The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Stupid stupid people. Plj your MIL sounds as mean as mine was. Never knew what her problem was b/c she was kind to everyone , but me.
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My MIL still talks to me with her condescending tone in her voice. She makes it sound like I am dying. I am done with treatment and I am feeling pretty good. I stopped answering the phone when she calls. I told my husband, "Its your mother, you deal with her." She has disliked me from the day I started dating her son which was 27 years ago, until now. I could never make her happy.
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I hate hearing about bad mother-in-laws!! I had a horrid first one but my second one has been a breeze. The first day I met her I told her how much I loved her son and how good I was going to be to him to make sure he was happy every day of his life. She was overwhelmed and I didn't hear a peep since! True, she was older, but still....
I am so very, very conscious about being a mother-in-law. I am quick to praise when it is due. I don't hold back and make them think they have to prove anything, but I do comment when an effort is made. I helped my SIL play around with brick patterns before he did his front walk in pavers. Then stood back and admired HIS pattern and the end result sincerely. I think I worry about the relationship more than they do, as I know the stress a bad MIL can make in ANY relationship.
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It's true, a bad relationship with a mother in law undermines the marriage. But maybe that is what they are trying to do. In my first marriage both sets of in-laws caused trouble so it was no big deal to one day announce we were getting divorced. I have tried very hard as the mother of the bride and also as the mother of the groom to be respectful and complementary to their spouses. I usually end up sticking up for the ___-in-law more than for my own child if there is a disagreement. Sure, there are things they do differently than I would but that is none of my business. So long as they are good to my child and to my grandchild they are in my good graces!
That doesn't mean I haven't said something dumb along the way. I am sure I have
But since the _____in-laws know I overlook their flaws, they mostly overlook mine, thank goodness. 0 -
My MIL asks me how I am doing, I say "fine", and she goes into how her reflux is bothering her. I'm sure reflux and BC are comparable.
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Oh, being self-centered has no limitations. My sister calls to ask how I am and spends the entire time telling me about her (minor-chronic) health problems, her husband's health, his brother in law's health, his son-in-law's health, and on and on. I truly cannot get a word in edgewise. Then she tells everyone that I don't really keep her informed about what is going on. I would if I ever got to say something!
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Let's all remember Betty Ford and her advocacy for BC awareness and early screening - she had her surgery in '74 when it was called 'the female cancer' - what a difference her openness made - holy cow.
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I went back to work 6 weeks after my BMX and DIEP, and 10 days after my first round of chemo. Im not normally sensitive or easily offended but when my 400 lb coworker started to lecture me about diet and nutrition because I was eating a sandwich with LUNCHMEAT (oh the horrors). He went on and on--eventually he said that my diet was probably why I got cancer. This from an insanely obese man who eats Lean Cuisine every day for lunch.
I did let my boss know about the situation, explaining that kind of stress and aggravation was NOT good for ny physical wellbeing and it was one's business what I ate for lunch. He isn't going to do or say anything. For real. I need a new job.0 -
new thread on hot flashes --------some good info
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topic/770796?page=1
posting this a bunch of places--sheila
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Crimson -- sometimes I just dislike co-workers so much ! The gossip, the comments, unwanted advice, sticking their nose into other people's business. UGH. I do not look forward to going back to my toxic work environment in 4 weeks. Our manager does nothing about that kind of stuff either, says to just not "let it get to you". WHATEVER !
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Crimson - absolutely nothing to say -- I mean really, does a man who puts himself at risk for all kinds of things with his excessive weight believe that his 'advice' would be taken by anybody? I tried to think of a come back but the only thing coming to mind is "You can't fix stupid"...0
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Crimson, tell him, as he eats his meal, that microwaved meals have been proven to cause cancer. Then walk out of the room.
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Barbe---you always have the greatest comebacks.----sheila
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You can even elaborate more and explain that if he eats the meal too soon after coming out of the microwave, that the electrons (or whatever!) are still working and actually continue to cook as he swallows them so he's baking himself from the inside out!
Then grab any microwave meal and show him the bottom line that says to 'leave in microwave for one minute'. Ta da!!!!!
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Here's an explanation that will confuse Crimson's co-worker or another dumb person wil a stupid comment:
Just tell him that the gamma rays and the alpha particles are still emanating from the isotopes created by the msg when excited by electro-magnetic waves coupled from the magnatron of the microwave oven causes cancer.
By the way... how many Lean Cuisenes does a 400 pound man eat for lunch?????
okay, now its back to lurking.
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My MIL was very passive agressive, always saying things indirectly but still managing to get the message across that she didn't approve of what I was doing or I wasn't doing it right (i.e. her way) or that I just plain wasn't good enough.
Like others have said, I always give any girls who come to our house (2 sons, 1 daughter), the benefit of the doubt and treat them with respect. I think if you go into a relationship with someone with an open mind and positive attitude it makes it much easier to get along with them. I never know when the girl being brought home might the "the one" so I better be nice to her and I better like her. I have to say that my oldest son has picked some pretty amazing girls so fingers crossed I won't have to fake it.
Speaking of dumb things my late MIL said when I got ovarian caner in 02 something to the effect that it was a good thing that I was the one to get cancer because I would be able to handle it. I think it was meant as some kind of back handed compliment but it sure pissed me off at the time.
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In '95, during a check up after mastectomy, I was sitting in a cubicle at the hospital waiting for the visiting Onc and surgeon to arrive. Imagine my surprise on hearing the Onc say to the surgeon in the corridor outside that, 'These check-ups are just a waste of our time. Most of these patients will discover new growths by themselves or they will visit their GP for something unrelated and secondaries will be diagnosed during the testing for that condition.' I couldn't hear what the Surgeon replied because I'm pretty sure he was very aware that there was a patient in each of the six cubicles and they were only separated from the corridor by a flimsy curtain, so he answered in a lower tone. When I queried that same Onc about the side effects of the chemo he was prescribing for me and it's damage to the heart, his reply was, 'No one is forcing you to accept our treatment you know,' as he turned on his heel to walk away. That Onc lived up to his name in word and deed, he was a rightly named Pratt!
Sheila.
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Sheila--What a horrible experience! That onc needs to be reminded that patients are PEOPLE and not just cases, and that he needs to think about patients as PEOPLE! But, like you said, he's living up to his name.
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I wonder -- sometimes - would I rather have a competent doctor with a stellar bed-side manner or the very best doctor in his/her field with a crap manner like Dr. Pratt -- bed-side manner when we go through this is HUGE.... ugh.
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I tend to snap right back at bad bedside manner! I had to have a doctor add another stitch to a throat incision when I had a mass removed from my neck. I had started to bleed out and the nurse was kneeling on my bed holding down the gauze as the doc ran in the room. "You're going to feel a little prick now", he says. "Well, I'm looking at a big one now!" I answered.
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heeheeheeheeheeheehee
Barbe, you are my hero.
Leah
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We need that bus back. Throw them under ladies.
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I love my husband. Really. I do. Honest. But sometimes... he is SUCH a man. I was lamenting the fact that I will be completely flat chested on one half of my body (infected TE was removed yesterday and cannot have a new one for 3 months), and in trying to 'cheer me up', he said that the work of my breasts was done anyway since I was done breast feeding our children... sooooo glad we have this forum so we don't commit spousicide..... ugh!
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you ask, you shall recieve...3jays
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throw em under, ladies... 3jays 0 -
Barbe, I snap back, too. Early in my chemo, I was hospitalized for two units of blood and 5 days of IV for gastroenteritis/dehydration. I don't remember tons about that time, but my onc told me later that I was bitchy to the nurses, citing me telling the nurses "no" when they asked if I wanted the lights on and when asked if I wanted to order something to eat, I responded, "I'm vomiting water, why the hell would I try to eat?" Seemed logical at the time.
But, when I went back for my MX, I related that story to the nurse and she remembered me from the last time. She told me the onc was actually pissed because I had snapped at HIM. He had asked me "So, what are we going to do to get you better?" (I hate that royal 'we'), and I had responded, "You're the doc, YOU tell me." They had thought it was funny.
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Haha! That's funny. I love it when the nurses tell on the docs! My onc uses that royal "we" too, and I hate it as well. I think I may have responded with the exact same response too. And I don't think my tone of voice was too nice when I said it either. But I was sick, so that's a good excuse. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
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LOLOL! The oncs will just have to like it or lump it, eh?
I work in a children's hospital (respiratory therapist) and it seems to be commonly held that 'feisty' kids get better faster than passive ones. Maybe that holds true for BC patients, too. I'm certainly willing to put that to the test! LOL
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Just before I went in 4 months ago for my DM with reconstruction, my dear husband mentioned what I was about to go through to a friend who inquired as to 'how I was doing'. Very nice of her.
Now, this woman had breast augmentation a few years ago and didn't hesitate to show her new boobies off....so then she says to my husband, "wow, she can get boobs as big as she wants" - oh lucky me.
I'm sure this woman didn't mean to be unkind but my goal of having a DM sure wasn't to get bigger boobs than her. Something I have never desired. I just wanted to lessen my chances of a reoccurance of BC>
I am sure many of these people who make their remarks don't mean to be hurtful. I just think if you don't have something appropriate to say, don't say anything at all..............
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