Catholics
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Hi Paula,
God Bless you and your family as you honor your beautiful Sequoia. As you know I am a dog mom, and understand how deeply we love our Gifts from God. I hope your pain is not overwhelming, and you are able to seek comfort in your family as you all grieve. You are in my prayers, and I will PM you later.
(((((((HUGS))))))
Traci
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Jeannine,
Bless you and what you are going through! I very much understand the breaking down, the fear of the unknown. I am glad you are feeling stronger today...I am too, which is welcomed! I have been fighting a virus for two weeks that also hit into my chest, and it was like insult to injury. I am using a steroid inhaler so that's a little helpful.
So you have stopped your Rads for now? I was so sure I had Rad pneumonitis too...my shortness of breath is kind of weird..it's not all the time, it's not a panicky, it's more like a tightness and difficulty with filling the lung. Sometimes if I am talking to someone or going up a hill while talking on the phone that's when I notice it more...I take pain meds and Ibuprofen for the chest discomfort....just thought I was classic pneumonitis.
Anyway....we WILL be strong together, we WILL pray for God's healing and keep the faith. When is your PET/CT scan?
traci
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Jeannine.. Hi sweety! Good to see you check in. I hate to hear that you do not have any concrete answers on the lungs yet. I am sorry. I pray for you.. and your strength.
Have a blessed weekend ladies! xxxooo
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Have a beautiful blessed weekend Estepp! I bought a beautiful book of Psalms at the hospital bookstore, and I will find one to share here.
Thanks so much for guiding me in my spiritual path...and that goes for many of the ladies on this board. It feels really good to reconnect with spirit.
traci
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I thought I would share two Psalms that resonated with me tonight.
The Lord will work out his plans for my life--for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Psalm 138:8 NLT
All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old. Psalm 139:16 NCV
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Psalms
Chapter 91- 1
- 12 You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty,
- 2
- Say to the LORD, "My refuge and fortress, my God in whom I trust."
- 3
- God will rescue you from the fowler's snare, from the destroying plague,
- 4
- Will shelter you with pinions, spread wings that you may take refuge; God's faithfulness is a protecting shield.
- 5
- You shall not fear the terror of the night nor the arrow that flies by day,
- 6
- Nor the pestilence that roams in darkness, nor the plague that ravages at noon.
- 7
- Though a thousand fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, near you it shall not come.
- 8
- You need simply watch; the punishment of the wicked you will see.
- 9
- You have the LORD for your refuge; you have made the Most High your stronghold.
- 10
- No evil shall befall you, no affliction come near your tent.
- 11
- 3 For God commands the angels to guard you in all your ways.
- 12
- With their hands they shall support you, lest you strike your foot against a stone.
- 13
- You shall tread upon the asp and the viper, trample the lion and the dragon.
- 14
- Whoever clings to me I will deliver; whoever knows my name I will set on high.
- 15
- All who call upon me I will answer; I will be with them in distress; I will deliver them and give them honor.
- 16
- With length of days I will satisfy them and show them my saving power.
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Beanus,
Very powerful.
(and one of the sweetest doggie pics I have seen)
Traci
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Great job ladies! Thank you!
Ladies, a wife and mother by the name of Bridget Painter is undergoing test for cancer in the next few days. I thankfully ask you to ask God to heal this lady. She has a 5 yr old son.. She is only 30ish... Her aunt works for me. Storm Heaven, In Jesus name... AMEN!
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Estepp,
I will pray for negative tests and for her to be at peace during this stressful time. Will you keep us updated?
traci
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I will Traci! Thank you!
Something else girls... MY LE is driving me nuts... it never gets better. Well, I should not say that. It gets better.... it just will never be cured.. EVER. LE has no cure. It seems no matter what I do.. I get a little swell.... are is warm to touch... cording issues.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... always aches a little.. heaviness.... you name it...
The only thing I have not had happen.. is my arm is not the size of my thighs... just my calf. So if you did not know I had it.. you would not know.
Anyway... could I ask you to pray for me. That I deal with this issue in my life. I need to be more thankful I am alive, instead of always feeling sorry for myself because of what cancer did to me... I hate that I still feel this way. Thank you ladies!
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Estepp,
Of course I/we will pray for you!
it's o.k. to grieve...and be human, and feel frustration, and anger and all of the above at once. Please don't beat yourself up for not being exactly where you want to be with this. You certainly do not lack gratitude about being alive..I don't think that for one second. It's hard to always be in that state of grace, perhaps something to aspire to...but life is a process. I really believe that God knows our heart, and does not judge. Can you ask God to take on some of this burden? I will pray that you receive assistance and peace in your struggles with lymphedema. Cancer has changed our lives forever, and you will see it to the other side.
Blessings,
traci
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Does anyone have a prayer to share for the day? I can take a look in my Psalm book too
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aw Laura of course I'll pray the sweet you.
I think i have time to meet now.. let's make a date.
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He'll Carry Your Load
Who will give me wings---"wings like a dove?"
Get me out of here on dove wings;
I want some peace and quiet.
I want a walk in the country,
I want a cabin in the woods.
I'm desperate for a change from rage and stormy weather--
I call to God;
God will help me.
At dusk, dawn, and noon I sigh deep sighs--
he hears, he rescues.
My life is well and whole, secure in the middle of danger--
Pile your troubles on God's shoulders--
he'll carry your load, he'll help you out.
He'll never let good people topple into ruin.
Psalm 55:5, 16-17, 22 The Message
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Very nice post..thank you !
Apple.. I am a traveling fool right now... I will be in Florida soon.. then Las Vegas... etc...
I will be home mid Oct. How about then? I am glad you are moved in your home and are back to work... just the " normal" of it all is nice huh?
Is you new home just an architectural masterpiece? It just looked so cool inside as it was being built... ( the pictures you showed).. I would love to see more.
Ladies... thank you for praying for me. It seem SO hard to get back to normal when you have LE. I am just trying to work out like I used too. Those days are over... I cannot lift the weight I used to.. actually.. my arm swells if I speed walk with 3pds weights in hand. GRRRRRR... I seem to be tested ALL the time.
I am not kidding.. I wonder if there is something I am missing. Is there something I am suppose to be doing instead of what I am doing?? I am tested way more than anyone I know.. even DH sees it. It never ends.. I am just praying I can HEAR what I am to hear.... 'cause I am getting tired. ... tired of fighting off demons if you will.
xxxooo
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Estepp,
I will share what someone very unique and special said to me..."Follow your heart." The story behind this is deep, but it just occurred to me to write it. Take it for what's it worth (or not) but it came from a place of Divinity. Be good to yourself..
Traci
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Dear Laura--as everyone here is in my prayers -so are you.You know I have a spiritual side and I have a nurse side. The nurse side is saying, if you haven't sought counseling ----do it. Counselors come in all forms. Finding a correct fit is important. Some of the characteristics I suggest are 1.Bc knowledge 2. supportive and can communicate about religious beliefs 3.Able to evaluate for all the different potentials of origin of concern-----anxiety,ptsd,ocd,depression etc. May sound simple , but just as all practioners of any profession or trade are not equal in skill, the same goes for counselors whether they are psychiatrists, psychologist, licensed psych social workers. You have been stressed to far ranging limits. Everyone here has to different degrees. God is with you, but he has also given us human guides. There is a time when a human guide is needed. You are using words that are saying it's time to follow Gods guiding hand to use the knowledge of a human guide. Start by talking with your PCP, you should have a basic physical first to evaluate for physical things first. For example, B12,folate,tsh and one more I forget what it is , but your doc will know. Then seek out your churches counselor and have a chat about their abilities in evaluation. Seek out through your Cancer center what their resources are. Ask your BC friends for recommendations re counselors.
Briefly Psychiatrists basically are drug oriented, pschcologist are testing oriented, but can't prescribe drugs. Psychiatric social workers are testing oriented ,no perscribing ablities and have more of a talking/listening approach. This a very simplistic description.There are those that would take offense at my description. I chose a licensed psych. social worker because I didn't want any drugs. But did follow his recommendations which were then perscribed by my PCP. It may take several interviews with practioners before you say to yourself-- this is the person that fits my needs. Do not be afraid to shop around. I also suggest someone with about + - 20 years experience. Again, I would expect a challenge on this, but my reasons for this suggestion are very lengthy. I know you know me well enough that I don't say this type of thing with out back up reasoning.
Please don't be upset with me for suggesting this in this forum rather than a PM. God has given us these Human guides and others may have the same need for them , but don't recognize the need. There is also a mindset that says if we go to a counselor we are weak, or don't believe hard enough, or whatever other prejudice that comes to mind. Hogwash. The key is to know when help is needed and to find the right person for you. Which goes back to the 3 things I identified in the first paragraph.
I love you sweetie. You were the first person I heard use those words on BCO. Your heart and soul have such depth for caring for everyone else. Your words now tell me you need to take some quiet peaceful time with one other person that can sooth your heart and soul with the help of our ultimate Guide.
Namaste--I Salute the God within You--Sheila
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what a timely post Sheila. Laura and I could get together and commisserate.
i have never been depressed. I've always been happy and suddenly I am in the depths of a sadness I cannot seem to shake. Who will clip Ed's fingernails and shop for John? What will my children do without their mother? How will the DH learn to use the computer without me telling him repeatedly how to open his files?
i see the onc tomorrow and will probably learn i have to go on chemo again. I will ask for a referral to a counselor. I don't even like going to church and that's all wrong.
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Sending love and prayers to you apple and laura (and everyone else too). I am a clinical psychologist--getting counseling can be a big help--just make sure it is a good fit for you xo
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Good Morning Ladies
Laura you are on my mind and I pray you are finding some relief. Apple I am so sad from your post it brought a tear to my eye. I just want you to know I am praying deliberately for you both and Jeannine and Traci daily. I also want to pass along that I do see a counselor and it does help, there are days I am so ecstatic that I think all is going to be ok, then I will return to the depths of depression either for worry or just the depression of the SE's of BC has caused. Laura I know you have consulted with many docs but I would encourage you to see a very renowned Naturopath. I have had all kinds of issues including chronic neutropenia and I consulted all types of Docs but my rheumotologist who is a very good MD has a naturopath in office that has been helpful. I also think dedicated meditation is helpful both mentally and physically. It has to be a disciplined practice and practiced daily or at least a few times per day.
If you have questions PM me. I pray to St. Jude for your intentions today.
Traci how are you and and how are you feeling?
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Good evening sistas,
I just want to share this with y'all...(I slipped to being sad but I'm climbing back up, slowly).
"Do not let the world get you down and remember that a bright shiny day comes after the rain. It is going to get better!"
I am also going through the gamut of being paranoid, optomistic and pessimestic right now. I had my simulation today and then I'm worried about getting my lung and heart injured during my future rad (they will start in a week or two). Worried about the skin being raw from the radiation and how I'm going to deal with it. Like Apple, I am thinking - the kids just started school, homework and now taking up part of my chores. They have to suddenly grow up and be strong because this "C" word is invading our space. My med. onc ordered a PET scan because I have this weird swollen feeling in my R ovary (I've complained about this prior to my gyn doctor, but they couldn't find anything before). There is no rest about this "C" word. It had created a shadow in my mind and I know I have to fight that thought. There are times that even my DH does not understand why I think the way I did, or talked like I did about this BC. Only "WE" know what it really is like. That we share our comradery here on this blog, we understand how each one feels, no matter how minute the issue is, that when it bothers us in our head, it is legit. And I want to open my arms and embrace each one of you here ((( HUGS ))). You are this Sisterhood that truly understand Me and what I'm going through. I am rambling, and I just want to thank you ladies here (for being here 24/7), and your words are soothing, they are genuine, they are caring and they are informative. THANK YOU!!
Paula
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Dear Lmftm, Gods Guiding hand again has shown us the way. You are the perfect person to give us some ideas on things to help pick a counselor. Your perspective would be so appreciated. Give it a go.
mmm5- your rheumatologist is amazingly progressive. Where is he located? Does he know of rheums that follow his same concept? Is there an Organization/ newsletter? For them to be practing collaboratively WOW. It's similar to practices that have ortho, physical therapy, occupational therapy, pain mgt., accupunture /massage therapist, chiropracters all under one roof practicing collaboratively. When those types of centers started showing up more than a dozen years ago, it was considered very radical.There are many people on different threads that also have rheumatology issues.
Apple- been where your at, Woke up the week of July 15th 2009. I relealized both Greg and I were depressed. Got us into couseling as quick as I could, but new appointment scheduling it took 3 weeks until first appointment. Everything you are feeling is hatefully part of all cancers. Cancer changes are thoughts about everything that's important to us. Thats why the human guide is so important. Getting a referral from your doc is important, but please reread my post several times. Each item I put in there came onto my radar at some point in my Nursing or as a result of BC. The physical exam is so important. An imbalance because of thyroid which would be detected by the TSH level could be causing your symptoms. Same with B12 or folate. Thats why its the number one place to start. Yes we have cancer, but we can have other things too. Throw in a vitamin D level. I thought I was in heaven when my deficiency was dx'd and I took my first 50,000 units of D. That one dose was as close to niravanha(sic?). It was like being bathed in silk and chocolate on wispy cloud that made every inch of me feel the most wonderful in my life.
Then go for the counselor, be picky --follow your gut. Don't mesh with the first, get another one pronto. I was very lucky, I had already gotten a referral from a very trusted nurse for one of my neighbors. So mine was already in my roladex. It was a match made in heaven. He had Catholic seminary training to boot. Since at the time I was angry with God and we had been brought up in the very strict time of the church, we both got alot of my anger. Greg had church issues too. We both benefited because of the counselors seminary background, but we only learned of it after we got through the door. Thats why I now say, if religious discussion is important to you ask the question upfront. If they're agnostic, it's not going to work. They are not going to get your beliefs. Don't care how they may try to show understanding, it won't work. Apple dear wonderful woman, your here because your religion is a part of your life. Yes? Start with your church and go to the central level of your churches authority. In the case of Catholics call the bishops office if the local parish does not have a qualified person. They will have a list of counselors. Explain the type of guidance you want and they can probably look in a computer and do a match. I.E this counselor specializes in........In your case, you say you don't like going to church. Is that a "thing" you want to delve into? You say that it is wrong--why? Is it important for you to know? If the answeres are no, then don't go there. But I ask you why are you are here? There is something here that is bringing you back. As the wonderful Priest came to us at the highest point of our need and answered what we had prayed about the most. He was in the wrong room and we were not on his list. No one will ever convince me now, that our prayers weren't answered by a spriitual guiding force, by whatever name you choose to call him
I so get your feelings of how are your kids and husband going to survive without you if it happens. I was a Princess , Greg took care of all financial stuff. I just did my nursing and floated through all the worries of life(exaggeration , but you get the point). I knew I needed to learn. We knew his prognosis. He started to teach me how to do the things, that I am now going to have to do. For example, Online and all banking.
I'm not saying this to cause you pain. Rather than worry how they will survive, teach them how to survive. God gave us enough time together, Greg and I, that I am not clueless. Last year at this time I was clueless and panicked which only deepened my depression. When I would say to Greg I need to learn this "something ". We would sit together and he would teach me until I understood it. They were special moments, that even brought us closer.
What we pray for is your healing from this damnable BC and a long wonderful life. But a side effect of beginning their teaching is they will become more able and independent. It will lessen your depression as you see this happen. It will get your mind away from BC. Namaste I salute the God within You, Sheila
Squid -girl how are you doing? Sooo, thank you for all the PM's of support. Your heart is so big. Getting any pain relief? Namaste Sheila
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My lovely ladies,
Sas it's nice to feel your energy again here, you have been missed. Take your time, but know you are loved and appreciated! I am so happy for your reconnection to spirit and your church. It's not that you were far away, and God truly understands anger. You had a wonderful wonderful gift from God and spirit with the Priest. I remember a time in 2005 when I was in so much physical pain, was fighting to be heard, money was going and I was sobbing in the chapel at a Catholic based hospital. The Priest came down the aisle, and kneeled in prayer in the pew across the aisle from me...on the same row. He knelt there in prayer all throughout my tears, and got up when I got up, and silently went back to his office. I realized he was there to pray with me, and I was so touched by this. I know how important it is to be recognized by the clery in our times of need.
Paula you are on my mind. I know the PET is a scary proposition, and I will be praying for a negative scan for you. Each step of this process brings a whole host of feelings, fears and it's hard to gain a sense of control. I can say I used Biafine prescription topical emulsion twice a day, immediately after rads and then later that night. I used hydrogel (aloe vera base) when I had more redness..and my Rad Once was blown away with how well my skin dealt with the Rads. I even swam 3-4 times a week, no longer than 15 min in the water, and not even a blister. Yes I had redness, but I too was quite happy. The swimming helped my arm mobility, so I will PM later about that. I think you know the part where there is a debate about my lung right now, if it's because of Rads. So I hear you on your concerns, and I just went into it with a bit of ignorance.
mmm5, I thank you so very much for your daily prayers and concern. I have been feeling better since the upper respiratory virus has gone on it's merry way. It was really aggravating my lung situation, and the pain is quite a bit better. Thank God! I think the steroid inhaler is helping too..I know I get happy when I get to use it, maybe like Sas's vitamin D as far has helping me to feel better
I had my chest CT last Thursday, and I have not heard anything from anyone. I live in a bubble where I consider that to be good news. It is much easier on me mentally as I feel better this week. Your prayers and concern mean the world to me.Estepp,
I hope the ladies suggestions are helping you to clarify ways to hopefully feel better. Sas is so right that it's good to look under the hood for a medical cause and rule out some of the common culprits of depression/anxiety so you know what direction to take. I'm so glad you are reaching out and saying it's too much right now. It takes strength to do that, and you are already on your way to healing in doing so. Also, has your friend had any news yet?
Many Blessings,
Traci
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Jeannine,
How are you? I have been thinking about you and you are in my prayers. Did you have your PET yet?
FROG,
Traci
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Sheila, as for your understand of my post.. I don't think you did..:(... I probably wrote it strangely. I should have said... I am seeing things God is putting in front of me.. allowing these things to happened to me. I do not understand it yet.. and it stinks... But I am listening... trying to hear. I am sorry you thought I might be in a state of depression. After re-reading that.. I thought to myself.. WELL LAURA... you made it kinda sound that way.. ( sorry).... BUT..... something good came out of your long post about counseling... etc... Apple needed to hear that today ( God is ALWAYS working overtime..)...TY
Apple...I am sorry .. I really am. Please post if you are going to have to have more chemo.. let us pray for you!
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Estepp,
God always gets in there...
Do you have any news on regarding your friend?traci
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Thanks for asking!
Bridget had her bone marrow biopsy today. They " think" it is Myloma. .. but until the biopsy comes back.. we don't know...:(
Why do people stay awake during this type of biopsy. It is so painful?
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Nurts, I lost my post!
Estepp,
I have seen that procedure close up, and it really looks painful. Right up there with that horrible sentinal node dye injection. They probably think because it's supposed to be a short procedure, that it doesn't justify the potential complications of anesthesia. Here is where the "Do onto others as you would have them do unto you" should be considered.
I'm so sorry your friend is having to go through this, and I am so glad she has you. Please keep us posted.
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Good night sistas,
Thank you for listening and praying for each other. It is so comforting to know someone is walking this road along side each other. Tomorrow is going to be a brighter day.
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Good Night Paula, sweet dreams!
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