated her boreish big brother. She died yesterday at 5pm, not a year after her diagnosis, of some sort of rare barely treatable cancer. She leaves behind a daughter and a husband not to mention a mother and siblings. Stories like hers scare people.
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Our original nature is pure as long as
it is free from false thought.
- Hui Neng
ok this one stymies me. I jiust thought our original nature is pure. Hui neng was a chinese patriarch of Chan Buddhism as Buddhism in china, along with Taoism, was morphing into a more Zen-like approach, with a distrust of conventional thoughts and words and a more intuitive approach to perceiving reality. Seems to me, original nature cannot be polluted with anything. perhaps Not Self might see this and understand?
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3MM, your theory makes a lot of sense. I see religion as man-made, to help people not be afraid of the dark, the bad and the unknown. And here we are, advertising the fact that bad things can happen to anyone.
When I was bald from chemo, I got grilled once on the bus by a lady who kept asking me about my risk factors for BC. Did it run in my family? No. Had I done this, that or the other? No, no and no. I finally realized she was trying to figure out how she and I were different, so she could convince herself that it would never happen to her.
I finally told her that the biggest risk factor for BC was having breasts. That shut her up. LOL
--CindyMN
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Maybe it means our original nature is pure as long as it is free from false thoughts about ourself. We need to strive to be true to our nature. When I've wondered away from my true nature is when I've gotten myself into trouble. Someone once told me the only real sin is not being true to ourselves.
Just a thought ...
Hope everyone is having a good day,
Bren
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I hate it when we go to a celebration of life, or funeral and the minister feels he has the floor and can hold us all captive to hear his beliefs....I want to raise my hand and say, enough already.
Hear, hear, SoCalLisa. I'm not going to the memorial service of a family member because I know what is going to be said. (He was so compassionate, kind, generous, loving, etc.)
I'm afraid I would stand up and say, "Well, I didn't experience him that way." Since this service will also be held in the church he went to, and other family members may go to, its better that I just don't go.
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Things are just crazy!
I had my TE replaced with implants on 11/24. Everything seemed to be going so well. I started feeling a lot of pain and pressure 1/30. I had developed an infection and fluid was building up. My PS put me on an antibiotic and put in a drain last Thursday. He said the best thing to do was to take the implant out and clear up the infection and hopefully put the implant back in after about 6 to 8 weeks. Had the surgery last Saturday & spent the night in the hospital. When the doc came in to release me on Sunday he said he didn't think we'll be able to put the implant back in.
I'm home from work recoverying this week. I keep going from from sad to angry & back again. Last night I was just starting to feel a little better emotionally.
I just got a call from my office that the business I work for is closing, effective 2/19.
This poem hung on the wall in my house when I was little. It hangs in my bedroom now.
I think I'll have to read it many times today! :-(
Maybe some others can benefit from it too. I'm so sorry for lost friends and for the pain others are dealing with.
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