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I am also asking for prayers. I have a chest CT (repeat) on Thursday. My Oncologist was not concerned with changes seen on the PET/CT and felt these were due to my Rads. I went to talk to my Rad Onc who said he had more concerns, and he could not account for the changes. My PET report has some very difficult language (mets.) This would be easier if I hadn't been having some shortness of breath and a recent viral illness that has given me quite a bit of lung/chest pain. I also have not bounced back from chemo or Rads, so am I just very sensitive?
I really do feel God's plan is just that...so I don't know what to pray for. Is it o.k. to pray for this to be B9, or do I pray for God's will. I have a lot of internal struggle, as others have mets, and that was not their plan either. Does this make sense?
But I am scared to my core, as this would change everything. I had trouble tolerating the contrast on the last chest CT, and panicked. Never happened before...so that's even scaring me. I have had so many tests and procedures in the last decade, but now I am very apprehensive. O.k., I will stop rambling, but thank you for reading and letting me share.
all prayers are welcome.
traci
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Traci
It is OK to pray for health and to live out God's will. Of course you want to be healthy, just because one prays for a job we are not discounting others that don't have employment. Maybe praying for Health according to God's will would be helpful. That way you are praying for a healing and God can take care of that in any manner that he wishes. I will pray for you today that your body is healed and for your peace during these tests. I also pray for your support during such a difficult time.
Does your PET say DX is Mets or does it say something like it can not rule out Mets?
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mmm5,
Thanks so much for your wisdom, it really means so much to me to know I am being supported during this time. My PET/CT says there is pleural thickening in the left lung throughout which is significantly hypermetabolic and is consistent with metastatic disease. It more concentrated at the apex and is seen anteriorly and posteriorly with a maximum "SUV of 10.6." No idea what SUV is, but I know it's at the high end.
My oncologist wasn't worried, and he said they would re-check my chest CT in 6 months. My oncologist felt these changes were from my radiation which I completed two months before the PET scan (which was July 26 th.) I made an appointment to see my Rad Onc last week just to follow up on the pleural thickening, and the fact that I have been having some shortness of breath when walking uphill and a bit of a dry cough. I had been noticing this for about a month. I wanted to see if I had pneumonitis starting....when he told me that he didn't think this was related to radiation, and at best only a small part of the lung would be affected. The rest of this was out of his radiation field. He also had some other concerns...mentioned some areas around the subclavicular area? and that we wouldn't see anything posteriorly.
At this point I was reeling inside...then I started to cry a bit, and he gave me tissues. and didn't try to minimize any concerns....he's pretty upbeat, and we had a more serious moment, and he said he was sorry that he couldn't agree with my Oncologist, and that this is his field of expertise. I agree in that he does this all day every day, and knows his field of treatment. We left it with me repeating myself, saying "I didn't expect to hear this today..." and the plan would be to re-scan in 3 months (the Oncs note said 3 months after he typed it in the systerm, but I know my Onc said 6 at my appointment) and then said we may need to get Cardio Thoracic to consult/biopsy if this doesn't get better....
honestly, I was about numb at that time, then started crying out in the street and called some girlfriends.
I have the scan on thursday because of the shortness of breath...my primary care wanted to make sure I was not throwing micro clots with my history of cancer. So there we are...the viral symptoms are finally getting better....they were rougher on my than the average viral/laryngitis...I had those for about a week and a half.
So I am confused, and scared. Not unlike many of us at various times during this process. This is the first time in a long time that I really felt like I had cancer...that it was real last year, and that this whole thing had changed my life. No denial for me...
so thanks again for your prayers and listening. I will pray for health according to God's will. I like that very much!
Traci
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Based on your radiologists recommendations I would ask to rescan at 3 months. When did you finish chemo, did you have scans at dx that ruled out mets to the lungs. It seems a bit early after chemo and rads to already have a mets dx unless it was there at dx. But even if is a worst case scenario it seems to know a bit earlier than 6 months would be wise as there are many new trials (IE PARP) for trip negs that you would benefit from.No matter what I pray for your HEALTH and that God is healing you now both physically and mentally so you can deal with this anxiety that we all know so well.Please stay in touch we are here for you!0
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Traci... I prayed about this before I posted my reply. I asked God to post to you the scripture that you needed to hear from Him. This is what I got... this is the one that I feel He told me to post to you.. ( I am NO one special... this is why I ask for guidance before I post things.. I fail DAILY... so I rely a LOT on God. )
Mark 11:24
" Therefore I say to you, WHATEVER things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them."
I do know one thing... I have had others tell me they know this verse... and they prayed and believed... and they did NOT receive. To those people, I always wonder... did they REALLY believe they were healed... or did they go on worrying.. thus...not REALLY letting go and believing.
Take this verse if you want it...
I care about you.
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mmm5 and Estepp,
Thank you both so much for your wisdom, your caring and bringing me back to earth. Estepp, I fail daily too...but that's why we are here
I thank you for the verse, and I will really meditate on it. Faith, what a challenge. I will find my way back to it. And mmm5, it would seem logical that mets would be a bit soon after chemo (last round was March 11th.) I was nodding my head when I read that...I don't have any pre-chemo scans, and if the news isn't good, then I will follow what path is next on this journey.But really, thanks so much for the love and caring. I needed it, and I got it. just like verse Mark 11:24.
Bless you all,
Traci
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Hello again,
Thank you...All you sistas are supportive and great!
I finally broke down crying last night and today about our dog, my 13 yr old son sobbed for over 2 hours (after coming home from 1st day of school so happy, but was grieve stricken right away) and we all cried. Sequoia was a 170 lbs Mastiff, and we used to think she was invincible. Well, the bug bite turned into cancer and she lost about 50 lbs.
I went to see my BS today for last post op, he said that I may need to see him or PS after my RAD. The scar under my arm pit is healing nicely, but the one on my breast is sunken in and he may need to go in and clean the scar tissue inside.
There was a lady in the waiting room of my BS during my 1st appointment back in July, she must have seen the fear in my face and started talking with me. Asked me why I was there and after I told her, she comforted me and told me about her colon cancer and that I need not be so worried. Her name is Cathy. It's been 8 weeks since I saw her, and I was thinking about her after I read a thread on BCO with similar story. I saw her again yesterday and we were so happy to see each other. I thanked her for talking with me that day and it was very comforting.
A prayer for all of us BC sistas...
Our Lord Jesus, please restore those who worship and hope in You. Please take away our cancer and heal us by your Word. Amen!
Paula
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Paula,
I am happy you were able to see Cathy and be comforted by her. I wish there was a way to sidestep grieving, but I have yet to find it. Your beautiful Sequoia lives on in all of your hearts. Bless you and your family,
Traci
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I'm just popping in to say I haven't forgotten our novena. I say it to myself everyday. But things at work and at home have started moving in positive directions...quickly at first and then became hurry-up-then-wait, and I may have some news to reveal in the next week or so. I only have time to pop in and read and pray.
I'll be back when I can tell all about what's happening.
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Nancy
Good to see you here. so glad you have some good things happening.
Traci I started my morning praying for you and hope you are finding some peace,
Let me repeat this prayer for you that I find soooo comforting and helpful and I thought of it for you today.
God of hope, come to me. Help me to know that your hope is alive in me as I offer kindness, forgiveness, and tenderness, to others. I seek the inner calm that comes from trusting in you. Give me the courage to be aware of your healing presence. May I trust that St. Jude walks with me in times of trouble, and intercedes on my behalf. St. Jude fill my heart with hope.
Amen
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Nancy
Good to see you here. so glad you have some good things happening.
Traci I started my morning praying for you and hope you are finding some peace,
Let me repeat this prayer for you that I find soooo comforting and helpful and I thought of it for you today.
God of hope, come to me. Help me to know that your hope is alive in me as I offer kindness, forgiveness, and tenderness, to others. I seek the inner calm that comes from trusting in you. Give me the courage to be aware of your healing presence. May I trust that St. Jude walks with me in times of trouble, and intercedes on my behalf. St. Jude fill my heart with hope.
Amen
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Nancy
Good to see you here. so glad you have some good things happening.
Traci I started my morning praying for you and hope you are finding some peace,
Let me repeat this prayer for you that I find soooo comforting and helpful and I thought of it for you today.
God of hope, come to me. Help me to know that your hope is alive in me as I offer kindness, forgiveness, and tenderness, to others. I seek the inner calm that comes from trusting in you. Give me the courage to be aware of your healing presence. May I trust that St. Jude walks with me in times of trouble, and intercedes on my behalf. St. Jude fill my heart with hope.
Amen
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good day gals. I am looking forward to resuming my music position (at last). that's good .
prayers for all.
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mmm5,
that was so beautiful, thanks so much for sharing this prayer. I will write it down and take it with me tomorrow
Many blessings,
traci
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Nancy.. good to see you.. you have been missed by me! I look forward to hearing the news you have...
Michelle... the prayer was so great... is it yours, or one of our Catholic prayers? I really, really like it too.
Ladies... I work the next three.... and long three it will be... I hope to still check in daily... but I get more chances when I am not working....
Blessings!
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apple... that is great you are back to your new job! I might just have to drop in sometime to see you play..:)....hope the house is coming along....
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the prayer is part of a novena booklet I have for St. Jude. I have always prayed to St. Jude and there is a saint jude mission that sends me prayer booklets this prayer was among many that have been sent to me.
Blessings to you all today and tomorrow for you trace.
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mmm5,
I think you will really appreciate what just happened. I remembered finding a laminated book mark a few years ago, and it was a prayer to St. Jude. I always kept it because I look for signs from the spirit world...and so I just went back in my bedroom, and there it was on the floor. It was the first thing I saw when I went back there. Granted, I don't throw spiritual things on the floor...and I may not be the neatest gal on the block. But I don't remember it being there, and I will hold it close to my heart tomorrow.
Thank you thank you....
this was not lost on me.
I hope your next three days are fruitful and lacking in stress (it is work afterall
Traci
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Good evening,
Is there anyone from this thread attending the Las Vegas reunion in October? If yes, please PM me and let me know. I'd like to meet you in person.
Saw my med.onc. today and due to my complaint about my low grade fever (it's been almost 4 weeks now), low grade never higher than 100.2, but still nobody can explain it. He requested a PET scan which I will be awaiting for the authorization. My husband is worried because he kept saying to me in the car, why did you ask for more tests? Initially the doctor said your blood test looked good. I don't know, I just needed to be sure I guess. Can't explain it.
Paula
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Dear Everyone, I haven't posted in a number of days. The Funeral for Greg was Saturday. It was the most ecumenical service I have ever been too. The priest gave general absolution to everyone. He then invited all the christian people to take communion. Quite undheard of. His homily stressed that we were all believers in God and that healing between faiths should be our goal not separation. My brothers both had seminary training and they were quite enthusiastic about his approach, but couldn't quite understand how the Bishop allows it. Not that they didn't support him, but the discussion afterwards was amazing. It was like a history session going back hundreds of years. Talking about the Council of Trent, St thomas Aquinas and on and on. I definitely heard things I had never heard before and had trouble keeping up. But has piqued my interest in Aquinas.
But from our first contact with this priest, I knew he was special. The service gave me great peace. Greg was creamated and the Catholic Church now allows that the remains do not have to be buried. So, Greg is next to my bedside. This is of great consolation because I don't know where in this world I will end up being. The concern of returning to someplace, I may leave has been lightened because of this. I came to find out that in Europe there has been a many standard practices for years that are new to us. In fact many of the things that have happened over the last two weeks are so different in other countries. Much of what occurs is left up to the Bishops of the area.
I have taken some healing time and spent a lot of time sleeping, intersperced with a few routine activities. I feel like my brain just needs a rest. The last 2 months have been intense. The last 3 weeks especially.
All your posts of prayers and support have been so appreciated. I have kept you in my prayers also. Their are so many here that have need, I'm sorry I'm not addressing each of your needs.I know each of you are going through troubled times, your faith will see you through. The prayers of many can storm heaven. Namaste-I salute the God within You. Sheila
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Sheila, Take a lot of time to heal. I pray for your husbands soul... I think all of us need to pray for the dead more... " It is a Holy thought, to pray for the dead...."
Paula.. sweety.... if you are in Vegas.. you will be meetin' me..:) The TaTa Sisterhood..... is an amazing bunch of women. By that I mean, any woman who had breast cancer... is a TATA.
Long story short.... If you are NOT on our list.. you need to PM me so that I can get this worked out for you. If you are on the list... and have contacted Jazzy.... you are all good. See you in Vegas!
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Sheila,
So happy you came to let us know how you are doing. Greg's service sounds like it was very special and unique. I especially love the communion for all and agree with the spirit from which it is born. Greg being right by your side and having this be of comfort makes me happy for you. You have been through so much, and I am glad you are sleeping. Sleep is so restorative, and is a time you are very close to your departed ones.
You are in my thoughts daily, and this is the time for self care. We all share in the role of helping others and asking for help here..we will carry you.
Namaste,
Traci
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When is the Tata thing in Vegas? I would so relish meeting you all. TImetable? It would so help. sheila
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Squid-- you are there when the need is- thank you so much -sas
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The Hotel and all has been closed for the TaTa reserved rooms awhile ago..
... some ladies are locals who are coming to our hotel at some point to say hello. I know there are 58 of us this year and we are having a pickle of a time organizing this. We STILL are not done. All the places we are wanting to be at keep saying there are TOO many of us. Last year all this started.. and we had 22 ladies... and all worked out great.. this year there are 58 and I PRAY it will work out ok.. I just know with these numbers... it will be impossible to get to know everyone. I just hope, there can be a closeness as there was on the 1st reunion...:(.... I am not sure... but I can always PRAY!I am thinking the gathering might be closed for this year due to sheer numbers... But hey, no one can stop anyone from flying to Vegas and paying for another hotel room and meeting some TaTa's..:)..... Next year.. if the numbers are this large or larger... we will have to hire a group planner. Someone who does this for a living. There are the five of us working on it this year... and it might just be to much ... who knows...
I wish EVERY single sister from BCO could go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But then.. we would have to rent out Caesars Palace !!!! Hmmmmmmm and idea... lol
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... well.. maybe you SHOULD come to one lady!!! ... We are only in Vegas.. 'cause it is a play where it is pretty cheap to go to.. and if ladies want to.. see shows. Not to many last year even gambled much..
Thanks for the ideas. We tried for the conference rooms.. but they were a no go.. as we were not an " organized" something or other... WHATEVER.
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Hi sistas,
I definitely would like to meet everyone here and I will pray that I will have No SE from RADs. I know I'm starting RADs this month for 33 sessions and I HOPE that I will be healthy enough to attend and meet each one of you.
I have a friend who works at a hotel under the VP. I can ask her and see about renting a small conference room. Estepp ~ I will PM you and see if we can get a last minute thing going. Bonnie, good idea about contacting a local group.
Paula
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Feel the love sisters!! Amen
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Hello sisters in Faith,
Whew....so much going on with everyone but the fellowship & FAITH are beautiful. Welcome all new members!
Traci: Looks like you and I are in similar boats but we MUST stay strong in the Lord. I still have fluid in my rt. lung which may be from a chest wall tumor. (I also just discovered some suspicisous lumps on my left side.) I also thought I had RAD pneumonitis but my Dr. also doesn't believe. I'm set to have my PET/CT next week. FINALLY getting approval after how many delays? I asked the Lord for a sign and today @ lunch I see a license plate stating JUSLIVE..Well we must do that. I had a meltdown yesterday (and all week) but I feel stronger today. I suggest the PARP TN trial. There is a new upcoming Expanded PARP trial coming soon. I live in Los Angeles area. PM me and I'll try to get info for you. I also have cough and shortness of breath after 20 RAD TX's. I'm on a break now. We just have to take it bit by bit..I'm praying for you sister!
To everyone else, Sas & Family: My prayers for healing & strength, Paula: Your loss of Sequoia, Sheila, prayers to your family, Apple, Special prayers to all your family and friends and 3M & Laura, Nancy for your continued support and faith..Love to all.
May the strength of our Lord and Savior Jesus keep us Conquerors of Christ.
Hold on to your FROG ladies...Forever Rely On God.
Jeannine
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Hello sisters,
My DH just picked up Sequoia's ashes, we are leaving tonight in RV to go to Zion and scatter her ashes as well as our other dog, Rover's ashes (a German Shepherd).
Will be praying for everyone to have Strength, Love, Healing and Hope!!
I want to thank all of you who has been faithfully prayer for each other here. I love the sisterhood here.
Have a wonderful weekend.
Paula
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