Class of 2009 - Sisters in the same time frame
Comments
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Thanks everyone for the kind words of encouragement. I've have been just so upset with my doctor/surgeon till I just didn't know what to do and I was never really happy about having radiation either. It has so many side effects that come with it. I know the positives, but as a nurse I also know all the negatives. With the situation being as I previously stated about the slight clear margins I have been doubting my decisions and worrying (probably without cause) about recurrence. But the thought is ever present in my mind and even more so now. I also think that the depression over my diagnosis is just starting to hit me and I'm kind of going through the grieving process so to speak. In the beginning I didn't have time, all I could think about it what do we have to do to get this taken care of now. I want it out ASAP!! and that's what I did. I put my mind into overdrive and got through it and never really let anything sink in. Now here I am about 6 wks out of my dx and it has all finally come home with the reality of the RADS.
Hope everyone had a great Friday I know I did. Glad it's the weekend!!!
Renee
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Hi Renee,
All this "not knowing" is horrible. Everyone agrees it is the worst part of the whole experience, Seems like there is just no way to plan or predict what is going to happen.
You are right, working in the medical field makes anticipating problems worse. But, while I found radiation very stressful, physically it went smoothly with less damage than I expected, Modern equipment and techniques make it a lot safer. You are going to do fine. We are all here to support you.
pam
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Alicia - Sending love and prayers your way. Hang in there.
It's nice to see what all of you have been up to - you're good company, each one of you. Official report: Week 10 after chemo, and I have one and a half complete eyebrows. Eyelashes are starting to grow. Thin cover of dark hair all over my head. It's nice to see sideburns at the edge of my scarf! energy coming back.
Renee, you are in my prayers. Sorry you are having a tough time - you'll have better days. Promise.
Had 6 month mammogram - all clear. HOORAYYYY!!!! Having a port during the mammogram was no picnic, but the tech was so wonderful. Now on to radiation. I am scared. My cancer was on the left side, so this means my heart will be in the field. Did any of you worry about this? I'm not dealing with it very well. Still wondering if it will be a mistake to pass on the BMX before radiation affects the skin, too. Wish I were able to make perfect decisions. CT scan and simulation scheduled for Monday. I am praying that, if this is the wrong move, there will be a clear reason for us to move to plan B. I am counting on big roadblocks if this is going to do more harm than good. Otherwise, I going in, girls. Watch my back, will you?
Tomorrow is the big 4-7 for me. There will be no more moaning about birthdays - they are wonderful things.
Love to you all. XO, Mary
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Hope you have a happy relaxing birthday Magob!
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Magob - Happy Birthday girl!!! And I'm with you on the birthday thing from here on out they are all good!!! Glad your hair is starting to come back also, I know that is starting to make you feel more like yourself again. Have a wonderful day and even better weekend!
Pam - Thanks again to all of you for the wonderful support here.
My husband and I talked a little last night and he told me he was worried to about "all" the treatments that were involved with treating BC and what is was going to do to our lives, but his biggest fear is on the sexual side... go figure... MEN!!! LOL!!!! But he did say he was afraid to say anything to me because he didn't really know what to say to keep me from getting more depressed, upset or mad. I guess he's right, at least for now. But I was able to tell him I just needed him to be there for me more. So, hopefully this will somehow improve my mindset. I have really felt quite alone in this journey at least up to a certain point. Because no one, unless you have been there, can truly understand how a woman feels to be put in the situation where she has no modesty left, everyone and every doctor she has been to has seen you naked from the waist up, touched your breasts, made pictures of them in some shape, form or fashion, scared them for life (that's if you still have them), drugged you and then for some of us burnt them up. (Does that about cover it?) They (the doctors and whomever else, including BC) have taken my self esteem and dignity and thrown it out the door and under the truck and I now have no control over my own body. This is the way that I told him I felt and of course it was in a flood of tears. But now he knows and I felt a lot better letting him know. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Much harder than when I was 16 and had Hodgkins DZ and went through chemo. Sure I was poked and proded with needles and tons of tests but my dignity was maintained and I still felt in control. I totally do not feel that way right now. But I am praying for strength and with God's help and the help of you wonderful ladies I will endure.
{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Renee
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Renee ~ you really do have a wonderful gift with words. I feel everything you write! Hugs to you. I too hate the feeling of not being in CONTROL.
Mary ~ so glad to hear of your 1 1/2 eyebrows and some hair growing 10 weeks post chemo. That is encouraging. I so look forward to that day ~ I am sure you will be fine with the rads. HECK you survived chemo!! And yes we have your back.
This was a tough week for me after chemo #3. But today I feel much better. The NEULASTA pain has finally gone away.
It is a rainy, cold day here in NY I hope to relax and watch some movies with the family. And tomorrow I am planning on making a big pot of sauce and meatballs. I am missing MY own cooking so can only imagine my family ~I hope everyone has a good day. I do not know what I would do without all of you in my life.
Hugs ~
Alicia
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Thanks for the compliment Alicia! How is your husband?
Renee
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He is fine. He is so not a worrier. Couldn't get an appointment till January 4th. So we WAIT.
grrrr....
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Happy Birthday Magob...have a great day.
You girls are all super stars...We are going through one of the worst things in our lives and we still have the energy to love and support each other...We are one STRONG bunch of women...This is such a great supportive group..
Peace and strength to all..
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Oh I know this is the BC forum but I am soooooo happy!!!!! Alabama just beat Florida 32-13 to win the SEC championship and are headed to Pasadena, CA to play for the National Championship!!! Yeah!!!
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OHMIGOSH!!! An Alabama fan on this thread!???? Don't you feel bad for our Tebow?
pam
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Hope you had a Happy Birthday Magob !
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LOL..... No Pam I most certainly do not!!! Florida had their day in the "Sun" so to speak. Now it is Bama's turn. hahaha!!!
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Newbie here. Diagnosed in October and have had 2 A/C treatments. How are you guys dealing with the emotional ups and downs of this? One minute I know I am going to fight and win - then the next I'm in tears worrying about the what if's - and that's only after 2 treatments - have 3 more to go with A/C, then Herceptin/Taxol, then surgery, then radiation - OMG - how did you all do it?
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Grandma, welcome...we do it with the support we get here...it is a great place to be...it is to bad we all had to meet here. But here we are..we come with a lot of advice, wisdom, support, and laughter..
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Good AM Mickey and everyone!
I guess what I have learned is that this disease is like a roller coaster ride. There is ALWAYS going to be something scary coming up. Talk about adding excitement to an otherwise quiet life! What I would give for those boring days
When you have worn out all your family and friends with anxiety, fear, apprehension, what-ifs and sorrow, we are here! No matter how big or small there is someone who has been through it. Glad you found us!
pam
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Mickey I completely agree with Michele and Pam! This has been one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my life. One minute I am upbeat about my life and that things are great and then BAM out of the blue I'm crying. My family has been as supportive as they know how, but they really can't understand and lend the wonderful support that the ladies here on this board do. Only someone that has been through this horrible ugliness or is going through it, understands how another woman feels. So, with that said... Welcome!!! I'm glad you found us here and we will be here to listen when you need us.
Renee
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Magob: I had radiation on the left also. My lumpectomy was very close to my sternum.I asked about prone positioning for radiation(not all places have the machine set uo for it), but my radiologist told me that beeing that I am small busted to begin with there shouldn't be an issue. Plus they do a CT scan to plan. They were very precise w/ the set up. Good Luck!
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Hey Juanelle, Jen, Alicia, Michele, Pam: Where is everyone today? How are all of you ladies doing? I hope everyone that had treatments today are doing great and are having no side effects. I still haven't heard from my Rads Onc office so still no official appt for my first radiation treatment. Maybe they will call tomorrow? I went with my husband to his cardiologist today for some nuclear stress tests and the doctor said he didn't like the way one of the arteries looked. He wants my hubby to come back and have an arteriogram before Christmas so we have scheduled it for next Thursday and if he needs a stent they will do it then and keep him overnight. This has not been a great year ladies. My husband had his heart attack and open hear surgery with 4 bypasses on Oct. 1, 2007 now he may have another blockage on the front side of his heart.
Please keep him in your prayers. Renee
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Hi Y'all,
I had a busy day... PET scan that I have been looking forward to and dreading for the past couple months. I have a spot in one lung, seen first in my pre-op workup in March. Have had three CT scans that were all inconclusive so on to the big guns. I know about the lung thing... am just afraid of what else might show up. I am not one to look for trouble. I see the doctor Thursday but might get the report sooner as I get them to send it to my PCP who always calls me with test results. IF I am going to get bad news I would rather be home in privacy.
I feel good and have no reason to expect bad news but this cancer thing has totally stolen my sunny optimistic attitude. "Hagar the Horrible's son is doing his homework... he looks up and says, Dad, what do you call someone who always thinks the worst is going to happen? And Hagar replies, A REALIST."
I'm afraid to jinx myself by expecting good news
How did you simulation go today, Mary? You are on your way! I did worry about the heart thing but they assured me modern radiotherapy was less damaging to heart and lungs. My tumor was on the lateral left side. The only SE, other than skin, I noticed was a tickley raspy cough that came on half way thru RADS and cleared as soon as it ended. I think this is not uncommon. But my RO said nothing to do with radiation!
Renee, I am sorry you are having to worry about your DH. There should be a rule... only one in a couple allowed to be sick at a time! I have told my husband that this is my year and he needs to wait his turn. Wish it was that simple. Wishing your husband a surprisingly good report.
Juanelle, How are you doing? And everyone else going thru chemo right now. There could never be a good time but holiday time would be particularly bad.
OH... got a good explanation for why scanning and rads places are soooo cold. The PET scan tech told me capacitors and parts of the equipment need to be maintained at 65F, also machines cannot tolerate ANY humidity so A/C has to run all the time to keep humidity low. Nice to know it is not just to add insult to injury for we patients.
Hope everyone has a good week.
pam
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Renee, gosh I hope your husband is going to be ok...what is it with the husbands taking attention away from us...don't they know it is all about US right now. My DH was in ER last week with high blood pressure and flushing..and the week I started chemo he had a colonoscopy. I told him one person with cancer is enough for our family.
I will add him to my prayers as well..You are right Renee, this has been a quiet thread today..I can only assume that everyone is out having a fun day..I hope.
Later lovely ladies
Michele
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Good evening ladies, our internet has been down since Friday and I am way behind on reading. It will take me a couple of days to catch up. I certainly don't want to miss anything.
Hope everyone has a good week.
Juannelle
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Mimi ~ prayers for your DH. You certainly don't need to worry about this now. Please keep us posted.
Pam ~ prayers for your lung spot. I can only imagine your nerves. Please let us know as soon as you hear. I am really praying for good news !
Michele ~ it seems when it rains it pours. Glad your DH seems to be holding his own now after all of that.
Juanelle ~ Welcome back, you were missed.
GrandmaMickey ~ sorry you are here. But I would be lost without all of these fine women. I hope you find some comfort from us.
Hugs all !
Alicia
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Alicia, I guess it wasn't life threatening if they are going to wait until January to see him. I hope all turns out well.
Pam, sorry to hear about the lung. I hope all your tests turn out OK and there is nothing more for you to worry about.
Renee, sorry to hear about our DH also. Sounds like you two have had a time of it over the last several years.
GrandmaMickey, welcome to our little group. You have come to the right place for comfort and support.
Michele, you DH has been having problems also. What a deal. Don't these guys know this is all about us?
I am feeling pretty good today. If I just sit around and don't try to do anything, then I continue to feel good. But I certainly can not over do. It takes me hours to recover. These treatments are very doable, but I am glad that I only have one more to go. I would really be in a pickle if they came in and told me that I need more. It would send me into a depression that would take me awhile to come out of.
Hope everyone has a good day.
Juannelle
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Juanelle,
You could do it but you won't have to. You have been so strong and of such good spirit. Only one more treatment?! Wow. How soon after do you think your hair will start growing back? Are you still working? If you make it to work you should not expect any more of yourself. Just eat and sleep.
I am so nervous waiting for this PET scan result. Will the anxiety ever end? I don't like looking for trouble... it has a way of showing up without any help.
As you know with your Onco score. I guess we have to take advantage of all this technical stuff but I only want it when the report is good.Hang in there everyone.
pam
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Some noncancer news.....I am done my christmas shopping...yahooo...we are expecting some big time snow here tomoorrow, so I hope to do what little baking I plan to do done.
You know sometimes I feel a huge amount of guilt that some of you feel so bad, and I only have a few days that I feel sucky..please know my heart and happy thoughts are with you...i am trying to send my good vibes your way..can't hurt, right.
Juannelle, are you still working?
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Hi everyone ~
Renee- Hope all goes well for your DH. How dare he steel your thunder
Pam- Prayers for you as you wait for your test results. I hope the spot on yoru lung is nothing and that you can move on with your life.
Juanelle-Congratulations on only one more treatment! That has to feel good to know that you are at the end of this. I wish you the best and hope you continue to do well. Take care!
Michele- Yay!! You are all ready for Christmas! I am getting there, slowly but surely
Alicia- Good news that they didn't need to get your DH in right away, so sending good vibes to you that it is nothing
GrandmaMickey-Welcome to our little group! None of us want to be here, but we are sure lucky to have found eachother! I wish you the best. We are all here for you.
I am toloerating the Tamox pretty well so far. No big SE's that I have noticed so far. I had a headache the first week, but it has gone away. I see my onc tomorrow for a follow up. I am also getting a skin check by a dermatologist. I have never had one before, and hope it goes well. I used to lay out in the sun and use no SPF (I know, shame on me!) so I will feel better if I get checked and know that nothing is there!
Hugs to all you lovely ladies!
Jen
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Hi Jen,
My radiologist looked at my back (not his terrain) and said he did not like the look of 2 moles. Ended up back with my surgeon and two procedures to get good margins. All turned out fine but just more suspense
I liked my quiet boring life better.Good luck.
pam
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What did we ever do for excitement before cancer took over our lives?
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Thanks for the well wishes Pam~ I will absolutely keep you posted on what happens, or not!
Michele- Been wondering that myself??!! There are so many things to think about now! My husband told me this weekend that he needs to get me a medical alert bracelet for my left arm. Never thought I would need one of those.
Have a good night everyone! We are supposed to get dumped on here in Chicagoland, so hopefully I can make it out of the house tomorrow
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