CALLING ALL STAGE I SISTERS
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Sheila, as a matter of fact, I met up with Santa on my lunch hour. We just happened to be eating near the Best Buy. I took him in and showed him what I wanted, and I am under the impression that he will be arriving here soon, with my pressie aboard his "sleigh"!
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Hi all, after anticipating my 2nd fill today and anxious to know when this will be over, I go to the PS and he looks at me and says we are not doing anything today. There appears to be a scab with redness around the incision (where the TE is) He told my husband to watch it and I might need an antibiotic for an infection (I guess on the outer part).
PS was also upset with me because I am not using my right arm (side of surgery). Every time I try and do something strenuous, I feel that thing moving inside me. I guess I better get to the release notes that the nurse from the hospital gave me re: exercises. So another two weeks of waiting until the 29th. I am going to keep a cotton gauze over this area so there is no rubbing from bra material.
My good wishes to all sisters.
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Sorry to hear about your disappointment, Ronna. But, I would much rather my Dr. err on the side of caution, as I am sure you do as well.
It does not take liong for muscles to start atrophying, so do your exercises. Good wishes back at you!
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Thanks to everyone for your kind words.
Ronna: My PS was more than happy to order a physical therapy consult for me after my BLM with TE placement. It was extremely helpful to me. My PS did not want any range of motion exercises done until drains were out(1 week for me). By that time I could tell how far I had to go to get back to my baseline and I was worried. It was very painful doing the exercises--especially on my BC side. I even remember crying while I was doing them--but I made myself do them and it did get easier. And my PT was terrific and got me right on track. She was a 10 year BC survivor
too. I would suggest asking for a referral if you think you need it. TCK0 -
Thanks, everyone. Feeling a tiny bit better...bought some birthday gifts for my husband (birthday is next Tuesday). When I am out and about among people I don't know and who don't know me, it is easier to forget about what I used to look like. But at work (same place for 20 yrs) it is different. I've already cancelled out on two social events at work saying that I can't get away because I just don't want to face more people and their questions--or worse, the "You look GREAT!" comment which just doesn't seem genuine to me. Maybe I am not giving them enough credit, but I KNOW what I look like, and it is far from GREAT. Don't get me wrong--I am happy to be here regardless of my appearance, but it is a little depressing looking in the mirror every day. I don't want to be ungrateful, but I want/need to look and feel like ME again. Does that even make sense? I'm sort of dreading getting together with family on Christmas Eve...seeing people I haven't seen for awhile.
For Ronna: I'm sorry they couldn't do anything today. Please do your exercises so that your range of motion gets better...you will be glad you did. I can do everything I used to do with my right arm as far as reaching, carrying, vacuuming, etc. What bothers me is the lack of feeling I have in my upper arm/shoulder area. When they cut that nerve to remove lymph nodes I didn't think it would be so "dead"...I guess I thought it would be more like tingling or something. Ah well.
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I always used the same excuse (which was the truth in a way ) that I couldnt be in crowded places because of the germs and it was my DR orders. It worked like a charm.
Sheila
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Welcome Newbies!!! Hi Oldbies!!!!
Wow! This is a busy thread! I need to start taking notes just to keep up and keep stories straight.
I have a 15 yr old son and 11 yr old daughter - my daughter took everything in stride and became my little helper (even asked to help with my drains after mx). My son had a really hard time with my dx and was so quiet the first month...I think he was old enough to really understand the ramifications of what 'could' happen more so then my daughter. Now with chemo done (check), recon exchange done (check) and Herceptin now every 21 days until Aug (then BIG check) both my kids are doing pretty darn good (and now extra hugs and kisses are second nature from both so I am really enjoying all the lovin').
Healing HUGS to ALL!
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Susu, I feel like you are posting every single thought I also had and sometimes still have. One thing to keep in mind is that if you knew someone else who had been through something comparable to BC, you would also tell them they look great. It's just their way of trying to comfort you. I avoid going to the grocery store! lol I have used up all my excuses with my husband of why I can't go. Truth is I just don't want to be seen in public. I love reading your posts because I really can relate, but I also feel horrible that you are going through it.
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louiebern: You're probably right...I guess I would tell my friend with BC that she looked great to try to encourage her and make her feel better. I know they mean well, truly. It's just me, feeling ugly and broken and wanting so much to be FIXED and whole again. I thank God that I have a private office at work with no office mates so that I don't have to worry all the time about what I look like. I rarely leave my office. In fact, a woman from down the hall told me that I should get out more because everyone is wondering how I am. Yikes. I just can't go around visiting people right now. I've only been back at work full time since Thanksgiving, so I'm still getting used to running into people I know but haven't seen since I went out on disability in March. I was so hoping that by Christmas I would be done with the wig, but that is definitely not happening. I'll be lucky if I have enough hair to go without it by March! I don't mean to sound so wrapped up in my appearance...I'm really not a vain person (at least I didn't used to be). But ever since my diagnosis it has been one thing after another and it is taking a toll.
Did you find that your husband/SO didn't know what to say to you??
Sheila: That's a very good excuse, I'm going to use it too!
Thanks for your support! It means a lot to me!
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Wow, to all the ladies going through treatment and surgeries right now... I am a year out from treatments, year and a bit from surgery... all I can say is, it will get better! My hair is coming in, I do not hae the "cancer" look anymore... I can wear the short hair and actually get complimented on it often! Thinking people may prefer it sohort to the long hair I once had...
BTW- the post pic of me is me with my "wig hat" on... it was so convenient, all one piece... I used it to run errands and it was easier than the full wig.
To Sheila and Meece who have some years under their belt, I am so grateful you continue to share your experiences... we need to hear the good news! I still have anxiety, ALOT, about recurrence... in fact,I went in yesterday with some neck pain and some inflamed lymph nodes on my neck, so I thought. My dr said it is just a kinked neck and no lymph nodes were not inflamed.
I long for the day, a pain is just a pain and not a frantic call to the dr to confirm all is well.
Have a good night ladies, I will update my profile pic soon with either my short hair, or my extensions from a party last weekend.
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Wow, to all the ladies going through treatment and surgeries right now... I am a year out from treatments, year and a bit from surgery... all I can say is, it will get better! My hair is coming in, I do not hae the "cancer" look anymore... I can wear the short hair and actually get complimented on it often! Thinking people may prefer it sohort to the long hair I once had...
BTW- the post pic of me is me with my "wig hat" on... it was so convenient, all one piece... I used it to run errands and it was easier than the full wig.
To Sheila and Meece who have some years under their belt, I am so grateful you continue to share your experiences... we need to hear the good news! I still have anxiety, ALOT, about recurrence... in fact,I went in yesterday with some neck pain and some inflamed lymph nodes on my neck, so I thought. My dr said it is just a kinked neck and no lymph nodes were not inflamed.
I long for the day, a pain is just a pain and not a frantic call to the dr to confirm all is well.
Have a good night ladies, I will update my profile pic soon with either my short hair, or my extensions from a party last weekend.
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you,re studdering. LOL♥
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Happy Birthday to susu's hubby.0 -
Deb.....Bco.org is so slow tonight. I actually went to get a glass of water after I clicked submit. I came back it wasnt posted yet
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Didn't realize it double posted! Just wanted to make sure you ladies heard me! LOL
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Nicole: I love your wig hat! Wish I had one! Hmmm....0
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LOL!! I heard you! I love the wig hat too! What a great idea!!
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I never thought it was wig hat or any other hat. I always thought it was a beautiful picture of you and you were getting ready to go out.
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My new avatar is a pic of me and my girls right before diagnosis... next time I post, I will show you the short haircut!
The hard thing, it is hard to see the pics bigger!
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Nicole...They are precious
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They are adorable!!
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Welcome Ronna, mejustme, Susu & all newbies! You will feel soooo at home here!
I do not know the feelings some of you are having re: your lack of hair & how you feel when you are in public. But, I do feel somewhat different/strange, not sure of the word I want, when I go out & am around people. I look at them & think, "I have had cancer, have they?" What is there about them that others around them do not know? Nobody can tell by looking at me, but I feel they can "tell" when they look at me. Does that make any sense?? Probably not...just thinking aloud.
I will be 58 next month. My daughters are 32 & 30. The oldest lives 2 miles from me & was here in person for my surgery to give support to my DH, her dad, & stopped by often. She gives the BEST hugs! My youngest daughter lives 7 hours north of me & called practically every day with her sunny words to brighten my day & to let my granddaughter talk to Grandma. That ALWAYS made my day & still does! I have no sisters & just one brother. My beautiful Mother passed away when I as just 26 from uterine/ovarian cancer.
Nicole ~ your girls are just adorable!
Sending wishes for everyone to have a brighter tomorrow.
{{hugs}}
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Nicole, the girls are so sweet!
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Susu - I hope you become more comfortable with your new appearance. I wore my wig to work most of the time, but on Wednesdays I had "No Wig Wednesdays" so that my coworkers got used to seeing me in a scarf. I wanted to have the flexibility to wear whatever felt comfortable. I wore scarves on the weekend and went out in public a lot. I felt like people needed to see that just because I was going through chemo, I was just a normal person doing normal things. I ignored the stares and just went about my business. You never know who might be encouraged in their own journey by seeing an example of a strong woman who happens to be going through treatment. Don't let this crappy disease rob you of yourself...you are still you and have so much to offer!
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susu1976
I have always thought that when people told me I looked great it was their surprise that made them say it.
I kind of feel that this cancer crap is harder on other people than me at times. I know how I am feeling and when people haven't seen me they imagine the worst, then when they do see me they are surprised that I am out in public and doing what I am.
I stopped answering the phone for a while because I was sick of trying to convince people I was doing good. That might have been why they are surprised when they see me.
I think that it could be worse and am very happy I am just still here to look and feel like crap on some days and when I surprise someone they blurt out a complement.
Hang in there!
Kimberly
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Carolinachick: You know, I did wear a scarf to work for a week or so recently, and it was both comfortable (physically) and uncomfortable (emotionally) for me. It made it more obvious that I was still recovering from the chemo and caused me to feel very self-conscious. Going out in public is not an ordeal for me, since the majority of people I don't know so I don't care how they might feel about my appearance. And sometimes strangers are kinder than the people you are related to, which is weird! It is something that I have to work on, and I'm trying. I like the idea that I might be encouraging someone else by my actions.
Kimberly: You are right. I know it could be worse. Sometimes I feel very petty even to worry about such things as my appearance. But I guess it is part of being human. Thanks for your insight.
Thanks to all. Today is a little bit better day. I'm thinking about starting my Christmas vacation early just to give myself a break. We'll see how my workload goes.
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susu1976
It's not petty to be concerned with your appearance.
I am having issues with my body distortion.
All my parts are out of place right now, but I am a work in progress.
Now my belly looks BIGGER! My BUTT looks BIGGER, MY boobs (TE's) are growing, but I still can't imagine what the implants will look like.
I just want to be proportioned properly.
Kimberly
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susu...I had a neighbor she was only 25 at that time. One day she saw me taking the garbage out with a scarf, probably as pale and tired as I could look. She opened her arms and she said I want my old Sheila back and hugged me.
I actually felt good and she was sincere, I never forget that.
Hugs to All
Sheila
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I had people tell me how good I looked, and how they liked my new hairstyle...before I told them I had been in chemo. I know those were sincere compliments.
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Kimberly: Yes, that's one of my concerns too...proportion. I'm a huge (bald) pear. LOL
Sheila: What a sweet neighbor!
Meece: Now that's a sincere compliment!
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