Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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If I keep my eyes open, I see bugs and snakes and intricate
tiny flowers and cool rocks and nice smiles and beautiful
architecture and gentle kindness. If I keep my heart young
I notice great places to play, nice sunsets, cool hideouts,
neat ice formations, and strange and unusual birds and animals.
Life is never ordinary. We can make it seem ordinary
by closing our eyes and hearts to its wonder, but that's not
life's fault. I prefer to notice the little things and then leave
them be--never trying to take them with me or preserve
them--because that's what life's supposed to be, and
that's what makes me happy and keeps away disappointment.
tom walsh0 -
betrayal- you have amazing patience to work through the restoration and rebuilding of your home. Glad you’re seeing the light at the end of a long road.
Busy day. I had a followup with the surgeon who did my procedure three weeks ago. All is good. And an eye doctor appointment this afternoon. I spoke to my daughter this morning. She’s seeing her OB for weekly appointments now and had a sonogram this morning. All looks good. We’re getting together in two weeks to do some shopping.
Enjoy your day
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Fitbit says I slept thru the night, no waking up - a first. Probably because I walked 6 miles in Boston! We took the fast ferry out of Provincetown and back. Great day spent at the aquarium and a quick visit to Quincy market, which has changed immensely. All good.
I never tire of the house restoration story. We’ve all been there at some point, but yours has lasted longer than anything I’ve ever done.
We’re off to the National Seashore for the day. Enjoy your day!
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cindyny: Lovely photo and the colors of the fish are so brilliant. Reminds me of the salt water tank my DB once had.
I finally finished the layout of the firepit area today. I used the left over flagstones that were replaced (damaged) when they realigned the patio. Last step is sealing sand which I have but will wait for after first rain to apply. So start to finish, this reflects al little over 2 weeks work of 2-3 hours/day. Flagstones are on sloping end and have enough of a lip to keep the chairs from falling off the edge. DH has to paint the chairs and fire pit before they can go back on.
From the walkway/natural stone wall construction (done by contractor) we had nearly 1.5 pallets of natural stone left and just about the same for the pavers. Now we have less than half a pallet of each left. So it did take quite a bit of product to construct and I lost count of how many bags of base we used but know it was in excess of 50. As for the sand under base, that was about 12 bags. We have some sand left over but will keep it in case we need to readjust some of the pavers. Funny how what you pictured in your head, and drew on paper can then be actuated through a lot of effort and tons of sweat. DH could not visualize this at all during the process but is pleased with the outcome.
I am attaching a before picture showing the initial excavation and the finished one from today. What a difference two plus weeks can make. Now I get to reassemble my house once the furniture is back and return to mulching that has been neglected.
7/17/22
8/4/220 -
Wonderful metamorphosis, Betrayal!
Second of three appts. today in my "self-care" week. Tues. was my facial, where the esthetician switched my serum from anti-rosacea to fulvic acid. Today, my mani-pedi, with the "glazed donut" (aka "Hailey Bieber") manicure--CND Sea Pearl over Gelish "Call My Blush" pale pink and a deep red iridescent pedi to cover a hematoma I have on one toenail, thanks to stubbing my toe too often. (At least the nail salon owner claims it's a hematoma, not a melanoma--had one on another toenail which eventually fell off when supplanted by a new clear nail that grew in below). Tomorrow I have my color touchup & trim. My new stylist (the salon owner) doesn't have an uninterrupted block of time to add a Brazilian Blowout, but if I wait for him to finish the haircut he has after me, he can do it. But I will ask him if it's worth doing or even advisable--haven't had one since June 2020, when the place reopened after the initial pandemic lockdown.
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Just a question--does anyone else's husband/male significant other (I say "male" because I'm convinced it's a "guy thing") sort of tune out until the last few words of what you're saying? (Those of you whose SOs have dementia are of course exempt from this question). It's been slowly exasperating me for decades, so it's not aging-related. I suspect that many men get lost in thought (even about mundane things they may be doing), only to realize "uh-oh, she's speaking, so I'd better pretend I've been listening, by repeating the last sentence if she asks." That's understandable, as few people have a two-track mind. Lately, he's been saying first that he can't hear me and then that I "swallow" my "words," which nobody else seems to tell me or even politely asks me to repeat more clearly.
When we're out and he has to answer or return a call about or from a patient, he puts his phone on speaker, saying that he can't hear the phone over the noise. (Half the time, I fear there's a HIPAA violation waiting to happen). I gently suggested he try earbuds, but it was tough enough to get him to Bluetooth his phone to his car as it is, and might be a bridge too far to attempt to set his phone up for wireless earbuds (or be too embarrassed to be seen using wired ones). He admitted lately he's been missing departmental meetings at one hospital because they're exclusively on Zoom and he's comfortable only with Microsoft Teams because that's what pops up when he starts his computer.
He's resisting the idea of hearing aids--not the expense but the time it would take for testing, fitting and fine-tuning. He admitted his sneakers are a bit tight across the toes, but won't take the time to actually go to a shoe store and try some on. It's been over a year since he even tried on clothing in a store--it's up to me to do it all online or pick it up. He won't get a pedicure either, certainly not at a nail salon and not even from a podiatrist colleague at one of his hospitals. (It's not the expense, which Medicare doesn't cover for non-diabetics). At least he goes to the dentist & barber in person.
Thanks for letting me rant.
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Sandy, have you considered pressuring him to retire? Maybe tell him that if he continues to not address a hearing problem, he could be subject to malpractice claims. Tell him that you are not his personal shopper. He needs to take time to take care of himself, even if that means going parttime. What condition is HIS heart in?
Just tell him that these are the probable consequences of not taking care of his own needs. Further, he has possibly been traumatized by COVID. He needs time off to recover from that.
Sorry, blunt truth.
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Wow-first time that I saw this. And I have been on here since 2003.
I am old-73. 20.5 years at Stage 4 MBC de novo. Hi! to everyone.
Denise
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Sandy, When my DH was doing that, he had ear wax in his ear. He would say "I can hear you. I just don't understand what you are saying."
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petite, I agree with that. Maybe Sandy could suggest that it is only a conductive loss, and therefore hearing aids would not be necessary. Now I can just imagine him bringing an otoscope home and asking you to look into his ears.
Welcome, denny. Glad to see you in our neighborhood. Especially considering your BC history.
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Love the fire pit betrayal. Thank you for sharing the photos.
Welcome Denny123.
I’m the one who use to not listen to my DH or mishear what he and others would say. Been wearing hearing aids for 5 years. It makes a world of difference.
Running errands this morning and then a doctor appointment. More rain expected, so hopefully I can get this all done before it rains. Enjoy your day.
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Welcome denny123, I've seen you on other forums. I'm also 73.
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Appreciation of life itself, becoming suddenly aware of the miracle
of being alive, on this planet, can turn what we call ordinary life
into a miracle. We come awake to such a realization when
we recognize our connection to a spiritual dimension.
Dan Wakefield0 -
Welcome denny. Glad you found us here. Yes, we have been around for a while. It is a fairly small group so easy to keep up with. Hope you will come often and join in often as well.
Hmm, I wear hearing aids so hard for me to judge. I think Dh just got inro a habit of feeling like he had all the answers so didn't and often doesn't pay a lot of attention to me. In the mean-time ( after a whole lot of frustrating conversations ) Dh's voice tone is way less making it way harder for me to hear him. I am having difficulty now and having to wait to see the Ear Speciliast to clean out wax in my ears. Even a little bit can have a huge effect. My PCP and others who look in my ear all say they can see past the ear wax that is there. I also feel like age and sinus are making a difference in how my ears expel wax. It has just been a lot harder for me to hear. Not to make a bad pun of a sort, but it waxes and wanes depending.
Nothing special for today. Threat of rain but it sounds like it will be cooler for awhile. I haven't noticed the heat so mauch lately as the humidity has been much better lately in spite of a couple of days of a lot of rain. Fingers crossed.
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I quit smoking about four years ago, and since then, my hearing loss has plateaued. It was a real relief to discover that I had control over that.
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Chisandy- My husband was not catching everything I would say or not hearing it correctly. When I was first diagnosed with cancer, he would go to the doctors appts with me and if I asked him what a doctor said because I did not understand it or didn't catch it he would just say he didn't hear a lot of what the doctor said. He had an appt for cataract surgery evaluation the week after he died. We were going to get that done first before I pushed on the hearing thing. I did have to push it a bit.
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Betrayal - the stone work is wonderful.
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In our house, I'm the one who can't understand DH. I will go in for a test but he is the only one I can't hear. He mutters and often has a throaty voice.
Sandy - I'm surprised that Bob can continue working with so few tech skills. Also sounds like you are doing some enabling, shopping for him, setting up his stuff etc. Like me, you have been married forever so it maybe it is what it is but come in and vent anytime.
I just got off the CDC site. I had a direct exposure to Covid on Wednesday. Sat next to someone at a bridge table for an hour. She tested positive on Thurs. We were both masked but still makes me anxious. Much to my surprise, CDC says I can do whatever (except recommends masking for 10 days) unless I have symptoms. Supposed to test at 5 days. Seems risky to me, especially living in a age restricted community with most having some kind of co-morbidities. I've chosen to stay home but some of my fellow bridge players were playing again today. Each to her own I guess.
Happy weekend, everyone!
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Thanks for the sleep tips Chisandy, mcbaker, cindyny, I will see what I can do to switch things up to sleep all night. Made it to 6 hours tonight before waking. I did just notice that the days I get super tired physically out in my yard gardening/digging/etc. are followed by nights that I seem to sleep better. Maybe the truth is that I am strong enough for "real" exercise again i.e. gym or yoga, which I haven't done due to covid rules or cancer treatments or getting covid myself... and I'm no longer sleeping well due to lack of exercise. Funny, I didn't notice that myself, until I read the post about walking around Boston for 6 hours! That photo was lovely! I was in Boston just before Covid started spreading for a schizophrenia research panel (my daughter suffers from it). Lovely, lovely city to walk around in.
illinoislady, loved that quote, really. I need to do that in life. Sort of goes with the "Thin Slices of Joy" thread on this site. I enjoy those posts too. Gets me looking outside of my too full of thoughts head.
cardplayer, I need to make an eye appt too, and chisandy YES my husband tunes me out if I talk too long (beyond a sentence or two) as he gets impatient with waiting to understand me. I've shortened down what I say and then end with asking him a question "well... what do you think?".
betrayal, I might have to try a hardscape project if I EVER get all of the plants I've collected the last few years in pots into the ground. My I guess I am a plant hoarder now. That's what happened when I didn't have to drive to work anymore and started working from home.
Have a great day all!
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As you take a few minutes each day to quiet your mind, you will discover a nice benefit: your everyday, "ordinary" life will begin to seem far more extraordinary. Little things that previously went unnoticed will begin to please you. You'll be more easily satisfied, and happier all around. Rather than focusing on what's wrong with your life, you'll find yourself thinking about and more fully enjoying what's right with your life. The world won't change, but your perception of it will. You'll start to notice the little acts of kindness and caring from other people rather than the negativity and anger.
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Nothing special planned today -- just catch-up work going on. I am being my in-cocsitent self and seems like it is something I'm going to have to confront on a daily basis if I want to get farther. I want yo get a lot farther so will have to accept that physical input EVERY day will be a must till it is habit again.
Have some bills to do and have an appt. Monday with the Cardiologist, Dr. Ruben in Marion. Every other appt. she likes to see me and it is a good thing. She can judge where I am and actually listen to my heart while figuring out any medications adjustments I might need. It has been a little awful trying to keep up with med payments to the V.A. since every change means the pharmacy re-starting my prescription all over. Still, even though it is a hassle, it is getting and keeping me on a higher level of wellness so hard to get too upset. I really don't think the first cardiologist I chose would have been so fervent about my heart health.
I finally have an appt. with Dr. Ang on Tues. I was referred a long time ago and I nearly gave up. I likely shoudl check on Monday and make sure the original referral is still adequate. He is the one who does colonscopy. Not sure how it will be since I've been on supplemental iron for a long time and still am.
I have noticed that having skipped three days of sinus meds have left me with something of a raw throat in back, but hope to defeat that since I have my sinus meds again.
Hope you all have a good Saturday.
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I usually sleep pretty good, but have one or two nights a week where pain wakes me up. Painsomnia.
Busy morning already. We did our grocery shopping today. Found a really sweet cantaloupe and plan to make spaghetti squash this afternoon. Baseball game starts early afternoon. Tired from our morning walk.
I'll be away most of tomorrow. Going to a memorial service for a college friend in DC tomorrow. It's about an 80 mile trip one way. She passed away about 2 months ago and the funeral was out of state. The service starts at 10am. It'll be a nice way to celebrate the life of a wonderful person.
Enjoy your day.
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I didn't sell anything at the crafts sale, but it was fun meeting new people. There are some other ones in November, so it looks like I need to get my red and green game going. I went home early and took a two-hour nap. Tippy was a good boy. I had a neighbor take him for a walk.
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Betrayal, you are "getting there" after much planning and work and dealing with workmen. I hope you enjoy your home and yard when everything is done. Of course, the yard maintenance continues.
We did not have a great day as vendors at the farmers market. There were crowds of people but a scarcity of buyers for dh's beautiful turned bowls. The most expensive bowls have all sold but we still have a nice selection. A number of people come by and comment on how much they like the bowls they've already bought.
I displayed some of my creations today on a table. Placemats and crocheted washcloths. I sold one washcloth to a woman who bought it to use as a hot pad. The placemats are hand embroidered and very pretty, if I do say so. A few women stopped to admire them but no buyers. I made everything for the creative pleasure, not with any plan to earn money but it would have been nice to find appreciative new owners.
We'll set up the next two Saturdays, skip the last Saturday of the month (dh is playing in a golf tournament), and then return for the Saturday of Labor day weekend. At that point the farmers market will largely be over.
On the subject of sleep, I normally sleep well, 8 or 9 hours, but I have vivid dreams that I often remember when I wake up. When I have a bad night and don't get enough restful sleep, I feel tired and cranky the next day.
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Yeah, it's the tired and cranky that motivates me to try and sleep more. Gosh, I can get cranky.
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My problem is that if I wake up at about 6 hrs. or so to roll over, I get dreams so interesting that I sometimes can sleep past noon if my HK is here. (When she's not here, I have to be up by 10-ish to feed the cats by 11am).
Every year Bob says he'll retire "next year," but something always happens: first, he didn't want his staff to lose their jobs; then along came the pandemic which put the kibosh on our retirement plans to travel, go to cultural events and great restaurants. Now, I'm afraid that if he retires he will sit home and drink & watch TV (mostly sports) all day unless we can travel again. Yesterday, my 93-yr-old cousin in FL called to say hi--he is a dentist who retired 25 years ago and is bored and lonely. His wife of 70 years passed away at 88 of heart failure and RA; he moved out of the assisted living facility where they had lived and into a seniors' independent-living condo community near his daughter in Parkland. At least he has a girlfriend--who had been their best friend for 50 years and is 83 and still works as a travel consultant. (They went on safari to S. Africa & Namibia last winter). He warned me that as long as Bob can be active, he needs to have meaningful things to do after he retires. Meanwhile, Bob swears he will give up his office and the hospitals at the end of the fiscsl year and work part time at the union health clinic, which has normal daytime business hours, no hospitsl rounds, and great pay--though he'll have to pay his own insurance. He finds that gig (he calls it his "side hustle") extremely rewarding, Maybe he'll finally have the time to shop for himself too.
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Looks like an excellent solution, Sandy.
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Every good that you do, every good that you say, every good thought you
think, vibrates on and on and never ceases. The evil remains only until
it is overcome by good, but the good remains forever.
Peace Pilgrim0 -
I wish they would finally finish the update that has caused so much consternation and caused members to abandon ship due to frustration with format, margins, print faded appearance and font size, etc. Signing in is a pain in the butt to put it mildly.
Yesterday we celebrated birthdays for my DSGS and DGS. The former turns 20 and the younger one turns 12. Hard to believe how quickly the time has passed. The weather was cooperative and the party was fun. We had Chik-Fil-A nuggets (a favorite of mine), fruit salad and my DS has the best pizza place near him. Italian restaurant and the cook/owner is an Israeli who creates the best thin crust pizza this side of Florence, Italy. Cake was good as well. My DDIL ordered it at Giant and when she went to pick it up, some anonymous donor had paid for it in honor of their DM's birthday. They specifically asked for the recipient to be ordering a cake for a child. Giant attached a note to the cake package so she could share this with us. What a nice gesture and the cake was half chocolate and half vanilla so everyone was able to pick their favorite. I am a chocolate lover but not overly fond of sugary icing, so I scraped most off and gave it to DGS.
It was a nice break after unpacking multiple boxes, cleaning furniture and trying to reassemble the display on the etageres. It took most of Friday and the room is only about 50% done. They took the light bulbs out of the etageres and failed to return them and the oval mirror that goes above the secretary desk. Of course, the bulbs are specialty ones and while I did have one spare stored in the desk, the bulb is only 25 watts and it was made in the USA. When was the last time you saw a light bulb that was made in the USA? It has an odd shape being a domed reflective, long necked bulb. I looked on Amazon and hope what I ordered will work. I called the restoration company about the missing items and they are to get back to me.
Today is much too hot and humid to work outdoors so the sand application to the fire pit area will have to wait. It should not take long to do ~ 1 hour or so but not today. I have plenty to keep me busy indoors. DH did paint the chairs and fire pit so they are ready to go after we finish the sanding.
After finishing laundry and cleaning the parakeet cages, I will go back to working on reassembling living room. Carol, sorry the bowl sales were slow and that your placemats were underappreciated. I am sure sales will pick up.
Thanks for all the nice feedback about my "project". It was a challenge but something that proves as we get older, we are not ready to throw in the towel. It took me longer than I expected but I am going to say it was because I was being "deliberative" and not due to a bad back, bad left knee and foot and the heat. In spite of those ills, I did get it done. Yeah!
Have a good Sunday.
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We returned home yesterday. My niece and her daughter went kayaking after we left. But littlest (12 turning 13 in days) complained of a sore throat; while kayaking she kept coughing; once they were back home she said she was freezing but when her mom felt her she was burning up. She got sone Tylenol in her and I suggested they covid test her out of precaution. Well she tested positive. So then her mom, my partner and I all tested - negative. This morning she was awake at 5 AM, more Tylenol and was back sleeping. We took our temperatures, both 98. We will retest on Wednesday, unless symptoms appear, and in the meantime time we will wear masks anywhere we go. Online says to wear them for 10 days and also retest at 5 days.
This coming week I have 2 PT sessions scheduled, a visit to my orthopedic hand surgeon, and a dinner with girlfriends I worked with years ago. Drs I’ll call to see if wearing my KN95 mask will still allow me to keep my appointments. But dinner with girlfriends I think is out, I’d never want to expose them. It’s never dull ladies!!
We have an outdoor concert to attend tonight and was told I should be able to attend without a problem, keep my mask on. I think even past the 10 days I’ll be back to wearing a mask while out & about
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