The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Maybe we're called to be on a different level, a different plain. Maybe it's our task now to be defenders of the underdog, the people that, for whatever reason (fear, shyness, naivete, self loathing, whatever) deserve respect in this world and do not receive it.
We have learned through this horror that there are people that should have been there for us and are not. If they don't flee, they feel entitled to say things that make us feel almost unworthy of the basic respect that we deserve. Move on, get over it, you caused it, they aren't real, you don't need pain meds, etc,etc,etc.
Let's try to use this pain to help others. I don't know about you, but I've become super sensitive as of late to people in trouble. And I've been kind. For God's sake, isn't that what we're all asking for? Just a little kindness, compassion. respect?
I'm trying really hard to forgive (and avoid) those people that didn't step up, and to start stepping up for others that are not in a good place. Because I'm guessing they're experiencing something similar.
Forgive me . I'm in my own little strange place right now, just trying to make some sense of it all. ((((((Hugs)))))) to all of you!!!!!!!!!!! Janice
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But Navy, wouldn't you think you'd know by now what your dp felt about your new foob? I'm surprised. You've been treating them the same and I guess you just assumed she felt the same....huh? Have you had a chance to talk about it or are you just going to let it pass. Either way, at least you've had a chance to vent on here. I'd be even more miffed now that you've said you never treated them differently.
{{{{{{{{{{{{ Navy }}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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NAVYGIRL:
That Dr. is truly bereft of compassion.
What some people do not realize is that a loss of a breast is an amputation, and that is a traumatic event. Leave even the fact it is a breast outta the equation: we lost a part of us and it is dramatic. Reconstruction can help a bit but the loss of any body part is such a shock to the psyche. It is good that we do not need breasts to drive or brush our teeth--- but it is nonetheless a traumatic loss.
Recon is a process that involves hope and an attempt to recover from this trauma. It is painful and requires endurance for results. That Dr. needs to know that this is the journey his patients take and be respectful of the experience!
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LMAO @ moogie - a bloody good rant though! And the sentiment still applies...and yes, Barbe -I (incorrectly) assumed she felt the same...I did bring it up, but it didn't really make it better -if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, she doesn't get it, and unless she ever has to go through it, she never will. Of the two scenarios, I can live with her never really understanding. I feel much better having vented here - at least you guys get why it bothered me.
and Janice, I like your strange place
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In the past 2 years I've had a lumpectomy, SNB, axillary node dissection, then BMX with lat flap reconstruction. I work 8+ hours a day at a computer desk which is poorly designed. As a result, my upper back and shoulders are in constant excruciating pain and I've developed weakness in my arm. I saw a pain mgnt specialist and all they did was get me addicted to opiates which I forced myself to quit cold turkey.
My boss knows all this. This week the pain was so bad I began kneeling on the cement floor in front of my computer because it takes the strain off my upper back, though rough on the knees. My boss walked by and asked "What are you doing?" I said that my upper back pain had gotten to the point where I could no longer sit. He said "It's funny, you look like you're praying. Praying to the computer maybe?" and he chuckled and walked away.
So amusing!
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Minxie, you have the legal right to an ergonomic chair!!! He should get a company in to assess your situation and provide the right seating!! He is in the defense position - not you! Check your Employee Rights in your state.
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I love this thread. Some people seem to say things they think are reassuring us but actually they are startling us. I don't think they even think thru what they're saying. I'm thinking of navygirl's partner.
My daughter in law said, "oh, just be thankful you're not young."
I don't even know what that means. I don't think she knows what it means. The words just lept out of her mouth like frogs and I haven't been able to get them out of my mind. Thank you all for your contributions to this thread. I feel better just reading them.
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im constantly amazed whenever i make it here! Yes, Janice, this bc ride, and having other health rides to take (((((Barbe)))))) i am more compassionate, try really hard to think of the "right " response now... AND that doesn't excuse others!!! so, i just say...............TIME FOR THE BUS... get ready, and toss em under the bus, ladies... tonight, my Gp is there, and 2 endo's that refuse to see me... long story!!! 3jays
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3jays 0 -
Navygirl: sorry for misunderstanding--I have no clue about abbreviations that people use.
I thought DP was " doctor's partner"!!!
I had a friend tell me ( and this is a caring friend, close for over 20 years ) that she did not know why I did not have mastectomies years ago because the boobs were too much upkeep. I was really upset at this comment. This is a person who is obsessed with her own body image, has eating issues, and compulsively exercises. After I had distance I realized every time I had a biopsy, she was among the first to call--she was just really scared for me and wanted the anxiety to end.
It is good we have this forum for understanding.
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Moogie sounds like your fiend needs some counseling help, But I can't see her as taking ehs suggestion regarding it in a positive way.---Bummer--------You were on top of it reducing her anxiety, but her body self image and the other things mentioned. Fine line between normal and abnormal.
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Nancy received and appreciated. sooooooo much. I'm crying right now because I had two very emotiomal contacts. Life is so precious, when we or someone else gets into trouble and we can help someone out and it works. Thats about as good as it gets.
So. how are you------------any neww jokes babe? lets go to the fire???????????
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One of the dumbest things that happened to me during my recovery was my SIL sent me card after my BMX. All she wrote on it was, "have a comfy day". I would have laughed out loud, except I was too annoyed. No...I wasn't having a comfy day, far from it. Just had both my boobs cut off. She sent a card a month later saying exactly the same thing while I was dealing with an infection from the surgery. I guess she wanted to drive the point home. Never offered any words of support when I saw in her person.
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A week before my bmx, a family member told me her friend had a bmx 30 years ago and was out in the fields, tending the farm 3 weeks later. Same person, 1 week post bmx for me, was going for a mammogram. The mammogram did not show my tumour so I cautioned her, suggesting that an MRI may be prudent. She told me she wouldn't get cancer because she had cancer insurance. It wasn't in her family, but mine. (Not really true: I have 1 cousin who was dx'd with bc, nobody else.) Interestingly, both of her parents had their bouts with cancer. Forgot to mention about the 'in your time of grief' card I received...
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The comment above reminds me of how my SIL tried to reassure me when I had finally decided on BMX with reconstruction (saline implants) but was scared of the pain involved, the recovery time, etc. Her exact words, "Really, it's no big deal. I was back surfing in two weeks."
Well, that's because SHE had a boob job -- breast augmentation -- NOT a masectomy with reconstruction !!! Two completely different things -- only thing they have in common is the use of an implant ! I still get angry thinking about her remark...and the sad thing is I think she meant to be reassuring ! People are just so ignorant about stuff sometimes....
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Wow, read a few of the posts here, and learning that cancer brings out the best in some and the utterly stupid in others!
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Excuse me, but "cancer insurance"? Can you also get "recurrence insurance"? Because if you can, I'll be the first in line.
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I'm not sure if I feel sorrier for idiots who get cancer or idiots who get cancer insurance. Health insurance covers cancer treatment. Get cancer insurance and you have 2 insurances and neither one will pay, saying the primary has to pay first and each says the other is the primary! These poor suckers end up with less coverage than WITHOUT cancer insurance!
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its' "time again, ladies, if you don't mindd..... i'm throwing LOTS of DRS tonight......3jays
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if youre sick of it, let me know! 3jays 0
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I COULD WATCH THAT LITTLE BUS FOREVER
Janice 0 -
NEVER get sick of the bus!!!!
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3Jays I love the bus.
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thanks guys... just checking.....3jays
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Love the bus, 3jays, never worry about that.
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Nativemainer,
I purchased cancer insurance from my employer LUCKILY 4 months before my DX.. It paid ME, not the insurance co, .$2000.00 upon DX, $200.00 paid to me for each radiation rx ( I had 35) and $350.00 for each Chemo rx ( I had 15) and during that time I lost my job so it was the best investment I ever made. Also reimbursed me for my initial lumpectomy's and subsequent BMX (due to local recurrance only 10 mos. later) a few thousand. I continue to pay just $38.00/month just in case. When I purchased this I only did because it reimburses you $25.00 for getting yearly mammograms and pap smears to encourage that you do the preventative screenings.. Boy am I glad I did as I had NEVER been sick or missed any work prior to this diagnosis. Was a TOTAL shock for me as I had no risk factors or family HX... So needless to say I don't consider myself an idiot and glad I made such a smart decision because little did I think I would ever use it!!
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love the bus!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I love this thread... have been trying to read from the beginning, a page or two a day...
I had a birthday recently, about 3 weeks after starting chemo. It's amazing how many people wanted to add some comment about the length of my life, how many long and healthy years I should hope to have. The worst one was something along the lines of "hope you live another great 33 years!" Umm, that would only make me 66.
Given my BRCA 1+ status, that may well be realistic, but I still think it's kind of in poor taste on what is already a difficult day.On the other hand, one of the better ones was along the lines of "you're only 1/3 of the way to 99." Sounds better when you put it like that!
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BTW cancer insurance just pays you directly for anything you have done. It has nothing to do with health insurance. I am sitting in a hotel because I have to travel 90 miles to radiation. It will pay for 90 nights in a hotel at $100/night. It pays for many, many other things and comes in handy when you have cancer.
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My older sister, referencing a neighbor who had been diagnosed with cancer,"Yeah, well we have kind of a mess here." After I had finished surgery, chemo, hormone therapy. Good to know I was no longer a "mess" in her estimation.
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